I use the term advice lightly. H told me this morning that his mother told him that if we were going to have kids that we should do it quickly because the older you get the harder that labor it is on you. She had H at 19-20 then had middle BIL 3-4 years later then had youngest BIL 3-4 years after that. She was 27 when she had youngest BIL and said that it was harder when she had middle BIL and when she had youngest BIL it was so much harder than when she had H and middle BIL. First of all, is there any merit to this claim? I told H that every woman and every birth is different. I wasn't around when all this was said but I would have told her that the contents of my ute was not up for discussion. She knows I'm 30 and was saying that if we are going to have them that I need to do it RIGHT NOW. The "advice" annoyed me and I told H that whether we have kids or not is none of her business.
I think she is just trying to scare me into having a baby. She must not realize that A) Our house isn't finished B) I haven't finished my B.S. degree yet and won't until next fall at the earliest and C) It's none of her damn business.
Post by kellsbelles on Nov 28, 2014 13:39:22 GMT -5
I can't stand when people assume that age should dictate when to have a baby and not ya know when you're personally ready. Some of the best moms I know had babies in their 40's. They were no less energetic or had harder labors than my friends in their 20's, in fact they were more stable and laid back for the most part. I would hate to have someone rush to have a child bc they have a certain age limit in their head and realize that it wasn't really the right time.
So stick to your guns and when you and your DH are ready then do it whether it's tomorrow, 5 years from now or 10 years down the road.
I had L at 27 and A at 33. A's L&D was faster and easier than with L, but both were easy.
Your MIL is on crack. It's more related to your genetics than your age. How were your moms L&Ds? That will tell you more.
I'm not 100% sure on how my mom's L&D's where. She had my brother in her early twenties then had my sister and I in her early 30's. All natural. She never said they were super hard or anything but she hasn't really talked about it either. I'll have to ask her to give more detail.
Post by yourmother on Nov 28, 2014 15:02:55 GMT -5
I rolled my eyes when I read your thread title. Boy, can I relate to MIL Advice regarding when to have children. I remember 6 years ago this week, which was six months after my wedding and getting the advice speech on not to prolong having children much longer. Because otherwise, DH will get used to being the center of my world and will have a tough time adjusting to "sharing" my love and attention with a baby. WUT?
Basically, I Do what I want. My advice to you is to ignore (I realize easier said than done) and do things on your own timeline. I'm 37 and pregnant with my first baby. My only regrets are that I didn't seek out professional (IVF) help more sooner.
I dislike when people share their advice on when you should have kids or ask when you'll have them etc. I'm 33, no kids. My bf and I discussed recently and basically decided that we'll start no earlier than 35 because we'd like to get married first and he needs to move forward a bit in his career as well. Kids scare me/us to be honest....not that we don't want 1 or possibly 2...we're just not ready and it's up to us!
What? No. I was 33 when I had Henry and had the world's easiest pregnancy and (med free, mind you) labor. My OB actually described it as "textbook." One of my closest friends was 40 with her first - same story, except she almost gave birth to her son at home because her labor was so easy, she didn't realize she was in it. So, yeah.
When, or if, you have kids is none of her damn business. My response? "Interesting. Say, that's a nice scarf, where did you get that?" Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking for a second that you are seriously considering her "advice."
Oh, yeah, while each pregnancy has been a bit more difficult (for me), labour was insanely easy with my second. I was in the hospital for all of 1 hour before he was born, and I healed really quickly.
Post by aprilsails on Nov 28, 2014 17:08:15 GMT -5
My Mom's favourite topic of conversation is when I am going to have kids and her second favourite topic of conversation is all about how difficult it was for her and my Dad to conceive, how many miscarriages she had, and how I need to get on it immediately if I am to provide her with any Grandchildren.
She had PCOS which I don't have and they also had blood type incompatibility issues, which we don't have. So I'm ignoring her.
I'm 37 and don't have my own children. I get questions sometimes, "when are you going to have a baby, you know you are 37!" Duh! But I don't let it get to me. People are just curious and I politely answer back, "we are very comfortable with the way our life is right now", and they usually shut up! Lol!