The Race to Nowhere in Kid Sports

[mominatrix]

this came across my FB feed, and I couldn't agree more...


it's kind of freaking me out, this kid sport thing. Like DD is seven... she's SEVEN... but she's already kind of not OK for youth soccer (the regular league stuff) because so many of the kids have been specializing in soccer for years. She can play with the Y or whatever, but it's kind of too late for her to be a 'serious' soccer player. She's seven.



=========================


The Race to Nowhere In Youth Sports
Posted: October 20, 2014 in Coaching, Parenting
Tags: advice, Avoiding Injuries, childhood and youth, development coaches, fun 61
By: John O’Sullivan

Source: changingthegameproject.com/the-race-to-nowhere-in-youth-sports/

“My 4th grader tried to play basketball and soccer last year,” a mom recently told me as we sat around the dinner table after one of my speaking engagements. “It was a nightmare. My son kept getting yelled at by both coaches as we left one game early to race to a game in the other sport. He hated it.”

“I know,” said another. “My 10 year old daughter’s soccer coach told her she had to pick one sport, and start doing additional private training on the side, or he would give away her spot on the team.”

So goes the all too common narrative for American youth these days, an adult driven, hyper competitive race to the top in both academics and athletics that serves the needs of the adults, but rarely the kids. As movies such as “The Race to Nowhere” and recent articles such as this one from the Washington Post point out, while the race has a few winners, the course is littered with the scarred psyches of its participants. We have a generation of children that have been pushed to achieve parental dreams instead of their own, and prodded to do more, more, more and better, better, better. The pressure and anxiety is stealing one thing our kids will never get back; their childhood.

The movie and article mentioned above, as well as the book The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids, highlight the dangerous path we have led our children down in academics. We are leading them down a similar path in sports as well.

The path is a race to nowhere, and it does not produce better athletes. It produces bitter athletes who get hurt, burnout, and quit sports altogether.

As I said to my wife recently, the hardest thing about raising two kids these days, when it comes to sports, is that the vast majority of the parents are leading their kids down the wrong path, but not intentionally or because they want to harm their kids. They love their kids, but the social pressure to follow that path is incredible. Even though my wife and I were collegiate athletes, and I spend everyday reading the research, and studying the latest science on the subject, the pressure is immense. The social pressure is like having a conversation with a pathological liar; he is so good at lying that even when you know the truth, you start to doubt it. Yet that is the sport path many parents are following.

The reason? FEAR!


We are so scared that if we do not have our child specialize, if we do not get the extra coaching, or give up our entire family life for youth sports, our child will get left behind. Even though nearly every single parent I speak to tells me that in their gut they have this feeling that running their child ragged is not helpful, they do not see an alternative. Another kid will take his place. He won’t get to play for the best coach. “I know he wants to go on the family camping trip,” they say, “but he will just have to miss it again, or the other kids will get ahead of him.”

This system sucks.

It sucks for parents, many of whom do not have the time and resources to keep one child in such a system, never mind multiple athletes. There are no more family trips or dinners, no time or money to take a vacation. It causes parents untold stress and anxiety, as they are made to feel guilty by coaches and their peers if they don’t step in line with everyone else. “You are cheating your kid out of a scholarship” they are told, “They may never get this chance again.”

It sucks for coaches who want to develop athletes for long term excellence, instead of short term success. The best coaches used to be able to develop not only better athletes, but better people, yet it is getting hard to be that type of coach. There are so many coaches who have walked away from sports because while they encourage kids to play multiple sports, other unscrupulous coaches scoop those kids up, and tell them “if you really want to be a player, you need to play one sport year round. That other club is short changing your kid, they are not competitive.” The coach who does it right gives his kids a season off, and next thing you know he no longer has a team.

And yes, most importantly, it sucks for the kids. Any sports scientist or psychologist will tell you that in order to pursue any achievement activity for the long term, children need ownership, enjoyment and intrinsic motivation. Without these three things, an athlete is very likely to quit.

Children need first and foremost to enjoy their sport. This is the essence of being a child. Kids are focused in the present, and do not think of long term goals and ambitions. But adults do. They see “the opportunities I never had” or “the coaching I wish I had” as they push their kids to their goals and not those of the kids.

They forget to give their kids the one thing they did have: A CHILDHOOD! They forget to give them the ability to find things they are passionate about, instead of choosing for them. They forget that a far different path worked pretty darn well for them.

So why this massive movement, one that defies all science and psychology, to change it?

We need to wise up and find a better path.

Parents, start demanding sports clubs and coaches that allow your kids to participate in many sports. You are the customers, you are paying the bills, so you might as well start buying a product worth paying for. You have science on your side, and you have Long Term Athletic Development best practices on your side. Your kids do not deserve or need participation medals and trophies, as some of you are so fond of saying, but they do deserve a better, more diverse youth sports experience.

Coaches, you need to wise up as well. You are the gatekeepers of youth sports, the people who play God, and decide who gets in, and who is kicked to the curb. You know the incredible influence of sport in your life, so stop denying it to so many others. Are you so worried about your coaching ability, or about the quality of the sport you love, to think that if you do not force kids to commit early they will leave? Please realize that if you are an amazing coach with your priorities in order, and you teach a beautiful game well, that kids will flock to you in droves, not because they have to, but because they want to!

Every time you ask a 9 year old to choose one sport over another you are diminishing participation in the sport you love by 50%. WHY?

To change this we must overcome the fear, the guilt and the shame.

We are not bad parents if our kids don’t get into Harvard, and we are not bad parents if they do not get a scholarship to play sports in college. We should not feel shame or guilt every time our kid does not keep up with the Jones’s, because, when it comes to sports, the Jones’s are wrong.

As this recent article from USA Lacrosse stated, college coaches are actually looking to multi sport athletes in recruiting. Why? Because they have an upside, they are better all around athletes, they are not done developing, and they are less likely to burnout.

You cannot make a kid into something she is not by forcing them into a sport at a very young age, and pursuing your goals and not your child’s goals. Things like motivation, grit, genetics and enjoyment have too much say in the matter.

What you can do, though, is rob a child of the opportunity to be a child, to play freely, to explore sports of interest, to learn to love sports and become active for life.

Chances are great that your children will be done with sports by high school, as only a select few play in college and beyond. Even the elite players are done at an age when they have over half their life ahead of them. It is not athletic ability, but the lessons learned from sport that need to last a lifetime.

Why not expose them to as many of those lifelong lessons as possible?

Why not take a stand?

Why don’t we stop being sheep, following the other sheep down a road to nowhere that both science and common sense tells us often ends badly?

It is time to stop being scared, and stand up for your kids. Read a book on the subject, pass on this article to like minded people, bring in a speaker to your club and school, but do something to galvanize people to act.

There are more of us who want to do right by the kids than there are those whose egos and wallets have created our current path. We have just been too quite for too long. We have been afraid to speak up, and afraid to take a stand. We are far too willing to throw away our child’s present for some ill fated quest for a better future that rarely materializes, and is often filled with so much baggage that we would never wish for such a future for our kids.

If you think your child will thank you for that, then you probably stopped reading awhile ago.

But if you want to get off the road to nowhere in youth sports, and to stop feeling guilty about it, then please know you are not alone. Our voice is growing stronger every day. We can create a new reality, with new expectations that put the athletes first.

We can put our children on a road to somewhere, one paved with balanced childhoods, exploration, enjoyment, and yes, multiple sports.

Someday our kids will thank us.



stevenashyb.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/the-race-to-nowhere-in-youth-sports/

[mouse]

Yeah, for awhile our pediatrician was pushing organized sports because then you know you're getting steady activity for those hours, plus the social bonding. But my kids (and I) aren't interested in hyper-competition. My friends whose kids do soccer cannot make social plans pretty much the whole season. Screw that.

I'll add a truly rec drop-in sports league to my giant tricycles and slides grownup gym.

[chedifuen]

I really hate the push to specialize in a sport. My son is 8 and is signed up for basketball this winter. He's very worried that all the other kids on his team will be better because some have been playing for 5 years already.

[downtoearth]

I played YMCA soccer from 5 yrs old on, but didn't get competitive until I was cut from freshmen basketball tryouts and decided to jump on the soccer team... made all-state as a freshmen and then was in ODP for the rest of my high school years. So in my mind it seems like no big deal to switch over, but as my kids start soccer, I realize that was a totally different time.

I've consciously tried teaching lifelong fun activities that aren't are specialized main-stream sports with our kids - mtn biking, climbing, trail running, kayaking, paddle boards, etc. - hopefully they'll be more generalized in fitness and can jump on a team sport now and then, but not feel like competition is the only way to enjoy sports. Who knows if it will work?

[sunterp]

We do the city rec program and there are parents here that have asked us about joining a club team for different sports, no thanks. Our kids just play what interests them and if they do want to focus on a sport we will address that when they are older. When DD was 4 or 5 and playing rec hockey other parents were asking us which hockey camps we were looking into for summer and if we had thought about travel team hockey for the next year. My face clearly said "WTF are talking about" but my voice said, "I am from Phoenix and I currently live in a cold climate, my summer will be spent at a lake or beach, not on ice." I also added that "clearly DD is no Wayne Gretzky and hockey camp could wait a few years."

Some parents in our new location are crazy about winning and their kid being the best. I was an athlete and I enjoy winning but at younger ages I think it should be about having fun and learning fundamental skills. I love DD's volleyball sessions because they learn skills at each meeting and only play scrimmage games. After each scrimmage game the coach is able to learn what skills need more practice. Compare that to my sons flag football league, run by the same rec department and he rarely gets to practice once the season starts, so skills never get practiced and the coaches never have time to work with their teams. This was our first year of flag football but last year soccer was pretty much the same thing, with parents crazy on the sidelines.

[taratru]

DD2 is 10 and trying basketball for the first time. We put her on a city league team, but I'm already worried she will be behind, not like it, and want to stop playing before she even learns the sport.

I was a coach for years and years and even I hate this system. It sucks for kids, for parents, and even for coaches who now have to coach all year long to have "competitive" programs.

[eport]

My brother coaches high school boys cross country and some of the athletes he gets are boys who are burned out on soccer (at 13) as they have been on travel year round teams for years.

He now gives a little speech before freshmen soccer cuts-You are already trained for my sports, you show up and practice, you are on the team and get to race (JV race you can enter as many as you want so 50 boys frosh-seniors all in one race). Lots of boys who never thought of running but like sports come on over.

My bro now jokes about signing his toddler son up for soccer both just to play sports and so that he'll be burned out on that in time to run high school cross county.

[foundmylazybum]

I think this article is right on in a number of areas. Parents are quite frankly uneducated and afraid of consequences they don't really understand. They are putting their kids in sports where they are coached by people who are also uneducated about human development, psychological development, and athletic development.

Not any fool can coach, but honestly that's what is hired a lot of times. Coaching is a skill, and it's not for everyone.


I would LOVE to see more solid coaching education courses given within organizations so people don't just wing it. ("Oh "I was coached with a win at all costs mentality so that MUST work!"), and I would also like to see parents be better advocates for their kids. I agree with this author. Read a book on the topic of good coaching, advocate for speakers to come to your organizations, pass on good articles like this one, understand what resources are at your finger tips. This isn't a small movement--The National Alliance For Youth Sports has great ideas, tips and courses, Human Kinetics has a coach education center for coaches to learn online. These are all resources that can be passed on from parents to coaches within organizations.

[cookiemdough]

I think it has to do with a lot of over-inflated egos. So many think omg I could have been the next "xyz" if only my parents pushed me, or If I started younger like Tiger Woods or if my dad did drills with me like Eli and Payton's dad did!

Um, no.

I can't tell you how hard it was to find a flag football team for 7 year olds that didn't require 3 day per week practices.

[litebright]

Wow. This makes me so happy that my city rec league is so laid back. It makes me worry what we might see in at older ages, though.

But you know, I'm a parent whose kids have been playing since they were 3 (DD1 is 6, DD2 is 4). Spring and fall (we only do outdoor, not indoor). They like it, DH coaches DD1's team and enjoys it, and it's cheap -- like $50 for the season or something, which includes two t-shirts. At DD1's age, we do one practice a week plus a game on Saturday. Most of the girls on our team have also been playing for at least two years, although we had two new girls this season and they did great even without having however many seasons of soccer behind them. IMO, that's how it should be. DH doesn't even keep score, although the girls have started to. Our league approaches things from a player/teamwork development and insists that every kid get equal playing time, etc. All the parents on our team are similarly laid back and it's actually very enjoyable (sort of. Tomorrow is our game day of the season and I'm SO ready to have our Saturdays back).

It'll be interesting to see how things change in the next couple of seasons, because I think when they move to the under-8 category they start playing positions/having a goalie and I think it might get competitive.

[tres3]

I used to feel that my boys were going no where with sports, but in the last 2 most at age 9 DS has suddenly gotten some ball handling skills.

We will still only play rec soccer because I will not spend my weekends driving all over the south east.

That said, I hope that he chooses cross-country when he gets to middle school.

Based on DS3's soccer skills right now he really wants to be a cheerleader and not a soccer player.

DS2 is playing on a really nice rec team. They are really good (DS2 probably the weakest player on the team), but it is good for him socially. It gives him something to talk with the other boys about at recess at school (we really lucked out this season---2 of the boys are younger brothers of DS1's team mates--5 boys are in his class so socially he is making some nice friends).

[origami]

Oct 24, 2014 18:37:36 GMT -5 @rennido said:

I know many kids that don't have a summer due to basketball/baseball/softball leagues.

I tried to make some play dates with my son's BFF at school. The only day they can GTG is a holiday when school is closed. Because there is school and there's soccer and she legitimately has no time for anything else. Our kids are 4. FOUR.

I remember thinking this phenomenon was weird when I was in school and now it's even more insane. Are kids kicked off school teams in elementary if they're not good enough because they didn't start when they were learning how to walk?? Or do schools still take everyone at that age. I would be pissed if my kids missed out on sports entirely because we decided traveling was more fun than soccer camps for preschoolers.

[Deleted]

Its just another American "did you have kids? heres a bunch of pressure to do things that will cost you money but actually have no real value" load of bullshit.
If your kid wants to play sports, thats great. If they want to compete, thats also great. But the rest of it seems like bollocks to me.

[mmmomof2]

I feel a lot of pressure about this right now. We live in an area that is very soccer mom. We didn't sign up for AYSO this year because DD is just starting Kinder and she wanted to do gymnastics and I didn't want to overschedule her. But from what I hear there are already some "elite" players - at 5!

I wanted DD to be on a swim team but she is the least competitive kid you'll meet. When I suggested to try to swim accross the pool as fast as she could she was like why? I just want to kick around on my back. I get you kid.

[savan]

Oct 26, 2014 9:02:18 GMT -5 mmmomof2 said:

I feel a lot of pressure about this right now. We live in an area that is very soccer mom. We didn't sign up for AYSO this year because DD is just starting Kinder and she wanted to do gymnastics and I didn't want to overschedule her. But from what I hear there are already some "elite" players - at 5!

I wanted DD to be on a swim team but she is the least competitive kid you'll meet. When I suggested to try to swim accross the pool as fast as she could she was like why? I just want to kick around on my back. I get you kid.

DS and DD started AYSO soccer at 4 and we've had a great experience.  AYSO is very noncompetitive at the U6 and U8 division.  DH is their coach and it is drilled into him that he should not coach to win.  It's all about player development and fun.  Sure, you run across the occasional team that is clearly there to win.  They don't rotate their players, they don't hold back on scoring, etc., but on the whole every team has the same objective.  You are going to have asshole coaches and parents in every sport.

U10 gets more competitive with record posting and playoffs but there is a steep decline in the number of players from that division forward as kids decide they don't want to play competitive soccer.

Now baseball we discovered is a whole different animal.  DS caught on pretty early that it is super competitive with parents hiring pitching coaches for their 6 year olds and we were relieved when DS opted not to play anymore.

[Saint Monica]

Soccer/travel soccer is killing divorced families. Financially and with time the kids spend/don't spend with parents.

[foundmylazybum]

No one is elite at 5 years old. Full stop. Kthanxbye. Elite athletes compete on the national and international level.

When a parent or a coach looks at a child and says "Little 5 year old Johnny is big and strong (for his age), let's put him as the starter on soccer b/c wow, he's big and strong and we can tell that 10 years from now he will DEFINITELY be a starter on the HS team, it's a huge mistake.

Little Johnny may lose motivation. He may not grow beyond 5'6'', he may not get any faster than what he was at 10 years old, he may get a career ending injury. Any number of things may happen to Little Johnny who was the super star at five.

At five you have to look at every single kid and work on skill development and enjoyment of sport. And I honestly can not say this enough, it's not just the coaches who need to remember this--it's parents who have to recognize this too.

It's really, really difficult to judge "talent." This super annoys me when coaches or parents try to do this. Especially coaches who are actually financial planners as their day jobs.

[eddy]

Tis is one of my biggest gripes as a parent. I love sports. I love being active. I refuse to subscribe to this mentality though so I don't know what that means for sports for my kids. Jack does rec soccer, baseball and is going to try bball out. All low key right now. But I refuse to do travel teams so I don't know how long he can do these sports truly recreationally.

Both H and I hope the boys do something like cross country. It is individual and also a sport you can pick up when older.

[Deleted]

Daycare offers soccer shots. It's $140 for 3-5yr olds to have 40min chasing a ball on the field once a week for 6 weeks. Um, no. He takes the swim lesson and gym class that comes with his daycare fee, we play on the weekends, and maybe once he is in school (and we are not paying a 2nd mortgage for daycare anymore), we'll see if he shows any real interest in organized sports. I didn't like team sports, so if he prefers dance or figure skating, fine with me; DH did just about every sport except wrestling so time will tell.

[maybebabiesrus]

Oct 26, 2014 14:47:47 GMT -5 eddy said:

Both H and I hope the boys do something like cross country. It is individual and also a sport you can pick up when older.

DH and I are childless, but we agree that our kids should try to keep a balance of team and lifetime activities, for their long-term health benefit and personal development. DH and I were both team activities people, and while it's been slightly easier for DH to still play pick up basketball at the gym than it is for me to find a cheerleading team (ha!), I wish I had skills to play golf, tennis, swim, bike, or distance run.

As an adult, I took up running, but it would have been wonderful to begin cross country in middle school and keep running through college and my 20s rather than pick it up at 30 and try to figure it out.

[erbear]

I dread this. My kid (5.5) is a baby about playing sports - she cried all the way through every soccer practice. I keep pushing her to do it, because I know that when she's 7 or 8, if she hasn't played, she won't be able to play then and she'll be left out.

That said, specializing in a sport at 7 is ridiculous. My nephews (10 and 8) play soccer every day and all weekend, all year round. It's insane.

[vanillacourage]

DS1 is wrapping up his first season in U7 soccer. The team is not great, because they're SIX. There are two kids that are decent, and both of them are leaving the team after this season to find a more competitive team. These two families sit next to each other at every game and discuss ABC team's reputation or the coach they're talking about joining "has their eye on this other kid, and he's really good. We're trying to get him on board." SIX!

It pisses me off because it's the same shit as red shirting. My DS isn't great at soccer because we didn't start him at three. But his coach just shrieks at him all game and acts amazed that all the rules don't just come to him instinctively.

[Deleted]

This makes me sad. As a kid (and I mean through high school) I loved playing soccer, softball and basketball throughout the year. If I had to choose one I would have been devastated. FWIW, I also went to college on a basketball scholarship.

[josieposy]

I don't even want to go down this road but I know it's going to come up. I have never been particularly athletic but I did help the Red Cross for a few years doing swimming lessons and played volleyball (badly). I was more into music and other extracurriculars. DH is a runner and former skiier.

At the very least they will do swimming lessons but beyond that I'm hesitant to push them in any one direction. I'd like them to kind of direct me toward their own interests to an extent, but I really dunno how we will approach this.

[ghostmonkey]

I'm laughing at specializing at age 7. I picked up my current sport at age 22. I've competed internationally. I guess sucks for me that I waited to long to be good at it. LMAO.

For anyone below 13, any sport that keeps them active and improve coordination is more important than what sport. Rules and specific movements can be learned. I never played volleyball until 6th grade (which was a late start even by early 90's standards in my hometown) but I had been playing softball and basketball for years. It wasn't an issue to pick it up. Learning the rules of who can hit when and where was more of a issue.

I guess fortunately for my son I'm too selfish and into my own sport to spend a ton of money for him to be yelled at by some jackhole trying to relive his childhood through preschoolers. I have looked at sports for his age and I just can't bring myself to justify that kind of money on a 3 year old.

[eclaires]

At a class birthday party this weekend, I talked to Jackson's BFF's mom and it was so refreshing to hear her say that they kept their son out of sports (specifically baseball) until this past spring (when he was 7.5). Her H played baseball in college, so they love baseball and wanted their son to play the sport. But she said they kept him out until then because they didn't feel like he would really grasp and enjoy the game until then. She said there was a bit of a learning curve when he first started last spring but he's playing fall ball now and it's really clicking but more importantly - he's enjoying it.

Idk, it was really nice to encounter someone in this baseball obsessed suburb whose kid hasn't been playing spring and fall ball since age 3. They signed him up for basketball this fall/winter (sign ups are through mid November) because a kid on his baseball team plays. I'd been thinking about signing Jackson up for basketball and she said they could probably be on the same team so they could have more fun/enjoy it more.

It made me feel much less hateful towards kids and sports for once which was nice.

So Jackson is going to try basketball...we are going to do swim team over the summer and continue to play tennis. I'm just glad I feel hopeful and less hateful about him trying a team sport because I do want him to have that experience too.

[ghostmonkey]

Oct 26, 2014 21:13:07 GMT -5 erbear said:

I dread this. My kid (5.5) is a baby about playing sports - she cried all the way through every soccer practice. I keep pushing her to do it, because I know that when she's 7 or 8, if she hasn't played, she won't be able to play then and she'll be left out.

What you are doing is part of the problem. You are forcing her to play a sport that she clearly doesn't enjoy on the off chance that she might want to play it later and then you call her names for not liking it?

Wow.

Not every child is going to like organized sports. Forcing them is only going to push them further away and make them resentful for being forced. Knock it off.

[MrsAxilla]

I can't relate to the article or even most of these comments. Ben has been in sports since he was four (soccer, basketball, baseball, flag football, swimming, TKD) and while he enjoys it, he has no particular athletic ability. It's all been through our local rec dept and it's not competitive. There are always a couple of boys that are really good (we call them ringers), but most of them are just as goofy as Ben. I'm aware that there are competitive leagues, but none of Ben's friends are in any of them. If he showed interest, we would definitely let him try out, but he's happy just running around with other boys.

[londoncalling]

It's hard not to get caught up in the sports hysteria, but I definitely feel like it will benefit my kids to learn to enjoy some lifetime activities: swimming, running, biking, tennis, golf. I always played team sports, specialized in junior high, and was burnt out by junior year. Now it's hard for me to find activities that interest me because I'm so accustomed to a team environment that something like running to run vs. running to condition for a sport just isn't appealing.

The best athlete that I ever met played volleyball, basketball, softball ,and club volleyball. She was a straight A student, had 12 varsity letters, won 2 state championships, and got a scholarship to play in college. The thing that I most admired about her was that she was an exceptional athlete vs. just being exceptional at basketball.

[pinkdutchtulips]

the main reason I am so glad that dd is in Girl Scouts and not organized sports.