How do you and SO exchange gifts?

[sapphire bou]

The last couple of years, H and I have exchanged gifts when we're having Christmas with our nieces and nephews. I told him that this year, I want to open a small gift with his fam and then open the bigger gifts when it's just the two of us. My reasoning is that I want it to just be about us. I don't want to be surrounded by loud kids and their parents. I told him that we exchange gifts for us, not for everybody else. I explained myself 3 times 3 different ways, and he "didn't understand". I asked him to state his case, and he couldn't. I know it's just because he wants to show off what he got me, but to me, that's not what Christmas is about.

When do you and SO exchange gifts? Just the two of you or in others' company?

I'm just wondering if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, because I tend to do that.

[darkling_glory]

Just the two of us on Christmas morning!

[jennynumbers]

This is how our Christmas goes.

Xmas eve we arrive home from IL's. I sneak his stocking and fill it up and put it back, go to bed.

Xmas morning Jay wakes up, fills my stocking and gets the coffee going. Once I hear the timer go off and I know the coffee is ready, I get up.

Then we open our stockings and then our presents. I then cook a Xmas breakfast before we go about our day.

I do NOT want to share that moment with my family or his.

[Deleted]

Just the two of us on Christmas morning. We spend Christmas Eve with family and the Christmas Day is just about us. Presents, pjs, and Christmas movies.

[glw]

We open them when it's just the two of us. Because we travel, sometimes this means before xmas, sometimes after New Years; whenever we're home and away from family.

[sapphire bou]

I'm seeing a pattern here...

I'm glad to know I'm not being ridiculous.

[alabasterangel]

We tend to open them as we get them in the mail.. we suck at waiting.

[darkling_glory]

Dec 19, 2014 10:33:18 GMT -5 sapphire bou said:

I'm seeing a pattern here...

I'm glad to know I'm not being ridiculous.

Not ridiculous at all! Can you guys compromise?

[sapphire bou]

Dec 19, 2014 10:53:52 GMT -5 darkling_glory said:

Dec 19, 2014 10:33:18 GMT -5 sapphire bou said:

I'm seeing a pattern here...

I'm glad to know I'm not being ridiculous.

Not ridiculous at all! Can you guys compromise?

We each opened one last Friday because I wanted to wear my gift that weekend. He's been playing the video game I got him all week.

I said we could open a smaller gift tomorrow with his family, then open the big ones with just the two of us before we leave to spend Christmas day with my family.

Do you have any other suggestions for compromise?

[darkling_glory]

Dec 19, 2014 10:59:10 GMT -5 sapphire bou said:

Dec 19, 2014 10:53:52 GMT -5 darkling_glory said:

Not ridiculous at all! Can you guys compromise?

We each opened one last Friday because I wanted to wear my gift that weekend. He's been playing the video game I got him all week.

I said we could open a smaller gift tomorrow with his family, then open the big ones with just the two of us before we leave to spend Christmas day with my family.

Do you have any other suggestions for compromise?

Do you travel to see your nieces? Could you "oops" forget the presents at home?

What if you couched it as making a NEW tradition for the two of you? I think that's really important for couples to do! We do so much stuff with our families that it's relaxing to do something for ourselves.

But special "Christmas morning coffee" and make breakfast together?

[honeydew1894]

We do them alone, usually on Christmas Eve.

[sapphire bou]

Dec 19, 2014 11:17:25 GMT -5 darkling_glory said:

Dec 19, 2014 10:59:10 GMT -5 sapphire bou said:

Do you travel to see your nieces? Could you "oops" forget the presents at home?

What if you couched it as making a NEW tradition for the two of you? I think that's really important for couples to do! We do so much stuff with our families that it's relaxing to do something for ourselves.

But special "Christmas morning coffee" and make breakfast together?

I told him logistically, it doesn't make sense to haul presents to my family's (2 hours away) just to haul them back, especially considering how large one of his boxes is.

I wish my family lived closer so he and I could actually do Christmas morning at our house. I suppose that complicates things.

He always loads up the car, so I couldn't "forget" the presents.

I know he just wants to show off. I told him that he can show off by saying to everyone "look at how beautiful my wife looks with her new earrings", but that wasn't good enough for him.

[glw]

The "showing off" part I don't get. Is he in competition with someone re: extravagant gifts? (Your parents or a BIL?)

[alabasterangel]

Ditto, GLW.

It's Christmas.. not the Olympics.

[MyName]

The showing off is gross; I hate that. Gift competition/pressure is one of the big reasons people end up hating Christmas. Ugh.


Can you just tell him that it would mean a lot to you to open gifts by yourselves? That you have to share the rest of the holiday with everyone else and you'd like something that is just for the two of you? I don't see how he can argue with that, honestly.

Maybe if you cry a little...

(lol)

[jennynumbers]

Dec 19, 2014 12:19:47 GMT -5 MyName said:

Maybe if you cry a little...

(lol)

Says the girl that thinks feelings are stupid LOL

[MyName]

Dec 19, 2014 12:23:27 GMT -5 jennynumbers said:

Dec 19, 2014 12:19:47 GMT -5 MyName said:

Maybe if you cry a little...

(lol)

Says the girl that thinks feelings are stupid LOL

Exactly!  Apparently I am okay with pretending to have really strong feelings if it gets me what I want!  #manipulativebitch

[glw]

Dec 19, 2014 12:28:58 GMT -5 MyName said:

Dec 19, 2014 12:23:27 GMT -5 jennynumbers said:

Says the girl that thinks feelings are stupid LOL

Exactly!  Apparently I am okay with pretending to have really strong feelings if it gets me what I want!  #manipulativebitch

[MyName]

And honestly, whatever I want is most likely the thing that makes the most sense logistically, strategically, etc - if it takes FEEEEELINGS to make someone understand or care or agree, SO BE IT!

lol

ETA:  I do not actually think feelings are stupid, and I do understand them quite well because I'm kind of removed from them.

[glw]

LOL, @stellarsailor, I distinctly remember this being a big sticking point for me the year I got G a vaporizer.

[lizardesque]

Just the two of us on Christmas morning.

[sitnspin]

Since I have known Jer, we always wake up with my SD and open gifts with her first.  We do our presents later on when she is gone.  

[blondemoment123]

Just the 2 of us.

[lexxasaurus]

We're spending Christmas eve with his fam, heading home that night and opening our gifts and stockings Christmas morning, then heading to my brothers house.

[sapphire bou]

The showing off part bothers me a lot too. I'm very humble about how we've advanced in the past three years. I know we make more than my family; I don't want to rub it in though. But I think because his brothers have always made much more money than him in the past, he's proud that he can finally hang with them financially. 

Sadly, that's one of the biggest problems I run into with him. He's always got money on the brain and how he's going to spend it once he gets it. I'm getting a raise in a couple of months, and I fully intend to put the excess into savings.

This is getting way too deep. 

I'm going to stand my ground on this one. I've given him all the reasons you have suggested, but he's just as stubborn as I am. I'm hoping that when it comes down to it, he'll just concede and say "whatever makes you happy."

[jennynumbers]

sapphire bou I guess you could flat out tell him that you are fully prepared to make a scene and flat out refuse to open any gift he gives you in front of family. 

Something tells me he also doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of them either. 

ERA: I don't mean make a scene as in fighting about in front of the family, rather, warn him ahead of time that you are not opening gifts and then if he insists during the party, then flat out refuse. You DID warn him. 

[RoxMonster]

We open gifts just the two of us (well three of us with Rox!) on Christmas morning. Since DH works Christmas Eve, as well as the 26, we spend Christmas by ourselves (our families are OOT) and celebrate with family the weekend after.