I'm not feeling it today. At all. No idea why, I'm just off. Dd2 is in child watch (dd1 is at school) and I'm hiding in the locker room. I need to shower and I need more coffee. Good grief.
@vicmo I agree we need a strategy. We'll likely talk it out in a few days once we've both cooled off. I've tried the email route before during fights, it doesn't go well. I'm too wordy over email, he zones out and doesn't actually READ IT.
But what strategy do I propose? "You should sleep on the couch without being angry" is not going to fly. If I propose to sleep on the couch, he goes all martyr and says "you're pregnant, you can't sleep on the couch." THEN WHAT DH?!?
@vicmo I agree we need a strategy. We'll likely talk it out in a few days once we've both cooled off. I've tried the email route before during fights, it doesn't go well. I'm too wordy over email, he zones out and doesn't actually READ IT.
But what strategy do I propose? "You should sleep on the couch without being angry" is not going to fly. If I propose to sleep on the couch, he goes all martyr and says "you're pregnant, you can't sleep on the couch." THEN WHAT DH?!?
Propose that he a) gets himself in marriage counseling stat or b) or he can take his pillow, blankie and sleep on someone else's couch.
This should not be a few day discussion at this point. There are very few things in life that should warrant a few day discussion actually.
@supergreen: you need a spare bed, as solution #1. No one should have to sleep on the too small, uncomfortable couch in these situation.
And yes, you need marriage counseling. There's a pattern here, and the pattern is you walking on eggshells around him being an asshole. I get that you love him and you want to be with him forever, but if you'd like to enjoy that... shit needs to change. If he won't go, go without him.
We bought a new couch with a chaise lounge. He falls asleep there while watching TV EVERY NIGHT. But apparently it's too uncomfortable to sleep on MOTN ::eyeroll::
We also moved the futon to his office, and put a new cover on it. It opens up into a full bed. That's where I found him this morning. At 8:30. STILL ASLEEP. So CLEARLY it's not that uncomfortable.
@supergreen: you need a spare bed, as solution #1. No one should have to sleep on the too small, uncomfortable couch in these situation.
And yes, you need marriage counseling. There's a pattern here, and the pattern is you walking on eggshells around him being an asshole. I get that you love him and you want to be with him forever, but if you'd like to enjoy that... shit needs to change. If he won't go, go without him.
We bought a new couch with a chaise lounge. He falls asleep there while watching TV EVERY NIGHT. But apparently it's too uncomfortable to sleep on MOTN ::eyeroll::
We also moved the futon to his office, and put a new cover on it. It opens up into a full bed. That's where I found him this morning. At 8:30. STILL ASLEEP. So CLEARLY it's not that uncomfortable.
Well then... you know we love you, but deal with your shit.
You putting up with (and thinking you caused) his behavior is your shit. His behavior is his shit. You can change one of those.
We bought a new couch with a chaise lounge. He falls asleep there while watching TV EVERY NIGHT. But apparently it's too uncomfortable to sleep on MOTN ::eyeroll::
We also moved the futon to his office, and put a new cover on it. It opens up into a full bed. That's where I found him this morning. At 8:30. STILL ASLEEP. So CLEARLY it's not that uncomfortable.
Well then... you know we love you, but deal with your shit.
You putting up with (and thinking you caused) his behavior is your shit. His behavior is his shit. You can change one of those.
I totally agree. I have some serious thinking to do about how to fix this. His shit and my shit.
Sometimes my H's cluelessness when it comes to baby things is beneficial. We were talking the other day about how we've been bleeding money lately and also discussing upcoming purchases. I mentioned that we'll need to get a new car seat for L soon (and I really want the Foonf!) He said, "So what will that cost? A grand or 2?" Ha! When I answered, "Nope, only about $500 or so.", he actually said, "Oh, that's not too bad then." My H is notoriously stingy so the fact that he is cool with a $500 car seat is super surprising. Little does he know that there are much cheaper options out there. I'm certainly not telling him!
As the biggest Foonf fan girl out there, this is great!
We went cheap on his bucket (Graco Snugride35) and he hates that thing. I've dealt with crying on 75% of car trips for the past 8 months. I'll never know if a more comfortable seat would've made a difference but I'm not taking the chance. He is getting the most comfortable seat out there in an attempt to make the crying stop. Fingers crossed it works!
I finally did it. DH was snoring SO BADLY, I woke him up and made him sleep on the couch. First time ever. It was 1:30am, he'd been snoring for hours, no matter which side he slept on. As he was leaving the bedroom, he said "if you feel GUILTY about this, come get me and invite me back to bed." I did not do that :-O
Now this morning he's extremely angry with me. One word answers, in an angry tone. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?!? Am I supposed to apologize for moving him so PREGNANT me could sleep? Should I have gone to the couch myself?! Should I have laid in bed and dutifully listened to him snore all night?! WTF, DH.
I've now ruined probably the whole weekend. He'll be angry at me for days. Was last night's sleep worth that? Maybe I need to sleep on the couch instead. Goddamit.
F - that. He will be angry for days over one bad nights sleep. Nope. Buck up buttercup. Preggo @supergreen deserves a good nights rest.
Have you tried ear plugs? H snores. It never really bothers me unless I wake up at night for some reason, then the snoring keeps me from falling back asleep. I keep earplugs right next to the bed now and pop them in MOTN. That way I can get back to sleep without waking H up. The only downside is I can't hear if DS needs something in the MOTN. Luckily he STTN, but I make H take the monitor on his side of the bed... it's his pennance for snoring.
We pinned DD down last night and pried her mouth open. She is cutting five teeth right now. Hold me.
Contractors are here today replacing an entire wall of our house. As I was rounding up the cats one of them crawled into the open cavity and now I can't even see him. I am just SO OVER all of this construction which has been going on for THREE YEARS to try to fix water intrusion and structural issues. Our life savings are drained from this and all DH and I do is fight about it and I think I'm about at my breaking point. We are finally getting to (I HOPE) the last piece of work that needs to be done and now we're at a standstill because of the fucking cat.
Fuck this money pit house. Fuck teeth. Just fuck this whole day.
Post by matildasun on Dec 19, 2014 10:20:30 GMT -5
We went to the celebration of learning at A's school. The kids shared projects and the pre-k and kindergarten rooms were separated by habitat. I was helping a kid who was crying, because her mother was leaving, and apparently my kid was crying in the other room.
As the biggest Foonf fan girl out there, this is great!
We went cheap on his bucket (Graco Snugride35) and he hates that thing. I've dealt with crying on 75% of car trips for the past 8 months. I'll never know if a more comfortable seat would've made a difference but I'm not taking the chance. He is getting the most comfortable seat out there in an attempt to make the crying stop. Fingers crossed it works!
DD hated the infant seat too and would usually cry in the car.
I can think of one time she's cried in the car since we got our Foonf two months ago.
Post by catsarecute on Dec 19, 2014 10:55:07 GMT -5
Another 4:30 wake up for DD. I'm starting to think she will NEVER go back to sleep in her crib past 4:30 again.
Today is my last day of work until January 6. Vacation won't be the same with a baby around but I'm determined to find fun stuff for us to do together during my time off!
Post by Ashley&Scott on Dec 19, 2014 10:58:57 GMT -5
@supergreen I have so many things to say, I'm just going to blurt them out as they come to mind.
Stand up for yourself. I agree he is being disrespectful & emotionally abusive, that is not good for you, DS or your DD. You should not have to walk on eggshells around him or keep quiet when something is bothering you because it might set him off. You're adults, you should be able to discuss things reasonably & rationally without someone pitching a fit. Good for your for turning around his bratty responses.
You deserve a rest, you deserve not to feel guilty about asking for this.
He had FOUR drinks last night. Then he has the balls to say his reason it was because it was in the house? Umm WTMF? That is not an acceptable answer (or an acceptable amount of drinking on a random week night in my opinion) Good for you for pouring it all down the drain.
If he doesn't like sleeping apart then he needs to do something to FIX HIS SNORING PROBLEM. Such as: 1) stop drinking so much 2) see a doctor 3) lose weight - Unless you're force feeding him every meal & deep frying every single thing you cook then his weight is not your fault. 4) He should not be pitching a gigantic tantrum when you ask him to move to another room because he's disrupting your sleep. 5) He should not be whining about saline & nasal strips. Giant side eye to this, those things are so minimal, he's being a baby for complaining about them.
Have you recorded his snoring & played it for him? If so what does he say? He needs to come up with a plan for nights when he is snoring. Or he just needs to plan to sleep in another room until he can resolve his snoring issue. Something has to give, the current situation is not working.
He seems to whine about quite a few things. You said he felt left out of the holiday festivities but wouldn't agree to go to any of them when you asked. Wasn't he just complaining because he didn't want to childproof DS's room too? Is he generally always in a bad mood? Has he always been moody & over-reactive? If not then could there be something else going on? (like and un-diagnosed medical issue that is causing this behavior)
I agree about counseling - both together & separately. If he won't go I would go without him. I would be at my wits end.
@supergreen I think we are all reacting to the tantrum, not so much what was said. I can understand being grumpy about being woken up in the middle of the night. I can be a short tempered asshole in the middle of the night. However, carrying on about it for days is ridiculous. This has been happening for months (years?) and it's the first time he has slept elsewhere. If memory serves you were going to get an air mattress or foton. Get one already and one of you needs to start using it. I think you could both benefit from counseling and would suggest you seek it out even if he's not interested.
Our Christmas cards went out today! I went to the doctor this morning and MH to DS to the post office. He was asleep when they got back and he is still sleeping. We are going to see Santa and grab some lunch when he wakes up.
@supergreen, another thing. You keep relating this to your pregnancy status. This has *nothing* to do with your pregnancy. Whether you're pregnant or not, you deserve to get a good night's sleep. You deserve to not be treated the way your H is treating you. He doesn't care whether you're pregnant or not, wrt to his snoring. It's not going to be a magical wand that changes his behavior.
And I'm going "there" with this next point: Do you really want your children growing up seeing how your H treats you? Your DS will model it and your DD will think that is how she deserves to be treated.
I was just writing a card for my grandma in Greek and it made me sad how much I've lost. My writing is pretty horrible now and even speaking, I forget to many words. I don't even know if I can still consider myself "fluent" at this point any more. It's especially bad because it was my first language.
I always feel bad I never taught the kids Greek but, man, when you are the only one who speaks it in your household and you don't see your family much, it's not easy.
I feel the same way about Spanish. When I was pregnant with DS1 I was so gung-ho about how I was going to speak to him in Spanish and not be like my mom (fluent in Norwegian, never taught us). I never realized how isolating it was going to be when no one around you speaks or understands the same language. I speak some and read some to them, but not to the level I had hoped.
I was scrolling FB and saw a post that a friend had commented on, it was a picture of a couple and a newborn. The baby is just a couple of weeks old and apparently the dad committed suicide yesterday. I looked closer and it's someone I went to high school with.
Obviously we were not close and I haven't seen him in like 15 years but damn it makes me so sad. I can't even imagine. His wife is like two weeks pp. Just…oy.
Also, @supergreen, has he done a sleep study or gone to a doctor to discuss possible apnea? Snoring and...grumpiness...are definitely apnea side effects.
Post by turtlegirl on Dec 19, 2014 11:34:28 GMT -5
Since we have out off TTC until April I think I'm going to sign up for some exercise boot camp type classes. I'm happy with my weight, but have generally just been "soft" since having kids and would like to tone up a bit before having a third kid ruins my body for good.
But I'm scared. I'm so out of shape even though I'm not overweight at all.
Also, @supergreen, has he done a sleep study or gone to a doctor to discuss possible apnea? Snoring and...grumpiness...are definitely apnea side effects.
So is falling asleep watching TV & generally feeling tired all the time.