Wound this make you mad...

[minismama]

Last week DH mentioned that he told his sister we would go in half on a new tv for my MIL/FIL for Christmas.  This annoyed me for a number of reasons...
1) I wanted to keep the entire Christmas budget around $500 and that will likely eat up most of it
2) We usually don't get large gifts like that for our parents.  So we will get his mom a huge new TV and I'll buy my mom a new pair of sandals..It doesn't seem fair...and we really can't afford to spend that much on both sets of parents..
But I said my peace and got over it.  I don't want him telling me I can't do something for my parents.

Today I get a text from my husband with a picture of my in-laws standing in front of a huge TV box.  

WTF.  Is it Christmas?  Apparently my SIL went and bought it today and just brought it straight to their house. Not wrapped not anything.  
So I got annoyed while texting DH.  I told him I basically feel like my SIL used us for half the money.  We had no say, no choice, no anything.  She probably needed to get it at a store where she had a credit account and is now going to call him next week to send her a check.  And why the heck did she give it to them today?  When she walked in the door was she like oh and Danielle and Mike chipped in.  I mean really?  Not like I need all this recognition but I think the whole way this was done was just crappy.  It's from our family too.  Couldn't you have facetimed my kids when you were making the delivery to your moms house?
Or at least waited until Christmas??  

I'm not really as mad as I am annoyed.  I just wish she would have included us more in the entire process....If I'm going to spend that kind of money I kind of want a say..you know?
DH is saying "you know how she is..it's her call on her time blah blah".. 

Would you be mad/annoyed or am I overreacting...

[andrewsgal]

Sounds like you have a DH problem. Yes I would be livid at my husband not SIL. This is his fault not hers. If he had consulted with you and said no like he should have this never would have happened.

[minismama]

Nov 23, 2014 12:10:56 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Sounds like you have a DH problem. Yes I would be livid at my husband not SIL. This is his fault not hers. If he had consulted with you and said no like he should have this never would have happened.

Oh I was mad at him.  And we argued, discussed etc.  Then I got over it...

Then today the whole way she went about this got me all riled up again.

[lexus]

So where is that money coming from? That would be my biggest concern. How are you going to afford gifts for everyone else on your list?!

[minismama]

Nov 23, 2014 12:46:24 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Nov 23, 2014 12:38:32 GMT -5 lexus said:

So where is that money coming from? That would be my biggest concern. How are you going to afford gifts for everyone else on your list?!

To this end, you and your H need to go over the holiday budget together.

The budget could have been double what I made it.  I am super cheap and don't think we need to spend crazy amounts of money around the holidays.  There is no denying I am the saver and DH is the spender...  So I make the budget half thinking maybe just maybe we won't go crazy.  

And I am happy if they are happy.  I just think the whole giving the tv to them today rubbed me the wrong way.  (It's not like they didn't have a large working tv and were desperate for one a month before Christmas.)

[cabbagecabbage]

Yes, I'd be mad. I'm the budgeter and the control freak about money. DH is pretty responsible but occasionally buys something dumb without talking it over and plays the "relax, babe!" card which makes me want to stab him in his sleep. So I feel for you. It's an odd and really large parent gift.

[chatterbox]

This sounds like something my husband would do, and yes I would be pissed off at him and annoyed with the SIL.

[andrewsgal]

Once again your anger is misplaced you should be mad at your husband.

[minerswife17]

I would be mad at my H also. Luckily, he's a saver like I am and I can pretty well guarantee that he wouldn't do something like that without running it by me. He'd be on the couch until Christmas though. (Totally kidding)

[auroraloo]

I'd be annoyed at SIL because she said it was a Christmas present and did it today. I think annoyance at the SIL is valid.

Had you told your husband that's what you wanted the budget to be? Was he operating under the assumption you had a bigger budget, perhaps like other years? I think the majority of your "anger" needs to be directed at yourself and your H for not communicating, but the annoyance at SIl is valid.

[minismama]

Nov 23, 2014 14:24:44 GMT -5 auroraloo said:

I'd be annoyed at SIL because she said it was a Christmas present and did it today. I think annoyance at the SIL is valid.

Had you told your husband that's what you wanted the budget to be? Was he operating under the assumption you had a bigger budget, perhaps like other years? I think the majority of your "anger" needs to be directed at yourself and your H for not communicating, but the annoyance at SIl is valid.

Yeah I probably should have mentioned that the budget I created was in my head. But he never does any of the gift shopping. So I agree it was poor communication, I just would have never thought he would be asked to buy a tv. And in his defense he didn't know I had a set budget. But he does know I'm cheap and should have ran it by me... We have communication issues at times... I will admit that.

[vlagrl]

Yes I would be mad and I would have told her no on splitting the cost. We have an even tighter xmas budget than you ($300) and we talk about it every year as to how we are splitting it up.

[Deleted]

I think mild annoyance at SIL is justified here. When I hear Christmas gift, I would presume it would be given on Christmas, especially a big gift like that.

I guess I am more wtf about the gift itself it seems over the top to me and I go crazy with gifts and my Christmas budget is generally pretty generous. It seems over the top because they have a working tv.

I also agree it's an h issue too. How on earth did he think that was a good idea?! Men. Shaking my head.

I love opening gifts on Christmas so yeah, giving it all early takes the fun out of it!

[rosesandpetals]

Stuff like this has happened to me before so I have a rule about no group gifts with certain people. If you agree it's a Christmas present then you can't just hand it over before Thanksgiving.

But I would be annoyed with myself for not sharing my budget plans with DH and annoyed with him for agreeing to spend so much money without talking to me first.

[lindsay9911]

I don't think it's crazy to be annoyed at your SIL for giving them the TV already. Budget disagreements aside, I would be pissed if we had decided to go in together for a large gift and my SIL went out and gave it to them a month before. If it was an immediate need that would be one thing but a larger tv? It's ridiculous.

[dc2london]

I would definitely be annoyed

[thecheshirekat]

There's plenty of annoyance to go around. Yes, I'd be pissed at DH for agreeing to that without consulting me. I'd also be annoyed with the SIL for going ahead and giving it to them early AND without you guys included as equal givers of the gift, which is royally shitty. And yes, also at myself for not communicating about the Christmas budget, though I can see how you might not have done that yet if you weren't planning to shop yet.

We got burned every single time DH's siblings suggested going in on a parent gift together, so we no longer do it. They never pay anyone back for their portion, the relationships are a little too tense to be able to remind them without setting off a war, and it's just not worth the annoyance. Now when one of them asks, we just say that we already bought them a gift for this year.

[broccolisgirl]

I think annoyance at your sil is definitely justified. It's not like your ILs needed a washer/dryer/dishwasher/something more essential than a tv. In that case, I could totally understand getting/giving it right away with an "Oh btw, merry Christmas from everybody". But a bigger tv? That shit could have waited.

I would also be annoyed with dh for agreeing to spend a large chunk of money without discussing it with me first.

[quesyrah]

I would be annoyed
With both my SIL and DH