Post by carolinagirl831 on Oct 31, 2014 13:19:14 GMT -5
i am friends with many people whose opinions I don't completely agree with. I just know there are certain people I don't want to get into about certain topics with. Some people love a good debate, others are too passionate and can't talk about it.
Being friends with only people who agree with you on everything is kind of boring and closed minded.
I'm a liberal in the South. Most people don't agree with me, lol.
I know who I can and cannot discuss political differences with. Some people can separate it from how we feel about each other personally and some cannot, and some are still under the impression they can change my mind. I don't think I've lost a friendship over it. I'm not one to be combative with my views (ahem, anymore) but I don't shy away from them either.
As far as friends who do bad things...that I have a harder time with. It's a character issue and I have to think my friends are good people. Dirty thoughts, salty mouth, good heart. That's my trifecta.
Related: I used to be BFF with two people who I am no longer associating with for many dramatic reasons I won't rehash. But in the process we had dozens of mutual friends who I'm still friendly with (mostly on FB but sometimes IRL as well). Every now and then I wonder if everything I say to those friends gets filtered back to the two I don't speak to anymore. Like if my friend ran into my ex-boyfriend I'd expect her to report everything to me but do you have the same expectation with an ex-girlfriend?
I have many friends and family members whom I do not agree with politically. We have some lively debates. It doesn't impact our friendship/relationship.
As for other random opinions, I think it would be impossible for me to find someone who parents exactly as I do or believes everything I do so naturally I have friends with different views. Generally, we have a lot of similarities and common ground or we wouldn't be friends, but definitely not on every issue.
That said, to be honest, now that I am in my 30s I dont have a whole lot of people I would consider very good friends anymore. It's sorta sad but I also think it's just how life is at this stage of my life. As a result, it's prbably easier for me to have more friends with differing views from my own because I don't put as much stake into the friendships/they aren't as close so it's easier to ignore the differnces. I hope that makes sense. It's rather rambly lol
I don't think I have any friends with whom I agree on everything, or even most things. I'm politically independent/conservative, but I grew up in metro NY, so all my friends from childhood are far more liberal than I. But now I live in the south, but I'm Catholic and against things like the death penalty, and am closer to middle of the road on immigration and the social safety net than most here.
In terms of day-to-day issues, I'm the only AP-type parent I know. A lot of my friends here are much more mainstream in their parenting. I'm also more environmentally-conscious than most here.
I don't have the luxury of picking and choosing friends based on political ideology or religion. We move so much that we have to make friends fast or we have none. If I can enjoy spending a few hours with a person and they are capable of disagreeing while being polite and genuinely interested in my side, even though we don't agree, I'm good.
Post by spanikopita on Oct 31, 2014 13:52:41 GMT -5
Life has taught me not to judge. People are capable of doing bad things and still being good people. They're called mistakes. ETA - I'm friends with friends, regardless of their transgressions, because I choose to overlook poor choices ppl make, if they are good people or people who are important to me. But my circle of friends is SMALL.
I am friends with a few Republicans, as in more than you would think I would know living in a super liberal place like NY. For the most part, the ones I am closer to are more moderate, but I do know a few who are really adamant about things like supporting/enforcing the embargo against Cuba (I don't support it and i think it should be dropped) or who are pro-life/pro-the Hobby Lobby decision. We have to agree to disagree.
The difference for me is people having a different opinion v. People who proselytize. If you think that every interaction with me is a chance to "save" my Democratic-voting soul or to get me to start eating Paleo, then I have little patience for you. Likewise, it's not that hard for me to avoid talking about all the bullfights I've been to when I am with friends who are vegetarian animal-rights activists.
I have different political views from dh and all of the ils. We don't discuss
I also am a liberal northerner living in the south. Respect goes a long way. I can be friends with people who hold different views from me as long as we can respect each other and the friend doesn't try to convince me to change my views.
There are things I can get over (most politics, most parenting decisions, most religion stuff) and things I can't (being an asshole). I have plenty of friends of various closeness that do things I wouldn't, or hold opinions I don't. I am fine with that. Actually doing bad things (i.e. being an asshole) is not something I can tolerate in friends.
Post by leonard131 on Oct 31, 2014 15:22:54 GMT -5
I have friends that I don't necessarily agree with decisions they make or their point of view on certain topics but as long as they are good people and we can come to an understanding that we disagree and we are each allowed to have a different opinion then to me it is fine.
One of my BFFs is a strongly pro-life evangelical, creationist Christian. I am a strongly pro-choice atheist. We talk about religion and politics all the time. Surprisingly, we agree on a number of things (she is not a typical conservative and disagrees with the evangelical community on some issues like gay marriage). We're respectful, and it works for us. We will never change each others' minds but we love each other and we each love learning why the other believes what they do. It is a rare kind of friendship.
I have another dear friend who is far more liberal than me and we cannot talk politics. Someone always gets upset so we just don't touch it certain topics. (I am basically a Libertarian.)
Having a different opinion and being a generally nasty person are two entirely different animals, though. Anyone who treats other people like shit I would not continue a friendship with. Even if they are nice to me today, who knows what to expect tomorrow.
My views are quite unusual/unique...if I only was friends with people who aligned, I'd be in trouble. I try not to associate with amoral assholes but otherwise just don't be disrespectful & I'm sure we can find topics we have in common.
being friends with someone who has a differing opinion is fine.
i am friends with some interesting people. life would be WAY too boring if everyone agreed all the time. plus i know when to just keep my mouth shut and smile.
Post by scribellesam on Oct 31, 2014 16:18:41 GMT -5
Most of my local friends we met through church, so some of them are quite conservative or hold beliefs I don't agree with (hardcore creationism, for example). I just try to avoid the topics that annoy or upset me and it works out just fine.
There are things I can get over (most politics, most parenting decisions, most religion stuff) and things I can't (being an asshole). I have plenty of friends of various closeness that do things I wouldn't, or hold opinions I don't. I am fine with that. Actually doing bad things (i.e. being an asshole) is not something I can tolerate in friends.
I would say a good half of my friends have political opinions that are significantly different than mine. I am friends with lots of diehard liberals and lots of hardcore conservatives. It doesn't bother me at all. Most of us talk politics openly and often. It is just how we roll.
My oldest, dearest IRL BFF worked in the Bush Whitehouse, never tried to BF, attends a really conservative evangelical church, doesn't really drink alcohol, and, if pressed, really doesn't think it is a great idea for moms of small children to work outside the home. I am a liberal Democrat, have BF all three of my kids for years, left my church because they don't perform same sex marriages, drink liberally, and went back to practicing law when my 7 yo was 3 months old. I still love her a whole lot and greatly admire her parenting.
I have some friends who are "libertarian" aka Republicans who want to sleep with liberal women. We actually agree about a decent amount of stuff.
Because we live in Seattle, lots of people who call themselves "liberals" or "liberal Democrats" really aren't. We still agree about most stuff even if they vote against some public service expansions or preservations.
A lot of my family is from the South, and I have a few acquaintances from middle school/high school who are pretty conservative. Only one of them is a Benghazi truther. Everyone else is a human being rather than a Fox News caricature. We just don't talk about race, homosexuality, or the fake war on Chritmas
Post by dancingirl21 on Oct 31, 2014 17:25:41 GMT -5
DH is a republican and I'm a democrat. Politically, we don't agree on a lot.
Basically I am the black sheep of his family. They are all pretty conservative and I am....not. So there's been some heated conversation but it doesn't mean we don't respect each other.
Post by perkyderky on Oct 31, 2014 20:53:30 GMT -5
I dont know that any of my friends are libertarian like me. But i like spirited debate and i find the differences between my friends and i to be assests--they always make me think and question my points of view, and over time my views have evolved . They are really interesting, smart, good people despite our differences.
And i do wonder how my lesbian cousin and her Limbaugh inspired father and brother have an amazing relationship but they do. And since my mom is a liberal and my dad conservative it must run in my family!
For me it comes down to the fact that I just don't have a lot in common with people whose views are THAT different from my own. We tend to have different lifestyles, enjoy different forms of entertainment, and have little to talk about in general.
I'm also guilty of being very judgemental about some beliefs people hold. I will immediately write you off if you don't support gay marriage or don't vaccinate for a nonmedical reason. And, to be honest, I'll think your at least uninformed if not just stupid. Racism and sexism fall here too. These things aren't debatable to me and I'll never respect the opposite opinions.
Well, I recently starting hanging out with a friend who RSVPed yes to my wedding and then emailed me the night before to say she couldn't come. She never booked her flight or anything and waited until the night before to tell me. It was shitty and not the first time she had done something like that.
But, you know, that was 5 years ago. We have both changed since then. I probably will never trust her to show on time to any important event, and I might be somewhat selective with other kinds of trust, but it's really nice hanging out.
Plus I don't know a lot of people here, especially people who 'know' my history and share a lot of it.
I operate under the premise of "if someone shows you who they are-believe them"
That pretty much cleans up my friends list for crappy people. However, as far as people with different political and religious opinions-I have friends of all kinds. I heard once that the mark of a true leader was someone who could be surrounded by people who have different opinions, and see things from other perspectives. It is up to the leader to choose which parts he or she agrees with-and use those parts to create his or her own policies/opinions/ideas.
This stuck with me, so I try hard to be open to that. Even if I don't agree with it-I try to really understand where they are coming from. I almost always end up learning something.
My DH turned into a republican after I married him. I was tricked! Lol. We have some heated discussions, but he makes smart arguments and is very similar minded to me on social issues. As far as friends that have done bad things, I care mostly about how they treat other people. My BFF had a long time affair, which shocked me, but of course I stood by her in the aftermath. She is a wonderful person who made a huge mistake. Trust me, she suffered. Now if she said she wanted to stab the other woman in the neck...um, I'd probably keep my distance.
I started to separate myself from a friend who was sleeping with a married man. He had been married a long time and had almost grown children. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 16 and they divorced over it, so I'm sure that played a part in my feelings towards her.
When it comes to political and religious views I have friends that vary greatly in their beliefs. We tend to avoid those conversations. The people I'm closest to tend to have similar beliefs as I do. Although, H and I are not 100% on the same page politically either. We enjoy a good healthy debate and it's something I value in our marriage to be honest.