God, H is an idiot

[jeaniebueller]

That is when you tell him that you will start rotating morning duty with the baby.  Also, most husbands tend to be uber annoying during infant/baby-hood. I could list about 30 annoying things that my husband did over the weekend relating to the baby, but I also know that it shall pass.

[5hole]

I'm sorry he's being so obtuse lately

[flamingeaux]

Well, yesterday, mine asked me "who should he save, if something goes wrong during the birth?" And then was completely confused when I dissolved into a puddle of tears. WTF H? 5 days before I give birth is not a good time to say shit like that.

[Kristinmo]

Have you told him you need him to hold her?

[flamingeaux]

Nov 24, 2014 9:56:32 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Nov 24, 2014 9:46:39 GMT -5 flamingeaux said:

Well, yesterday, mine asked me "who should he save, if something goes wrong during the birth?" And then was completely confused when I disolved into a puddle of tears. WTF H? 5 days before I give birth is not a good time to say shit like that.

Did he apologize, at least?

Oh yes. I don't know if he fully understood, how it made me feel, but he was sorry he upset me.  He is very much a planner and logistics type of person, so I get why he asked, but oof his timing is terrible, sometimes.

[orval]

Nov 24, 2014 10:14:30 GMT -5 @rumpshaker said:

Nov 24, 2014 10:12:55 GMT -5 Kristinmo said:

Have you told him you need him to hold her?

Yes, and he says he is running late for work. 

Have you told him he needs to wake up earlier so he can get the daycare stuff together or hold her after she eats? Sometimes people need explicit directions.

[livinitup]

Nov 24, 2014 10:08:22 GMT -5 @rumpshaker said:

Que?, yes he could. The problem is that I need help AFTER I get up with her. I nurse her in the morning, and then I rock with her (she needs to be upright for 20 min due to reflux), then I get ready. If H were to rock with her, or get her daycare stuff together, or make me breakfast, or ANYTHING, it would help. However, he sleeps while I nurse her and then gets up and says he has to go.

This is exactly what happened to me. I was up at 6 am to BF, then she slept/stayed in the crib while I took my shower, then I got myself and her out the door. This seemed logical for a few reasons. The BIGGEST was that I had a longer commute, so I always woke up earlier than DH. When we were childless, we got ourselves ready in the morning with no overlap - I was leaving around the same time DH was getting up for work. So, adding the baby, we still got ourselves ready. I dropped DD at child care, so I added getting all of HER stuff ready before I left, too. Again - DH was sleeping until it was time for us to leave.

Until I hit a wall. DH was saying, logically, "There is nothing for me to do. You BF and child care is on the way to YOUR office." It was a MIRACLE when DH realized that he could get up earlier, make my breakfast and pack the car with DD's stuff and even put DD in the car. It changed my life to have an awake and busy parent in the morning. CHANGED MY LIFE.

I would seriously consider making this your mission to get DH on board with parenting in the morning. I could not "convince" him. He had to really see it as his responsibility to get DD out of the house in the morning. That as precious as his sleep was (and it was/is very precious), he needed to see it as "family time" and not just his time - in the morning. Once he was committed to that and an active partner, every day was manageable.

[FastHands]

Yeah, time for a chat.
DH and I have had like 15 half-conversations about this exact situation, but preemptively, as I haven’t started work yet. It's hard to plan until you really know how things will go.

Is it at all possible that he doesn't realize how much hassle/burden you deal with in the morning? Think realistically about your morning and what you can hand off. If he's really not a morning person, he can even do a bit of it before bed and save a few mins of sleep. But he needs to get up earlier and contribute too.