I might be the odd man out on this, but I don't see "asshole" in this. I've been on plenty of dates where I bought my own coffee/drink. Sometimes I even get to the place first so I can buy my own drink before he gets there. To me, it's more about having a small bit of time to talk and see if there's any connection. It's not about someone buying me stuff. Maybe I'm doing life wrong.
Are you referring to the coffee or in general? I think coffee is different because it's not like you're going to stand around waiting for someone to get there so you can buy them a $2 coffee that you will likely end up walking around with anyway. Plus, it's a take out service typically and not a bar or waitress service where you'd both expect to be served at once. I wouldn't think that guy was an asshole. Coffee shops are typically crowded so it's completely sensible for him to sit and wait although it would have been nicer if he asked what she wanted and gotten it for her but whatever.
For food or drinks though, I think, at least at the beginning, that it should be that the person doing the inviting pays. If someone invites me to dinner ("would you like to go to dinner?" is an invite), picks the restaurant, then orders apps for the table or wine, then yes, they should pay. That was the expectation set by taking over the planning and ordering. I also expected him to stand up and say hello, perhaps even with a hug, when I arrived. It's out of respect for me and good dating etiquette, not about having people buy you stuff. If you allow not people to treat you with respect, then yeah, I'd say you're doing life wrong.
I guess I was going off of the "OMG! What an asshole!!" regarding him not buying a coffee, not the OP.
I'm out of sorts today because my head hurts, but it seemed like an overreaction, IMHO...again, the above comment not the OP stuff.
Post by cuddlyevil on Nov 20, 2014 12:31:34 GMT -5
w/r/t to the coffee thing, standing in line with you? If the shop is really busy, then you might lose your table. A coffee date is a different animal.
As for the guy that mcc, went out with--maybe it's a difference in expectations? She expects him to pay since he was the one who did the asking, but perhaps he doesn't subscribe to that (OR he's just super cheap--I mean, c'mon, split an $8 burger? Only if you're one of my kids or I already love you). This is a case where it shouldn't just be assumed that "s/he who does the inviting pays.". It is irritating, but I wouldn't let it ruin my night either.
Are you referring to the coffee or in general? I think coffee is different because it's not like you're going to stand around waiting for someone to get there so you can buy them a $2 coffee that you will likely end up walking around with anyway. Plus, it's a take out service typically and not a bar or waitress service where you'd both expect to be served at once. I wouldn't think that guy was an asshole. Coffee shops are typically crowded so it's completely sensible for him to sit and wait although it would have been nicer if he asked what she wanted and gotten it for her but whatever.
For food or drinks though, I think, at least at the beginning, that it should be that the person doing the inviting pays. If someone invites me to dinner ("would you like to go to dinner?" is an invite), picks the restaurant, then orders apps for the table or wine, then yes, they should pay. That was the expectation set by taking over the planning and ordering. I also expected him to stand up and say hello, perhaps even with a hug, when I arrived. It's out of respect for me and good dating etiquette, not about having people buy you stuff. If you allow not people to treat you with respect, then yeah, I'd say you're doing life wrong.
I guess I was going off of the "OMG! What an asshole!!" regarding him not buying a coffee, not the OP.
I'm out of sorts today because my head hurts, but it seemed like an overreaction, IMHO...again, the above comment not the OP stuff.
Ah, gotcha. Yeah I think a coffee is an overreaction especially if he had already found a seat!
w/r/t to the coffee thing, standing in line with you? If the shop is really busy, then you might lose your table. A coffee date is a different animal.
As for the guy that mcc, went out with--maybe it's a difference in expectations? She expects him to pay since he was the one who did the asking, but perhaps he doesn't subscribe to that (OR he's just super cheap--I mean, c'mon, split an $8 burger? Only if you're one of my kids or I already love you). This is a case where it shouldn't just be assumed that "s/he who does the inviting pays.". It is irritating, but I wouldn't let it ruin my night either.
Yeah the computer is fine (on it now) but it was just a mix of the whole thing that made it a bad night.
He couldn't even stand up to say hello, conversation wasn't great, the tossing of the cc like it was a poker chip with a weird look, my subsequent, "I need to dig through to find my wallet I guess", his subsequent, "Yeah dig through that giant bag", the computer thing, etc. I was probably looking for things to be annoyed about because it's easier than admitting you don't like someone or that they're boring or not attractive, but I also had said from the get-go that I was wanting to cancel on him over the weekend because he sounded cheap (he was all, we can go to this bar or drink like hobos and another weird comment) and the paying thing coupled with the burger thing culminated into a big ol' WTF dude and made it a shitty night.
Yeah the computer is fine (on it now) but it was just a mix of the whole thing that made it a bad night.
He couldn't even stand up to say hello, conversation wasn't great, the tossing of the cc like it was a poker chip with a weird look, my subsequent, "I need to dig through to find my wallet I guess", his subsequent, "Yeah dig through that giant bag", the computer thing, etc. I was probably looking for things to be annoyed about because it's easier than admitting you don't like someone or that they're boring or not attractive, but I also had said from the get-go that I was wanting to cancel on him over the weekend because he sounded cheap (he was all, we can go to this bar or drink like hobos and another weird comment) and the paying thing coupled with the burger thing culminated into a big ol' WTF dude and made it a shitty night.
The snide remark about your bag was just shitty. Drink like hobos? This guys sounds like a nutjob.
Post by jojoandleo on Nov 20, 2014 12:59:15 GMT -5
Okay-coffee-that's ridiculous. I feel like drinks or coffee on a first date, you can pay for your own. And there is no way in hell I would wait in a coffee line with someone when I have a table. Those things are golden in the college town I live in. Your ass stays there!
The date-I am okay with splitting the check for dinner when it's an agreed upon place, BUT that was NOT this date! First, his ordering wine and appetizers (without your input) and expecting you to pay for half? NO! PLUS, if you expect to split the check at dinner, you should probably get your date's input on the restaurant! You can't just pick without thinking about the other person's wants/budget and then expect the other person to pay for half of what YOU wanted. I would be annoyed with your date, mcc. Some of the other comments in here... Yeah, Team doriswe
Out of brown paper bags? Was he suggesting you all drink cheap liquor out of brown bags on the corner, mcc?
I think so, yes. I think it was strange humor, which I get, but before a first date it was really weird. It was like, "We can go here...or drink on the street like hobos"
I once went on a first date where I got to the coffee shop first, and when I texted the guy he told me what to get him. So I went along with it and got his drink. Then we went to a pizza place and shared an appetizer because he had already eaten, and he wanted me to pay for that too. Wtf.
I once went on a first date where I got to the coffee shop first, and when I texted the guy he told me what to get him. So I went along with it and got his drink. Then we went to a pizza place and shared an appetizer because he had already eaten, and he wanted me to pay for that too. Wtf.
I once went on a first date where I got to the coffee shop first, and when I texted the guy he told me what to get him. So I went along with it and got his drink. Then we went to a pizza place and shared an appetizer because he had already eaten, and he wanted me to pay for that too. Wtf.
Say what now? Not ok.
True story. Going back and forth with another adult over $10 is so ridiculous! What a turn off.
The whole thing just pissed me off, and I feel like crap and had to cancel plans with les tomorrow I'm rambling but I'm annoyed. Sometimes I really feel like I'll be alone forever
I'm sorry you had such an awful time. I hope you feel better now! Let's try to make plans again soon.
I might be the odd man out on this, but I don't see "asshole" in this. I've been on plenty of dates where I bought my own coffee/drink. Sometimes I even get to the place first so I can buy my own drink before he gets there. To me, it's more about having a small bit of time to talk and see if there's any connection. It's not about someone buying me stuff. Maybe I'm doing life wrong.
Lol, I bought my own coffee for my first date with my BF. He's far from an asshole. I was late so he was already there and had his. I wasn't going to ask him to get up and buy mine. That's weird to even expect.