H just left from visiting DS. I had him do bedtime and got our bills together so we could decide who pays what.
Then I told him I had decided to let him drive DS to his family for Tgiving. He didn't seem appreciative- pisses me off.
After that I told him that in order to make things easy, we should figure out the debt, visitation, custody, child support, etc before going to a lawyer to save as much $ as possible.
He said, "so we're getting a divorce?"
WTH?!?
He said he kept thinking there was a chance. I'm sure if I were in his position is feel the same way, but really?
Then he tried to give me his wedding band back- first time I've almost cried.
I'm sorry. We had pretty different situations, but I was the one who didn't want the separation/divorce in my marriage. Honestly, it took some time, and it took hearing from XH several times that he wasn't going to change his mind. Hell, I even gave him my rings because I kind of hoped that he would come around, then he could give them back. Just give him time, he'll eventually be able to accept what is happening.
In the meantime, be strong, you know that you are doing the right thing, even if he tries to rethink that or makes you feel bad.
XH and I have been divorced for just over 10 years, and I didn't really have to keep reminding him that we were done, but I did (not so) politely decline when he wanted to put in a booty-call schedule.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Nov 24, 2014 1:23:02 GMT -5
mine had a hard time with it too. he thought once he completed rehab that we'd be a family and everything would be like before he relapsed. uh no. he wanted to do counseling anything to get us back but then he relapsed and tried to tell me that he hadn't. bt that and telling me that he NEEDED us for his recovery, i knew we were OVER no ands, ifs or buts.
hugs and you are doing the right thing. stand firm.
Another stbx over here who I'm pretty sure doesn't get it yet. We are moving toward a settlement etc but certain things he says and does make me think he still thinks I'm going to realise I'm so stupid for letting him go and want him back... Not likely pal!
Maybe actually filing will make a difference but we can't do that for another 6 months.
It does take time, hopefully he's got it now though!
Post by WinterIsComing on Nov 24, 2014 10:28:10 GMT -5
Just keep telling him, eventually he will start to realize that it's really happening.
As someone on the other side, like jigsy, I understand why he is still having to process. It's really hard to have what you thought you life was going to be suddenly changing, especially when you have no control. Even though my XH cheated and moved in with his new gf, I still had moments where I was so desperate for the life I thought I had / wanted to have. For me it the only thing to make me understand and accept what was happening was time.
Post by sherbanator on Nov 24, 2014 13:18:38 GMT -5
I am also the one that didn't want the divorce so I know how hard it is to move on. Of course I was cheated on and then when he realized the grass wasn't greener he came back saying that it was all a mistake which did not help my mental state and getting over it.
Something did recently happen that felt like a light switch going off that helped me get over it. Funny, someone can do really fucked up things to you and then it just takes one little thing to find clarity and move on.
Hopefully your ex gets it sooner than later. This stuff is so stressful!