Keep in mind I live in LA, where half of the men are "actors" or work in film somehow.
Cute dude. 29. In film school. Doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
I feel like this is half of the men I meet. Or they're servers who want to act, but have only ever been to one audition and didn't get called back.
I am not interested in talking to this guy anymore now that I know this, but then I have a twinge of "oooh well I feel BAD because he could be such a cool dude!"
OOOOOhhhh LA, never change. Or, do. Because otherwise I may have to move. haha.
Just come up north. LOTS of eligible 30-somethings with money up here in Silicon Valley.
LOOOOOTS of 30 somethings who still live with Mom and Dad too, but ya know... At least they're not "actors."
berbles but are they interested in relationships or vain casual sex? Because LA dudes (as a stereotype) don't want relationships until they're 40+.
SIGH.
And Bay Area/Seattle are still not out of my mind for the future.
another bay area resident chiming in .. a bit of both up here.
Glamour mag did an article on women in the tech industry and they asked them about tech guys and one of them NAILED IT ... 'the odds are good (that you'll find someone), but the goods are odd (fill in your version of odd and it's here)' perfectly summed up SV (SJ/SF)
LA dudes might hold out for a relationship until they're 40+ but ime they DO NOT want that relationship w/ a woman who's the same age .. nooooo bring on the 25-29 year olds.
You know my thoughts on this. Just give it up already man. And he is probably in some fancy film school which means $$$ so he either has fmaily money, which would be cool, or has massive student loans.
Figure out which it is. If he has a trust fund, then I am cool with the acting/figuring it out
another bay area resident chiming in .. a bit of both up here.
Glamour mag did an article on women in the tech industry and they asked them about tech guys and one of them NAILED IT ... 'the odds are good (that you'll find someone), but the goods are odd (fill in your version of odd and it's here)' perfectly summed up SV (SJ/SF)
LA dudes might hold out for a relationship until they're 40+ but ime they DO NOT want that relationship w/ a woman who's the same age .. nooooo bring on the 25-29 year olds.
It's more like 22-25 year olds! I'm 29 and too old for the crowd here I feel. lol.
So you and berbles find me a date and I'll come visit for a weekend!
I like beards.
Unforch, the beards aren't usually concealing money....
Post by gogadgetgo on Oct 28, 2014 18:51:39 GMT -5
Saw this on the app but felt the need to chime in. If he's in film school at 29, he's either graduate (respectable school) or he's in an expensive pay to play, accept anyone with money school. Walk away fast if it's the later. Not worth your time!
Saw this on the app but felt the need to chime in. If he's in film school at 29, he's either graduate (respectable school) or he's in an expensive pay to play, accept anyone with money school. Walk away fast if it's the later. Not worth your time!
Truthfully it would take A LOT of impressing me to get me on a date at this point. It's a huge buzz kill for me to be in school at 29 with no idea of your future.
That's why to me it sounds like pay to play. I'm guessing he thinks "filmmaking is fun!" And thinks he'll change the world with a go pro. Maybe I'm a jaded former industry worker bee but not buying it. You're a smart cookie
Saw this on the app but felt the need to chime in. If he's in film school at 29, he's either graduate (respectable school) or he's in an expensive pay to play, accept anyone with money school. Walk away fast if it's the later. Not worth your time!
Truthfully it would take A LOT of impressing me to get me on a date at this point. It's a huge buzz kill for me to be in school at 29 with no idea of your future.
So you're saying I have no chance.
I mean, I'd have to go get a dick attached first. But still.
Me personally? Not sure. Did he say WHY he's in film school? I feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life (at 32) so that part doesn't bother me in theory. But aimlessly spending money on school and avoiding getting a real job, without any real idea of what he wants to do afterward, and in a field that isn't very marketable... that would concern me. If it's more "I am interested in 3 different things that I can do with this degree and I'm not 100% sure yet which one I want the most", I might think it's ok.
IDK. This also assumes this is a graduate degree. 29 and still earning a bachelors without stable employment? No.
Post by glitzyglow on Oct 28, 2014 19:13:55 GMT -5
I next men who are still trying to "make it" in the music business...as in, they are still hoping that either themselves or their bands will make it big. No thanks. I am not attracted to people whose primary goal is to become famous/make it big. One guy who messaged me told me that he was a baker "just until his band takes off." I didn't realize when I moved that lots of people in Music City would want to be musicians, lol (derp).
One of the reasons I didn't want to get serious with EMT when we first met is because he had a part-time job teaching new EMT students. He had goals, but that's all he was doing at the time.
Then one day this spring he was like, "I think I need a real job." He applied to 5, got 3 interviews, and had an offer in less than 2 weeks. And I wanted to slap him. LOL
I wouldn't next him just for that. Sometimes at 39 I have no idea what I want to do with my life. If you like other things about him I'd give him a chance.
Eh. I'm almost 28 and still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do. I accomplished what I set out to do, so now I'm creating a new dream / plan.
I personally wouldn't next him after this. But I'm not looking for anything more than casual dating.
Also, I have a date tonight with a fellow from the film industry. Who works pt at stadiums hawking peanuts. On paper not really my style.... But we have chemistry and he's got ambition.
But I hear you on the dating in LA issues. I couldn't do it full time.
Eta - it wasn't defensive. Just more not everyone knows what they want to do and if they have the means to do it..... Who am I judge? That's the difference between me and you. I don't judge people I've never met. Trust, I judge the hell out of some of my friends. Internet strangers not so much. I just can't even get it up for shit the way ya'll get it up for me.
I dated a guy like this when I was younger. I kept thinking he was going to get his shit together. Nope, not while we were together. We've stayed friends and he's finally in a more realistic career track. Oddly enough he moved to LA when we split up where he lives in his film friends' cabanas and pet sits on the side while working in movie memorabilia appraisal. He does actually have a legit job in an auction house now.
Honestly, I've tried giving guys a chance who didn't really have their lives together - generally of the starving artist variety. They did not figure anything out and their lack of direction never ceased to be a problem. More so, they were generally very self-absorbed and difficult to get along with because they were frustrated but not willing to change. I am happy that the guy I am dating now is nothing like that. So yep, next!
Me personally? Not sure. Did he say WHY he's in film school? I feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life (at 32) so that part doesn't bother me in theory. But aimlessly spending money on school and avoiding getting a real job, without any real idea of what he wants to do afterward, and in a field that isn't very marketable... that would concern me. If it's more "I am interested in 3 different things that I can do with this degree and I'm not 100% sure yet which one I want the most", I might think it's ok.
IDK. This also assumes this is a graduate degree. 29 and still earning a bachelors without stable employment? No.
He said he doesn't know what he wants to do for "work" (the quotes were his.) Which leads me to believe he has no job at all.
Yeah, I'm thinking you're right to next him. UNLESS you are fine with the casual dating/meeting people for fun idea. But I know he's not going to be a good long term fit for you. You're too ambitious and driven for someone like this. There are plenty of other directionless 29 year old women out there who would be a better fit for him too
Next! It's one thing to be working full time and in school to further your education or change careers to something realistic. Or if you said he's 29 and in med school or law school, then that's a totally different ballgame because those career paths take time and people get settled a bit older than if they chose another career that didn't require so much schooling. My BF was getting his masters and working full time when we met...cool. Acting is one of those things that's very hard to break into, so no job= no thanks IMO.
Post by stephreloaded on Oct 29, 2014 10:00:03 GMT -5
I would next him. It would not be appealing for me to date someone who was still in school for an undergrad at 29 but I guess that would not be an automatic nexting. Maybe he was working in a field that he didnt like anymore and decided to change for something that he loved etc etc. This is NOT his case though. He doesn't know what he wants and you are not going to wait 5 years for him to decide to grow up.
I spent 12 years waiting for my XH to grow up and get a "real" job/career. I will not do it again. I don't mind if I'm the primary earner in a relationship, but I will not be completely depended upon again. That's how I got stuck in a job I hate; it paid the bills and insured us both. Which meant I couldn't give it up. Never again.
I WANT to say no, but, yeah, I'd next. I get not knowing what you want to be when you grow up. I certainly don't, but going to school and accumulating debt with no direction just doesn't sit right with me. I have my own student loan debt. I held off going to law school for so long BECAUSE I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I didn't want to accumulate THAT degree of debt without being sure.