What your SIL went through does not negate or trivialize what you are going through.
Do you have to go? Maybe this is a good time for a not feeling well white lie and have a day to yourself to cry, do nothing, shop online, watch movies, whatever you want.
I'm so sorry. Don't feel like you have to show up tomorrow and put on a happy face if it's too hard. It's okay to skip it. If they can't understand what you are going through, then fuck them.
I really couldn't have said it better. Big huge hugs to you.
Post by monkeybabe on Nov 26, 2014 11:57:28 GMT -5
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I hate when people pull the pain olympics. Pain is pain. I am so angry for you, and I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go to your SIL's. I wouldn't go, and I hope your H is more understanding this time.
Huge huge hugs! What you are going through sucks and you have every right to be sad, mad, upset, angry, or whatever you need to be to get through it. Your mil probably thinks she is helping by making connections, but she is really just making things worse. Do whatever you need to do to take care of you!!
Big hugs sweetie. I'm so angry that your MIL is making comments like that. Take all the time you need and stay home tomorrow if you don't feel up to it. We're all right here for you.
Oh my gosh. My heart just breaks for you reading this.
You are allowed to have all your feelings, and your MIL is literally trying to take them away from you.
What happened to SIL was awful, but honestly, why is it being talked about? This is something YOU are going through and to bring up anyone else's experience and lessen yours, is so offensive to me. I don't know how you handle it with such grace. I would be freaking out to people if they said that to me.
Also, pretty insensitive and inconsiderate for SIL to do a gender reveal the day of your mc. She should have waited at least a DAY.
I would not go for dessert if you aren't up to it. You don't have to do anything you aren't up for now! You are allowed to mourn and stay home. And you don't owe anyone an explanation.
Eta: I agree that she probably isn't doing it on purpose, but it still bothers me to bring it up. I don't see how she couldn't see how invalidating that is to your feelings.
Post by sandj82110 on Nov 26, 2014 13:30:06 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. As others have said, bringing up your SIL is completely unfair. I would send you H and the kids and stay home and pamper yourself in whatever way sounds best to you.
Post by LiveLoveLearn on Nov 26, 2014 13:53:22 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. Life is so unfair. A loss is a loss and you have every right to grieve however you need to. Please don't feel you need to do anything for anyone else. Right now you need to take care of yourself and you and DH be there for each other and the girls and take the time you need to to grieve. Big hugs.
I'm so sorry. Don't feel like you have to show up tomorrow and put on a happy face if it's too hard. It's okay to skip it. If they can't understand what you are going through, then fuck them.
This. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. Love you and be safe.
Post by onehitwonder on Nov 26, 2014 14:47:41 GMT -5
I am so sorry you're hurting and not getting the support you need. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself during this time and don't worry about others.
Im so sorry your grief is valid. Grief-offs help nobody, it's not a sadness competition. I'm sorry they are being inconsiderate and I really feel like it is ok to not go.
Post by thedahliharpa on Nov 26, 2014 16:38:17 GMT -5
I'm sorry they are making this worse instead of better. I would not go in these curcumstances. You do not owe anyone anything in this situation. Big hugs.
I'm so sorry your in laws don't seem to have a clue how to help or what you're going through (really surprising given what your SIL went through - but maybe she didn't want people to talk to her so she's giving you space? ) You deserve to feel however you feel right now. It doesn't mean you're any less loving or appreciative of your two beautiful girls. It means you're mourning a loss and you should be able to do that on your own terms and at your own pace. Do you think you could skip out on a lot of TG activities and maybe just show up for dessert or something?
Post by rainbowchip on Nov 26, 2014 17:00:59 GMT -5
I didn't read all the other comments but nobody's loss is worse than anyone elses! A loss is a loss and you are allowed to be sad and grieve however you need to.
It's really crappy that your MIL is comparing. And I want to shake her and yell at her for you!
Nobody would say that a person who lost their 18 year old has a worse loss than a person who lost their 14 year old! It was your baby!
I say, come down with a major headache so you don't have to go.
Emerson Kate, born 38w5d on 4/6/12 at 6:02 p.m., 5 lbs 13 oz and 18 3/4 inches. Lucas Matthew, born 39w5d on 4/11/14 at 8:20 a.m., 7 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches.
Post by christidee on Nov 26, 2014 17:41:22 GMT -5
Hugs. I'm so sorry. I think loss is something that chokes people up. People just don't know what to say. It isn't a competition. It's not fair. Grieve as you need to. Hugs, again.
Post by sallyowens on Nov 26, 2014 19:07:29 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. I really appreciate all of your feedback and support. I'm going to talk to my H about it tonight but I think I may skip out in dessert there tomorrow.
Post by creamsiclechica on Nov 26, 2014 20:48:09 GMT -5
Sally, I didn't get the chance to respond earlier, but others have already gracefully said what I would. Any emotion you feel is valid and meaningful, and it shouldn't be minimized or less significant because it's compared to someone else. I can't imagine how you feel, and I would do whatever I could to make you feel better and more supported than you do right now. I'm glad you're considering skipping. You need to be able to grieve however you like, sweetie. So much love to you. Never hesitate to discuss here. Gigantic hugs.