I'm having a moment - come have a moment with me.

[emoflamingo]

I'm not even sure how to word this without being whiney.

I have been thinking about 2 kids in daycare next year. I'll be paying 50% of my take-home pay to the sitter every month (except summer, it'll be closer to ~75% of my take-home pay). I'm still "underpaid" (union, so everyone starts out at the same rate despite experience and skill set - only bonus of that is that I get 2x a year raises that are set by our contract that goes through 2016) and while my benefits are great, I'm still going to be primarily working to send kids to a sitter.

I am fairly certain that the answer is not "quit my job" because I love it and I really need to work for my sanity and for the little money I'll bring in afterwards. And I don't really want to ask my H his thoughts because he's even worse about freaking out about money (he has a running spreadsheet that involves when bills go out and when paydays are so he can see how low things will go without taking into account things like gas and food). I knew what we were getting into when we decided to have a third kid, but now I'm through the "squee baby!!!" phase and onto the "omg what did we do" phase that I pass through every time.

I need people to have a moment with me so I don't feel like a complete spazz.

(PDQ, I may end up DD'ing later just because I don't like this stuff out there for long.)

[bunnymendelbaum]

One thing that helps me is to realize this is temporary. Soon, (ok, in 3 years) W will be in kindergarten and then childcare will only be 25% of your income. in ~5 years, it will be 0%!

[Deleted]

You'll be fine. If it makes you feel better, more than 50% of my paycheck goes to daycare too. I do it because I love my job, my kids love daycare and we're all better off. Sanity and a sense of wellbeing sometimes trumps the paycheck. And even the little I have left of my paycheck still pays a couple bills and leaves us fun money we wouldn't have otherwise, so I consider it a win. Every little bit is still something.

And it's also temporary. Pretty soon they'll be PreK and regular school and it'll be less before you know.

[emoflamingo]

I ended up texting my H. He said "meh." and then sent me a picture of a halloween costume called "Skeleboner" that is as bad as you think it is. I have done pretty well, sans meds, up until now. I think hearing the HB on Monday shifted my worries!

A lot of our money issues are temporary - loans we have out, hospital bills from Baby W's stay last year and my surgery, etc. We are getting boned on student loans because of a change in how they take into account income when doing income based repayments. I am pushing my H hard to go through the stupid courses that his company wants him to take in order to get this promotion he's been working towards for 3 years because it's a sizable raise and we could really use that money. I've done all I can in order to maximize my income and now that he's finally finished his degree, it's his turn to push through.

[treedimensional]

Sorry, I'm no help here. I couldn't deal with one kid, let alone three.
Stay sane.

[simpsongal]

Aww, you'll squee again - baby snuggles! I'm looking at our years with 2-3 young kids in daycare as the Dark Ages (from a financial perspective). I may cut retirement a bit to help get through. It's really hard.

[emoflamingo]

treedimensional, they definitely have redeeming moments and then other moments where I say "god, know I know why some species eat their young."

simpsongal, I'm not currently contributing to my own retirement - that's one of the great benefits I have. I'm behind on saving since I finished college late and worked in positions without a retirement benefit option, so I need to add to what my employer contributes to play catch up.

[demandypants]

I feel your pain. When we tried for #2, DD was out of daycare. So retaining that cost was no big deal. And then we were surprised by twins. I still wonder if I will come back to work or not after they are here. Or if really I am better off just enjoying (HA) their being little and staying home for a few years. The cost of two in daycare for me would be about 2/3rds of my monthly take home... for the next 5 years. I will still be contributing to my retirement fund but in the summer I will have to pay a sitter to watch DD (we prefer to keep her home so she can swim and play with the neighborhood kids). So no sage wisdom from me, just commiseration on what the 'right' decision is.

[heygrey]

i'm not going to make a lot after paying for childcare when i go back to work in february, so i feel you on that.

unsolicited opinion - we budget using the You Need A Budget concept of living off last month's income. so October's income pays for November's expenses, November for December, etc. we had to pull from savings and have a really lean month to get started on this path, but it has completely negated any anxieties about how low things might get. we can budget to the penny each month because we know exactly how much we have available and it curbed our extra spending significantly because we would make payments and "spend" the majority of our monthly income on the 1st of the month. savings was pulled out immediately so we couldn't tap into that and justify "oh, we'll just save $50 less this month." the money was already gone so if we wanted something frivolous it had to go on a list for the next month and get worked into the budget then.

[dr.girlfriend]

Aw...don't forget the other benfits, like retirement, vesting, years of service, pension, etc...those can be HUGE.

[salsaverde]

but you're having a babbbbbyyyyy! I am one and done for many reasons, being financially comfortable (for us) being one of them. But my sister's son is almost 8 and she's been trying to 5 years to have a 2nd... like everyone else said its temporary. plus you have super cute kids. I know i'm no help.

[emoflamingo]

Thanks guys lol.

nursecramer, it took me 5 years to get this job in the field I wanted, so my long term goals are definitely in my head. And I couldn't have a better place to work. My coworkers and bosses are fantastic, I have a lot of great benefits that are hard to find (wellness benefit that's worked into my contract, PTO between Christmas and NYD that is on top of my vacation time, a pension, etc.). I have issues, on occasion, with thinking past the short term. I don't think that's entirely uncommon with anxiety disorder. And my H and I have never considered my job the "for money" position, always the "for love" position. Which is exactly why I make half as much as he does (and this was before he finished his degree - just needs the promotion that they were wanting the degree for now!) (This touches on dr.girlfriend's post too.)

heygrey, I'm going to look into that to discuss with H. Half of our issues stem from having a second home we rent. He's a friend of ours and he went through a rough patch (nasty divorce) and so we have always been very lenient and kind w/r/t the rent money. He was quite a bit behind but didn't realize it and when he did finally realize it, he scolded H (his BFF) for not telling him because he knew it was putting us in an uncomfortable position. (Previous renter? Not as courteous and has never mentioned paying any of the $2,700 that went unpaid for the year he lived there - some friends shouldn't do things like this.)

[demandypants]

Oh well at least you like your work and current position. I am on the other side where I am not driven by my career path and just work because it seems like the thing to do. And my current job has excellent flexibility and benefits but our group seems to be at a bit of a dead end and it has been more than a year since I felt challenged or like I accomplished anything at all.

[Deleted]

Have you looked at the ability to work less than full time for awhile? (Would that hurt benefits/position too much?) I had a coworker who did the math once and for the first few years, discovered she came out monetarily ahead by working 2/3-3/4 time with childcare compared to fulltime with childcare (which is weird and crazy math).

[emoflamingo]

Oct 29, 2014 13:39:08 GMT -5 @ksta said:

Have you looked at the ability to work less than full time for awhile? (Would that hurt benefits/position too much?) I had a coworker who did the math once and for the first few years, discovered she came out monetarily ahead by working 2/3-3/4 time with childcare compared to fulltime with childcare (which is weird and crazy math).

I don't think my childcare provider would do 2/3-3/4 time. And honestly, I don't think my employer would either. I looked before my job change (in a job I hated) and it wouldn't have worked out to any savings at all.