Post by callunafirefly on Nov 24, 2014 8:45:11 GMT -5
I'm going to keep this as factual as possible without too many leading details. I don't want to skew responses, but I will answer questions if it helps to get a better picture.
BF and his exW have been apart for very close to two years. The kids are 7 and 3(two months he'll be 4). They have a pretty standard custody schedule. He and I have been together a little over a year. The past couple months potty training has seemed to have regressed. I've been keeping a journal for court fodder and making notes about issues that arise on visitation and other relevant info, so we have a pretty good idea of the time table. This weekend there was absolutely no effort of using the toilet by the 3yo. None. He would flat out refuse to pee, and then stand there and cry because he "didn't have to", and on a couple occasions peed in his pull-up almost immediately after leaving the bathroom. He also pooped himself at least 8 times this weekend. At some point on Saturday I asked BF if he thought he was doing it because he was mad about something. It kind of seemed like that was the case, but he's 3 so who knows. So this child who 8-9 months ago was completely potty trained, wearing underwear everyday - now is crapping himself several times a day and refusing to use the bathroom at all. We asked the older one and he says he does it at Mommy's house too, so we know this isn't something unique to our house.
I don't know what to think or even how to handle it. Thoughts?
Post by redshoejune on Nov 24, 2014 9:45:04 GMT -5
My dd did something similar when she was 3.5. Last year in December she kept pooping in her pants and occasionally having pee accidents. For the pee thing, we had to let her have complete control. If we asked her to go or tried to force her she would refuse and it was a power struggle thing. I don't know what the poop thing was about but it was kind of similar, she would refuse any effort to make her go in the toilet.
We did a sticker chart for her which helped some but not totally. I think it was related to stress from the holidays and from me and stbx fighting. It took a few weeks to resolve itself and it really sucked.
Post by callunafirefly on Nov 24, 2014 10:03:38 GMT -5
I do think he's trying to hold it and I do think the poop thing is about control - It really seems like he does it when he's pissed. The refusing to pee thing - no idea about that.
I can't really say about allergies, they don't have the best co-parenting relationship and whenever he brings up issues to her, she just rolls her eyes and says that doesn't happen with her, even though the older one says it does. She's very defensive about anything she perceives to be someone questioning her parenting.
I suggested for him to make an appointment but without the mother being on board and admitting there is something going on - all we have is the time we spend with him to go on. I'm not sure how beneficial that will be.
Did anyone read this and think - maybe abuse? But then not say it because it seems so far fetched? Things have been said by the older one that just seems weird, and the behavior the kids have with each other, weird...They aren't my kids and they are being raised differently, but somethings that are said and certain behaviors raise flags to me...but I don't want to instantly jump to something and be WAY off.
Post by callunafirefly on Nov 24, 2014 10:22:37 GMT -5
The mother lives with her dad and stepmother - who are separated and have separate rooms there is also a college aged brother who lives there. We aren't quite sure where everyone sleeps - but we think the kids are in some sort of office room. The older one has made unsolicited comments about the grandfather being in bed with the younger one. I asked if it was day, he said no it was dark. When asked what he was doing, he said he was playing with him, tickling him. This was a few months ago. He was asked again this weekend if the grandpa is ever in the room and he said sometimes. The kids have a very strange parent/child relationship...no other way to describe it other than the older one is correcting, coddling, pet talking the little one. Not sure if this is related. The younger one is always, ALWAYS miserable. Like I'm talking taking him to a bouncy house or kid focused activities and he sits and scowls the entire time.
I did not grow up in a house where sleeping in bed with adults was common. Maybe this is all normal and innocent, but there seems to be a lot, and I would hate to overlook something. But how the hell do you even question something like this?
Post by jojoandleo on Nov 24, 2014 11:10:53 GMT -5
You need to take the kid to a doctor. There is no way for anyone on here to tell you if the kid is being abused. None of us have seen him, talked to him, or analyzed him. If this is a real concern-you need to take him to a professional. It is apparent his issues stem far beyond potty training. That doesn't mean abuse. But something is up. Do what it takes to get to the bottom of it.
Post by callunafirefly on Nov 24, 2014 12:58:25 GMT -5
He is concerned as well. But I think neither one of us is sure if this is an issue or him just being 3. Mine is 13 now so it's been a long time since I've had to deal with potty training issues. He also doesn't want to jump to conclusions if this is just one of those adjustment things...I know kids regress sometimes.
Post by callunafirefly on Nov 24, 2014 15:09:56 GMT -5
Yep - actually the situation before was with the older one. The mom moved out of there for about a year, but she's back in the house with them since July now.
Post by formerlyak on Nov 25, 2014 18:02:39 GMT -5
The pee thing doesn't scream abuse to me, because it is fairly common in boys to not want to stop what they are doing to pee at that age for fear of missing out on something and then either have to be told you won't play with them any further until they try or let them pee themselves and point out that if they just went earlier that wouldn't have happened. I went through that with ds at that age and he had been fully potty trained since about 20 months.
The poop in the pants thing I have no experience with.
But the other stuff about sleeping arrangements is odd to me.