So random - LRC just messaged me.

[starburst604]

Ugh, yeah he's pretty transparent here. Great sex is SO hard to pass up sometimes! I'd try to think of it like, he couldn't be bothered to even keep up friendly contact after moving away but he's basically trying to "book" you ahead of time for a little romp when he comes into town. It's really not that flattering if you think about it! Plus there's the chance that you could say yes to him, then he gets to town and you never hear from him. Because ya know, someone more convenient came up. Then you KNOW you'll be pissed that you fell for it.

[cuddlyevil]

Oct 30, 2014 13:17:15 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Ugh, yeah he's pretty transparent here. Great sex is SO hard to pass up sometimes! I'd try to think of it like, he couldn't be bothered to even keep up friendly contact after moving away but he's basically trying to "book" you ahead of time for a little romp when he comes into town. It's really not that flattering if you think about it! Plus there's the chance that you could say yes to him, then he gets to town and you never hear from him. Because ya know, someone more convenient came up. Then you KNOW you'll be pissed that you fell for it.

100% this, right here.

[mcc]

Ugh that's so hard. I wouldn't though, especially if he hasn't kept in touch I"m sorry.

[redredwine]

I'm conflicted.

Part of me wants to say to just be honest with him.

The other part of me is all YOLO. Go get some!

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Grrr....I don't know. I say to trust your instincts on this one.

[cuddlyevil]

Ugh. That's so rough. Maybe meet up for coffee? That way you'll be in public and make sure he knows you're not looking for a bootycall.

I can buy his being overwhelmed, but that doesn't excuse him from not e-mailing you or anything--even just once or twice to say "hey, it's crazy here, but am doing okay--hope you're okay too!".

[Deleted]

Hmmm. I don't know. It sounds like he actually likes you, including the sex but not just that. But he lives across the country. I don't really see the point in staying in touch with someone you like but could never actually be in a relationship with. But I can understand wanting to spend time with and be with someone you like when you're in the same place. It would obviously stay casual, but it wouldn't necessarily mean he's USING you, more just that timing isn't right and isn't going to be right so he wants to enjoy being with you when he can.

There is nothing wrong with refusing if that's not what you want. I just wanted to point out that it isn't necessarily a negative thing from him, either. The reality might be that he really does like you and just can't date you because of circumstances. Not that he wants you as a booty call.

[lookingup]

Do what you want. If you can keep your feelers separate, I say go for it and have fun.

[achase123]

I vote for being honest. From what I remember for you sex without strings is hard so just be careful

[Deleted]

Men will say anything to get you into bed. Don't try to justify this to yourself as more than it is. Sure he probably does like you enough to have a fling with while he's in town. He doesn't want more than that and this doesn't mean any more than that. He's not interested in an LDR. This will be a temporary high that leads to a lot of lows and hurt. You will feel more empowered if you stand up for what you want and don't welcome more hurt into your life. If you could have no strings attached sex with him I'd be all like DO IT. But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

[Deleted]

mp I guess I wasn't clear that I didn't mean every single man on the planet. To clarify, a man who is only looking for a booty call, when called out, but who is still dedicated to the cause, will very likely tell a women what she wants to hear. Especially when he can just leave town and not have to have to deal with any repercussions of what he said.

I hope I'm wrong and it goes well.

[calle28]

I remember this guy and was bummed for you when he left.

Definitely no harm in going to the juice bar and seeing how things go.

I'd get butterflies too. It is nice he was thinking of you! I actually like that he sent you a note beforehand instead of just surprising you.

[jojoandleo]

Oct 30, 2014 14:29:07 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Men will say anything to get you into bed. Don't try to justify this to yourself as more than it is. Sure he probably does like you enough to have a fling with while he's in town. He doesn't want more than that and this doesn't mean any more than that. He's not interested in an LDR. This will be a temporary high that leads to a lot of lows and hurt. You will feel more empowered if you stand up for what you want and don't welcome more hurt into your life. If you could have no strings attached sex with him I'd be all like DO IT. But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Okay, I am not trying to be snarky, but a bunch of your posts lately have come off very cynical in regards to men. You seem to jump to the worst conclusion and believe it must be the only possible outcome. There are bad guys out there and dating does suck. We do hear a lot of shitty dating stories, but not all men are trying to fuck you and dump you. This guy may be looking for a booty call. In fact, I would say it is a high probability, but it's not a forgone conclusion. Also, sometimes you have to put yourself out there, even with the possibility of being hurt to get something good.

Also, your "he doesn't want you for more than that" was a tad harsh.  It would have hurt my feelings if someone said that about a guy I had really liked.  It is possibly true, but the delivery was harsh.  I know 100% you didn't mean it to be.  It would just make me feel, personally, unwanted.  Which sucks. 

I love you, a lot.  I think you are amazing.  I just am worried that maybe you are a bit too cynical and because you are scared to be hurt, you don't put yourself out there and just assume the worst outcome would have happened anyway.  I may be WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY off.  I just have seen a few of these "men suck" type posts lately.

[stephreloaded]

This is exactly the type of things that happens as soon as you decide to not have casual sex!!!

[riverpestie]

Oct 30, 2014 13:41:26 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

Hmmm. I don't know. It sounds like he actually likes you, including the sex but not just that. But he lives across the country. I don't really see the point in staying in touch with someone you like but could never actually be in a relationship with. But I can understand wanting to spend time with and be with someone you like when you're in the same place. It would obviously stay casual, but it wouldn't necessarily mean he's USING you, more just that timing isn't right and isn't going to be right so he wants to enjoy being with you when he can.

There is nothing wrong with refusing if that's not what you want. I just wanted to point out that it isn't necessarily a negative thing from him, either. The reality might be that he really does like you and just can't date you because of circumstances. Not that he wants you as a booty call.

This is how I feel about it, too. Especially when you mentioned he wanted to surprise you. To me, it seemed as though he was thinking about you. 

I also think it is sweet that he wants to go to the place where you first hung out. 

Honestly, I'm not getting the bootycall vibe here, but I could be wrong.

I am in agreement with those that said to be honest. I would just let him know what's going on, and see how he responds. 

[Deleted]

Now this is something I'd next. You want more than casual sex and it sounds like you were already bummed before.

Or just meet up for drinks, catch up, have a hot and heavy make out sesh and walk away smiling.

[jojoandleo]

If Bliss would next it, I think that means you have to go.

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2014 15:49:14 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

If Bliss would next it, I think that means you have to go.

Lol. I can't win. Oh well. Do what you wish op but don't blame me when you get bummed again.

[Deleted]

jojoandleo I can see how it comes off that way. I've been super busy at work so just dropping in with stream of consciousness and not really reading for how it sounds and my train of thought is way too blunt. Here is what I was trying to say:

mp this guy doesn't seem worthy of you time. I don't like that he comes all back into the picture all of sudden is seemingly saying the right things and I don't want you to get hurt. I've been down this road with many guys, got my hopes up and it sucks.

I hope that's not the case, but I think you deserve someone who if they like you as much as they say they do can't help themselves but to stay in contact with you.

Regarding seeming cynical of men. I am. That's totally true. That's based in my personal experience. I've given up dating because it's a waste of time for me personally. I don't think everyone should give up on dating. I've just really never had a positive experience with men ever. I get put down and allow myself to be used. I"m sure a lot of this is coming across in my posts as it's how I talk to myself to protect myself if that makes sense.

That being said I don't believe this of all men. I'm not anti-men in general. I know there are some good ones out there. My friends have some great husbands who are wonderful people. I'm just giving up for myself. I'm exhausted of being hurt. My heart got shattered into a thousand pieces when somewhere I really cared about literally didn't care that I almost died while carrying his (accidental) babies. I don't talk about it much but that situation broke me and was a real mind fuck. So yea working on it and maybe someday will have a different outlook.

In the meantime I will be mores positive and supportive of people not turn it around to be about me. I appreciate the call out!

[jojoandleo]

Oct 30, 2014 15:57:17 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

Oct 30, 2014 15:49:14 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

If Bliss would next it, I think that means you have to go.

Lol. I can't win. Oh well. Do what you wish op but don't blame me when you get bummed again.

I don't dislike you, it was just funny! Sorry if it was rude. 

[jojoandleo]

@pdx18-girl, that is a mindfuck. I completely understand. I promise it was all said in a loving caring place. First and foremost I want you happy. No need to be always positive, shit isn't always positive! *hugs*

[Deleted]

mp and jojoandleo thanks ladies! Jojo no offense taken. I just need to stop putting my lens on everyone's situations and be more objective:)

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2014 16:00:35 GMT -5 mp said:

Oct 30, 2014 15:57:17 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

Lol. I can't win. Oh well. Do what you wish op but don't blame me when you get bummed again.

1 - no worries. I am not in the habit of blaming YOU nor anyone on this board for the choices I make in my life.
2 - Anyone who says shit like "When you get bummed again" can fuck right off. I don't know that I'll even see him, and if I do, I don't know that I'll end up bummed again. Is there a chance? Yes. But apparently you know me better than I know myself, so that's cool.

I know you as well as this place knows me. So take that Missy.

[Deleted]

Oct 30, 2014 16:04:55 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Oct 30, 2014 15:57:17 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

Lol. I can't win. Oh well. Do what you wish op but don't blame me when you get bummed again.

I don't dislike you, it was just funny! Sorry if it was rude. 

No it wasn't rude. I thought it was funny as well.

My follow up was a joke also. But I guess I went too far.

[jojoandleo]

Oct 30, 2014 16:29:02 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Oh, I really liked this guy when you posted about him! I'd give him a chance and definitely meet up. Worst case scenerio, he's still not interested in dating long distance and you're no worse off than you are now. Best case scenerio, you have a million babies together and tell the story of how you thought all grandpa wanted was a booty call to your grandchildren in 50 years.

ME TOO!  And I just have trouble thinking any guy wouldn't want to snatch up mp.  I'd totes snatch her up.  That's legal here, now. 

[doriswe]

My two cents, fwiw, I vaguely remember you putting the idea of a LDR out there and him not being terribly open (I could be wrong). Now he's been MIA for awhile and suddenly interested in hanging out? I say proceed with caution on this. You've already got feelers for him and even if you go in, trying to be breezy, I worry you'll get hurt again.

[onedayatatime]

I think you did the right thing by telling him it sounded like a booty call. And I think his response is plausible - so I wouldn't outright blow him off. Moving is hard, keeping up with people is hard, especially the first few months.

I would have coffee/dinner and feel out the situation. You know what you want and I think if you are clear on that - you will come out ok.

[Wanderista]

If it were me in this situation, I guess I'd be a bit open-ended. What I would end up doing would depend a lot on my intuition. As in, I would decide based on a mix of my feelings about the guy, the level of control I would think I'd have over my feelings and my level of curiosity. I guess you can think of the worst case scenarios depending on what might happen and then base your decision upon whatever would cause you the least regret.