huge fight with dh

[changedname]

Hugs, I hate arguments.
I am like you and like to run away when we have arguments.

[teatimefor2]

Hugs! I'm so sorry, that was extremely hurtful. I'm the opposite and I would confront him.

Feel better soon. I'm sure you always look pretty, it's hard being a SAHM.

[jeaniebueller]

I am sorry he made you feel bad. I know you are just venting but why not tell him that he hurt you and how overwhelmed you are? I don't blame you for wanting to ignore him, but it might help you feel better to get it out.

[thejackpot]

You need to talk to him and explain. What he said was hurtful but it really doesn't rise to the level of messing up the household. People say things that hurt and we have to be willing to share that pain and move on. I doubt you really want to linger in this place and I am sure that he would not want to hurt your feelings.
So sorry that you are upset. Hope you get this resolved soon.

[hermione]

He was trying to say you looked pretty and did it badly. My feelings would be hurt too but sleeping in the guest room is not the answer. Tell him he owes you an apology and take it from there.

[niki]

The wrong person is sleeping in the guest bedroom. What a hurtful thing to say.

[oliviapope]

I agree with PP. He was trying to compliment you, and it came out wrong. He probably didn't apologize because he didn't want you crying again.

Why don't you just tell him how upset you are. Then ask him what he meant to say (don't accuse). Tell him next time he needs to be more direct. Don't sleep in the guest bed. When you get upset turn towards each other and not away from one another.

[Deleted]

Oct 24, 2014 17:31:14 GMT -5 hermione said:

He was trying to say you looked pretty and did it badly. My feelings would be hurt too but sleeping in the guest room is not the answer. Telol him he owes you an apology and take it from there.

This. 
I know why you are hurt and upset. I totally understand. 
I don't if this is worth a knockdown drag it out, pack it up and head to your Mom's country song style fight though. 

Just say "Hey. Remember early today when you made that comment. I hated it. Didn't not like it one little bit. Don't say hurtful sh*t to me like that again? Understood?" 

Then move on. 

In the grand scheme it's not that big of a deal. 

My H is a great guy too but he has a funny sarcastic side which sometimes isn't all that funny to me. I can see him saying something along the same lines because he's done it. I mean he once told me when I was getting ready, "You don't look that bad for just having a baby" and "You're kind of pretty for a Mom." 

He means no harm and I've come to learn that...but man...somedays. 

[stealthmom]

Oct 24, 2014 17:35:49 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Oct 24, 2014 17:25:36 GMT -5 thejackpot said:

You need to talk to him and explain. What he said was hurtful but it really doesn't rise to the level of messing up the household. People say things that hurt and we have to be willing to share that pain and move on. I doubt you really want to linger in this place and I am sure that he would not want to hurt your feelings.
So sorry that you are upset. Hope you get this resolved soon.

Thanks everyone, I know you are right and I need to confront him, but I don't even know what to say at this point. He knows what he said hurt my feelings, I burst into tears and left. We had plans for after my meeting and we never met up. He didn't text me or ask when we were meeting or anything. I was gone for double the time I said I would be gone and not a word from him.

Im just so hurt, I feel like shit about myself and he knows that. And then to ask me what my problem is when I get home, like he doesn't know... Wtf.

I know we need to talk but ugh, I'm so done crying today.

"you owe me an apology."

That's all you need to say.

Small fights can turn huge when the offending party doesn't at least attempt to apologize.

[bowies]

I absolutely agree that you can't run away. Avoiding a "fight" leads to bigger and worse fights. Be upfront and direct in telling him that he hurt your feelings, tell him what you want/need, give him the chance to set things right, and then move on.

He was a bonehead, but don't throw a nuclear bomb when diplomacy would work better.

[chickens987]

Oct 24, 2014 17:38:42 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Oct 24, 2014 17:31:14 GMT -5 hermione said:

He was trying to say you looked pretty and did it badly. My feelings would be hurt too but sleeping in the guest room is not the answer. Telol him he owes you an apology and take it from there.

This. 
I know why you are hurt and upset. I totally understand. 
I don't if this is worth a knockdown drag it out, pack it up and head to your Mom's country song style fight though. 

Just say "Hey. Remember early today when you made that comment. I hated it. Didn't not like it one little bit. Don't say hurtful sh*t to me like that again? Understood?" 

Then move on. 

In the grand scheme it's not that big of a deal. 

My H is a great guy too but he has a funny sarcastic side which sometimes isn't all that funny to me. I can see him saying something along the same lines because he's done it. I mean he once told me when I was getting ready, "You don't look that bad for just having a baby" and "You're kind of pretty for a Mom." 

He means no harm and I've come to learn that...but man...somedays. 

This. 100%.

[bowies]

To add:

1. What do you want resolution to look like now and in the future?
2. How does avoiding your husband and sleeping in the guest room accomplish that goal?

If the answer to #2 is "it doesn't" then:
3. What do I need to do to get #1?

[deo]

It was a dumb thing to say, but it kind of sounds like he deep down meant to pay you a compliment it just was the wrong way to say it.

I can see why it hurt you but you need to tell him why saying it made him sound like an ass and move on. To me this doesn't seem like a thing to base a giant fight on.

[dcn]

I would tell him exactly what you told us. "You know I am feeling down about myself, and your comment really hurt my feelings."

Sorry he said that, definitely not the nicest way to compliment someone.

[pugz]

So glad you talked

[dulcemariamar]

Glad things are better.

But I would leave the baby with him this weekend so I could go shopping, have a nice quiet lunch, or maybe go to the salon. It would be a nice break for you and he couldnt complain.

[ECB]

I'm glad you talked and resolved things. However, I'd start thinking about how I can work on my response to arguments and being upset. Running isn't the answer and playing games (being gone extra long, waiting for him to text, turning off your GPS) isn't the answer either. You need to find more constructive ways to deal w your issues.

And when you stayed out - if you needed time to yourself and think, that's fine. That itself isn't playing games. But not telling him, waiting for him to contact you, and turning off your GPS IS playing games.