We spend them with family and friends? I have never thought that they were less special or devoid of tradition because we don't have children.
I do think it's fair to also make a differentiation between those who are child free by choice, circumstance, or really on the fence about it.
Why? That's bizarre. You aren't going to do Santa, probably, no matter why you don't have kids. But if you have no kids but spend the holidays with a lot of family (which may include kids), is your experience really going to be an entirely different experience from the other people sitting at the same table as you but who happen to have kids? Or from someone at the table who maybe someday wants kids but you know you don't? Not really.
If anything, most of the answers here seem to be more "what do you do to make holidays special if you don't spend them with others?" Than anything else.
We do some of the same traditions that we would do with kids. I bake Christmas cookies with my mom, we take the dog to see Santa at the pet store, we take walks at night to see Christmas lights, and we try to go to at least one event like lights in the park, hot cocoa with Santa, etc. We decorate our tree and mantle and hang lights outside while drinking eggnog and listening to Christmas music.
We see friends for Christmas Eve and do apps and fancy cocktails with them, go to Midnight Mass, and then finish out the night with more cocktails until wee hours.
For Christmas Day, we still make it about having a fun family morning. We exchange gifts, so we do the whole wrapped gifts under the tree and stockings, and we spend the morning together opening gifts and making a delicious brunch. We eat it watching Christmas movies. We walk the dog or go for a run together. Then we have dinner with family.
I do think it's fair to also make a differentiation between those who are child free by choice, circumstance, or really on the fence about it.
Why? That's bizarre. You aren't going to do Santa, probably, no matter why you don't have kids. But if you have no kids but spend the holidays with a lot of family (which may include kids), is your experience really going to be an entirely different experience from the other people sitting at the same table as you but who happen to have kids? Or from someone at the table who maybe someday wants kids but you know you don't? Not really.
If anything, most of the answers here seem to be more "what do you do to make holidays special if you don't spend them with others?" Than anything else.
You have a good point and objectively, I know you are right.
Admittedly, I'm having a really tough time right now and I think I need to ride out the storm before I can completely agree with what you said.
I do think it's fair to also make a differentiation between those who are child free by choice, circumstance, or really on the fence about it.
Why? That's bizarre. You aren't going to do Santa, probably, no matter why you don't have kids. But if you have no kids but spend the holidays with a lot of family (which may include kids), is your experience really going to be an entirely different experience from the other people sitting at the same table as you but who happen to have kids? Or from someone at the table who maybe someday wants kids but you know you don't? Not really.
If anything, most of the answers here seem to be more "what do you do to make holidays special if you don't spend them with others?" Than anything else.
As someone who is CF not by choice, I really liked this thread. The holidays can be a little sad for me sometimes, because there is so much focus on children. So, I really enjoyed reading what those without kids do to make the holidays special.
Thanks for starting this @shoegal! I love all the ideas. I hate how curmudgeonly this holiday season is making me feel.
So far, we are making a massive thanksgiving meal for just the two of us. Our efforts to invite people over have come up empty. Maybe we'll drive up to Yosemite and do dinner on Friday.
I wish you were closer. I would love to come for Thanksgiving. I have been on vacation for the last several years on Thanksgiving (slow time at work so good time to travel). We are finally home for Thanksgiving and my parents are out of town. Most of DH's family is out of town, except for his parents. Since it is only the four of us, we are going out to dinner. I really was hoping my MIL would cook. I want a home cooked Thanksgiving meal. But not enough to make one myself.
Thanks for starting this @shoegal! I love all the ideas. I hate how curmudgeonly this holiday season is making me feel.
So far, we are making a massive thanksgiving meal for just the two of us. Our efforts to invite people over have come up empty. Maybe we'll drive up to Yosemite and do dinner on Friday.
I wish you were closer. I would love to come for Thanksgiving. I have been on vacation for the last several years on Thanksgiving (slow time at work so good time to travel). We are finally home for Thanksgiving and my parents are out of town. Most of DH's family is out of town, except for his parents. Since it is only the four of us, we are going out to dinner. I really was hoping my MIL would cook. I want a home cooked Thanksgiving meal. But not enough to make one myself.
. I'd love that! Are you absolutely sure you're not in California?
Holidays are tough around here. Given our IF issues and probable continued child-free existence, MH gets a little glum. I'm not super into holidays, so mostly, I let it roll. We usually travel for Thanksgiving, although this year, only I'll be away - I'm headed to Paris with my stepmom and dad for her I'm kicking cancer's ass trip.
Christmas seems to hit him the hardest. This year we are coping with travel, we leave for London the day after Christmas and he's pumped to run a 10k on NYD. Christmas Eve we usually go out for a nice dinner together and Christmas Day we spend with his parents. I still put up a tree and take silly pictures of our dog for the Christmas card.
Post by RoxMonster on Nov 22, 2014 18:06:41 GMT -5
Honestly, one of the biggest things I'm looking forward to doing on the holidays kid-free is travel. We would be taking trips around the holidays now if we could afford to and if H didn't have a job that allows for no time off between Nov and Dec. Once those two circumstances are improved, I plan to spend each Thanksgiving and/or Christmas on a beach somewhere drinking something alcoholic and fruity.
I do think it's fair to also make a differentiation between those who are child free by choice, circumstance, or really on the fence about it.
Why? That's bizarre. You aren't going to do Santa, probably, no matter why you don't have kids. But if you have no kids but spend the holidays with a lot of family (which may include kids), is your experience really going to be an entirely different experience from the other people sitting at the same table as you but who happen to have kids? Or from someone at the table who maybe someday wants kids but you know you don't? Not really.
If anything, most of the answers here seem to be more "what do you do to make holidays special if you don't spend them with others?" Than anything else.
In some families kids are the whole focus of the holiday and those who don't have them, for whatever reason, are basically left out in the cold. The families suck for not seeing that, but it's reality. For those who had hoped to have kids, the holidays can bring a sense of loss, you had all kinds of hopes for traditions you would have with your kids, now those same traditions can feel kind of empty.
I'm still trying to navigate holiday traditions being single. I'm not big on decorating. I still enjoy time with my family and we have started playing dominoes and drinking sangria in the afternoon. We usually all pile into the car and go see the lights too, which I grew up doing.
Well, infertility sucking, particularly around holidays etc., is its own pile of vent. That's something you guys are always allowed to rant about to no end.
I have kids, but one of my very favorite holiday traditions is a non-kid one. We play "Boozy Santa" every year with my parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, and a couple close family friends. It is just Dirty Santa, but all the gifts are alcohol that is approximately $25 in value. People come up with really yummy and creative contributions, and we all drink and hang out and have a great time. We started it years ago before any of us had kids, and now my siblings and I all hire sitters so we can continue to enjoy one holiday celebration that isn't kid-focused. It would be a really fun, low-key sort of party to host for family or friends, and since it is all about alcohol, it might be easier to exclude kids.
Post by delawarejen on Nov 22, 2014 19:57:28 GMT -5
I'd like to hear more what people do who don't have children and aren't in a relationship, but I realize there aren't that many of us on the board. Between that and being an atheist, I'm about ready to boycott the month of December. I've adapted to Thanksgiving (go into the office for a while, pick up dinner at Boston Market, eat it at home). Christmas Eve I work during the day if we're open. Christmas Day I would either go into the office (I have year-end deadlines to meet) or hang out at home, and usually we get together for dinner as my relatives celebrate the holiday. But honestly, in my mid-30's, I don't really want to spend every holiday with my family of origin. It always ends with one of my brothers behaving badly, and I'm tired of every holiday being spoiled by that. I'm considering skipping it entirely this year. There's only one grandchild in my family so our celebrations aren't all about him at least. I remember watching my aunts' and uncles' celebrations become all about the kids once their grandchildren came along.
We've done various things over many years of marriage and only one time did it involve kids. We live far from family so sometimes we see them, sometimes we don't, and sometimes we split up to see them. I don't like the guilt trip of holidays, meaning that you have to be with family on THAT EXACT DAY. I see DH 98% of the year and don't need to spend Thanksgiving nor Dec 25 with him. So each year is different. If we are together, I will bake some cinnamon rolls and we'll open some presents, but I really want to skip presents this year as DH and I don't need anything. I would travel, but some stuff is overpriced during the holidays since nearly everyone has the time off and I prefer to travel when it's cheap. Sometimes the holidays just means some extra time off work for us.
I go pretty all out for Christmas traditions, even doing stuff that is more kid friendly despite not having kids.
One of my favorite traditions is gathering up friends, renting a limo, and drinking while looking at Christmas lights. We have a big cocktail party, too. I invite girlfriends over to bake and wrap presents. DH and I take a day off work to do shopping for our family, go out to a nice lunch, wrap presents together.
For DH and I specifically, every year we get each other an ornament the night we decorate our family tree, then have Chinese food delivered and watch Elf. Christmas Eve we gift each other PJs. We do stockings for each other Christmas morning, we lay around opening presents, drinking mimosas, having an awesome breakfast.
We are in the middle of IF stuff and it's really hard this year. We find out about this cycle in mid-December and I'm not sure I want to deal with the disappointment while having to host a billion things. We are kinda laying low.
I'd like to hear more what people do who don't have children and aren't in a relationship, but I realize there aren't that many of us on the board. Between that and being an atheist, I'm about ready to boycott the month of December. I've adapted to Thanksgiving (go into the office for a while, pick up dinner at Boston Market, eat it at home). Christmas Eve I work during the day if we're open. Christmas Day I would either go into the office (I have year-end deadlines to meet) or hang out at home, and usually we get together for dinner as my relatives celebrate the holiday. But honestly, in my mid-30's, I don't really want to spend every holiday with my family of origin. It always ends with one of my brothers behaving badly, and I'm tired of every holiday being spoiled by that. I'm considering skipping it entirely this year. There's only one grandchild in my family so our celebrations aren't all about him at least. I remember watching my aunts' and uncles' celebrations become all about the kids once their grandchildren came along.
Last year, it was just H and me for Christmas, and we don't do gifts for each other. We also didn't feel like decorating last year. But on Christmas day, we stayed in our PJs and spent the day eating frozen appetizers and watching Christmas movies under a blanket on the couch. Around 5pm, we decided to go see a Christmas lights display, but other than that, we did nothing. I would think that could translate well for a singleton. Just make it a day of relaxation and pampering. Buy easy to prepare food ahead of time. Give yourself a pedicure, watch a movie, enjoy some wine - make it an in-home Treat Yo'self! day!
Post by krisandgrace on Nov 23, 2014 8:19:51 GMT -5
We host a holiday party for our friends with kids usually on a Sunday afternoon. I get a small gift for each kid and have a activity, last year was graham cracker gingerbread houses. It is a great excuse to decorate the house more then I normally would and I enjoy seeing the kids then sending them hone with their parents.
The other thing I do is to go away for a weekend or a night in December to someplace decked out for Christmas. This year my sister and I are staying at a fancy hotel in Boston. We are going to shop Newburyport street, skate on the frog pond, check out all the lights at Faneuil Hall and eat a lot!
Post by treedimensional on Nov 23, 2014 9:23:26 GMT -5
No kids? I'd make a hug plate of rum balls (151 proof) and leave them right out, fully exposed on the coffee table. They're always a huge hit with adults, but definitely not kid-friendly. I guess depending on where you live, you could put all kinds of adult-only confections on the table....
When DH and I don't go home for the holidays, we rent a movie and order Chinese food. We also always do stockings, it's my favorite part of Christmas...we make them for the pets too. We open one small present each on Christmas eve. We still do the tree, etc. I bake with friends. We have Thanksgiving traditions as well, we never go home for Thanksgiving but sometimes will visit closer family and we have fun traditions with theme that are adult oriented.
Having spent time with kids during the holidays too, I get the question. You don't have to necessarily put in the effort to make the holidays interesting with young kids, they get excited about everything and it just has a different feel. I'm not saying one is better or worse, or more or less special, but we definitely have to create our own alone traditions and make it happen vs. when we are with family and it just kinda happens without much effort (since we don't have to be Santa, thankfully).
I'd like to hear more what people do who don't have children and aren't in a relationship, but I realize there aren't that many of us on the board. Between that and being an atheist, I'm about ready to boycott the month of December. I've adapted to Thanksgiving (go into the office for a while, pick up dinner at Boston Market, eat it at home). Christmas Eve I work during the day if we're open. Christmas Day I would either go into the office (I have year-end deadlines to meet) or hang out at home, and usually we get together for dinner as my relatives celebrate the holiday. But honestly, in my mid-30's, I don't really want to spend every holiday with my family of origin. It always ends with one of my brothers behaving badly, and I'm tired of every holiday being spoiled by that. I'm considering skipping it entirely this year. There's only one grandchild in my family so our celebrations aren't all about him at least. I remember watching my aunts' and uncles' celebrations become all about the kids once their grandchildren came along.
I'm a widow. I do have a son that is married with 2 kids and our Christmas is held Christmas Eve with my entire family (about 25 people). Because my son and dil want Christmas Day with just their little family (which is fine with me - they need their own traditions) and rather than spending the day alone my girlfriend and I go to the show and then one of us cooks dinner. We also do this New Years Eve.
ETA - after thinking about this for a few more minutes the hardest part was the sudden change in traditions. Our son got married in August, they announced their pregnancy at Christmas, my husband was diagnosed with cancer in February and passed away in April and our first grandchild was born 6 weeks early in June. Suddenly all the Christmas traditions I had for the last 28 years were changed and quite honestly it sucked, and some years it still does. This will be the 9th Christmas without my husband and I'm finding this year harder for some reason. Sorry to be a downer but I can't really say this to anyone in my family without making them feel like they need to include me.
Post by delawarejen on Nov 23, 2014 11:43:18 GMT -5
You're not being a downer kathybela - and I agree it's hard to say anything to family. That was a pretty sudden change. I'm glad you have a friend to celebrate with.
Yes, about an hour and a half away. We're season pass holders and go up a few times a year
Oh! We're only 30 minutes away. We use to have season passes too but we used it way too much and it got old lol. I loved going to see the flowers in the spring and seeing all the lights during Christmas!
M and ddi741, H and I started the tradition of stopping in Asheville on our way to MD each year. We get there around lunchtime, walk around Asheville during the day. And then in the evening we splurge and have dinner at the Deerpark Inn on the grounds of the Biltmore. Amazing food there! The first year, we went to the house to see the Christmas lights. I just can't see spending the money each year to see essentially the same decorations.
My kid throws a wrench in my holiday plans. For Xmas with used to do a tour of NY city stopping get at various bars in between sights. Now it's too cold to bring her out and she can't be in bars like that. It's different now. Also my mom is in AA so that changes things. Thanksgiving is a little harder too. My mom and I watch the parade and cook all day. It's nice to just be together in the kitchen. I was childless for so long that truthfully my traditions are built with just my parents and husband. We hang out in matching pjs, eat, play cards and watch the Muppets.
Oh! We're only 30 minutes away. We use to have season passes too but we used it way too much and it got old lol. I loved going to see the flowers in the spring and seeing all the lights during Christmas!
M and ddi741, H and I started the tradition of stopping in Asheville on our way to MD each year. We get there around lunchtime, walk around Asheville during the day. And then in the evening we splurge and have dinner at the Deerpark Inn on the grounds of the Biltmore. Amazing food there! The first year, we went to the house to see the Christmas lights. I just can't see spending the money each year to see essentially the same decorations.
we're season pass holders so it doesn't cost us anything to see it during the day. We make a day of it. This year we are Aldo doing the red wine and chocolate tasting at the winery. Plus we have lunch at Cedric's pub.
Oh! We're only 30 minutes away. We use to have season passes too but we used it way too much and it got old lol. I loved going to see the flowers in the spring and seeing all the lights during Christmas!
M and ddi741, H and I started the tradition of stopping in Asheville on our way to MD each year. We get there around lunchtime, walk around Asheville during the day. And then in the evening we splurge and have dinner at the Deerpark Inn on the grounds of the Biltmore. Amazing food there! The first year, we went to the house to see the Christmas lights. I just can't see spending the money each year to see essentially the same decorations.
That's why we didn't renew our passes. Only so many times we can see the same things before it got old. If you decide to go this year, try the Bistro. The food there is amazing and I love the atmosphere.
I'll be honest, although we do put up a tree and decorate outside, we'd both just rather stay home and do nothing on Christmas. However, because we don't have kids we end up doing all of the local traveling. While I completely understand why when people have kids they want to be home on Christmas, I'd feel the same way. However, now we are the ones that go get my mom in one town, bring her to my brother's in another and visit with them for a bit. Then, go stop by our house to let our dogs out and go to yet another town to my BILs for terrible food (my SIL is a horrible cook) and visit for a while. Then have to get home in a reasonable amount of time for the dogs. I do love our famy, but we are lucky that they are all local and see them all weekly on average.
Last year as we were at our first stop, poor DH started to feel ill. Ended up in Mom's bathroom vomiting. We had to go home as it turned out to be the Norovirus, which he kindly gave to me on New Year's Day. Lol. Yes, I am still bitter. from that.
Sorry to be a Grinch. Perhaps we'll try some of these examples to get us in the spirit.
Can you bring your dogs with you? We travel for Christmas too and bring our dog with us.
I have always spent Thanksgiving and Christmas eve/day with my parents and sisters, and we usually see extended family on those days too. Christmas morning is basically the same as it's been since I was born... opening presents with my family of origin, then having breakfast (and a few years ago we introduced booze so it got even more fun), then dinner with extended family. I've never lived locally, so I've always spent the night at my parents' house. I've been lucky that both my serious relationships were with people who don't have family local and/or have strong holiday traditions with their family, so I've never had to travel to their family.
I do want to create some traditions of my own. This will be my 2nd Christmas with BF, and we're planning on decorating the tree together and listening to Christmas music, I assume with boozy hot chocolate or some other festive beverage. We're planning on doing stockings, which I assume we'll exchange at our home before traveling to see my family. We also will go downtown to Chicago and visit the Christmas market and the Zoo Lights (we're doing this Saturday, last year we did it a few days before Christmas). We also both like Christmas movies so we'll watch some of those in the weeks leading up.
I don't know what will happen on future Christmases. My sister has a baby and I think this will be the last year she's with us on Christmas morning. I assume as long as my other sister remains childless, the rest of us will still do Christmas morning together (but hopefully she won't - she wants to get married and have kids, just hasn't met the right guy yet). Maybe someday I'll live closer and can spend it at my own home and then join the family later in the day for dinner. I find it unlikely that I'll ever NOT see my family on the holidays, unless maybe we move far away and can't afford the airfare some year.
Holidays are all about getting together with people for me. I think if I ever wasn't seeing family, I'd do something with friends. I have enough friends who don't have local family that we could get together with, and if by chance they were all out of town I'd probably get together with friends who are from where I live and maybe their families. Spending the holidays alone or just the two of us doesn't appeal to me, so I'd travel if I really had no local options.