Very cool! I'd like to offer some hope from my own experience. My brother's daughter reached out at age 18. I now have a niece who I cherish and love. She's been a wonderful addition to our family. Everyone in our family is thrilled things worked out so well.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
That's great news! I remember reading about the charm bracelet you sent her, and I always thought that was a wonderful way to connect.
She thanked me for the letters and gifts every birthday. She said I made all of them feel special.
She said she hopes we can make a connection for a life time.
Wow. I'm just a little stunned. And my fucking computer is fucked up. I'm not writing back in my phone. We all know how well that would turn out.
I don't even "know" you and I tested up at this! How exciting! And I think you are so smart in how you are approaching this (not overwhelming her with other family members, etc).
Post by MixedBerryJam on Oct 23, 2014 14:43:23 GMT -5
Wow! That is stunning, indeed! I think you're right to hold off on connecting via fb for the moment; even if you can somehow put her on "lockdown" from the rest of your family, aren't there enough anecdotes out there about fb that you're better erring on the side of caution. Once you she have become comfortable, then you can widen the circle. Congratulations!
Post by mrsrumfkin on Oct 23, 2014 18:12:43 GMT -5
Oh my goodness. I'm so excited for you! Take it as slow as you want to. Make sure you take care of you in all this... your mom will find a way to not be too upset about not being told right away. This is about you, and bd, obviously.
What great news that is. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, and the time she took to "take it all in" makes me think that she has thought all of this over and really wants to meet you and have that relationship that you both may want.
Hope it all works out, and I ditto holding off on the FB as you really don't want her to be overwhelmed. Very happy for you.
Oh this is great! H has been dancing around the idea of meeting his birth dad lately, and I'm so nervous for him. You seem to be very understanding and considerate of both your families and it's so awesome that you've given her space while still letting her know you're there when she's ready. I hope it all goes very well!
Oh this is great! H has been dancing around the idea of meeting his birth dad lately, and I'm so nervous for him. You seem to be very understanding and considerate of both your families and it's so awesome that you've given her space while still letting her know you're there when she's ready. I hope it all goes very well!
I'm nervous as fuck to meet my birth mother if I ever find her. I'm also very nervous to meet bd but it's totally different reasons. I want bd to like (love) me. In the opposite situation I want me to like my birth mom. Totally weird that I have this experience on both sides, I know.
I'm trying to be as respectful and careful as I can. I do want this to go right and I don't want to screw it up. It's more important than about anything I've done.
That's such a unique situation. We are trying to adopt right now and H's own situation has given him such wonderful insight already and I think it will be very valuable when raising our eventual kid. I think your attitude toward the situation and your birth daughter is so amazing. I really wish you all the best and am anxious to hear more as things progress.
Oh this is great! H has been dancing around the idea of meeting his birth dad lately, and I'm so nervous for him. You seem to be very understanding and considerate of both your families and it's so awesome that you've given her space while still letting her know you're there when she's ready. I hope it all goes very well!
I'm nervous as fuck to meet my birth mother if I ever find her. I'm also very nervous to meet bd but it's totally different reasons. I want bd to like (love) me. In the opposite situation I want me to like my birth mom. Totally weird that I have this experience on both sides, I know.
I'm trying to be as respectful and careful as I can. I do want this to go right and I don't want to screw it up. It's more important than about anything I've done.
That is so awesome! I hope that your meeting goes great and that you connect easily! We have an open relationship with DD's BM, which I hope continues forever. I can't imagine how nervous you must feel! Hugs!
Post by autumnfire on Oct 24, 2014 13:02:54 GMT -5
Aww first off congrats!
I remember my birth mother telling me how for 16 years she had been thinking about the day she'd meet me. She had numerous dreams many of them nightmares of rejection.
But the fact that she's reached out to you is an amazing thing and should be a step in the right direction in terms of her at least having an interest to find out a part of who she is.
Meeting my biological mother for the first time was a bit of a shock. We were so much alike in certain respects, how we walked and certain manurisms. It was nice to identify with someone who looked like me and who gave birth to me.
If she's not aware I would have on hand any family medical problems she should know about. For some strange reason that was one of the first things I asked her when i was 16. Turns out that medical information was very important when we were going through infertility. She also had a younger son (I believe he was 10) and I had asked that I just build slowly with her then begin to be introduced to family etc.
Inside it did for some reason hurt to see that they both went on to have families. It took a bit for me to kind of move past that emotionally, which is why time with just her and I was very helpful. I was also younger than she is so I feel that played into our meeting etc for the first time. When other children and family members are introduced it's overwhelming, great I might add but overwhelming. I felt like there was an immediate expectation from them to now be in constant contact with them. It also was odd that they'd call me by my birth name which isn't my name that my parents gave me. A few of my bio aunts and uncles wouldn't call me by my name and it would make me feel insanely awkward because it felt like they weren't acknowledging the person I am.
I'm sorry for jabbering on about my story. I am so happy when both adoptive parents and children can reconnect.
I still have an amazing connection with my birth mother. I'll never call her mom but she has my respect for understanding her role in my life now, is accepting of it. I admire her for that and really really love her for that kind of respect. My sperm donor wasn't so understanding and I no longer have contact with him. He pushed to hard to fast and made it all about him. Made me feel like I owed him something, when I didn't owe him a damn thing.
Your kindness and consideration sounds a lot like my birth mothers. What you're doing in terms of respecting her space but not pulling away too far is awesome. At least in my eyes.