IRRITATED

[Deleted]

You guys.  It was NOT a good idea to come to England.  Nope.  But I'll leave those stories for another time; right now I am so so SO irritated with my business partner.  There is some back story I won't go into, which is making me feel more irritated than I normall would.

So I get a referral opportunity from someone who I have a close relationship with in my network.  Which I treat with kid gloves.  My business partner is the main sales person but hasn't closed a deal in over a year (our current contracts have been through my network), and not since I joined as a partner.

So I respond to the referral to start dialog.  Against my gut...because I thought I was being irrational due to jet lag, I forward it to her as a FYI and tell her I already sent a note and will include her in the invite when the call is scheduled.

Plus, I said to myself, she is my business partner, it's the right thing to do to give her the heads up.

I sent the email to her about 6 hours ago.  She has been online for 3 hours and had not responded to my email.  I just checked again and SAW AN EMAIL FROM HER TO THE REFERRAL CONTACT, saying I had forwarded his note and asked that she reach out to him.

RAGE
1.  My email to her was explicit about the fact no action was needed from her
2.  She constantly mis-reads emails
3. I actually suspect she may have read it correctly but wants to "control" the situation (we disagree how to manage our network referrals)

Honestly, this may send me over the edge.  If I can't trust her with something as basic as this, then I'm truly questioning the longevity of our business relationship.

(again, I know this seems mild, but long story short, she has created problems at one of our large enterprise accounts that I have to constantly run interference on - and a bunch of other stuff - not because she isn't smart - she is REALLY SMART - but has no idea how to manage a client relationship...which is honestly more important than any other factor on running our business)

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 14:08:52 GMT -5 googled said:

This would annoy me A LOT. She's making it look like you guys aren't communicating well.

Does she do anything right? Because it kind of seems like she doesn't from everything you've posted about her.

She's a great tech architect and can spin bs like no other.  I am beyond post now; I sent her an email that said I had already emailed him.  She has not replied to me.  But SHE HAS REPLIED TO THE CONTACTS EMAIL.

W.t.f.

(Sorry, normally wouldn't air this crap here but I have had a miserable week and this isn't helping)

[nicanmatt]

DH has an experience like this with family.

I understand the rage and I'm sorry. How can you move on without her? I recommend doing so now, because your time is too valuable to waste with her. Don't let her ruin your vacation, if possible.

I hope you have a good trip/vacation! Are you there long?

[isabel]

That would seriously piss me off and I think you have every right to be upset. That said, I don't think there's much, if anything, for you to do about it. She clearly operates in her own way and I'm guessing she's old enough to be set in her ways. I'm not sure of your professional situation, but it would seem to me that you're going to have to learn to live with it or find a new venture. I'm sorry. It sounds like she kind of sucks.

[Monica Geller]

Nov 26, 2014 14:18:06 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Call her. And yell. This makes you both look bad.

I was about to say time to stop with the email and make a call. This needs to be handled as directly as possible.  

I'm sorry she's putting you in a bad position.

[MixedBerryJam]

My gut would want to call and yell, but this needs a paper trail. You have a right to be enraged. Is she trying to make you look junior (eg, fields escalated this to me because I'm the big swinging dick around here)? Is she trying to make you look incompetent (eg, lucky for you I can reach out to you because fields needs handholding). I'd be beyond irritated.

[Eagles]

It seems like she's constantly undermining you in order to show that her balls are bigger. You guys need a serious phone conversation followed by a face to face meeting when you get home.

[Deleted]

multiple emails between her and contact; no response to me.

I'm suppose to be on vacation and don't want to spend $1/min to call and tell at her from England web I can do it face to face when I'm back. I am seriously pist; the thing is that if we part ways, she is basically out with our current client and I am in. She should get this based on recent conversations (our main contact t current client asked me to take the drivers seat and for her to play back because her communication style is such a mismatch). Current client is my network and my relationship.

Clearly I need to have a really blunt discussion; it will be had. Eagles you are correct - and this was the last straw.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 14:50:38 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

My gut would want to call and yell, but this needs a paper trail. You have a right to be enraged. Is she trying to make you look junior (eg, fields escalated this to me because I'm the big swinging dick around here)? Is she trying to make you look incompetent (eg, lucky for you I can reach out to you because fields needs handholding). I'd be beyond irritated.

I actually know for a fact there is a jealousy issue at play given that she is used to owning relationships and she doesn't with this client; I have been MORE than accommodating to show there is no need to feel this way.  But this is probably the root of what is driving her choices.  She is smarter than me technically but I have WAY more "business" experience than she does...so much back story,but I'll leave it at that.

[Deleted]

Can you break up the partnership without implicating non-competes? Can you keep the existing client relationships (contractually, I mean)? If so, I would leave over this. It isn't a small thing at all.

[cville]

She's threatened and destroying what you've built client-wise over it. No bueno. Time to go.

[Eagles]

Nov 26, 2014 15:42:50 GMT -5 fields said:

multiple emails between her and contact; no response to me.

I'm suppose to be on vacation and don't want to spend $1/min to call and tell at her from England web I can do it face to face when I'm back. I am seriously pist; the thing is that if we part ways, she is basically out with our current client and I am in. She should get this based on recent conversations (our main contact t current client asked me to take the drivers seat and for her to play back because her communication style is such a mismatch). Current client is my network and my relationship.

Clearly I need to have a really blunt discussion; it will be had. Eagles you are correct - and this was the last straw.

I'm sorry; this is not what you want to be dealing with on vacation.

[ECB]

Nov 26, 2014 15:42:50 GMT -5 fields said:

multiple emails between her and contact; no response to me.

I'm suppose to be on vacation and don't want to spend $1/min to call and tell at her from England web I can do it face to face when I'm back. I am seriously pist; the thing is that if we part ways, she is basically out with our current client and I am in. She should get this based on recent conversations (our main contact t current client asked me to take the drivers seat and for her to play back because her communication style is such a mismatch). Current client is my network and my relationship.

Clearly I need to have a really blunt discussion; it will be had. Eagles you are correct - and this was the last straw.

Her being out w/ the client - so what?  She isn't totally unaware of the issues, right?  So... don't feel bad.  

[Deleted]

ECB - it's more that this shows how she ignores the relationship dynamics. As I'm thinking of writing out all the things at play (which I'm not going to), it's making me realize a more direct conversation needed to happen a couple months ago. Part of my frustration is with myself for not staying true to my gut; it's literally never wrong.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 16:17:10 GMT -5 @booby said:

you are right to be pissed. i don't remember your last post on this relationship with partner, but i recall it was the same 'flavour'.

have you spoken to her in the past about her weirdo communication habits? (last time you posted, i believe it was about her communication and these turf war things).

Yes - we've had two conversations that I thought were productive and healthy; the most recent one was last week where she actually proactivly told me she wanted to do the right thug for the client and take a step back and be more I the background.  I was encouraged by this.  But it seems every time she then goes into this weird ego spiral and has to go feel "in control" about something else.

i think the fact that she hasn't closed any deals is eating at her; which it should.  And I know exactly why she isn't - she can't get out of her own way and doesn't know when to play to aloof vs. aggressive personalty.

[ECB]

Nov 26, 2014 16:20:55 GMT -5 @smace said:

Isnt she the same one who is supposedly a friends/business partner
and then dangled in your face the fact you weren't invited to her childs bday party?

Homegirl is shadier than an oak tree and id be paranoid she's setting me up to steal my shit and make me a fall guy.

Youve had a lot of negative things to say about her in the past and you were giving her the benefit of the doubt to explain stuff away. I would stop that immediately

That's RIGHT.  I need the spreadsheet!  I'm horrible at remembering this kind of stuff.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 16:20:55 GMT -5 @smace said:

Isnt she the same one who is supposedly a friends/business partner
and then dangled in your face the fact you weren't invited to her childs bday party?

Homegirl is shadier than an oak tree and id be paranoid she's setting me up to steal my shit and make me a fall guy.

Youve had a lot of negative things to say about her in the past and you were giving her the benefit of the doubt to explain stuff away. I would stop that immediately

Yup.

And agree - I have spent all year trying to be empathetic given some personal circumstances...but Fir the past several weeks I've been done.

Fuck; just last week she blew a huge preso (which was what prompted the whole we want her on the backburner convo).  

Its been several hours and I am still fired up about this.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 16:20:55 GMT -5 @smace said:

Isnt she the same one who is supposedly a friends/business partner
and then dangled in your face the fact you weren't invited to her childs bday party?

Homegirl is shadier than an oak tree and id be paranoid she's setting me up to steal my shit and make me a fall guy.

Youve had a lot of negative things to say about her in the past and you were giving her the benefit of the doubt to explain stuff away. I would stop that immediately

Yup.

And agree - I have spent all year trying to be empathetic given some personal circumstances...but Fir the past several weeks I've been done.

Fuck; just last week she blew a huge preso (which was what prompted the whole we want her on the backburner convo).

Its been several hours and I am still fired up about this.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 16:37:32 GMT -5 @smace said:

Best case scenario here is that something is wrong in her head / personal life and the effects are spreading to work OR she's straight up riding your coattails until yiuve done enough work that she can snatch the coat away from you. Either way, I would guard everything you need to. Stop sharing. There is no partnership bc she is working more like a . mercenary. Win regardless of collateral damage.

It's more the former than the latter; I've known her for 25 years and it's not her game to ride coattails and then capitalize; more so that she is struggling with the imbalance of power/control.

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 16:46:56 GMT -5 @booby said:

this doesn't sound good. fuck, is there any way to get on skype with her so you don't have to seethe through your entire vacation??

Yes; but she is clearly avoiding me by not replying to my email.  I actually think I'll be more level headed and ready for any "defense" she has if I don't have the conversation with her until I get back.

Tomorrow I'll redirect my irritation at retail therapy.  And my inlaws?  Ha.

[mrsukyankee]

A. She sounds awful and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
B. I'm sorry you are having a shit time outside of this in England.
C. I'm sorry I 'kidded' you about the weather earlier as I'm regretting it - this weather is shit.
D. Hope you aren't entirely turned off from England and if you are in London at some point I'd love to treat you to a drink so at least one bit of England isn't shit (I'm generally okay)

[Deleted]

Nov 26, 2014 17:32:24 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

A. She sounds awful and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
B. I'm sorry you are having a shit time outside of this in England.
C. I'm sorry I 'kidded' you about the weather earlier as I'm regretting it - this weather is shit.
D. Hope you aren't entirely turned off from England and if you are in London at some point I'd love to treat you to a drink so at least one bit of England isn't shit (I'm generally okay)

Aww - you have no idea how much I would LOVE to to meet you for a glass of wine...alas it probably won't work this trip  

I used to live here and saw my friends for a few hours last night - they were mad about the weather for me, lol.  I mean, it is REALLY crap!  Luckily I picked he one sunny day (Mon) to take the kids around Oxford, so that's a bright spot!

[mrsukyankee]

Nov 26, 2014 17:50:06 GMT -5 fields said:

Nov 26, 2014 17:32:24 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

A. She sounds awful and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
B. I'm sorry you are having a shit time outside of this in England.
C. I'm sorry I 'kidded' you about the weather earlier as I'm regretting it - this weather is shit.
D. Hope you aren't entirely turned off from England and if you are in London at some point I'd love to treat you to a drink so at least one bit of England isn't shit (I'm generally okay)

Aww - you have no idea how much I would LOVE to to meet you for a glass of wine...alas it probably won't work this trip  

I used to live here and saw my friends for a few hours last night - they were mad about the weather for me, lol.  I mean, it is REALLY crap!  Luckily I picked he one sunny day (Mon) to take the kids around Oxford, so that's a bright spot!

Perhaps next time!  Hope the weather is much nicer when you get home!