H's birthday is coming up. MIL texted me asking for gift ideas, so I sent her back a few. Then she just texted me this this morning:
"Thanks. Since I texted, [FIL] has another idea, too. It would require asecure way to send some funds...like registered mail you sign for. Or [FIL] prefers a bank draft. That would require a bank name, account name and number, and maybe a routing number. If that makes you uncomfortable, we can try the mail. I had birthday card opened, money stolen, and card closed up again. So...wish you still had [bank local to them], then I could deposit. Which ever way you prefer. We would like it to be a secret BUT IF YOU SHARE INFO [H] SHOULD BE ASKED FIRST. He may hate the idea. Certainly aren't trying to cause a rift, just give a gift."
Ugh. MIL. So - do they just want to give him some money? Because it shouldn't have to be a secret if so - so I'm guessing they are going to want me to go purchase something with the money after they send it? I'm a bit confused on what exactly she's trying to get at here. They've sent him a check with his birthday card many times before, so sending him money shouldn't be some huge new thing.
As far as the birthday card she had money stolen from - she sent a cousin of hers a $20 bill with her birthday card two years ago or so and apparently it was stolen out of the envelope. This has apparently shaken her trust in the mail forever and I've been hearing about it ever since it happened.
Am I alone in feeling a little weird about giving all of our banking info to her? I don't feel totally comfortable with that - she is very overwhelming and we've worked hard over the past few years to set good boundaries with her. What else can I suggest? Maybe I can explain something like Venmo to her - not sure that she would trust an app though.
If you are uncomfortable about giving your MIL your banking information, can you come up with a gift that you think your DH would want for his birthday instead? Or maybe suggest a gift card to his favorite store?
I know it's avoiding the question she's answering, but you won't have to tell her 'no'.
Thanks, everyone - glad to know I'm not weird in feeling weird about this.
I think I'll text her back and instead of flat out saying no just suggest she send a check, or mention we have paypal and venmo, which would be much easier. Hopefully one of those will work for her.
The info she's asking for is on every check you write, so I don't see the big deal. Her email is super weird though.
This is true - I guess I wasn't thinking of it that way.
When we were first married, H still had a checking account open that she was on (it was his first checking account from when he was a teenager and she was on the account with him.) She made a remark to us once about how the balance in there was getting a little low, which I freaked out about and made him close the account-it wasn't an account we were really using, but still, I was bothered that she was checking up on us. So I think I'm a little wary of her, but even if I gave her this information she wouldn't be able to get in and check our balances, I guess.
It just seems like a complicated process when she could just send him a check.
ETA - her whole message is just worded so strangely, it's throwing me off.
The info they are asking for is shown right on the front of every check you write (those numbers down at the bottom). It's not super secret or anything. I'd still clarify what they are doing, but they won't be able to do anything with your account other than send you money.
My parents wire me money frequently. Sometimes for gifts, sometimes to repay me if I bought a large item, sometimes no reason. I don't think it's that odd at all.
It's extremely uncommon. Which is annoying. In Chile it's so easy to just send people money to pay them back for your share of dinner or whatever.
My bank (US Bank) doesn't do transfers, that I'm aware of, but you can send money to a person and they get it in 2-3 business days. It's free unless it's over $100, then there is a small fee associated. I do this every month to give my mom money for my cell phone bill and have sent money to other people this way.
Maybe OP can suggest something like that? Otherwise I'd probably just give out the account info, unless you have reason to think she'd use it in some shady way. Like others have said, it's not exactly confidential info anyway. Don't give her your login information and you're probably fine.
Post by zacksbride on Oct 23, 2014 12:22:42 GMT -5
i agree that this is all information that is on a check, so no big deal. however, her bank may be able to do a transfer. i know that we pay my landlord with an electronic transfer every month. all i needed was the last 4 digits of their acct number and name of acct to set it up. they are sent an email link, and they personally enter all of the other information to get the money to them. maybe that's an option? or a check.
Post by countthestars on Oct 23, 2014 12:28:18 GMT -5
To comment on your follow up, I don't think it was wrong that your H closed the account that her name was on but I wouldn't assume that she was checking up on you. When you sign into my bank's website you can see the balances of any account that your name is on right on the page.
ETA: I wouldn't be weirded out by this at all, especially considering how many times she told you it was okay if you said no.
Post by dr.girlfriend on Oct 23, 2014 12:33:42 GMT -5
Isn't all that info on a check anyway?
That said, I hear the ads from Walmart where you can send any amount of funds from Walmart for like $5 or $10? I remember thinking it was something to keep in mind...SIL is flaky, and once we had to send her funds by Western Union and it cost a fortune.
Post by imojoebunny on Oct 23, 2014 12:35:05 GMT -5
My DH and I don't even do this between our accounts because there are fees associated with doing these types of transactions, often on both sides of the transaction. They were not cheap, like $10 total when we looked at doing it.
No way would I be passing out all that info, not that my parents are not 100% reliable, but it's just weird.
A check is a great thing. In fact, they were invented for just such a thing. She could always write, "for Deposit only" on the back, which would make it quite difficult for someone to cash it without getting caught, if they did take it out of the envelope.
Post by feistypants on Oct 23, 2014 12:40:16 GMT -5
Popmoney is a way to send money from person to person without banking information. I got multiple wedding gifts this way, and the sender never saw my bank account info... I received a text and logged in and accepted the transfer. Might be worth looking into?
Popmoney is a way to send money from person to person without banking information. I got multiple wedding gifts this way, and the sender never saw my bank account info... I received a text and logged in and accepted the transfer. Might be worth looking into?
This is how I send $$ to my mom when I need to pay her back for something.
This is kind of unrelated but it reminds me of the time we loaned my MIL $8,000. When she paid us back she sent it through the mail in CASH! She hid it inside a stuffed animal... ripped open the stuffed animal, but in the money in 100 bills and sewed it up. I wished she was as careful as your MIL.
I would be fine with an electronic funds transfer. I assume that's what she's trying to do?
I guess I would just clarify what info she exactly needs and how she is going to send the money.
I've given and received money electronically through giving out account info and it's no big deal. It's done frequently in other countries.
It became a big deal for me. I hope this scenario would be unlikely for OP but my relative started sending international funds to my account without my approval. She'd then send an email for me to forward it to her US account. And I'm fairly certain there is something shady going on with it now. It all started from me giving her my account info similar to what OP's MIL is suggesting. I have no control on stopping my family members money from being deposited into my account unless I close it or stop all incoming transfers but I have a ton of my own.
I would be fine with an electronic funds transfer. I assume that's what she's trying to do?
I guess I would just clarify what info she exactly needs and how she is going to send the money.
I've given and received money electronically through giving out account info and it's no big deal. It's done frequently in other countries.
It became a big deal for me. I hope this scenario would be unlikely for OP but my relative started sending international funds to my account without my approval. She'd then send an email for me to forward it to her US account. And I'm fairly certain there is something shady going on with it now. It all started from me giving her my account info similar to what OP's MIL is suggesting. I have no control on stopping my family members money from being deposited into my account unless I close it or stop all incoming transfers but I have a ton of my own.
Yikes! No - I don't think anything like that would happen here. That is awful though!
No - this really isn't a big deal. She just worded it so strangely, and I also was quite annoyed at the instruction to check with my husband before giving her anything. It's more bitch eating crackers too - why does she have to make everything so complicated? I think I also felt confused because I couldn't figure out what she was getting at at first - I don't know why she's treating this as though she's never given him money for his birthday before...? She has always sent a check in the past.
I did ask if she could just send a check with the card like she usually does. She said she's just feeling paranoid about that. I will probably just give her the info.
The info she's asking for is on every check you write, so I don't see the big deal. Her email is super weird though.
This is true - I guess I wasn't thinking of it that way.
When we were first married, H still had a checking account open that she was on (it was his first checking account from when he was a teenager and she was on the account with him.) She made a remark to us once about how the balance in there was getting a little low, which I freaked out about and made him close the account-it wasn't an account we were really using, but still, I was bothered that she was checking up on us. So I think I'm a little wary of her, but even if I gave her this information she wouldn't be able to get in and check our balances, I guess.
It just seems like a complicated process when she could just send him a check.
ETA - her whole message is just worded so strangely, it's throwing me off.
Ah, yes. I see.
Do you realize that if you hadn't closed this account it would have been so easy for her to make a deposit for him. But no, YOU CLOSED THAT ACCOUNT, so now it is OH SO VERY HARD AND VERY COMPLICATED.
What? No. I would check with your bank and see exactly what information you would need to divulge for an electronic transfer to occur. I absolutely trust my parents and DH's parents, but I still wouldn't just give them our account info.
This is true - I guess I wasn't thinking of it that way.
When we were first married, H still had a checking account open that she was on (it was his first checking account from when he was a teenager and she was on the account with him.) She made a remark to us once about how the balance in there was getting a little low, which I freaked out about and made him close the account-it wasn't an account we were really using, but still, I was bothered that she was checking up on us. So I think I'm a little wary of her, but even if I gave her this information she wouldn't be able to get in and check our balances, I guess.
It just seems like a complicated process when she could just send him a check.
ETA - her whole message is just worded so strangely, it's throwing me off.
Ah, yes. I see.
Do you realize that if you hadn't closed this account it would have been so easy for her to make a deposit for him. But no, YOU CLOSED THAT ACCOUNT, so now it is OH SO VERY HARD AND VERY COMPLICATED.
Yes...the decision I made six years ago is really screwing up my life now, isn't it. ^o) I was young and newly married - I wanted us to be independent and didn't like MIL making comments about how much money we had. I don't think that I was wrong to ask him to close it. FWIW, we live on the other side of the country now and wouldn't be banking there either way now anyhow.