Post by WinterWine on Oct 29, 2014 17:42:00 GMT -5
@kcpokergal I wish. Unfortunately it's a really hard subject. She gets incredibly defensive and upset if we say it's not comfortable being at her house or bring up the mess/hoarding situation. So it's hard to say "we're free to have dinner with you at our house, but not at yours 5 minutes down the road". It's a really hard situation to balance b/c there is definitely an issue, but she can't emotionally recognize it.
Post by orangeblossom on Oct 29, 2014 17:42:21 GMT -5
MIL just did this to me today. I cannot stand when she calls me to get me to tell DH to call her. Why are you calling me with this foolishness. He will call you when he calls you.
She exaggerates words sometimes, specifically my name. It is like nails on a chalkboard.
She is also a poor planner, and it frequently costs us time and money. We try to be proactive and ask questions, but even then, that's not fullproof.
For my dad, I can't stand when he'll say, I hadn't heard from you for xyz time. Um, are your fingers broken or are you otherwise incapacitated. The phone works both ways, and we talk at least once a week, most times twice, but generally, my sister's and I initiate. To be fair, that annoys when anyone says that, but it's especially grating from my father. He's retired, and normally back in the house from running errands by 2pm. You can call, it doesn't hurt. I promise.
@kcpokergal I wish. Unfortunately it's a really hard subject. She gets incredibly defensive and upset if we say it's not comfortable being at her house or bring up the mess/hoarding situation. So it's hard to say "we're free to have dinner with you at our house, but not at yours 5 minutes down the road". It's a really hard situation to balance b/c there is definitely an issue, but she can't emotionally recognize it.
Makes sense. I'm sorry you have to deal with that:(
Now that my parents are both retired, they cannot plan ahead for any event or travel. It drives me nuts that we are always up against the wall in terms of travel timing and my parents are all, "Oh, we're so breezy, we'll figure it out at some point."
MIL is the unhealthiest human alive, but regularly quotes Dr Oz's health advice to us and insists we follow it.
My family also acts like it's a huge bother to come visit us at our house. We live 20 miles away (20-30 minute drive). It's always, "Oh, I have work tomorrow, I don't want to be out so late, I have to get up early, blah blah blah." We don't in the Himalayas, for Pete's sake.
But of course, we can always go over there. I think people just assume that since we don't have children, or dogs, we're just sitting around and twiddling our thumbs and then pissing ourselves with delight when they offer us an invitation. I have shit to do, too, or sometimes I just feel like relaxing at home. If you're stressed out because of your own life choices and obligations, it ain't my problem.
Ugh, we have this exact same problem (down to the mileage). We really wanted to host Thanksgiving this year and my mother/sister made such a fuss over the LOOOOONG drive that I said forget it. It's like I asked them to fly cross country. In the 5 years we've owned our house they've been up maybe 5 times, combined.
We had this issue too with my IL's. So last year for Christmas we said we are going to grandma y on Christmas eve at 4pm then going to grandma x's at 6pm (both on the in-laws side). Christmas Day everyone is welcome to come over after 3pm and we are not leaving our house. It worked everyone came to our house.
IL's always say it must be nice to have x,y,z we don't. A lot of the stuff is simple like brand name condiments, yes we got this comment that we had Vlassic pickles and not Market Basket ones one day. I feel like slapping them because they are somewhat lazy and I think think we are going to take care of them in their old age.
FIL and I have polar opposite views on politics so anytime he starts talking politics I just get up and leave. Everyone else argues with him and it gets nowhere. He is insistent that everyone should get a pension for just going to work, I want to smack him and say well yes we do it's called Social Security.