Moving to Europe

[lovebeingmama]

Have any of you lived in Europe for an expat assignment, especially with young kids? DH has been offered a 2 year assignment in Amsterdam and I really don't want to go. I like my life here, I just started back at work and enjoy it, our family is all here, I don't know how my kids (2 and 4) will adjust, and it's overall just way outside of my comfort zone. It's most likely going to happen, as I'm not sure I can tell my husband no. He told me if I really don't want to go, we won't, but this is a big promotion that he deserves, and I have a hard time saying no just because I'm terrified of it. I also think that it is a great opportunity to see parts of the world that I otherwise wouldn't see, and I suspect if we don't do it, we will regret it at some point. Anyone have any positive experiences, or stories to confirm my fears? We haven't told anyone besides family IRL, so it would be nice just to hear from some other people right now.

[Deleted]

That sounds amazing and terrifying! It would be really hard to move away from family...but could be the most AWESOME adventurous 2 years! Would you be able to move back near family after the 2 years?

[gastro]

DH and I lived in Europe (Geneva and London) for 5 years (the last year was with our son who was born in London).
Having done that I would recommend going! It's only for two years and it sounds like it a good thing for your DH. I would be full of what ifs if I said no.
Amsterdam - it will be an easy city (comparing to other European locations) because English is so commonly used. Amsterdam is a wonderful city and will be great for a young family. The red light district and marijuana use is very tame and contained if that is a concern of yours at all.
Amsterdam is a great "hub" city for traveling around Europe if you want to do that.
Life with kids in Europe is harder- the infrastructure for strollers, changing rooms, bathrooms etc isn't there. But you just go with the flow.


Sorry I have no idea how pm works on this site but feel free to get in touch if you have questions.

Edit: the catalyst for us moving back was DHs father was really sick and we just needed to be back home.
I was ready to come back after 5 years but I'm so happy we went. Seriously DH and I have done so many things in Europe that people always say I hope to do one day or when I retire....

[katemw]

I would love it do it...it's a beautiful city and it will be great!

[cna]

I know it sounds scary to uproot your family and move to a different country, but I think it is an incredible opportunity to do something awesome with your family.

[quesyrah]

I think it would be a great experience but I understand your hesitation. We're possibly going on an assignment in another country and the thought is terrifying

[lala]

I agree that it's scary & overwhelming, but it's only 2 years and I think you'd absolutely regret not going. It's unlikely we'd have a similar opportunity, so I'm a little jealous!

[dc2london]

Do it!! Our good friends are in the Foreign Service and their kids absolutely love it. They love seeing parts of the world that they might not otherwise see, they love the variety of experience the lifestyle offers, and they are so good at "going with the flow" and adapting to new situations. Their youngest is 5 and he has lived in the US, Barbados and Jordan and he always adjusts well. They even have a child with Autism and he handles it just fine.
We actually really want to relocate overseas but the right opportunity hasn't yet come along. Go for it!

[dc2london]

Also, have you ever been to Amsterdam? It's a great city!

[magentawarped]

We're actually moving to India next year. It's terrifying, but I'm excited for the experience.

We've had several friends stationed in Europe in the past, and they've all loved it. Traveling within Europe is very easy, so you can get a lot out of that. The schools are great. Amsterdam is supposed to be lovely, and very family-friendly.

You're probably about where I'm at right now, where the anxiety is overshadowing any good points. I think it will be amazing, though, and your kids will get to experience different cultures like they never could in the States.

[lala]

Oct 24, 2014 23:09:15 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

I think it would be a great experience but I understand your hesitation. We're possibly going on an assignment in another country and the thought is terrifying

? ? ? More details if you can!

[lovebeingmama]

Oct 25, 2014 7:02:08 GMT -5 magentawarped said:

You're probably about where I'm at right now, where the anxiety is overshadowing any good points. I think it will be amazing, though, and your kids will get to experience different cultures like they never could in the States.

Yes, this is exactly where I am right now (I hope I quoted magenta's post correctly. I know there are a lot of awesome things about the experience, but right now my anxiety is overshadowing it.

I've been to Europe, but never Amsterdam. His company will pay for us to go out there once before we move there, but of course we have to commit to it first, so it's not as if I can check it out and then decide.

My kids are very close to the grandparents and I know they will be heartbroken if we can't visit them often. So will the grandparents! Sure there is FaceTime, but it's not the same.

Also, I stayed home with my kids for two years, and while I enjoyed it and love that I had the opportunity, I am very happy being back at my teaching job this year. Moving away means I give up a career I worked hard to have. My district held my job for two years, so I've already used up any chances to keep my job while I am away. The idea of being a SAHM in a foreign country is a little daunting to me, especially when I know I wasn't completely fulfilled by it before. I could possibly work in Amsterdam, but I wouldn't want to teach (would limit my availability to take time off to travel) and I don't know what else I would do.

Thanks for reading and responding. It's helpful to talk it put with you ladies.

[quesyrah]

Oct 25, 2014 7:28:04 GMT -5 lala said:

Oct 24, 2014 23:09:15 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

I think it would be a great experience but I understand your hesitation. We're possibly going on an assignment in another country and the thought is terrifying

? ? ? More details if you can!

PM'd you

[lovebeingmama]

Oct 24, 2014 23:09:15 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

I think it would be a great experience but I understand your hesitation. We're possibly going on an assignment in another country and the thought is terrifying

Good luck with your possible assignment, too!

[xtine22]

I absolutely hate change and if we were given that opportunity I would go. I would be terrified but what an awesome opportunity. Maybe you can find a part time job there, so you have the opportunity to meet people.

[gastro]

If you do want to work in Europe make sure you do your homework about the visa you are on. My visa was tied to DHs so while I could work if DH decided to quit or got fired my visa would expire within 30 days and I would have to leave the country (UK). It was a red flag for some employers. That said, it was easy for me to find and land a job.

[gastro]

Also most European cities have organized American expat communities so reach out to them now. They can help answer questions and if you do decide to move could be invaluable for helping find a place to live, schools, friends, work....even if DHs job is taking care of logistics.

[mamaalysson]

I don't have experience as a parent, but as a high schooler, we moved to Australia for 6 months for my dad's job. It was an amazing experience for all of us, and one that we never would have had the chance to have except for my dad's job. It was hard for everyone to up and leave, but I don't think any of us have any regrets about going.

And another anecdote: When we were kids, we visited a friend of my dad's who worked for the American Embassy. They were in Paris at the time, but had lived all over the world. Their two kids were 9 and 4 at the time we saw them, and spoke 3 languages (English, Spanish, and French) fluently, and were pretty adept at Portuguese too. They were amazing kids, and so comfortable in their ex-pat lifestyle.

Point being, kids are resilient and this sounds like an amazing opportunity for everyone.  Giving up your career is a huge decision, of course.  My mom had to step away from a job she had just started to move to Australia, but she was able to get back into it when we got home, and even found something she liked even more.  And while we were there she had so much time to explore the city and try new things - she took up sketching while we were there, and turned out to be really good at it.  So, I vote go!  :-)

[lovebeingmama]

Oct 25, 2014 10:29:38 GMT -5 gastro said:

If you do want to work in Europe make sure you do your homework about the visa you are on. My visa was tied to DHs so while I could work if DH decided to quit or got fired my visa would expire within 30 days and I would have to leave the country (UK). It was a red flag for some employers. That said, it was easy for me to find and land a job.

Yes, thank you! I've been trying to figure out how it would work. My husband thinks it will be super easy if I want to work, but everything I've read makes it seem like it could be more difficult than he anticipates. Once we decide for sure what we at doing (though honestly, I think we've already decided), I will look and see what the requirements are in the Netherlands.

[aussie45]

I'm not going to lie, sitting here in a city that I couldn't stand but now tolerate, it's easy to say that I would go to Amsterdam in a heartbeat. For you, I'm sure it's scary to think of uprooting your family, leaving friends and family behind. Honestly though, it's an amazing opportunity. Not very many people get chances like this, and I think looking back on this years down the road, you would always wonder what if. I know I would.

[lovebeingmama]

Oct 25, 2014 11:22:15 GMT -5 aussie45 said:

Not very many people get chances like this, and I think looking back on this years down the road, you would always wonder what if. I know I would.

I do think that's what would happen if we don't do it. Before we were married, DH and I traveled through Europe. It was a wonderful experience, and I have regretted that we didn't do it one more time before kids. But, a 2 week trip around Europe is a lot different than 2 years! DH has sort of romanticized the idea, saying we will sightsee, travel, and drink coffee at little cafés. The realistic (pessimistic?) part of me says that will happen for a week and then I still have to do laundry, and grocery shop, and take kids to school - all the daily routine crap that isn't part of a vacation! But deep down I know we need to give it a try.

Uggggh..... I hate change so much.

[mamaalysson]

Oct 25, 2014 11:31:28 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

Oct 25, 2014 11:22:15 GMT -5 aussie45 said:

Not very many people get chances like this, and I think looking back on this years down the road, you would always wonder what if. I know I would.

I do think that's what would happen if we don't do it. Before we were married, DH and I traveled through Europe. It was a wonderful experience, and I have regretted that we didn't do it one more time before kids. But, a 2 week trip around Europe is a lot different than 2 years! DH has sort of romanticized the idea, saying we will sightsee, travel, and drink coffee at little cafés. The realistic (pessimistic?) part of me says that will happen for a week and then I still have to do laundry, and grocery shop, and take kids to school - all the daily routine crap that isn't part of a vacation! But deep down I know we need to give it a try.

Uggggh..... I hate change so much.

This is totally true, or was for us.  The reality of our daily life was that my dad went to work, my brother and I went to school, and my mom had to figure out how to manage our house in a foreign country.  It definitely was not a vacation.  But you're doing all of the routine crap in a foreign country, which makes it pretty adventurous and fun.  Challenging, confusing, and frustrating, too.  But really, really fun.  I miss a lot about our daily routines in Australia (including my morning "runs" in front of the lifeguard station across from our house, timed just so so that I encountered the scores of hotty Aussie lifeguards as they were doing their morning training), and also still remember a lot of the challenges we had.  And we did get to take a few vacations while we were down there, and took a big vacation through New Zealand on the way home.

Also, the internet travels...you'll still have us.  :-)

[aussie45]

I hate change too. It's definitely easy for me to say you should totally do it. It's definitely different when you're there for so long.

[diapersnwipes]

I hate change but having an end date would make it so much easier. I feel like I could tolerate just about anything for 2 years. That's what I've been telling myself about my kids shitty sleep habits

[lovebeingmama]

Ok I'm trying to embrace it. I downloaded the Duolingo app and I'm learning Dutch while I sit with my sick kid today :-)

[zbeesma86]

it sounds like an amazing opportunity!

I hear ya with change. but this could be amazing!

Let us know what you and DH decide! and make sure you can chat with us from there

[Rainyday]

Amsterdam is a beautiful city with plenty to do, easy public rails to get around Europe and everyone rides bikes all over the city. The canals, museums and markets are all around you. For only two years I would totally do it. It will be an amazing opportunity for your family.i
It sounds like you've decided to go?
We also found the people to be very friendly and the city is very easy to navigate.
Congratulations! Hopefully the grand parents can come visit, two years will fly by.

[princessmama18]

I understand you totally, especially as you are not so ok with being a sahm full time again.

I am from EU and can tell you that native english speaking people have a lot of opportunities to find a job here. Do you have to decide asap? Maybe your parents or siblings would be able to come and visit you? There are for sure other american moms in Amsterdam....and lots of things to do. In EU we have great cheap airplane and train tickets for traveling...also driving by car is also great....

But ultimately you and your H will have to have a real talk about this....tell him all your fears and then decide. I know it is an important opportunity for him but there is two of you in this marriage and your job/fears/wishes/opportunities count also.

If it was me I would do it in a heart bit, but because I love to travel and live in different cultures....and I am doing masters now and being sahw so nothing to exciting for me to leave behind...and my parents would follow as they both retired early....

I hope everything best for you

[bearbaby]

Popping over from MMM.

I hope you go! I grew up moving in Europe and the Middle East on expat assignments of my father. It was an INCREDIBLE experience as a child and gave me a global perspective that I would never have had otherwise.

I know that my mother/parents experienced all of the fears and doubts you have now - they're totally normal. We were(/are) very close to family, had close ties to our community/church in the US/etc. However it was such an amazing opportunity for both the family and my father's career.

It's not easy being a trailing spouse - but you will find a ready-made community through the school (once your eldest starts kindergarten) and I'm pretty sure I recall that Amsterdam has an active American Women's Association. My mother served as president of the AWA in our city and had a wide and happy social circle.

Amsterdam is a lovely city, easy to navigate and English is used commonly throughout. It will be nerve-wracking and challenging, but I think you would find it to be a great decision.