Does your husband tell you that you're a good mom or that you're doing/do a good job? I don't think my H ever has. Maybe he just doesn't think about it?
I was thinking about this last night while I was getting up with both boys. Lincoln's behavior has been awful, I'm always frustrated and don't even know if I'm handling things right and I haven't heard my H assure me I'm doing a good job.
In the week I was with my mom, she told me almost every day how good of a mom I am and how proud of me she is.
Post by TrudyCampbell on Nov 21, 2014 10:47:57 GMT -5
My husband does. He also makes me feel better about being a SAHM by reminding me that it's so nice for him to be able to go to work and never have to worry about our girls because he knows they're with me.
Cara, your H is on Santa's naughty list especially since you mentioned he said something hurtful recently . I think he should buy you a car for Christmas along with a card that says how great of a mom you are.
Post by dixeedeluxe on Nov 21, 2014 10:48:18 GMT -5
He does, but in a weird way that is super flattering. When he steps in because the girls are being jerks to me he says something like "your mother does so much for you! she is way more patient that i'd ever be. you need to be nicer to her!"
I feel like it wouldn't come up otherwise. He's never be like "Babe, you're a good mom" randomly.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
He does. It's not so formal, it's mostly "you're the best. We're the luckiest boys....aren't we?" in front of the boys. He wouldn't say it to me if we were like sitting next to each other on the couch or anything.
Post by sunshineluv on Nov 21, 2014 10:50:50 GMT -5
DH does, esp when I am being hard on myself. Like lately since I am sick he tries to remind me how good of a mom I am. But it is one of his was of showing affection.
I am sorry you dh is on the naughty list, I hope he straightens up his act soon!
Post by playswithsquirrels on Nov 21, 2014 10:50:52 GMT -5
He does but not that often. Most of the time when he does we're in a fight and it's after he said something about me complaining a lot or something like that. He does tell me when we're not fighting too, just not nearly as much.
Post by honeybee503 on Nov 21, 2014 10:51:25 GMT -5
Sometimes. Most of time it's after I say that I am feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job or something like that. I do wish he recognized it more often. It really helps me feel more confident when there is a tough day to hear that he is proud of me as a mother.
He does, but not very often. It's usually after a fight, when he's apologizing. I wish he would say it just randomly. But, to be honest, I don't tell him that he's a good dad very often either.
Yes, all the time. It's so important to hear those things. carawestt he probably thinks it and just doesn't say it. You should talk to him about it. That love language quiz someone posted a while back and the paragraph about "words of affirmation" might help him get it?
Post by pinkpeony6210 on Nov 21, 2014 10:54:23 GMT -5
He does, in little ways. He'll thank me for things in front of the girls, and get them to recognize the special things I do for the family. It's sweet.
Post by lauranicole91 on Nov 21, 2014 10:54:30 GMT -5
Not really. But he takes advantage of every holiday, anniversary, and birthday and writes me a big mushy gushy paragraph in a card about how lucky he and Pey are and how amazing I am and such.
Okay, well my H sucks then because he never even makes comments like that
TrudyCampbell I agree! The hurtful comment he made, which he's actually said a few times before, was "well then, you can go to work while I stay home and sit on my phone all day." when I was complaining about having a hard day and him not helping me when he got home. Yeah.
Okay, well my H sucks then because he never even makes comments like that
TrudyCampbell I agree! The hurtful comment he made, which he's actually said a few times before, was "well then, you can go to work while I stay home and sit on my phone all day." when I was complaining about having a hard day and him not helping me when he got home. Yeah.
Uh, no. Sounds like tomorrow you should give him a whole afternoon with both boys.
Okay, well my H sucks then because he never even makes comments like that
TrudyCampbell I agree! The hurtful comment he made, which he's actually said a few times before, was "well then, you can go to work while I stay home and sit on my phone all day." when I was complaining about having a hard day and him not helping me when he got home. Yeah.
He's lucky he's in another state right now, because I'm raging on your behalf. What a horrible thing to say.
Cara, you know you're doing an amazing job with those sweet boys, right? You're a wonderful mom.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Mine doesn't :/ I'm not sure if it's because he feels like this is my job so it's like he doesn't feel the need to tell me he appreciates something I'm supposed to be doing anyway? Idk. After remembering my love language is words of affirmation it made me realize it would be really nice to hear sometimes.
has he ever spent an entire day alone with both boys? he needs to.
I feel like men sometimes just don't really get it. My husband used to say he'd love to be a stay at home parent until the time he got laid off after matilda was born and he WAS a SAHD for two months when she was 3 - 5 months. He began desperately looking for a job almost immediately lol. And that was ONE child.
Okay, well my H sucks then because he never even makes comments like that
TrudyCampbell I agree! The hurtful comment he made, which he's actually said a few times before, was "well then, you can go to work while I stay home and sit on my phone all day." when I was complaining about having a hard day and him not helping me when he got home. Yeah.
He's lucky he's in another state right now, because I'm raging on your behalf. What a horrible thing to say.
Cara, you know you're doing an amazing job with those sweet boys, right? You're a wonderful mom.
It was and he says stuff like this often. He makes it seem like I hate staying home. Did I choose it? Yes. Do I love it 100% of the time? No, but it's hard! Especially when I'm still the default parent even after he gets home.
I'm crying but thank you <3 I've been so bring myself, mostly with Lincoln, a lot lately.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
i get super defensive when H talks about me being on my phone. i feel very defensive for you carawestt
I get defensive too. I don't have any IRL life friends I see or talk to often. If it wasn't for this board, I'd have no adult integration outside of my H.
Mine doesn't :/ I'm not sure if it's because he feels like this is my job so it's like he doesn't feel the need to tell me he appreciates something I'm supposed to be doing anyway? Idk. After remembering my love language is words of affirmation it made me realize it would be really nice to hear sometimes.
This is how I'm feeling. I'm sorry you're there too.
I'm sorry he said that to you. I am ditto-ing the car for Christmas - but he needs to pre-load the GPS with directions to the Phoenician where he has set up a relaxing spa weekend for you alone. Maybe after a weekend watching the boys alone he'll truly realize how hard your days can be.
has he ever spent an entire day alone with both boys? he needs to.
I feel like men sometimes just don't really get it. My husband used to say he'd love to be a stay at home parent until the time he got laid off after matilda was born and he WAS a SAHD for two months when she was 3 - 5 months. He began desperately looking for a job almost immediately lol. And that was ONE child.
He's never spent more than 3 hours alone with one of them let alone both. And he's never been without a car for an entire day either.
My mom hinted at getting me a spa GC for Christmas so I plan on being gone at least 4 hours for that!
Okay, well my H sucks then because he never even makes comments like that
TrudyCampbell I agree! The hurtful comment he made, which he's actually said a few times before, was "well then, you can go to work while I stay home and sit on my phone all day." when I was complaining about having a hard day and him not helping me when he got home. Yeah.
oh heeeeeelllllllll no. I agree with Trudy that he needs a whole day with them by himself now, with the expectation that the house will be cleaned, the kids will have played appropriately and dinner will be ready or at least planned when you get home. Totally uncalled for. Especially since it's not like he's out in the fields all day breaking his back to provide. Pretty sure most of our husbands have pretty cush desk jobs and dick around their fair share while they are there.
I'm sorry he says that to you. That's not cool at all and uncalled for. You are a great mom to L and C, and I'm sorry he doesn't make you feel that way.
I work on weekends often so dh understands how hard it is to be alone with her and do bedtime etc.. He practically panicks if his parents don't come help for part of the time.