How rude is this?

[undecidedowl]

DH's parents live 5 hours away. BIL's family lives 1.5 hours away, so does other BIL. MIL and FIL frequently stay at BIL's house, as they have an "open door" for family. We have an almost 3 yo and a 7 week old that screams in his carseat (may post for advice about that later...) so we decided to offer to have people here rather than travel. How rude is it to suggest that they come from around 2 pm-7 pm to celebrate Christmas (not on Christmas day)?

[catwithspots]

Im not quite following...

I think it is all in how you say it. "We are hosing a friends/family from 2p-7p on X date". We would love see you if your travel plans permit!

Are you concerned with being rude for not going to family over Christmas? If so, I would not be concerned given that you have a new born! You can say that as well... With Baby, we are staying home this year. We are hosting....

[pig's eye]

Dec 18, 2014 20:49:02 GMT -5 catwithspots said:

Im not quite following...

I think it is all in how you say it. "We are hosing a friends/family from 2p-7p on X date". We would love see you if your travel plans permit!

Are you concerned with being rude for not going to family over Christmas? If so, I would not be concerned given that you have a new born! You can say that as well... With Baby, we are staying home this year. We are hosting....

I think the bolded is perfect. 

[VillainV]

For the people driving 1.5 hours, I think this is fine. I would not expect people to drive 5 hours each way to come to a 5 hour event.

[undecidedowl]

Dec 18, 2014 20:49:02 GMT -5 catwithspots said:

Im not quite following...

I think it is all in how you say it. "We are hosing a friends/family from 2p-7p on X date". We would love see you if your travel plans permit!

Are you concerned with being rude for not going to family over Christmas? If so, I would not be concerned given that you have a new born! You can say that as well... With Baby, we are staying home this year. We are hosting....

So, it would just be for the family members I mentioned to get together to do our gift exchange. DH approached it like above just saying to his mom, that if they are available on X date we could host family Christmas from 2-7. That way I would only have to retreat to the nursery to breastfeed once or twice and DS1 could still go to bed on time. We did not invite anyone to stay since DH was planning to work the next day and we don't have a good place for them to sleep. It did not even cross my mind that this was rude. Well, MIL is PISSED that we put an end time on it. She talked to BIL and he is now annoyed at us too and says that they will not be travelling so Christmas will be at his house. 

[hermione]

I guess my answer would be, "Oh. Well I'm sorry getting together won't work out this year. I hope you have a nice holiday!"

[zarapipe]

Dec 18, 2014 21:00:55 GMT -5 VillainV said:

For the people driving 1.5 hours, I think this is fine. I would not expect people to drive 5 hours each way to come to a 5 hour event.

This. For the ppl driving 5 hours in don't think it's reasonable for them to come for only 5 hours. That would he 10 hours of driving in a day unleaa they spent the night. I can see how your ils got offended bc hey, they are ils and most get offended. But it's your house, your rules. Could you maybe compromise and meet halfway at a restaurant and spend a few hours together?

[pinotgrig]

Dec 18, 2014 21:31:28 GMT -5 hermione said:

I guess my answer would be, "Oh. Well I'm sorry getting together won't work out this year. I hope you have a nice holiday!"

Agreed. You have a 7 week old! That requires everyone being a little more flexible on plans.

[VillainV]

Dec 18, 2014 21:31:28 GMT -5 hermione said:

I guess my answer would be, "Oh. Well I'm sorry getting together won't work out this year. I hope you have a nice holiday!"

Exactly this.  You have a baby.  You gave them a time they could come and visit, and they can't make it.  Understandable for you to limit the amount of time you can host guests, and understandable that they can't make it.  No reason for them to be "pissed."   I hate when parents/ILs think they should have a monopoly on the holidays.

[undecidedowl]

Dec 18, 2014 21:33:19 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Dec 18, 2014 21:00:55 GMT -5 VillainV said:

For the people driving 1.5 hours, I think this is fine. I would not expect people to drive 5 hours each way to come to a 5 hour event.

This. For the ppl driving 5 hours in don't think it's reasonable for them to come for only 5 hours. That would he 10 hours of driving in a day unleaa they spent the night. I can see how your ils got offended bc hey, they are ils and most get offended. But it's your house, your rules. Could you maybe compromise and meet halfway at a restaurant and spend a few hours together?

Well, we had already decided we weren't up for a day trip (and at MMM recommendation) since DS2 screams every time he is in the carseat. 

I am totally happy with hermione's answer and DH will probably say that. It just makes me mad because MIL will treat us like crap and tell us how we are terrible people for treating family like that. Which, whatever, but it sucks that she is dragging BIL into it. We are basically the outcasts of the family because we set boundaries.

[catwithspots]

Dec 18, 2014 21:31:28 GMT -5 hermione said:

I guess my answer would be, "Oh. Well I'm sorry getting together won't work out this year. I hope you have a nice holiday!"

Exactly! Baby trumps MIL.

Especially a car seat hating baby!

[barefootcontessa]

I might be a little bit more flexible with the end time or see if they want to come back the next morning since five hours to travel is a long ways, but generally I think you are fine. We had show down with my ILs over Christmas for a few years because I did not want to travel 2+ hours on Christmas Day nor did I want to have to host. I was open to Christmas Eve, weekend before/after just not actual Christmas. Eventually everyone got over it and now they all know. Hang tough.