So of course two minutes after reading that piece about dealing with being unemotional I get an email from my uncle who I haven't heard from in 2+ years. I have tried to reach out to him numerous times by phone and email, but haven't received a response until now. (Backstory: He's disabled from his time in the military, his wife (my mom's sister) was having a long-term affair with a neighbor which he knew about, three years ago she committed suicide and then he became an alcoholic/drug abuser and cut off all communication with my family.)
I am really really glad that he is apparently okay. I really had no idea how things were going with him. I've even googled him occasionally to make sure he hadn't died. In his email he says he wants to reconnect with me and G and my mom, and that his family has not been very supportive. He has a home nurse so that's good. I hope he's not longer abusing his pain killers (he didn't mention getting clean in the email).
I haven't replied yet...I'm only going to say how much I appreciate hearing from him and try to set up a time to visit him in NC. Actually, I'm not sure he still lives there, I'll have to ask. But I also still feel betrayed and abandoned by him...he walked me down the aisle when my dad couldn't be bothered to show up to my wedding. He's been more of a father figure to me than my bio dad. Right after my aunt's death, G and I would visit a lot and try to help him with insurance and doctors appts, etc. but he was so strung out and disoriented it was like he was another person. And then he cut me out entirely.
Post by jennynumbers on Oct 23, 2014 9:14:00 GMT -5
I still remember that pretty vividly. I am glad he reached out to you and wants to connect. He may very well be on a path to emotional and physical recovery. You and g are good people for helping him the way you did. I know you feel betrayed, but like you said, it was like talking to a different person. It's because he was a different person. It's easier to excommunicate yourself from loved ones than it is to own up to realty.
Post by OrangePixyStix on Oct 23, 2014 9:20:34 GMT -5
That's great he's finally responding and that he is willing to reconnect with you. Hopefully he's in a much better place and when you are able to see each other that he'll be appreciative of the efforts you made in the past to help him. It sounds like your relationship to him means a great deal, and now that he's finally opening up communication again it seems like he also values that relationship as well even if he's not expressed that during his time of abuse.
It sucks when addiction is the driving force in someone's life, but I guess I've dealt with it enough to not take it personally. (See how I can rationalize anything so that it's not really my problem? lol) It sucks, but I bet it wasn't just you guys he abandoned, it was everyone. When you're in that place, you don't want the people you love to see you hitting rock bottom, even if they would support you and try to help. The help can make them feel worse, because they don't think they deserve it, they feel guilty and like a burden, and it fuels the cycle.
I'm so glad he's gotten in touch with you, and I hope you can reconnect in a meaningful way. ((shoulder pats))