IDK if I agree that FB is used mostly for showing off. I think of it more as "sharing". My sister posts a lot of pics of my nephew. Maybe she's showing him off, but maybe she's just using a common medium so that his aunts/uncles/grandparents can see him because none of us live close enough to be a part of things otherwise. I have never posted a "look how hot I am" selfie but I regularly post pictures of myself doing things with other people because it's a way to share the picture with them AND my family/their family and include other people we care about in our lives. I'm also super disorganized with pictures and 99% of the time if I don't put them on facebook (where I can then easily pull them up 3 years from now) I don't have access to them at all.
Maybe I just don't like the idea that all my friends and family are sharing things with me because they just want to pretend they are happy. I assume everyone has their "stuff" that isn't perfect and awesome, but I love being FB friends with people I care about because I love seeing the good stuff. My best friend posts all kinds of AWy pics and doesn't post about the fact that she is struggling to get pregnant... but I don't find that fake at all. Her IF struggles are private, and she IS very happy otherwise and DOES have a kick ass life. There is nothing fake or "not real" about that.
Post by jojoandleo on Nov 21, 2014 16:57:45 GMT -5
I didn't say FAKE, people! I just said it isn't real. And it isn't. A highlight real of your life is not real. I feel like I am going down with this ship. LOL.
I think we can all agree facebook does not show your 100% real life. That was my only point. And in my case in particular, a part of the reason my FB doesn't show my real life is because I don't want the haters hating on me for anything other than my flawless skin.*
*I do not actually have flawless skin, I just have instagram and photoshop.
I didn't say FAKE, people! I just said it isn't real. And it isn't. A highlight real of your life is not real. I feel like I am going down with this ship. LOL.
I think we can all agree facebook does not show your 100% real life. That was my only point. And in my case in particular, a part of the reason my FB doesn't show my real life is because I don't want the haters hating on me for anything other than my flawless skin.*
*I do not actually have flawless skin, I just have instagram and photoshop.
Nobody needs to know anyone else's "real" life, except their own. And even then, a lot of people have trouble deciphering their own "real" lives!
The people who think FB must reflect their real lives... are the ones we judge LOL.
I didn't say FAKE, people! I just said it isn't real. And it isn't. A highlight real of your life is not real. I feel like I am going down with this ship. LOL.
I think we can all agree facebook does not show your 100% real life. That was my only point. And in my case in particular, a part of the reason my FB doesn't show my real life is because I don't want the haters hating on me for anything other than my flawless skin.*
*I do not actually have flawless skin, I just have instagram and photoshop.
Nobody needs to know anyone else's "real" life, except their own. And even then, a lot of people have trouble deciphering their own "real" lives!
The people who think FB must reflect their real lives... are the ones we judge LOL.
I didn't say FAKE, people! I just said it isn't real. And it isn't. A highlight real of your life is not real. I feel like I am going down with this ship. LOL.
I think we can all agree facebook does not show your 100% real life. That was my only point. And in my case in particular, a part of the reason my FB doesn't show my real life is because I don't want the haters hating on me for anything other than my flawless skin.*
*I do not actually have flawless skin, I just have instagram and photoshop.
I agree. Except for family and close friends, no one knew I was getting a divorce or how horrible the process was. I posted something recently about divorce and so many responses were "I didn't know". I didn't think I needed to air my dirty laundry on Facebook.
I think your description of it as highlight reel best described Facebook for me. I don't post a ton, but when I do it's snippets of fun stuff I have done (vacations, hanging out with friends, etc.). There are lots of big things (like my divorce) that don't go on there though because I don't want people to feel like they have to comment. If you looked at what I'm posting, it would be obvious that XH is not longer around, but I haven't specifically called it out.
I think your description of it as highlight reel best described Facebook for me. I don't post a ton, but when I do it's snippets of fun stuff I have done (vacations, hanging out with friends, etc.). There are lots of big things (like my divorce) that don't go on there though because I don't want people to feel like they have to comment. If you looked at what I'm posting, it would be obvious that XH is not longer around, but I haven't specifically called it out.
Um, I spelled it real this entire thread. <---stupid.
Yeah - I agree. It always worries me when I hear of people (not necessarily here, people IRL too) that bounce right into a new relationship with a very short break in between. I think at least a few months is probably necessary to kind of get to a good place in your head... even under the best circumstances, divorce is a big deal.
Less than 6 weeks after moving out of my house, and after like 3 weeks of meeting her - my exH was FB status new relationship with his now current wife. LOLz for days, man. He's the definition of codependency. It's one reason why it's such a hot button issue for me.
You XH sounds like my XH! Except they new each other for 6 weeks, he divorced me, moved in with her about 2-3 weeks afterwards and was engageed 5 months later. He's now married to her, it was his THIRD marriage and we were only 28 when we divorced.
Needless to say, codependency is an issue for me, too! TAKE TIME FOR YOU SELVESSSSSSSSSSSSSS people!! It does wonders!
I think your description of it as highlight reel best described Facebook for me. I don't post a ton, but when I do it's snippets of fun stuff I have done (vacations, hanging out with friends, etc.). There are lots of big things (like my divorce) that don't go on there though because I don't want people to feel like they have to comment. If you looked at what I'm posting, it would be obvious that XH is not longer around, but I haven't specifically called it out.
This is me...when we seperated, I hid my relationship status, that way when I changed it, it didn't make a big announcement on my page. If you know both me and N, it is very clear we are not together anymore since we live on separate coasts. But I just had to clarify it for an old friend. She is getting married, and asked for my address and was like, so...am I making this out to...
I think it's normal to filter what you post on FB. No one wants to know what's going on in my life right now in detail and when I meet up with friends, I don't feel the need to share *everything*. Only certain people are privy to all my details!
I went to a beer tasting last night and had a beer this past Sat night while brewing beer even though I didn't have the final ultrasound until today to confirm that it's definitely not a viable pregnancy (no progress from last week). I knew in my heart and gut when I saw last week's u/s and the doc said it was of 99.9% certainty then. Today confirmed it and I'm glad I was able to get out those nights with friends to occupy my mind instead of sitting around feeling sad. I was kind of stressing out on the ride there, feeling guilty in the crazy chance that they'd tell me the baby was OK after all. Now I have to plan the day to take the meds to force a m/c since my body is not on its own. Mind fuck, party of one!
I still haven't told my family/siblings and don't think I will when I go home.
My friends are out and keep texting me to join them. I don't feel like anything but a good movie on my couch and snuggles with my rug rats.
My mom's new BF lives here (where I live). she wanted me to meet him tonight but after the day I've had I honestly have zero interest in it. I hope she's not offended but I.just.can't. She said she understood.
I'm diving into a large bottle of wine right now.
I haven't heard a word from XH and I'm seriously a little concerned. I worry about what he and his attorney are doing.
Post by lexxasaurus on Nov 21, 2014 22:46:03 GMT -5
jojoandleo I was actually going to comment that it was highlight "reel" and it was going to make my head explode, which is sad because I normally agree with you and enjoy your posts, lol! My facebook is definitely just a glimpse into my life. I'm normally a private person, so it's usually quirky random things that I share, or pet pictures for my dad (since I don't have kids!)
I'd definitely classify XH as co-dependant, and I think I'd also consider his W the same way. XH and I split up when I returned from a deployment. He moved in with a guy that he worked with, and started hooking up with the work guy's cousin. About a month later, when I was dropping DD off with them, the GF was already wearing the ring I had just returned to him-and our divorce wasn't even filed yet. He got "laid off" from his job, and he and the GF moved out of the state. I bet my mom that the GF would be knocked up by the end of the year (this was at the beginning of November), but she knew XH and didn't want any of that bet. Surprisingly, XH and his GF had their baby in September. They got married at the end of last year, so 10 years after getting engaged. I know a tiger doesn't change his stripes, so I have no doubt that he's cheated on her. He's made some comments over text that, if I were his wife, I'd be getting pissed about. But, I think she's knows what he's about, and has decided that it's better to be married than to demand fidelity, because she made a point to tell me that he and she are "together forever, no matter what." It's kind of sad, because she's mostly a nice person, and I did think about warning her what she was getting into, but I also figured it's not my battle to fight, and she's a grown up. And when she tells me something that I know is a straight-up lie, I feel a little bit less bad that I didn't say anything. I actually think they're perfect for each other.
jojoandleo I was actually going to comment that it was highlight "reel" and it was going to make my head explode, which is sad because I normally agree with you and enjoy your posts, lol! My facebook is definitely just a glimpse into my life. I'm normally a private person, so it's usually quirky random things that I share, or pet pictures for my dad (since I don't have kids!)
Dude, no excuse. I didn't even realize I was stupid until I reread it all and was like... Fuck! I've been quoted!
jojoandleo I was actually going to comment that it was highlight "reel" and it was going to make my head explode, which is sad because I normally agree with you and enjoy your posts, lol! My facebook is definitely just a glimpse into my life. I'm normally a private person, so it's usually quirky random things that I share, or pet pictures for my dad (since I don't have kids!)
Dude, no excuse. I didn't even realize I was stupid until I reread it all and was like... Fuck! I've been quoted!
That's the worst, when you realize AFTER a quote. Then the mistake is etched into GBCN forever-ness!
I cannot wrap my head around how people have time to be a in a relationship wanting to be in a relationship. Between work, my friends, my family and having downtime I don't know where they would fit in or really what they would bring to my life. And I'm not a crazy over programmed person. I'm sure this is some sort of defensive mechanism but I just am really unwilling to give my time to someone who has not proven to be a person worthy of it.
I felt like that when I started dating W. When we started hanging out, I was really upfront about my schedule and priorities and let him know that I would like to hang out, but more than once or twice a week wasn't going to happen. We went out 1-2x a week for probably the first six months or so. Really, we only started consistently spending 2+ nights a week together when we were talking about moving in together, LOL.
This is my BF and me as well. When I was working from home and he was on summer break (teacher), we saw each other more, but these days it's just one night a week for dinner and maybe a Saturday outing when I have the kids, and then I stay there on the weekends when they're with their dad. Last night he told me to stay home because he knows I've been stressed and tired this week, but tonight we are going to see Garth Brooks (HOLLA!) and we will spend half the day together tomorrow. He's lived alone for a long time and still needs his alone time, and I am very rarely alone, and crave time to myself as well. Until we move in together, we will never be one of those "together every day" couples. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I felt like that when I started dating W. When we started hanging out, I was really upfront about my schedule and priorities and let him know that I would like to hang out, but more than once or twice a week wasn't going to happen. We went out 1-2x a week for probably the first six months or so. Really, we only started consistently spending 2+ nights a week together when we were talking about moving in together, LOL.
This is my BF and me as well. When I was working from home and he was on summer break (teacher), we saw each other more, but these days it's just one night a week for dinner and maybe a Saturday outing when I have the kids, and then I stay there on the weekends when they're with their dad. Last night he told me to stay home because he knows I've been stressed and tired this week, but tonight we are going to see Garth Brooks (HOLLA!) and we will spend half the day together tomorrow. He's lived alone for a long time and still needs his alone time, and I am very rarely alone, and crave time to myself as well. Until we move in together, we will never be one of those "together every day" couples. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Third Indian.
I kind of love being in a LDR, because there's not even an option to do that every-day thing. It's been three years, and we're starting to talk about moving in together (in another 1-year-ish timeframe), and it's making me nervous. Because I like my space and my time. (But it will be nice to have fewer leftovers.)
I didn't say FAKE, people! I just said it isn't real. And it isn't. A highlight real of your life is not real. I feel like I am going down with this ship. LOL.
I think we can all agree facebook does not show your 100% real life. That was my only point. And in my case in particular, a part of the reason my FB doesn't show my real life is because I don't want the haters hating on me for anything other than my flawless skin.*
*I do not actually have flawless skin, I just have instagram and photoshop.
I agree. Except for family and close friends, no one knew I was getting a divorce or how horrible the process was. I posted something recently about divorce and so many responses were "I didn't know". I didn't think I needed to air my dirty laundry on Facebook.
It amazes me how clueless people on Facebook can be. XH hasn't appeared in any of my photos for years, and I changed back to my maiden name. I still get, "Oh, you're divorced?! I wasn't sure what happened." Considering XH is still posting, what do you think happened?!