s/o Hump Day

[luv2rn4fun]

Not related to MrsMB 's poll (good job lady!) but just hump day in general...

DH and I have been in a sex funk since the beginning of this pg.  We did great at once a week for a while but lately it has been every other week, which is not okay with me.  We had a good talk about this last week and have agreed to going back to once a week (it's a good compromise...I would like it more but that's not likely to happen right now).  Most of this is because DH has performance "issues" that makes him not want to have sex   (he's had these our entire marriage though and we managed just fine with lots of TTC sex...but, I do empathize with him and wish it were easier for him).

Last night as we were watching the World Series I decided to go put on my little nurses outfit (the game was pretty boring), just for fun and not expecting or even really wanting any sex from it.  DH was working on the pellet stove when I came back down.  He looked up and we had a good laugh   He did make a comment that "it's not Sat" meaning it hasn't been a week but I just responded that I wasn't after sex, just wanted to have some fun and be silly.  We shared a nice kiss and more laughs...all in all, it was all worth it the effort to put it on!  Speaking of, it was in my suitcase from our vacation back in June, along with all my other "sexier" lingerie.  Guess I need to be more intentional on wearing those more often...DH seems to like it.

[HoneySpider]

Aww I'm glad you guys were able to be silly and have some fun. It makes me sad though when you post about your H not wanting it as often and such I obviously don't know the issues he's dealing with but for your sake I wish he was more into it.

[luv2rn4fun]

Oct 29, 2014 12:17:35 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

Aww I'm glad you guys were able to be silly and have some fun. It makes me sad though when you post about your H not wanting it as often and such I obviously don't know the issues he's dealing with but for your sake I wish he was more into it.

Thanks HoneySpider!  Me too!  I'm glad we were able to have some fun though! 

Yes, it's definitely been a struggle and really hard at times to deal with (more so because we waited til marriage to have sex and our conversations pre-marriage always indicated that he had a compatible sex drive).  I take it really personally even though I know it has nothing to do with me, it's all his issue (which he tried to seek help but it didn't lead to any improvements).  I don't want to go into details because DH would be devastated...but, we did talk last week and I reminded him that this is OUR issue that we need to work through together and that communication goes a long way.  There's other things he can do to make me feel like it's not me...since our talk he's doing a much better job

[bk1]

I'm so glad you guys could have fun and be silly. ((Hugs)).


I'm on the opposite side of this. Since getting pg our sex life has gone way down. First we were just not wanting to because we were scared, and now it is so uncomfortable for me that I really don't like it. It has been weeks... DH wants it for sure, and I do in theory, but everytime we get close I cut it off before we do. Poor DH.

[MrsMB]

I'm glad you were able to have some fun in a sexy outfit last night Glad he is doing a better job communicating regarding these issues. I have been there so I understand completely

[estrellita]

I'm just gonna put it out there that we haven't had sex since getting pregnant. Yup. At first I was so exhausted and feeling sick. Then we got in a big fight. Now.. I don't know. Neither of us has made much of an effort and I'm feeling kinda stuck. I suck at initiating anything and I feel like he won't. Ugh.

I'm glad you were able to have fun! Hope things continue to improve!

[luv2rn4fun]

((hugs)) bk1 (and your DH too!)! I hear ya...being pg definitely does change things and I've noticed that I don't want it nearly as much as I used to. On top of that, whenever we do it's just not the same (I used to be able to orgasm without any issues, had no issues with lube, etc...now, it's just different). But, I still want it because it's important to me and our marriage...it's pretty high up on my "needs" list. I figure we should get it while we can because there will be a definite break (6 wks) once C is here.

estrellita- I'm so sorry to hear this I definitely vote for you initiating and making it happen! I'm sure your DH will love you making the effort and who knows, once you do it you might find that you'll both want it more and things will be back to a better "normal". I think your DH might be a little timid to initiate since you are pregnant, you guys haven't done it in a while, etc. I say do it while you can...you are in the perfect time of pregnancy to enjoy it before things get more difficult and uncomfortable. ((hugs))

[krystee]

Oct 29, 2014 13:31:54 GMT -5 estrellita said:

I'm just gonna put it out there that we haven't had sex since getting pregnant.

This makes me feel SO much better because we haven't either. First, the RE said not until nine weeks. Then he was sick, then I was sick, then I was going to bed at 7 pm, and now I am uncomfortable. But even though I haven't wanted it, I want HIM to want it, and it hurts my feelings that he doesn't.

[travelbug]

luv2rn4fun I'm glad you guys had a great talk about it and that you got to have fun and be silly in your lingerie! I have always wanted a nurses costume to put on. *Adds it to my ongoing list in my head*

estrellita Could you buy a silky, lacy dress/nighty type lingerie and surprise him when you guys are going to bed one night. Then it wouldn't be like initiating per say... My H loves when I get into bed and he doesn't know, then normally he will pounce haha! Of course I obviously don't know what it's like being pregnant and sex so maybe I'm no help lol

[luv2rn4fun]

Oct 29, 2014 14:42:29 GMT -5 travelbug said:

luv2rn4fun I'm glad you guys had a great talk about it and that you got to have fun and be silly in your lingerie! I have always wanted a nurses costume to put on. *Adds it to my ongoing list in my head*

You definitely need to!  It's DH's favorite!  I bought it when he fell off our roof and we were finally able to have sex again.  DH's doctor actually gave me the idea when we asked him if we could start having sex.  His response was something like, "Yes, might as well have some fun; however, you [DH] will have to be more passive and let your wife take care of you".  Then he went on a whole speel about a naughty nurse, bubble baths, making sure everything was extra clean, etc...very funny conversation- DH and I still laugh about it!

[estrellita]

krystee that's kinda how I feel too, like he doesn't want it or something. Then my mind wanders and I start thinking stupid things (I'm overly paranoid, no reason for these feelings other than that). Hope you guys can get back on track too!

travelbug I have thought about that, but I also feel a little self conscious because I still feel like I look more fat than pregnant. That with H not giving me a ton of attention just doesn't make me feel up for something like that but maybe I just need to suck it up!

[travelbug]

estrellita I say go for it and if it doesn't work out have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Even if it's tough. Maybe he's just as nervous as you. I also think you have such a cute bump

[awick14]

luv2rn4fun- DH hasn't been in the mood as often as I have and it's hard.

I'm glad you were able to have some fun/laughs in the meantime.

DH and I have been in a sex slump since Aug. I can probably count on one hand how many times we have had sex in the last 2 months.

[awick14]

travelbug- if you don't want to spend lots of money on a nurses outfit try looking in stores on sat morning, some stores have great sales after Halloween.

[travelbug]

Oct 29, 2014 16:13:53 GMT -5 awick14 said:

travelbug- if you don't want to spend lots of money on a nurses outfit try looking in stores on sat morning, some stores have great sales after Halloween.

Thanks, that's a really good idea!

[awick14]

Oct 29, 2014 16:25:24 GMT -5 travelbug said:

Oct 29, 2014 16:13:53 GMT -5 awick14 said:

travelbug- if you don't want to spend lots of money on a nurses outfit try looking in stores on sat morning, some stores have great sales after Halloween.

Thanks, that's a really good idea!

I may or may not have bought an outfit or two that way in the past.

[ewall]

When in doubt, just do it! Don't overthink it. Sex ruts are the worst. You could always talk it out, but sometimes it's much easier to just go for it.

Good luck everyone! Maybe we can have a check in next week on everyone's progress

FWIW, H and I are on a once a week schedule at the moment. Less pressure that way. If we do it once, then anything else is bonus!

[luv2rn4fun]

((hugs)) awick14 It makes me sad reading your update because I know that it's important to you Hope things improve soon...we had the same problems when we were forced to take a TTC break and it sucked then too so I know how you feel.

ewall- You and I think alike! When in doubt, hump it out! I am definitely not afraid to initiate (and do often)...it's the constant rejection when I do that gets to me and then we end up having a CTJ talk. DH definitely operates better on a schedule (that's why TTC actually helped in this regard). Hopefully now that we agree on once a week (and it's likely to happen on the weekend) then our expectations will be similar and things will be better.

estrellita- I agree- you have a super cute bump! I'm sure your DH's lack of interest has nothing to do with you being pregnant and the changes that come with pg (trust me, I go there all the time). I would just go for it and see what happens! If he's still not into, have a talk like travelbug said. They are sucky conversations to have but at least it will hopefully get you two on the same page.

[estrellita]

Thanks travelbug and luv2rn4fun. I really don't think it has to do with my physical appearance, but it's hard not to go there! I really do think it's because I'm so tired all the time and he knows I haven't been sleeping well, so he doesn't want to cut into my sleep time. I do appreciate that, haha. After our big fight though it's been really hard for me to be physical in any way (hugging, kissing, etc). I think there is still some distrust there that I need to work out. I've also been really stressed (work is crazy, plus baby stuff and whatever else) and just generally not feeling great, and sometimes I think he doesn't get it or doesn't realize how I feel. There have been many times he really honestly doesn't realize I'm upset, so maybe I just need to talk to him.

[zarapipe]

Congrats in making it this long in your pg and able to keep having sex. I don't think we did it after 6 months? It gets hard and dh felt weird when I got big.

I go for my 6 week pp check up in two weeks and I'm scared! I may not tell him I went so I can withhold a few more weeks. It's gonna hurt like a bitch! Throw in dryness thanks to nursing and no thanks!

[estrellita]

Oct 29, 2014 17:48:40 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Congrats in making it this long in your pg and able to keep having sex. I don't think we did it after 6 months? It gets hard and dh felt weird when I got big.

I go for my 6 week pp check up in two weeks and I'm scared! I may not tell him I went so I can withhold a few more weeks. It's gonna hurt like a bitch! Throw in dryness thanks to nursing and no thanks!

Ugh, sex after having a baby does not sound appealing at all, haha. I really do dread the first time afterwards! Might have to take a longish break at that time, lol.

[luv2rn4fun]

Oct 29, 2014 17:48:40 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Congrats in making it this long in your pg and able to keep having sex. I don't think we did it after 6 months? It gets hard and dh felt weird when I got big.

I go for my 6 week pp check up in two weeks and I'm scared! I may not tell him I went so I can withhold a few more weeks. It's gonna hurt like a bitch! Throw in dryness thanks to nursing and no thanks!

Thanks zarapipe!  I'm hoping we can continue the next 6 weeks but we'll see.  I'm sure DH doesn't know what to do with my big belly but I'm hoping that as long as I keep going about busy as usual that he won't overthink things too much!  I'll admit, I can be a huge brat when we go too long without sex (especially if I've tried initiating and nada).

Good luck at your appointment in 2 weeks!  Post-partum sex terrifies me too...I'm all for not tell your DH if you are not up for it.  So, the dryness doesn't get better after birth either (I will be nursing)  My body has changed so much with pregnancy...definitely not enough lube like pre-pg and it usually hurts afterwards (thankfully not much during).  I was kinda hoping things would get back to normal sooner than later but thanks for the headsup!

[melsamoony]

I got super lucky. First postpartum sex was not nearly as bad as I expected. A little uncomfortable at first but we went slow. I am nursing too. My sex drive has diminished a little but is recovering now.

[travelbug]

estrellita My H is bad at figuring out when I'm upset too unless I just get super dramatic then he'll ask. Regaining trust is SO hard, it took me a long time to feel comfortable again with my H too. Even now, I ask a lot of questions and am so nosy. I'm sure he gets annoying but he understands. Maybe pick a day for a date day when you both have off and spend the day relaxing or having a picnic something low key and then neither of your would be super exhausted and could bond and do the hand holding, small kisses then work your way to the bedroom. That seemed to help me

[zarapipe]

Oct 29, 2014 17:59:57 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

Oct 29, 2014 17:48:40 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Congrats in making it this long in your pg and able to keep having sex. I don't think we did it after 6 months? It gets hard and dh felt weird when I got big.

I go for my 6 week pp check up in two weeks and I'm scared! I may not tell him I went so I can withhold a few more weeks. It's gonna hurt like a bitch! Throw in dryness thanks to nursing and no thanks!

Thanks zarapipe!  I'm hoping we can continue the next 6 weeks but we'll see.  I'm sure DH doesn't know what to do with my big belly but I'm hoping that as long as I keep going about busy as usual that he won't overthink things too much!  I'll admit, I can be a huge brat when we go too long without sex (especially if I've tried initiating and nada).

Good luck at your appointment in 2 weeks!  Post-partum sex terrifies me too...I'm all for not tell your DH if you are not up for it.  So, the dryness doesn't get better after birth either (I will be nursing)  My body has changed so much with pregnancy...definitely not enough lube like pre-pg and it usually hurts afterwards (thankfully not much during).  I was kinda hoping things would get back to normal sooner than later but thanks for the headsup!

It does not get better
fir me it takes a few months after weaning

[zarapipe]

Oct 29, 2014 20:35:29 GMT -5 jjwritergirl said:

Oct 29, 2014 17:48:40 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Congrats in making it this long in your pg and able to keep having sex. I don't think we did it after 6 months? It gets hard and dh felt weird when I got big.

I go for my 6 week pp check up in two weeks and I'm scared! I may not tell him I went so I can withhold a few more weeks. It's gonna hurt like a bitch! Throw in dryness thanks to nursing and no thanks!

This was me. I didn't want to even at 6 weeks, but he basically jumped me at 8pp and I couldn't say no. We still aren't back to what feels normal

It might be a while
with dd it didn't get normal till after she turned 1. I also had the implanon birth control which didn't help. I'm hoping it's quicker this time though. I'm hoping for a snip snip instead if hormonal bc.