I'm getting annoyed at a Facebook judgement

[Deleted]

Eh. Another day. Another "on your phone at the park debate." Another "My parenting is better than your because X debate."

I have a theory that these moms so busy judging on FB are busy judging on FB because no one IRL wants to hang out with them.

Do as you wish. I personally take my kids to the park so I don't have to entertain them myself.

[Deleted]

I sure hope the "child is my life" people weren't posting during their child's waking hours. That would sure undermine the argument

[h]

The phone at the park judgment pisses me off, too.

I work exclusively from home and with highly flexible hours, largely so that I can hang with my kids more and pick them up from school every day. We go to the park 1-2x a week right after school, and inevitably a client calls or emails while we are there, and I briefly address it. I feel like I sometimes get glares from other moms (or, more commonly, grandmothers), but the alternative to me being available on my phone here and there while out and about with my kids is me taking a full-time, traditional job, not me being 100% engaged with them every minute we are at the park. It is not like they would be getting more individualized attention at aftercare.

The thing is, when you see a mom on her phone, you never know if she is chatting with her BFF about weekend plans, working to support her kids, checking to make sure her dying mother's chemo went okay, GBCNing, or sexting the tennis coach she is having an affair with. Why judge people when you don't really know their story?

[ECB]

Oh boy. When DS was young and I was nervous about him navigating that equipment on his own, I was right there with him. But now? Hell. I too love the park so that he can entertain himself for a bit and I can relax.

My child is my "life" too - but w/in the context that I want to raise an independent, confident, secure child and one who can entertain himself and who is given the freedom to explore and play and do things on his own. A child who doesn't need or expect mommy to be "right there" all the time.

A phone is an easy thing to judge, I guess. But I'd bet you that when phones weren't the distraction, it was a book, or another mom, or... whatever. It isn't the invention of the smartphone that now means that moms don't pay 100% attention to their child at the playground at all times.

[toesie]

Oct 24, 2014 8:43:43 GMT -5 h said:

The phone at the park judgment pisses me off, too.

I work exclusively from home and with highly flexible hours, largely so that I can hang with my kids more and pick them up from school every day. We go to the park 1-2x a week right after school, and inevitably a client calls or emails while we are there, and I briefly address it. I feel like I sometimes get glares from other moms (or, more commonly, grandmothers), but the alternative to me being available on my phone here and there while out and about with my kids is me taking a full-time, traditional job, not me being 100% engaged with them every minute we are at the park. It is not like they would be getting more individualized attention at aftercare.

The thing is, when you see a mom on her phone, you never know if she is chatting with her BFF about weekend plans, working to support her kids, checking to make sure her dying mother's chemo went okay, GBCNing, or sexting the tennis coach she is having an affair with. Why judge people when you don't really know their story?

I can't like it enough.

Also "my children is my life" is just rubbing me the wrong way. Sure, they are your life, but I choose to have my children a (major) part of my life only.

[anna7602]

Definitely annoying. I have been openly judged for cell phone use twice this week and I feel quite justified in both of my uses. People need to STFU.

1) just after a yoga class, I was sending an email to my lactation consultant in the changing room to tell her I had to go home and get DS before I could come see her. She knew I was having an emergency and said she was available immediately. I thought it prudent to tell her it would be at least 2 hours until I could get to her. And since I was jumping on the subway, with no reception, after yoga, I wanted to send the message from the studio. 

A woman said, "the class is barely over and people just can't wait to get back to their devices" (or something like that).

2) I was standing in the grocery store yesterday looking at a recipe on my phone so I could buy the ingredients. An older woman walked past me, muttering something about young people and their addiction to phones or some such nonsense. 

Old people are always crabby at my particular supermarket, but yoga? Chill out and focus on your own zen, lady. 

[dulcemariamar]

People need to get a life. Have we always been like this? Why the sudden change of making our kids the center of the universe?

[barefootcontessa]

I feel like Facebook can turn normal people in braggarts. I will be honest, I judge myself when I reach for my phone with my kids, particularly when I have one-on-one time with them. But that is because I know I do not have a lot of one-on-one time with individuals children.

[Willis Jackson]

Old people judging phone use kills me. You KNOW they were reading magazines at the playground when their kids were little. Please.

Also, am I the only one who remembers her own mother talking to her friends on the house phone for what felt like hours (it was probably 20 min)? Playing limbo under the phone cord as it stretched to the couch? Pestering her for stupid shit while she held up her index finger and mouthed "I'M ON THE PHONE"?

[Deleted]

This sounds exhausting to me and I don't want to be those people.

[imojoebunny]

I feel like a lot of people who debate this crap on Facebook really need a chat board. I can come here and work out my stance on stuff, so I don't have to work out how I feel about it with other IRL because I already know.

[VillainV]

I'm LOLing at the irony of a "I don't use my phone at the park" Mom coming home and bragging about it on FB. Pot, it's me Kettle. We're both black.

[dr.girlfriend]

Lol. Someone I followed on Facebook posted, "OMG, the person in front of me at Starbucks just got FIVE SUGARS in their coffee!" People will judge anything.

[scribellesam]

I feel very little guilt about using my phone while taking care of my kids. I'm a SAHM; often texting friends and posting here is the only connection I have with other adults during the day. It also gives me the few minutes mental break from engaging with a toddler that I, as an introvert, need to stay sane day after day.

[Marmee]

I don't care if people judge me for it...I have had little kids for 10yrs & SAH. They've gotten PLENTY of attention from me...and frankly I feel like exploring on their own is actually more beneficial for them now that I've had the perspective of years of experience.

[6fsn]

I don't have internet on my phone either, but I can ignore my children in a million other ways.

[bronxgirl]

Oct 24, 2014 9:28:01 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Also, am I the only one who remembers her own mother talking to her friends on the house phone for what felt like hours (it was probably 20 min)? Playing limbo under the phone cord as it stretched to the couch? Pestering her for stupid shit while she held up her index finger and mouthed "I'M ON THE PHONE"?

This is one of my main memories of early childhood.

[pinkdutchtulips]

those are all reasons why I am NOT part of a formal moms group or an online mom's group.

they'd have a field day w/ me .... yes I don't hover/overly supervise my dd at the playground. as long as I can see/hear her, I'm fine. yes I'm on my phone when she's there .... as a single parent, it's one the rare breaks I get !

[Odonata]

You know, my H was my MIL's "life" and sadly, he still is her "life". This just sets you up to be a BSC MIL who is constantly disappointed when your child finally gets a life outside of you.

[Blue Moon]

After a mere 8 weeks of parenting, I have decided to never judge another parent who is not blatantly endangering the welfare of her child. The pre-kids me would be surprised, but man, this shit is hard! We do what we need to survive.

[redheadbaker]

My "like" of your OP was in agreement with your comment of "you don't know them; shut up"

[h]

Oct 24, 2014 9:28:01 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Old people judging phone use kills me. You KNOW they were reading magazines at the playground when their kids were little. Please.

Also, am I the only one who remembers her own mother talking to her friends on the house phone for what felt like hours (it was probably 20 min)? Playing limbo under the phone cord as it stretched to the couch? Pestering her for stupid shit while she held up her index finger and mouthed "I'M ON THE PHONE"?

The most trouble I ever got in as a kid was when I took a pair of scissors and cut the phone cord because I was so sick of my mom talking on the phone.

[speckledfrog]

One of my favorite things about having a kid who I know isn't going to launch himself off the playground equipment is being able to play on my phone and let him do his thing.

[lolo]

Oct 24, 2014 15:58:03 GMT -5 h said:

Oct 24, 2014 9:28:01 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Old people judging phone use kills me. You KNOW they were reading magazines at the playground when their kids were little. Please.

Also, am I the only one who remembers her own mother talking to her friends on the house phone for what felt like hours (it was probably 20 min)? Playing limbo under the phone cord as it stretched to the couch? Pestering her for stupid shit while she held up her index finger and mouthed "I'M ON THE PHONE"?

The most trouble I ever got in as a kid was when I took a pair of scissors and cut the phone cord because I was so sick of my mom talking on the phone.

DH just shot me a scathing look for how hard I'm laughing. Total belly laugh. Thank you.

[Sloane]

Oct 24, 2014 9:59:01 GMT -5 scribellesam said:

I feel very little guilt about using my phone while taking care of my kids. I'm a SAHM; often texting friends and posting here is the only connection I have with other adults during the day. It also gives me the few minutes mental break from engaging with a toddler that I, as an introvert, need to stay sane day after day.

Yup, I am a SAHM of two, my DH works at least 6 days a week. I'm on my phone at the park, in my living room, in line, get over it. I love my kids more than I ever thought possible, but they don't need or want me in their face all day every day either. 

Our neighbours were going through the nanny screening process and the DH was very clear that the wife should make sure that any potential nanny isn't just going to sip Starbucks and text on her phone when she takes the kids to the park, the wife was all "like their mother does?" 

[Marmee]

Oct 24, 2014 12:54:08 GMT -5 bronxgirl said:

Oct 24, 2014 9:28:01 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

Also, am I the only one who remembers her own mother talking to her friends on the house phone for what felt like hours (it was probably 20 min)? Playing limbo under the phone cord as it stretched to the couch? Pestering her for stupid shit while she held up her index finger and mouthed "I'M ON THE PHONE"?

This is one of my main memories of early childhood.

Ha ha mine too! My mom would talk on the phone & smoke cigarettes (yes in the house) for seemingly hours a day.

[gibbinator]

I don't play on my phone at the park but I fully admit playground equipment makes me anxious and I'm afraid to look away from ds1. I've stopped following him around at least!

[docholly]

My mom would be on the traditional phone a lot when I was a kid. I still like her. End of story.

[SJ]

I have been judged for this even without the baby. On her first day of daycare, DH and I were on a day date. We had a lovely lunch with cocktails, and then were going to go see a movie. We pulled out our phones to look up movie times (to continue our fabulous child-free date of togetherness) and an older woman walked by. She said loudly "What a shame that you can't enjoy each other's company! Whatever happened to the art of conversation."

We looked at each other and just burst into laughter. What a joke.