For those who plan to be CF forever...

[RoxMonster]

When/at what age did you and your H make the call for 100% sure? H and I have talked kids many, many times over the course of our marriage, but we are still young and late 20s. And obviously there are ways to have kids even later in life, but in terms of baby-making years, we're still quite in the prime.

We are very much "We don't want children at all ever" and are both on the same page. But I still feel like we need to re-visit in the future as we are still so young, KWIM? Not that we will change our mind, but it will obviously come up again.

So at what point did you say, "We are for sure not having kids and do not need to revisit this again?" It obviously will be different for everyone, but just something I was thinking about. I have this arbitrary age of 35 in my head for some reason. Like if at 35, we are still adamantly "no kids" it will be a definite call at that point and we will look into permanent sterilization. I don't know why I have that age in my head but I do.

[Deleted]

We don't have an age in which we plan to revisit it. It is more of general understanding that at any point either of us feels that change we will bring it up. We haven't really considered permanent sterilization mostly because many doctors won't do it to an individual without children anyway.

[alabasterangel]

I'm not CF but I wanted to chime in and say.. I don't recommend kids.

[treedimensional]

My spouse had no part in my decision; I decided as a child long before I met him.

For me it was more about finding a life partner who would never ask me to revisit my decision just because I was still fertile and HE was on the fence.

[lizardesque]

I was in the "never say never, but probably not" camp for a long time. However, I'm 40 now, and it's looking more and more like never (unless we were to decide we wanted to adopt, and probably not a baby).

My H has always been open to having kids and even has leaned somewhat toward wanting one. I have never wanted kids but was open to the possibility that I might change my mind. It's something we've talked about a lot over the time we've been together (married 10 years, together for 6 before that). We never set any kind of age cutoff, but at some point, it just became a given that unless I have some sort of epiphany and decide I really, really want a kid (and he does too, of course, but I've been the one who's more against it all along), it's not going to happen.

[OrangePixyStix]

We had set a soft-deadline for when I turn 35 before we take any permanent actions. I'll be 35 in about 2 months and really haven't changed our minds at all, so I'm about ready to schedule an appointment for the vasectomy and the H is definitely on board! The older we get, the more we see the benefits of NOT procreating and a life without kids just seem so much better for the both of us, so we are fairly certain neither of us will regret the decision once we do take that permanent step.

After seeing my parents have an "oopsie" child in their late-40's, we aren't going to chance it and have agreed that he'll do the vasectomy now that we are pretty much in agreement on not wanting anything to do with parenting. My goal is to buy some new boobs after getting confirmation that the vasectomy takes. Then I'll be happy to welcome my new twins into the world... the kind that are much cheaper and will never leave my side!

[jennynumbers]

Like treedimensional MH wasn't a part of my decision. It was decided long before I met him. We talked about kids before the wedding and a few times after. Neither of us wanted them, but were open to having them if it was that important to our partner. (ETA: - I should say we were open to discussing it further, not automatically having a kid) HOWEVER- that decision is now null and void because there is no way I'm having them. Luckily, MH feels the same way. LOL

I have never ever been able to imagine my life with a baby. The thought was never really there for me. It is just something I always knew. So I can't really give you a definitive answer as to when we decided against it.

When you aren't 100% one way or the other, it is a hard decision to make. My only advice is please don't have them because you feel like it's the next thing to do or because you are feeling societal pressure. It is a decision only between you and YH without any outside influence.

[sitnspin]

MH has a daughter who is 24, so he is not CF.  When we first met, I was 27 and 99% sure I was going to be CF for life.  We talked to my gyno about it  when we were engaged to see what the deal is with an older dude (he was 50 at the time) and older dude sperm.  Turns out, you can have a slew of issues, so that pushed me to the 100%.  

I got my Mirena a few weeks later.  Best decision I ever made! 

[sapphire bou]

I'm in my mid-20s, H is in his early-30s. I like the way Liz put it: "never say never, but probably not." I haven't put much thought into a cut-off age, but I know that I'm not ready to make any permanent changes right now. I'm just playing it by ear.

[glw]

It's never been a question at all for me. I've known since I was 6 years old that I never wanted to be a mother. G could go either way, but we discussed when we were dating that if he wanted to marry me, that meant kids were off the table. We haven't discussed it since.


ETA: I'm 31 and G is 33.  We haven't discussed a vasectomy because if sometime in the future we are no longer together, I want G to have the option to have children with someone else if he wants to. I haven't found a permanent birth control that I'm comfortable with yet, so I've had 2 Mirenas.