SAHM and feeling left behind by peers/friends

[dulcemariamar]

I am a SAHM and a trailing spouse. I have been a trailing spouse for 7 years but only stopped working when I had my DD. I didn't love being at home with my daughter the first year but because I am not a baby person. I have loved this last year so much more and not only do I feel like I have made the right decision for my family but for myself.

I really enjoy working before but I am not career driven. I don't think I will be on my death bed, wishing that I have done more professionally. I find personal fulfillment through family, friends, travel and hobbies.

I admire people who are career driven and sometimes I wonder what it would be like in their shoes. But I am happy where I am in life because I don't define myself as being a SAHM and if I worked I wouldn't define myself as that well.

I might have regrets in the future but I might not. I am not borrowing trouble so I don't really think about it.

Working part time might be the best option for you or just going back to work. Doing what best for you is really doing what best for your famiily.

[Deleted]

I think it's normal to feel like that. The grass is always greener, wonder what if, what do people think, etc?
However, you just have to do you. Own your decision and not worry about what the rest of the world is up to.
You owe no one a justification for how why and what you do. If you're happy that's good enough.

And no one has a perfect life. Something has to give. In my case it was my career so I hear you loud and clear. I have a decent amount of education, had a great career and was damn good at what I do. I did a complete 180 for H so he could build a career (and let's face it. He will forever 10xs the money I do). At this stage in my life it's what I need. Someday I can work on moving back up the ladder but right now I just hang out at a job "less" than what I'm qualified for because it's fun, it gets me spending money,let's me be with my kids, low stress and I still my foot in the door.

I also remind myself that the people who didn't "give in" on their career are giving in on other things. To each their own. Everyone's life is so different you can't even bother to begin to compare. I also don't feel like I gave in on anything TBH. Those were not wasted years of my life. They were a great experience where I learned a lot. Just because I'm not continually applying them doesn't mean they weren't worthwhile either.

Sometimes I also have to take myself off FB, step back from some of my old friends because it is hard. Social media and a few of my friends like to only paint a rosy picture of their awesome lives and it gets to me sometimes even though I know it's not true. I ignore it all for awhile, go back with a new perspective and feel much better.

Sorry that got long. I feel you. You do what's best for you. Ignore everyone else.

[6fsn]

I often ask myself "Who am I?" I used to do a lot of things, now I'm making palm trees out of pineapples for my son's monkey birthday. It's not who I set out to be, but I am thankful for the person I am. Sometimes I get jealous and play the what-ifs, but I think that's true for most everyone at some point in life.

[6fsn]

Last thoughts: I think you should stop worrying what other's might think about your business and promote the heck out of it. If they are truly friends they'll support you and if they don't good riddance.

It sounds like you may have just moved. Have you made some new acquaintances/friends? One thing that has really helped me embrace life now is all of the people around my that are supportive and fun and introduce me to new things in THIS life.

[barefootcontessa]

I left the tenure track for my family and had a book published with the top press in my field. Sometimes I feel guilty when I see my adviser that I let him down, etc. but then I remember this is my life. People leave academia all the time for all sorts of reasons. I think it is a particularly hard adjustment because earning a Ph.D. is so time-consuming and serves as your identity for so long. I try to remember that everything has its pros and cons.

[bowies]

Would it help to reframe things in your mind? You haven't killed your career, it's just on hold while you explore other avenues. Keep current on your field and keep your network intact and I bet you can slide back in once you're ready. Who knows, someone in your network may decide to reach to you for advice on transitioning to being a SAHM/D. Life is fluid.

As someone who works, I'm jealous that you have the flexibility in your life that you do and that you have the drive/creativity to open a business in your spare time. You should be proud of yourself and celebrate your accomplishments...all of them!

[holly116]

Dec 18, 2014 6:23:24 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

I think it's normal to feel like that. The grass is always greener, wonder what if, what do people think, etc?
However, you just have to do you. Own your decision and not worry about what the rest of the world is up to.
You owe no one a justification for how why and what you do. If you're happy that's good enough.

And no one has a perfect life. Something has to give. In my case it was my career so I hear you loud and clear. I have a decent amount of education, had a great career and was damn good at what I do. I did a complete 180 for H so he could build a career (and let's face it. He will forever 10xs the money I do). At this stage in my life it's what I need. Someday I can work on moving back up the ladder but right now I just hang out at a job "less" than what I'm qualified for because it's fun, it gets me spending money,let's me be with my kids, low stress and I still my foot in the door.

I also remind myself that the people who didn't "give in" on their career are giving in on other things. To each their own. Everyone's life is so different you can't even bother to begin to compare. I also don't feel like I gave in on anything TBH. Those were not wasted years of my life. They were a great experience where I learned a lot. Just because I'm not continually applying them doesn't mean they weren't worthwhile either.

Sometimes I also have to take myself off FB, step back from some of my old friends because it is hard. Social media and a few of my friends like to only paint a rosy picture of their awesome lives and it gets to me sometimes even though I know it's not true. I ignore it all for awhile, go back with a new perspective and feel much better.

Sorry that got long. I feel you. You do what's best for you. Ignore everyone else.

This exactly. Hugs, believe me I know how hard this can be at times. I'm pretty confident and happy with my choice to be at home and there are still times where I have to take a minute.

[rupertpenny]

I'm not a SAHM but I just wanted to say don't worry about what your friends in academia think. Academia is not the real world. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I work at a university in an academic field (although I'm not a PhD). Even my relatively cushy field (9-5, minimal pressure to publish, no hard core research) is filled with childless women or men with SAHM wives. I am the first woman I know who is a professional in my field and is also married with children. So really, don't let thoughts of old classmates and colleagues hold you back. There is more to life than what goes on on campus, and life outside the ivory tower is equally valid.

[ECB]

I can't "like" justdairy's response enough.

I'm not a SAHM, but I've had similar thoughts/feelings about where I am career wise as compared to where a lot of people I used to work with are. Many of them have really moved up the ladder, are making good $$, seem to be happy. I made some choices that took me on a different path and a not as successful, moving forward path.

I feel stalled where I am. Bored. And I do compare. But I try SO HARD not to. I stay where I am because I have flexibility that these other people don't have. And this flexibility is what I really like and what works wonderfully for our family.

And what justdairy said spoke to me. This is what works for us and I just cna't worry about what other people do or don't do or what they think of my choices vs theirs, etc.

And truly- chances are they AREN'T judging you.

[Deleted]

I also think @justdairy nailed it.

Figure out what you want to do for YOU. You might want to expand your sphere a bit - maybe find a volunteer opportunity to get that "I'm doing something that matters that other people SEE" recognition. And then figure out what you want out of life and find ways to get that. I'd keep an eye out for part time instructor positions in the future - it's not just about the money. It's okay to break even on working a bit if you think it will help you feel more connected to your field.

Academia is rough - you really can't often have two people pursue a career at the same time. My sister is married to a Ph.D. and is going to forever be the trailing spouse. I think she's mostly okay with that, which is good, as they're likely relocating to a new international location next year.

[minzy]

I can relate to much of this - years of training, trailing spouse, giving up a career I loved, spouse currently makes more money than we "need."  I didn't catch how old your child is, but my hand wringing about being a SAHP (while greater my first year out) has lessened over time.  The second child has knocked much of it out too, as there's not a lot of time to sit thinking about what could have been.  I've naturally become more removed from the workforce and colleagues, and more ensconced with my friends/life in my current location.  What has helped me with the transitions (of both moving and having kids) is to give myself time to get acclimated, and then set some small goals (start volunteering, running, make three new friends who I could invite to the kid's birthday party, read the Sunday paper each week, etc.).  Your business sounds like a great way to reinvent who you are, and congratulations on your success with that!  I am trying to embrace this at-home time as a season in my life that may be finite, much like college/law school, the time we lived in x, etc.  My mother first got terminally sick when she was only eight or nine years older than I am now, so I try to seize each day without regrets.  Right now my day is wiping butts and picking food up off the floor, so I am trying to rock it!  At the end of the day, I know that I just want to be with my family, and our current arrangement permits that.  I am glad you get that now too.

Another factor is that if I went back to work right now, it would make the quality of life/stress worse for everyone else in our household.  Things work really well right now, so we don't see reason to mess with it.  (Of course, if my husband gets laid off tomorrow, we would reassess.)    

I know what you mean about comparing.  Several of my friends are on these rocketship trajectories careerwise, and I am thrilled for them.  I've realized they almost all seem to be in their thirties/forties and single, or at least childless, and I know a few would probably like to have a few pieces of my life.  It's all relative.

Also, you are not a loser!  

[undecidedowl]

Out of my whole group of friends from high school, I am the only one who did not pursue a doctoral degree. I always wonder what if I had. I know exactly what I would have done, and I would have loved the career. It was a hard choice to make but I prioritized a more family friendly path. I wanted kids young so we did that instead. Sometimes it makes me feel inferior.

I was talking to one of those friends and she told me how it seems like I have my whole life put together and she has barely even started. I have a husband, a house, kids, and a career. At the time, she was still in school. It had never even crossed my mind that there was anything about my life for someone to be jealous of.

I try my hardest to just live my life and make decisions based on what's best for me and my family. There is no reason for me to enjoy my life any less just because I could have done more. In fact, I'm cutting even farther back on my career because it feels right for now. And don't discount what you can still do in they future. I met a great mentor at work with a strong career path and was shocked when she told me she took 7 years off to raise kids before rejoining the work force and climbing the ladder.

[drloretta]

I think part of your feelings are coming from where you were professionally right before you decided to SAH. There are a lot of expectations placed upon recent grad school graduates to make just the "right" career move, and there are some people who will side-eye any alternative decisions to that path. After my post-doc, I took an alternative career path, and there were academics who thought I was nuts. But you know what? That's what made me happy, and in the long-term it has put me exactly where I want to be.

I also agree with bowies. You're in a transitional time right now from the sounds of it. You've tied up the loose ends from grad school, you just moved, and you are building a new business. Things are very fluid, and in a year or 2 (or 5) could look very different. And things could look very different for your colleagues too. In a few years they may be looking at long hours and a spouse and kids, and may be wanting to do what you just happened to do earlier than they did. Some of them may already be wishing they could be in the position you're in.

But it's normal. I've shrugged off most of the "you must have a career after all those years of school" comments, but there were what-if moments. Now that I'm settling into a happy medium, I'm really happy with how things turned out. 

[thatgirl2478]

I know the feeling.

I don't have a Masters, but I've been the high earner in our family since we got married in 2003.  This year I was released from my contract because the company I was working for decided that everyone had to be working on site (I was one of 2 remote employees) and I couldn't move to the site.  So now I struggle with the fact that a) I worked for a paycheck for the past 11 years and now suddenly I'm working for hugs/kisses/dirty butts/snotty noses. 

So many of my friends are getting promotions and moving up in their careers and well....yeah.  To top it off, there aren't jobs in my field where I'm currently located.  If, by chance, one does open up - it pays 50% of what I was making which means I'd end up working full time for about 10 - 15k after I paid for commuting/daycare/increased food costs/increased clothing costs.  Which - isn't worth it at this time.

[teatimefor2]

I only have a few minutes, but yes. I have struggled to find myself as a SAHM and now I have. I have an MA and was a leader in my niche field in the UK before we moved back to the US. My DH makes 3-4 times what I made and works the hours to achieve that.

Now that we are settling into our new community, I am feeling better as a SAHM. We are making friends and activities. DS1 is going to preschool, and we've just had DS2.

Life feels good and it's because I've change my perspective. I'm happy running our family life and I'm okay with that. Once DS2 is a bit older, I'm going to go back to the gym (he's only 7 weeks) which I thoroughly enjoy and I'd like to get involved in a few charities in the next few years. This is what is making me fill fulfilled. If for you, it's your etsy store, then own it. That's what I had to do, own my decision. At the end of the day, everyone around you is figuring it out. There is no right path, find the right path for you and your family for now and own it.

For me owning it, made a huge difference.

[redheadk]

I loved my job and I did want to stay home but it is still hard. There is definitely an assumption of what a SAHM is and it's not always very flattering.

What really helped me was finding a group of friends that are similar to me in terms of education level (masters and PHDs), career success and passion, and age. I simply could not relate to moms I met that were very young, had never worked in a professional career (or only did for 1-2 years) and had basically just bided time until they popped out a kid. Having friends that had lives similar to mine before they had children, full of careers, hobbies, and travel makes me feel more like I made a conscious decision about what is best for my family (we all have DHs that work crazy hours) and not like I just checked out of the world, if that makes any sense.

All that said, if you are unhappy, there is nothing wrong with taking a job you can get in your field based on what's available in your area, even if it doesn't make what you'd earn elsewhere. Perhaps something part-time, like being an adjunct, though I know that can be a difficult position, will help you feel less left behind and also keep you in the loop so that you can go back more easily when you do move somewhere with more opportunities. Just because you CAN SAH does not mean you HAVE to SAH if you are unhappy.

[minzy]

thecatinthehat Maybe try looking into teaching a class remotely?  I have a friend doing that and although it's low pay and a lot of work, she's still somewhat in the game, yet also has lots of time for her family.

[redpenmama]

I gave up my job when we moved and H got his PhD and started his career. We always knew I'd be the trailing spouse, which I was OK with.

I freelance, and that helps a lot. It sounds like you are going down a similar path with your small business. It is really tough to freelance right now with two kids at home, but I want to retain my client/referral base so that when the kids are in school, I can keep things going. I realize not every field offers viable freelance options, so finding a passion, hobby, volunteer opportunity might help fill that void right now. If you're a teacher, have you ever considered tutoring (there are even ways to do it online)?

[noodleoo]

I don't know if this will be helpful, but your life sounds like a dream to me. I am in a career that I don't particularly care for, but from the outside, I'm sure my friends think it is awesome. My H and I both work full time, with long commutes. We have our first child on the way, I wish to god that he made enough that I could quit my job. We each make about the same though, so my being SAH would be really tough financially. Even though paying for daycare will be more than our mortgage, I make enough that it doesn't make sense for me to quit. I never thought I'd wish I made less money. I can't figure out how we will make this work as we are both out of the house for about 10 hours a day.

I think you made great choices for your family, and honestly, a lot of families where both parents work would kill for the opportunity to have one parent only work part time so that they had more time together as a family. I'm sure your SAH makes life for your family 100x easier. Your contributions are hugely important. Don't get caught up in the rat race, comparing your life to others. It is not worth it.

Also, I hate Facebook. People only brag and post all the good things on it. If you spend too much time on it, it will depress you. Studies have actually shown this. I get jealous of my friends who SAH posting pics of going to the park/park with their kids on weekdays, doing field trips and going on girl scout outings. I actually had to take a break from FB because it just made me jealous. I kind of suggest you do the same. Catch up with your friends on the phone or in person, it is much better for your emotional health.

[magpie]

While I'm not a SAHM, I am the trailing spouse and left a great job with a lot of opportunity to move up for my H's job in academia. It took me a lot of effort and some time working underemployed/part time positions to land the job I have now, which pays significantly less than my old job and does not offer much, if any, room to grow. Overall, life is better for us here in that we have a lot more money with his salary and my (sad) salary, more time for all of us, a great house, etc. It's still hard to see my friends from my old job and from grad school advancing though. I have a good friend from my old job who started on the same day as me and she is now basically in my old boss's position, making tons more and doing exciting things. I can't say that I'm not jealous and, not to diminish her accomplishments, but I definitely feel like I'd have advanced just as far by now if I had stayed. I try to remind myself that no one has the perfect life and that, while I've made career sacrifices for my family/life, I've gained things from those sacrifices too. I also like to think that those sacrifices might be temporary too...who knows where I'll end up ten years from now.

[Deleted]

I am not a SAHM but I can relate to these feelings because I have absolutely scaled back my career in favor of our family and kids. I see friends from law school growing and advancing in their careers and I am stagnant at my job.

A couple of years ago one of my best friends became a partner at her firm and then moved and opened another branch of the firm in a different state. She is very well known and respected in her practice area where she lives. I am very happy for her but I'll admit it stung a little. I graduated in the top of my class in law school and here I am working a boeing government job.

My job is not challenging 99% of the time and there isn't a lot of room for advancement. But, I make 6 figures, very rarely work overtime and have an extremely flexible schedule. I was able to take 6 mos maternity leave both times and just generally have a fantastic job for a working mother. While I know I could easily make 50k+ more at another job, be challenged and generally advancing career wise it would come at the expense of my family.

I know that every so often I will have these feelings creep up but it is important to remember why I made this choice. What I value most is my family and spending time with my kids. I know that I personally would regret taking a different job and missing out on this time with my kids. 20 years from now I won't regret not advancing my career but I would regret giving up this flexible job for more money, I just know I would. So I focus on that when I feel this way. I focus on all the reasons I made this choice.

I will never fulfill all of the career goals I once thought were so important to me. And I will not be as successful career wise as some of my peers. But it is ok because I will be able to look back and say I was happy and fulfilled and made the choices that were right for me and right for my family.

[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2014 13:04:07 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Dec 18, 2014 12:45:44 GMT -5 @awinter said:

I am not a SAHM but I can relate to these feelings because I have absolutely scaled back my career in favor of our family and kids. I see friends from law school growing and advancing in their careers and I am stagnant at my job.

A couple of years ago one of my best friends became a partner at her firm and then moved and opened another branch of the firm in a different state. She is very well known and respected in her practice area where she lives. I am very happy for her but I'll admit it stung a little. I graduated in the top of my class in law school and here I am working a boeing government job.

My job is not challenging 99% of the time and there isn't a lot of room for advancement. But, I make 6 figures, very rarely work overtime and have an extremely flexible schedule. I was able to take 6 mos maternity leave both times and just generally have a fantastic job for a working mother. While I know I could easily make 50k+ more at another job, be challenged and generally advancing career wise it would come at the expense of my family.

And the thing is, how many people on here or just in general would love a job like this? One with flexibility, little overtime, connected to your field of study, and you still make 6 figures? That's awesome. I would hang on to that one for dear life, personally

I know! Thanks for the reality check! That's why I really need to stop having these feelings of jealousy over other people's career advancements etc. Because when it comes down to it, my job is one of the biggest blessings in my life for which I am truly thankful.

[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2014 9:00:31 GMT -5 ECB said:

I can't "like" justdairy's response enough.

I'm not a SAHM, but I've had similar thoughts/feelings about where I am career wise as compared to where a lot of people I used to work with are. Many of them have really moved up the ladder, are making good $$, seem to be happy. I made some choices that took me on a different path and a not as successful, moving forward path.

I feel stalled where I am. Bored. And I do compare. But I try SO HARD not to. I stay where I am because I have flexibility that these other people don't have. And this flexibility is what I really like and what works wonderfully for our family.

And what justdairy said spoke to me. This is what works for us and I just cna't worry about what other people do or don't do or what they think of my choices vs theirs, etc.

And truly- chances are they AREN'T judging you.

This is me!  I do work but my job is super easy and not very challenging. But it comes with other benefits that I don't believe I would have in a high powered job (flexible hours, great environment, tuition benefits).  Out of my group of 6 friends from college, two of us are working "easy" jobs right now and the other four are very high up the food chain, professionally.  But the trade offs include massive stress and long hours for them.

I don't think anyone is 100% sure of their decision, and sometimes life just gets in the way, especially as a trailing spouse you have to do what's best for your family. 

[thecatinthehat]

I've only read about half of the replies, and have to go but I just want to quickly say thank you for helping me make sense of things and realize the most important things in life. I am happy, I really only feel sort of sad whne I compare myself to my old gradschool peers, so I think it's really just jealousy like "what if I actually did something with my career that could have been me". Compounded by the fact that I can't find a job locally, I am looking into remote jobs now. But then i also realize I don't want to work more than DH because it defeats the purpose of his parttime work hours.

I really like whoever said that the days are long but the years are short. Soo true, there are days that I hate SAH, usually those are days when DS is also having a bad day. I will be hard to stop comparing myself as my parents raised me up that what other people think of me matters. I guess I'll just have to constantly remind myself that we are so lucky to have so much family time together even during the weekday.

[thecatinthehat]

Dec 18, 2014 6:57:40 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

I left the tenure track for my family and had a book published with the top press in my field. Sometimes I feel guilty when I see my adviser that I let him down, etc.

Thank you! It is slightly weird that I feel this way sometimes because halfway through my Phd I swore never to work in academia and work like my adviser (she works everyday and it is not unusual for her to be at work at 7pm on a weekend!). Even after she got tenure she still worked that way. I have to remind myself that my schedule now is way better than a postdoc. I actually still talk to her sometimes since I am still working on my last little project which we are submitting for publication next month. She used to ask me about jobs here but she hasn't asked in a while. I feel like I let her down the most since I was her most productive student (publication wise).

[barefootcontessa]

Dec 18, 2014 15:58:21 GMT -5 thecatinthehat said:

Dec 18, 2014 6:57:40 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

I left the tenure track for my family and had a book published with the top press in my field. Sometimes I feel guilty when I see my adviser that I let him down, etc.

Thank you! It is slightly weird that I feel this way sometimes because halfway through my Phd I swore never to work in academia and work like my adviser (she works everyday and it is not unusual for her to be at work at 7pm on a weekend!). Even after she got tenure she still worked that way. I have to remind myself that my schedule now is way better than a postdoc. I actually still talk to her sometimes since I am still working on my last little project which we are submitting for publication next month. She used to ask me about jobs here but she hasn't asked in a while. I feel like I let her down the most since I was her most productive student (publication wise).

It is hard.  My adviser helped me a lot with the publishing of my dissertation and I definitely feel bad at times that I opted out.  He is such a great guy, though and is never anything but nice.  Part of what is especially hard with academia is that once you give up your spot there really is no going back (for the vast majority at least), so the sense of regret probably looms more than someone who could return to their field someday (not saying that is necessarily easy for anyone).    

[thecatinthehat]

Dec 18, 2014 20:07:20 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

I don't SAH, but I left academia right after finishing my PhD. Academia is just such a life-sucking career that I could never stay in there (additionally, my adviser was awful and made everyone's lives hell). My luckiest break was that my postdoc fell through (the PI didn't get a grant that he needed) and I decided to take a break for a bit. I was off for a month before I got a job in scientific editing/review. I'm sure the few classmates that got tenure-track jobs around this point (I graduated 6 years ago) make more than I do now, but I've outearned them for the past 6 years working from home on a flexible schedule while pregnant/dealing with infants/toddlers. And the pay is still probably comparable to the ones who are adjuncts/permadocs. But I remember seeing my would-be postdoc adviser when I first started my job, and he said "No, you can't be in a job like that. Come by and talk to me." LOL. It's probably easier for me to see this because I was so miserable and my adviser rarely published (7 papers in 14 years at this point), so I had few publications.

The flexibility of an alternate career/part-time work/freelancing compared to academia is worth something.

I do agree with the pp that it is easier to relate to other moms who are at a similar age and stage in life. Most of my mom friends are in some kind of alternate career/part-time/SAH post-PhD/master's. I just don't have enough in common with a 24yo with two kids and an art degree who got married and graduated college in the same month and never had to get a job/live on her own. That's the majority of people down here, LOL. So hopefully you can find some kindred spirits.

I just recently found new mom friends. Some of them with advanced degrees who went on to alternative careers or are temporarily SAH. It does help! I am going to take next year to really establish my business and be more profitable. It is rough being in a new area no one knows me, marketing is really not my thing (I am super shy) but I am learning quickly. I hope to add on a parttime alternative gig related to my field (much like what you are doing) once my business is stably making a good profit. It is just hard to feel proud of these accomplishments right now obviously, and this is where I start to compare myself. And damn LinkedIn just sent me an email about a friend getting promoted!

[cayl]

I'm on the flip side. I will earn 3-4 times what my H earns this year. I am in the 6 figures this year, but only as a result of a ton of OT. I "just" have my Bachelor's degree. The majority of people who I work with professionally at my level or higher have at least a Master's degree. I work for a company in the science field so there are tons of people with their Doctorate degree. On the other hand, I am friends with a lot of SAHMs. I feel like I'm behind in my education professionally and also working way more than I want to. A bunch of my friends from college SAH and I don't judge them one bit. I would support the heck out of a business that they started, and would actually think it's cool that they went from an awesome career to SAH to starting their own business (even an online business). As long as it's not an MLM - if you're selling Younique mascara please keep it off FB

[imojoebunny]

"DH and I together will make roughly the same as what he is offered. ". This was me when I quit working after DD was born. DH got a job making a lot more than he had made before (we made pretty close to the same before DD.) He now makes 2.5x as much as we made combined when DD was born, working about 10 more hours per week. So, 90-100 = x or 55-60 hours =x(2.5). It's not a hard decision.

[thecatinthehat]

Dec 18, 2014 20:43:07 GMT -5 cayl said:

I'm on the flip side. I will earn 3-4 times what my H earns this year. I am in the 6 figures this year, but only as a result of a ton of OT. I "just" have my Bachelor's degree. The majority of people who I work with professionally at my level or higher have at least a Master's degree. I work for a company in the science field so there are tons of people with their Doctorate degree. On the other hand, I am friends with a lot of SAHMs. I feel like I'm behind in my education professionally and also working way more than I want to. A bunch of my friends from college SAH and I don't judge them one bit. I would support the heck out of a business that they started, and would actually think it's cool that they went from an awesome career to SAH to starting their own business (even an online business). As long as it's not an MLM - if you're selling Younique mascara please keep it off FB

LOL no not an MLM I would never survive doing that!