I might have accidentally ghosted a guy

[pantsoffdanceoff]

It wasn't on purpose, at least not consciously.

I had been chatting with a guy from Tinder, seemed nice, I wasn't 100% but I really do need to put myself out there.  We actually talked on the phone, his preferred method of communication ugh, for over and hour on Sunday.  We talked about the Walked Dead and he called me later that night when it was over around 10:20.  I get up early so I was already in bed and didn't want to talk.

We texted a little bit on Monday and it was fine.

He called me last night while I was eating and watching tv and just did not feel like talking, so I didn't answer.  I was going to text him that I was out and couldn't really talk, but then I just didn't.  Now it's Wednesday and I don't know if I should text him or not.

[riverpestie]

Do you want to call him?

[WinterIsComing]

I don't think that is into ghosting territory yet. He called you last night so it is totally reasonable that you would respond till today if you were busy. It's been less than 24 hours. I do the same thing to friends and family - no one should expect an immediate call back.

If your still interested in him, call or text him today.

[mcc]

If you're interested, contact him. I've had that happen, you know, life. If someone will get bothered, it's probably not a good fit. I'm also of the mindset however that if I'm interested in someone then I will be wanting and remembering to contact them.

I vote it's only ghosting if you've met in person though.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 29, 2014 10:11:58 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

Do you want to call him?

That is a good question. I don't "want" to talk to anybody on the phone. If he had texted me I probably would have texted him back immediately and had a nice text conversation with him. But phone calls take such a commitment.

Also, I am struggling with doing things that I don't want to do. I'm not completely happy being alone, I miss having someone to do random things with, but in the same breath my ideal evening is coming home from work, eating dinner, handing with my dog and watching tv. I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

[Wanderista]

IMO it takes longer than a day for it to count as ghosting someone. You don't have to answer the phone any time he calls you, especially not a guy that you haven't met. If you feel like calling him later then that's totally cool but nothing says you have to. I agree with riverpestie that you should only call if you want to.

I think ghosting is what happens after you've met someone and blown them off or if you totally stop responding to someone who you've talked with regularly for a while. Getting busy or not feeling like replying for a few days is not ghosting. People have lives. Also, I'll admit that there have been times when I've ghosted guys because I honestly just didn't want to deal with them. Don't stress yourself out too much over it.

[mysterons]

Oct 29, 2014 10:18:34 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

Oct 29, 2014 10:11:58 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

Do you want to call him?

That is a good question. I don't "want" to talk to anybody on the phone. If he had texted me I probably would have texted him back immediately and had a nice text conversation with him. But phone calls take such a commitment.

Also, I am struggling with doing things that I don't want to do. I'm not completely happy being alone, I miss having someone to do random things with, but in the same breath my ideal evening is coming home from work, eating dinner, handing with my dog and watching tv. I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

This is me. Just substitute dog for cats. I just want someone equally low maintenance who will hang out with me from time to time, watch tv and pet my cats. Is that so much to ask for?

[Deleted]

It doesn't seem like you are super interested in him, I'd just let him go... don't string him along

[Wanderista]

Oct 29, 2014 10:18:34 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

Oct 29, 2014 10:11:58 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

Do you want to call him?

That is a good question. I don't "want" to talk to anybody on the phone. If he had texted me I probably would have texted him back immediately and had a nice text conversation with him. But phone calls take such a commitment.

Also, I am struggling with doing things that I don't want to do. I'm not completely happy being alone, I miss having someone to do random things with, but in the same breath my ideal evening is coming home from work, eating dinner, handing with my dog and watching tv. I have to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

I think it's great that you are realizing that. It's good to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I have been there too where I needed to do that. In some ways, I still need to do that. I think that it is good to engage with life and not get too complacent. Pushing yourself is good as long as you are still being authentic. Basically, if you feel like you need to change then it's good to take action to realize those changes but don't think that you need to become someone who you are not either.

I'm sure there are guys out there who feel the same way and who want the same things as you. Just keep looking if you want to but don't think that you have to talk to a guy when you aren't in the mood. You have as much to offer a guy as he has to offer you.

[Deleted]

I think it would be fine to contact him today. Getting back to someone the next day is completely acceptable.

That said - I kind of have a feeling you're not that into him. I know if I'm into someone, I am ALWAYS in the mood to hear from them. I might try to restrain myself from picking up on the first ring so I don't feel too eagar. The fact that you declined his call and then forgot to text him makes me think you're wasting your time pursuing this.

On the other hand, I guess if you haven't even met yet it's hard to know for sure

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Oct 29, 2014 10:47:09 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I think it would be fine to contact him today. Getting back to someone the next day is completely acceptable.

That said - I kind of have a feeling you're not that into him. I know if I'm into someone, I am ALWAYS in the mood to hear from them. I might try to restrain myself from picking up on the first ring so I don't feel too eagar. The fact that you declined his call and then forgot to text him makes me think you're wasting your time pursuing this.

On the other hand, I guess if you haven't even met yet it's hard to know for sure

I agree. I just need to make sure that it is legitimate disinterest and not just me being lazy.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2014 10:53:23 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

Oct 29, 2014 10:47:09 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I think it would be fine to contact him today. Getting back to someone the next day is completely acceptable.

That said - I kind of have a feeling you're not that into him. I know if I'm into someone, I am ALWAYS in the mood to hear from them. I might try to restrain myself from picking up on the first ring so I don't feel too eagar. The fact that you declined his call and then forgot to text him makes me think you're wasting your time pursuing this.

On the other hand, I guess if you haven't even met yet it's hard to know for sure

I agree. I just need to make sure that it is legitimate disinterest and not just me being lazy.

If you are legit interested in someone being lazy won't win out KWIM? I don't think putting yourself out there means you need to force yourself to put effort into people you aren't that excited about. Putting yourself out there doesn't mean you have to have date after date or constantly be communicating. Do what makes you happy. Which doesn't sound like talking to this guy.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

@pdx18 - You are right. There is another guy I am texting with and I AM putting in the effort to be charming and keep the communication going.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2014 11:01:15 GMT -5 pantsoffdanceoff said:

@pdx18 - You are right. There is another guy I am texting with and I AM putting in the effort to be charming and keep the communication going.

Yay!!! That's exciting! Let this other guy fade.