NSOR: Death of my coworker's husband

[abcdefu]

Hey Ladies:

Poof.  Thanks for the advice

[Deleted]

How sad.  Especially being all alone.  Does she have children?  Are you pretty close? What you did is great.  Offer to stay and hang out with her so she's not alone?  Invite her over for dinner (especially once the funeral and all is over with) She may decline and that's ok.  For me (not that I've lost a spouse, but grandmother and stepdad)  people texting to check in was helpful.  
ETA: offer to grocery shop for her or go with her.

[1confused1]

How sad!

[abcdefu]

She doesn't have any children. I stayed a little bit later than my coworker because I came in my separate car.

We were talking on her porch and she said that she feels so alone. She has been with her husband since they were 15 and she is 56. Her wedding anniversary is next week. I just listened and let her cry.

You guys, she is the sweetest! When my sister in law and sister were pregnant, she bought about $100 of baby clothes for each of them and at the time she had never met my sister or sister in law.

I just wish there was something I could do to take away her pain.

[redredwine]

That is so sad!!!

I would continue to just offer to be there for her, maybe bring her dinner a few times whether it's just dropping her off or staying to listen to her. She's in shock/grief right now and it's different for everyone, so just reach out and let her know you're there for her.

[Deleted]

Oh my gosh.  I think this will be really difficult because without parents/in-laws/siblings/children, there's no immediate family.  I hope she has some close family on her side or his that will be there for her.  Any SIL/BIL?  It's really a nightmare when someone loses a spouse.  Watching my mom was so horrendous and she had me and close cousins and The best friends ever around.  
Her mental state of well being and thought processes may be really fragile right now.  Possibly suggest she see her doctor or a counselor.  And maybe offer to bring her if she's in need?  Hearing this just breaks my heart because I know how hard it is to suffer a great loss.  

[endorable]

That's such a sad situation. It sounds like you're being a good friend and support to her.

As someone widowed a few years ago, I remember I appreciated when people brought over food so I didn't have to cook for myself or anyone else who was visiting. I'd check in periodically to see if she wants company, wants someone to do errands with or for her, or just wants to get out of the house. She's in my thoughts - the holidays are going to be so difficult. There's not much you can do about that except be there for her and listen.

[seabitch]

Listen, let her cry. Texting is great. Checking in on her.

Such a hard, sad situation to be in.

[abcdefu]

Thanks everyone! I just feel so awful for her. The fact that it's right before the holidays makes it even worse.

[riverpestie]

So sad!!

[JayhawkGirl]

DH stayed with his mom her first night, then his aunt (SIL to my MIL) stayed (DH was with me in the hospital having DD). After that she stayed with us the first four or five nights.

I know it's a holiday, but perhaps offer your guest room to her or offer to stay with her. Offer to accompany her to the funeral home, make calls to extended relatives, church, friends, insurance, etc. Heading into winter, offer help with shoveling or helping find a service to clear snow (if that's your climate).

Also, make sure she has let her own dr know what has happened. They can give her some medicine to help her sleep and calm her nerves (I think MIL got Xanax). And if she has any health concerns like blood pressure they will keep a closer eye on her in the weeks/months ahead.

Eta- I should say hello, I'm a SO lurker. My best friend is starting over and I've turned here for ideas on how support her as she moves through her divorce.