Article: Why Poor People Stay Poor

[jeaniebueller]

www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2014/12/linda_tirado_on_the_realities_of_living_in_bootstrap_america_daily_annoyances.html?wpsrc=fol_fb

Excerpted from Hand to Mouth: Living in Bootstrap America by Linda Tirado. Out now from Putnam.


I once lost a whole truck over a few hundred bucks. It had been towed, and when I called the company they told me they’d need a few hundred dollars for the fee. I didn’t have a few hundred dollars. So I told them when I got paid next and that I’d call back then.


It was a huge pain in the ass for those days. It was the rainy season, and I wound up walking to work, adding another six miles or so a day to my imaginary pedometer. It was my own fault that I’d been towed, really, and I spent more than a couple hours ruing myself. I finally made it to payday, and when I went to get the truck, they told me that I now owed over a thousand dollars, nearly triple my paycheck. They charged a couple hundred dollars a day in storage fees. I explained that I didn’t have that kind of money, couldn’t even get it. They told me that I had some few months to get it together, including the storage for however long it took me to get it back, or that they’d simply sell it. They would, of course, give me any money above and beyond their fees if they recovered that much.






I was working two jobs at the time. Both were part time. Neither paid a hundred bucks a day, much less two.


Anything can make you lose your apartment, because any unexpected problem can set off that Rube Goldberg device.


I wound up losing my jobs. So did my husband. We couldn’t get from point A to point B quickly enough, and we showed up to work, late, either soaked to the skin or sweating like pigs one too many times. And with no work, we wound up losing our apartment.


It’s amazing what things that are absolute crises for me are simple annoyances for people with money. Anything can make you lose your apartment, because any unexpected problem that pops up, like they do, can set off that Rube Goldberg device.


One time I lost an apartment because my roommate got a horrible flu that we suspected was maybe something worse because it stayed forever--she missed work, and I couldn’t cover her rent. Once it was because my car broke down and I missed work. Once it was because I got a week’s unpaid leave when the company wanted to cut payroll for the rest of the month. Once my fridge broke and I couldn’t get the landlord to fix it, so I just left. Same goes for the time that the gas bill wasn’t paid in a utilities-included apartment for a week, resulting in frigid showers and no stove. That’s why we move so much. Stuff like that happens.


Because our lives seem so unstable, poor people are often seen as being basically incompetent at managing their lives. That is, it’s assumed that we’re not unstable because we’re poor, we’re poor because we’re unstable. So let’s just talk about how impossible it is to keep your life from spiraling out of control when you have no financial cushion whatsoever. And let’s also talk about the ways in which money advice is geared only toward people who actually have money in the first place.


I once read a book for people in poverty, written by someone in the middle class, containing real-life tips for saving pennies and such. It’s all fantastic advice: buy in bulk, buy a lot when there’s a sale on, hand-wash everything you can, make sure you keep up on vehicle and indoor filter maintenance.



141205_FAM_HandToMouthCover


Of course, very little of it was actually practicable. Bulk buying in general is cheaper, but you have to have a lot of money to spend on stuff you don’t actually need yet. Hand-washing saves on the utilities, but nobody actually has time for that. If I could afford to replace stuff before it was worn out, vehicle maintenance wouldn’t be much of an issue, but you really can’t rinse the cheap filters and again—quality costs money up front. In the long term, it makes way more sense to buy a good toaster. But if the good toaster is 30 bucks right now, and the crappiest toaster of them all is 10, it doesn’t matter how many times I have to replace it. Ten bucks it is, because I don’t have any extra tens.


It actually costs money to save money.


It is impossible to be good with money when you don’t have any. Full stop. If I’m saving my spare five bucks a week, in the best-case scenario I will have saved $260 a year. For those of you that think in quarters: $65 per quarter in savings. If you deny yourself even small luxuries, that’s the fortune you’ll amass. Of course you will never manage to actually save it; you’ll get sick at least one day and miss work and dip into it for rent. Gas will spike and you’ll need it to get to work. You’ll get a tear in your work pants that you can’t patch. Something, I guarantee you, will happen in three months.


When I have a few extra dollars to spend, I can’t afford to think about next month—my present day situation is generally too tight to allow me that luxury. I’ve got kids who are interested in their quality of life right now, not 10 years from now.


Here’s the thing: we know the value of money. We work for ours. If we’re at 10 bucks an hour, we earn 83 cents, before taxes, every five minutes. We know exactly what a dollar’s worth; it’s counted in how many more times you have to duck and bend sideways out the drive through window. Or how many floors you can vacuum, or how many boxes you can fill.


It’s impossible to win, unless you are very lucky. For you to start to do better, something has to go right—and stay that way for long enough for you to get on your feet. I’ve done well in years that I had a job I didn’t mind terribly and that paid me well enough to get into an apartment that met all the basic standards. I’ve done less well in years where I didn’t have steady work. The trouble’s been that my luck simply hasn’t held out for long enough; it seems like just when I’ve caught up, something happens to set me back again. I’ve been fortunate enough that it’s rarely compounded, and I’ve stayed at under sea level for short periods instead of long-term. But I’ve stared long-term in the face long enough to have accepted it as a real possibility. It’s only an accident and a period of unemployment away.

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[mrsbro]

I'm not sure why this is brand.GD.new information to some people. I hate everyone and I'm not reading the comments. /flips table/

[jeaniebueller]

Oh, I am not even reading the comments. This:

I was working two jobs at the time. Both were part time. Neither paid a hundred bucks a day, much less two.


is part of what I find so frustrating. So many employers, especially big box retailers, fast food joints, chain restaurants, who refuse to make positions full time and people have to scrape together 1, 2, 3 jobs to stay afloat. I know we have discussed it forever, but it still makes me angry.

[Deleted]

I need the judge who wants Shanesha Taylor to put all that money in a trust to read this article.

and yup, I agree wholeheartedly with it. We aren't this bad off but that's the kind of shit that happens all the fucking time. You think you're ahead, buy some shit you need and then welp, turns out you weren't that far ahead. How cute is that?

[penguingrrl]

People often underestimate how expensive being poor actually is. It's really nfuriating.

We just spent $1100 repairing our 10 year old vehicle to have two more expensive issues crop up two months later. I'm so thankful these issues held off until now because we're finally in the position that we could rearrange our budget, cut our losses, take on a car payment and get a reliable vehicle. Last year we would have been unable to drive our kids to school (no bus available) if that had happened.

[penguingrrl]

Dec 5, 2014 13:47:01 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Dec 5, 2014 13:32:51 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Oh, I am not even reading the comments. This:

I was working two jobs at the time. Both were part time. Neither paid a hundred bucks a day, much less two.


is part of what I find so frustrating. So many employers, especially big box retailers, fast food joints, chain restaurants, who refuse to make positions full time and people have to scrape together 1, 2, 3 jobs to stay afloat. I know we have discussed it forever, but it still makes me angry.

It's because they don't want to have to give benefits right? To me, that is a huge I dictator that employer provided insurance is a problem and should be separated.

Benefits is one piece of it. The other is that they don't want to guarantee anyone those kinds of hours. When I worked at gap I applied for 20-25 hours a week. Slow weeks I got 4-8, busy weeks I got 35+. They want a pool available and trained for when they need a lot of people (BF) but to minimize their employee cost as much as possible.

[AJL]

We're in an OK place but it's precarious. This summer DH took his car in for a routine oil change but it turned out a bunch of things had all come up to be replaced. It was just time, except that it was to the tune of $2,300. Then in September, his transmission went screwy. The fix was simple but expense. There goes another $1,100.

In a perfect world we would have the appropriate savings for such emergencies, but we don't. We are in a delicate position financially and I feel like I play a shell game with our income all the time. I have never been poor but I can just only imagine how hard it is to get ahead. It is so difficult, it becomes totally demoralizing.

[jln]

This was DH and I when we both were laid off within a month of each other at the end of 2008. We had to pick and choose which bills to pay each month, and had to return our car to the bank. Luckily we received help from family, but had it not been for them we would have lost our home. But there are so many people out there that don't have that family support or any sort of safety net to rely on.

[blink]

Yup. I feel like it's been said in previous discussions about this, but I feel like so many people don't want to believe that luck plays a hand in their lives. It allows sweeping value judgments on poor people because they just don't try hard enough. Which then infers that being poor is so goddamn easy. If you put luck back into the equation well then you might only be a few rough patches away from being poor too.

Oh and Catlawdy, you're a great aunt.

[kme]

This was a well written article. I think because "I started from the bottom and now in here", I have less sympathy in some instances.

Getting myself out of poverty was very very tough. I do feel that choices can play a role. There were times I went hungry to ensure I could afford gas to go to school. The beginning of the article states their car was towed and they couldn't pay because it was a few hundred $. My immediate thought was how did your car get towed? It's excuses and poor planning that make me unsympathetic.

[ttt]

Dec 5, 2014 21:20:58 GMT -5 kme said:

This was a well written article. I think because "I started from the bottom and now in here", I have less sympathy in some instances.

Getting myself out of poverty was very very tough. I do feel that choices can play a role. There were times I went hungry to ensure I could afford gas to go to school. The beginning of the article states their car was towed and they couldn't pay because it was a few hundred $. My immediate thought was how did your car get towed? It's excuses and poor planning that make me unsympathetic.

You're unsympathetic because this person made one simple mistake?? 

That's part of the problem too - poor people are expected to be 100% perfect and never, ever make any mistakes or wrong decisions, because if they do, well there you go, it's their own fault! 

[kme]

Dec 5, 2014 21:23:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

Dec 5, 2014 21:20:58 GMT -5 kme said:

This was a well written article. I think because "I started from the bottom and now in here", I have less sympathy in some instances.

Getting myself out of poverty was very very tough. I do feel that choices can play a role. There were times I went hungry to ensure I could afford gas to go to school. The beginning of the article states their car was towed and they couldn't pay because it was a few hundred $. My immediate thought was how did your car get towed? It's excuses and poor planning that make me unsympathetic.

You're unsympathetic because this person made one simple mistake?? 

That's part of the problem too - poor people are expected to be 100% perfect and never, ever make any mistakes or wrong decisions, because if they do, well there you go, it's their own fault! 

Nobody's perfect- I know that. What I expect is to take accoutabity for consequences that stem from mistakes and not and blame on something or someone else.

[frankenlady]

Dec 5, 2014 20:48:20 GMT -5 blink said:

Yup. I feel like it's been said in previous discussions about this, but I feel like so many people don't want to believe that luck plays a hand in their lives. It allows sweeping value judgments on poor people because they just don't try hard enough. Which then infers that being poor is so goddamn easy. If you put luck back into the equation well then you might only be a few rough patches away from being poor too.

Oh and Catlawdy, you're a great aunt.

The luck vs choice thing is so big. I grew up super poor, like homeless and returned our charity Christmas gifts for money poor. My husband did not. He sees my success as a choice - I chose education a and busting my ass to succeed. I know j was damn lucky a principal gave a shit and worked with me for years to graduate high school and then go on to get a degree.

[ttt]

Dec 5, 2014 21:35:36 GMT -5 kme said:

Dec 5, 2014 21:23:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

You're unsympathetic because this person made one simple mistake?? 

That's part of the problem too - poor people are expected to be 100% perfect and never, ever make any mistakes or wrong decisions, because if they do, well there you go, it's their own fault! 

Nobody's perfect- I know that. What I expect is to take accoutabity for consequences that stem from mistakes and not and blame on something or someone else.

What is this, then? 

It was my own fault that I’d been towed, really, and I spent more than a couple hours ruing myself.

She clearly takes responsibility for her mistake. But she also makes the completely valid point that one single minor mistake shouldn't completely ruin your life for months on end. 

ETA: I've been towed before. It sucked. But I had the hundred bucks to get my car back, so I was still able to get to work and ultimately I lost no more than that money and about 6 hours of my time. Because I wasn't poor, I had the luxury of not having one stupid mistake cascade into serious issues. 

[elleblue]

Dec 5, 2014 21:35:36 GMT -5 kme said:

Dec 5, 2014 21:23:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

You're unsympathetic because this person made one simple mistake?? 

That's part of the problem too - poor people are expected to be 100% perfect and never, ever make any mistakes or wrong decisions, because if they do, well there you go, it's their own fault! 

Nobody's perfect- I know that. What I expect is to take accoutabity for consequences that stem from mistakes and not and blame on something or someone else.

Where did she blame anyone? She didn't have the money initially to get her car out of the impound lot but waited until her next paycheck. Unfortunately that meant she had incurred further expense because of the fees, which made digging herself out of that hole nearly impossible, but I don't see anywhere where she blamed anyone else. Sometimes cars get towed for dumb reasons, it isn't always a blatant, breaking the rules type of violation. And in the article, though she doesn't state the specific reason her car was towed, she does take full responsibility. 

[statlerwaldorf]

Dec 5, 2014 13:47:01 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Dec 5, 2014 13:32:51 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Oh, I am not even reading the comments. This:

I was working two jobs at the time. Both were part time. Neither paid a hundred bucks a day, much less two.


is part of what I find so frustrating. So many employers, especially big box retailers, fast food joints, chain restaurants, who refuse to make positions full time and people have to scrape together 1, 2, 3 jobs to stay afloat. I know we have discussed it forever, but it still makes me angry.

It's because they don't want to have to give benefits right? To me, that is a huge I dictator that employer provided insurance is a problem and should be separated.

So there is a certain store that gives benefits to part-time employees.  They said the reason they like to keep the hourly employees at 32 hours or less is so if someone calls off they can bring someone else in and don't have to pay them overtime.

They also don't allow employees to work for a competitor.  Since the store sells just about everything and doesn't give set hours for non-management, getting a second job is very hard for the people that need one most.  The store manager told one employee he had to quit his seasonal job at Toys R Us or he'd be fired.

[kme]

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

[ttt]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

Well frankly, I think it's absurd that it should cost someone $1,000 to get their car back. It does not cost $1,000 to have a car sitting on your lot for a few weeks. But then, I think towing companies are up there with payday lenders as far as ethics.  

[Deleted]

Dude. A parking ticket can escalate into making a negative difference in someone's cash flow. I got one last month for forgetting to put my new plates and tags on - $75. I hope to go to court to get that reduced, but that's more time missed. If I was someone swinging two or more jobs at low pay, I can see how that kind of simple, every day mistake could cause life to slowly unravel.

[blink]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

I think the author's point was that one mistake shouldn't ruin someone for months. Mistakes happen and they aren't always in someone's control. What if instead of a tow, someone ran a red light and slammed into their truck and that person didn't have car insurance? Financial ruin doesn't help those in it, or the rest of society.

[Velar Fricative]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

This isn't about blame, especially since I detect more of a "damn, this really sucks" tone from the author than a tone of entitlement. I mean, I don't know how one can read that paragraph about having to move out of apartments and not think, "Wow, that is some shitty luck right there." Should we blame the author for her roommate getting the flu and being unable to work and therefore unable to pay rent? I didn't detect an air of entitlement in that paragraph at all.

[elleblue]

I don't get what is so difficult about understanding how fees can disproportionately impact the poor. I'd have to have my car towed over 100x to get to the point of not being able to pick it up right away. And even then, the delay wouldn't be about waiting for the next paycheck, it'd be for gathering that amount of money together from various savings and retirement accounts. When you're poor, you have nothing to work with when unexpected expenses crop up. A dollar does not always equal a dollar. 

[statlerwaldorf]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

It would be really easy to lose your apartment over $320 when you are poor. She's not going to magically have that added to her next check. She's going to have to take that money from somewhere else like utilities. Then she will start getting late fees on top of everything which starts the downward spiral. It might not be that first month, but month after month of last fees will inevitably catch up with her.

IME landlords do not play around especially when they deal with a lot of poor people. They've been burned before by people caught in the spiral. They are usually pretty strict with late fees and start the steps to eviction early on.

[Deleted]

Dec 5, 2014 21:35:36 GMT -5 kme said:

Dec 5, 2014 21:23:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

You're unsympathetic because this person made one simple mistake?? 

That's part of the problem too - poor people are expected to be 100% perfect and never, ever make any mistakes or wrong decisions, because if they do, well there you go, it's their own fault! 

Nobody's perfect- I know that. What I expect is to take accoutabity for consequences that stem from mistakes and not and blame on something or someone else.

Do you not realize that sometimes shit just happens?

My car was towed while it was sitting in front of my house, parked legally, in the same spot I used for months. The small town cop told me that state laws require me to have the license plate registered in the county where I live, it was registered to my parents house in my hometown, I was away at college. It cost me $400 to get it out of the tow yard and it was only there three days. After several requests for clarification and a copy of this magical law, I was threatened with arrest and basically told to shut the fuck up and let it go. I couldn't fight it, because I spent all my money getting my car out of the tow yard so I could make my thirty minute commute to my $5.60/hr job.

So, shame on me? lol

[MrsAxilla]

Dec 5, 2014 22:45:30 GMT -5 elleblue said:

I don't get what is so difficult about understanding how fees can disproportionately impact the poor. I'd have to have my car towed over 100x to get to the point of not being able to pick it up right away. And even then, the delay wouldn't be about waiting for the next paycheck, it'd be for gathering that amount of money together from various savings and retirement accounts. When you're poor, you have nothing to work with when unexpected expenses crop up. A dollar does not always equal a dollar. 

Yes. And you take financial gambles and make bad decisions because sometimes it's the *best* decision at that moment. Like not registering your car on time and hoping you don't get a ticket until you can afford it. Sometimes it's just stupid shit that knocks you back. Going over your grocery budget the day before payday by a measly five dollars, and having that crash your account and now you have a $40 charge when your paycheck is only $100. So maybe now you don't have the money for your credit card payment so you skip it to make rent, even though you'll get a late fee (and woe the day the godamn late fee puts you over the limit and now you have an over charge, too!). But hey! At least you're not homeless this month!

When you are poor, you pay an expedentually higher cost for your mistakes.

[bina]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

Where can anyone live for 320 a month? Really when i was living on my own on my part time salary, I was paying at least 45% of my take home pay on rent. I had to budget to the penny and was SO lucky that i had my grandparents to help me pay my car insurance and bail me out when my car needed work. It was terrible, but I could not have found a livable location even with a room mate at 1/4 of my pay. I honestly wouldnt even say i was poor at that time because i always got to eat. Sometimes people need a hand, and shit happens. Hell my friend got towed while picking her son up from my place a couple weeks ago and when i offered to help her cover the tow, i knew that money would be coming out of our savings that we're just starting. 

[humpty]

Dec 6, 2014 0:49:33 GMT -5 bina said:

Where can anyone live for 320 a month? 

Not really relevant, but the two bedroom lower/upper house apartment I just moved from was $359 a month. It was in awful condition, but when we first moved here to Ohio we lost my income because we didn't have childcare and so we couldn't afford much on one income. 

As for my anecdotal story about unexpected fees I couldn't pay at once. Two weeks ago we recieved a letter that our 2013 city income taxes were never filed. In the 3 years we've lived here we had no idea we had to pay city income tax. I've lived in six states and this is the first I'm ever hearing of city income tax. Anyway, I bring the last three years of w-2s in and they fill out all the paperwork and tell me we owe them almost $400. Merry fucking Christmas! I don't have $400 to pay them. So, I have to set up a payment plan and of course it states there will be interest because it's considered a loan. 

[aurora]

Dec 5, 2014 13:47:01 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Dec 5, 2014 13:32:51 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Oh, I am not even reading the comments. This:

I was working two jobs at the time. Both were part time. Neither paid a hundred bucks a day, much less two.


is part of what I find so frustrating. So many employers, especially big box retailers, fast food joints, chain restaurants, who refuse to make positions full time and people have to scrape together 1, 2, 3 jobs to stay afloat. I know we have discussed it forever, but it still makes me angry.

It's because they don't want to have to give benefits right? To me, that is a huge I dictator that employer provided insurance is a problem and should be separated.

(high5)

(to the bit about separating employment and health insurance, not to employers managing their workforce to get out of paying it)

[Saint Monica]

Dec 5, 2014 22:02:33 GMT -5 kme said:

So who should paid for the tow? I'm sure she didn't think it would ruin her for months, but someone had to pay for the tow. Just because it was a mistake, doesn't mean you get a clean slate. There are consequences to actions. . I'm not trying to solve her financial state, but when I was poor, I made as limited mistakes as possible because I knew what was at stake if I messed up.

To me it seems like she was putting blame on others because of the 4 apartments she was kicked out of. I find it hard to believe that a landlord would kick a good-standing tenant out over $320 in rent ( estimating 1 week of work at $10/hr). The landlord would loose more than trying to find a new tenant.

I think you must be purposefully obtuse here.  

[phdprocrastinator]

Dec 5, 2014 21:20:58 GMT -5 kme said:

This was a well written article. I think because "I started from the bottom and now in here", I have less sympathy in some instances.

Getting myself out of poverty was very very tough. I do feel that choices can play a role. There were times I went hungry to ensure I could afford gas to go to school. The beginning of the article states their car was towed and they couldn't pay because it was a few hundred $. My immediate thought was how did your car get towed? It's excuses and poor planning that make me unsympathetic.

The anecdote about getting towed actually hit home for me. Back when we started dating, dh drive a piece of shit car. He left it parked on the street when he went on a week long business trip. Came home to find it missing and learned it had been towed as "abandoned" after not moving for three days. It cost several hundred dollars to deal with it, plus missing work for the day. He was able to cope because, despite his car choice, he is an engineer and makes decent money and can be flexible with work.

This probably would not have happened if he'd parked a nice car on the street. The area was revitalizing and we think that's why they jumped on getting his car towed - it was the type of car that would bring down property values. Before this, neither of us knew that not moving a car for the days is considered abandonment in our area.

Even at the time we marveled at the implications of a simple mistake that would have ruined him had he been working two or three low paying jobs.