IHO of November Adoption Awareness Month: A Recap

[mrsfarmer]

Tomorrow starts National Adoption Awareness Month so I thought I would share a recap of our journey, please feel free to ask questions:

I have a genetic disorder and was advised when I was 12 or 13 to consider adoption when I was older.  When I met DH, I told him this and he was fine with adoption.  We went to orientation meetings of a couple of agencies(strongly recommended) to find out the programs and what is involved.  At the time, I was studying for the CPA exam and had taken a couple of sections so we knew it would be some time yet, but wanted to get educated.  One of the social workers cautioned us as first time parents about foster to adopt as the kids can require a lot of care due to past abuse.  This was also about the time a lot of the international laws were changing, so we opted for domestic infant adoption.

The following year, we submitted our application and it took about another year to complete our homestudy.  At the time we started our application, they were desperate for adoptive families, but by the time we were approved, adoptions had dropped off dramatically.  The birth rate is down now that there is better access to health care, so the waits have lengthened.  We hunkered down, made a Facebook page, got onto a website for adoptive parents to create profiles, and got the word our.

March 28th of last year(2 1/2 years later), I got a text from a former coworker that her friend who is a CPS worker had asked if her friends who were hoping to adopt were still looking to do so as she was on her way to a home visit of a 12 month old needing placement.  A few phone calls and emails later, our homestudy was on its way to the county office.  April 19th of last year we were supposed to meet with the CPS worker to interview for her; it snowed.  We finally met April 23rd; the little girls' file was at least 2 feet thick.  She had been in foster care since 4 days old and was removed from that foster home after having sustained an unexplained clean break in her right arm that was consistent with being restrained.  
Parental rights were already voluntarily terminated with both birth mom and birth father, so no legal battle there.

It was brought up during this meeting that in the meantime, a younger sister had been born and was still with birth mom and new boyfriend and there were red flags.  So, older girl end of May and younger girl maybe August to be placed.  The meeting went well and everyone left.  Unbeknownst to use, CPS worker went back tot he office and said "mrsfarmer and her DH are going to adopt this little girl".  Coworkers said, but we like this other family; CPS worker said no, mrsfarmer and her DH.  They then concurred with her because she knows her stuff.

April 29th, we got a phone call from CPS.  The older girls was fine and safe in foster care and yes we like you for her, but her younger sister needs to be taken into protective custody now.   She has not gained any weight in the last week (6 weeks old at this time) and they are smoking in the apartment with her.  I asked how long until we had to decide and what were the chances we wouldn't get to keep the younger sister, she said only about 70/30 and about half an hour to make a decision.  We became parents April 30th at 2:30 PM to stinking 6 week old baby.  As DH puts it, she smelled like a sweat sock mated with an ashtray.  She woke up every hour that first night and ate 2 ounces each time.  The first few weeks I slept with her on my chest on the couch.  She had been deprived of the attachment the first few weeks and made up for it.

They drew up a 12 month reunification plan as per guidelines and that started that legal battle.

DD1 came to us May 23rd, screaming tantrum fits and all.  The first week was terrible.  At 14 months old, it broke my heart to hear her screaming.  Early Intervention followed her from her therapeutic foster home to our house and we met with them 3 times a month.  It helped a lot.  She did have some delays and other issues, but she has come very far.  She most likely has a genetic disorder from birth father, NF-1, but we can watch for that.

DD2 had to go to visits with birth mom.  This was the hardest for us.  She would scream in the night after these visits and be very agitated.  She is a very chill baby, so we knew it was stress related.  DD1 had had the same reaction to birth mom visits according to former foster mom.  We documented and then November came.  In our state, children under 8 years old are supposed to have a decision made after 6 months even under a 12 month reunification plan.  The judge had found out he was transferring districts and decided not to sign off on termination.

6 more months of visits, more sleepless nights, the stinking to high heaven of cigarette smoke.  She was also not fed adequately at these visits and my daycare had to mark the diapers she was sent in as they would not be changed for over 6 hours and she would wet through.

June of this year, there was a pretrial meeting.  Her lawyer agreed with the county that rights needed to be terminated and that they should not go to trial.  Birth mom finally agreed.  DD1's adoption had been finalized on Dec 19, 2013 and now DD2 on Sept 24th, 2014.

If you want an idea why she does not have custody of her kids (our girls are the youngest of 5, all different dads), read the Honey Boo Boo story.  Same situation.  However, birth mom has had a terrible life of abuse as well and I don't think she stood a chance between the abuse and her mental illness.  I truly hope she has a chance to start over and get better.

[zarapipe]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so happy your girls are home forever now!

[dulcemariamar]

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad that things worked out in the end for everyone.

[drloretta]

Thanks for sharing. I love hearing different adoption experiences, and I had never read your full story.

[Deleted]

Thanks for sharing your story. Your daughters are lucky to have you guys!

And WTF that the judge ditched the case because he was transferring?

[hermione]

I cried reading that. I'm so happy your girls get a second chance with you.

[elcjet]

Thanks for sharing -- so glad the girls found their way to you. DH and I have often spoken of adopting a 3rd child after our kids get a little older. I love that families can grow in so many different ways.

[cincodemayo]

This is a great story, and I'm so glad your girls are with you now. It breaks my heart reading about how your DD2 was so badly needing that attachment. All children deserve the love you are giving your DD's.

I hope to do foster or foster to adopt someday. Thanks for your story!

[osulori]

What an amazing story...thank you for sharing!

[gogadgetgo]

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad your girls found you for their forever home.

[lolo]

I cry every time I read your story. It makes me so happy that those girls have found a safe haven in you.

[caramia17]

I love this story. I am so glad that all of you found your family.

[elocrates]

Thank you for sharing.

[scribellesam]

Thank you for sharing, I'm glad your girls have a loving and safe home with you.

[kdubs923]

Your girls are so lucky to have you. Thanks for sharing your story!

[GotWine]

I'm so happy your girls have you. It breaks my heart that they have already suffered so much in such a short amount of time!

[kershnic]

Beautiful, thank you for sharing. You and your girls are so lucky to have found each other.

[magpie]

Thanks for sharing your story. You guys are amazing!

[mrsfarmer]

Nov 1, 2014 8:57:07 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

Thank you for sharing.

I'm wondering, if you don't mind sharing...was fostering to adopt always your plan from the start? Did you consider agencies, religious organizations, etc? It sounds like you eliminated the idea of foreign adoption fairly quickly.

We had not planned on it at all because of some friends' experiences with it.  The foreign piece is that there are programs opening and closing due to various issues.  It is also a lot of money to entrust to a foreign government that can impose a lot of restrictions on your adoption.  We were listed through Catholic Charities for domestic infant and wound up placed through the county.

[Deleted]

Thank you for sharing. I'm so happy your girks will grow up with loving parents!

[spunkarella]

I'm glad those girls have a happy ending with your family. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Velar Fricative]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[D2M]

Wow, what a journey. So glad your girls have you.

[WOT?*]

I am so happy those girls found a home with you. They are as blessed to have found you as you are to have them.

[sh10]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you have the girls and they have you!

[jeaniebueller]

Thank you for sharing.

[monsterz]

Thanks for sharing your story. Happy to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[mrsfarmer]

Nov 3, 2014 18:42:13 GMT -5 monsterz said:

Thanks for sharing your story. Happy to hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Document, document, document!  I kept journals and everything went to CPS and the guardian ad litem.  These in turn got turned into a report to the court.  I don't know what I will ever do with these documents, but it surprises me reading them the difference in our younger daughter just since the last time she saw birth mom.

[CrazyLucky]

I teared up reading your story. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you were able to help those girls.