Hypothetical daycare opinions, please

[spunkarella]

tl;dr If you are not religious, would you use a center 35 min from your work/1 min from DH's work if it was the only secular option in your area? Or deal with religion at the highly rated center 2 min from your house?

DH and I work in opposite directions. There is a great daycare near DH's work that would be our no-brainer top choice if the location was more convenient. It has a long waiting list, so if we're going to use it, we need to get on the list about 2 seconds after conceiving.

I'm leaning toward ruling it out because of the location, but can I get MMM's opinion?

Pros: nationally accredited, secular, subsidized (so more diverse than others), 1 minute from DH's work
Cons: 25 min from home, 35 min from my work

Other options are less than 5 min from home, highly rated but not accredited, all religious (con for us). Since they are right next to the primary school, I picture the kids being friends in daycare and continuing friendships when they go to school. These don't typically have waiting lists so we could decide between them later. 

Prices are basically the same everywhere because we don't qualify for subsidies at DH's work daycare.

I think it's basically a question of whether we are willing to have the inconvenient location for a non-religious and more diverse center, or whether we are willing to deal with a religious center that is really convenient. 

[lg28]

I'm an atheist and provided the religious centre was an excellent daycare I would still consider it. We will probably be sending DS and DD to a catholic elementary school because its a good school (better than the public school in our area).

The one close to DH's work - could he do pick up and drop off all the time? Because if he could, it's still convenient. If he can't, I wouldn't. 30 minutes extra driving is a lot at the end of the day.

[spunkarella]

Dec 20, 2014 8:49:48 GMT -5 lg28 said:

The one close to DH's work - could he do pick up and drop off all the time? Because if he could, it's still convenient. If he can't, I wouldn't. 30 minutes extra driving is a lot at the end of the day.

Yes, he could and would most days. But I think I may want to work 4 days/wk and would like the option of using daycare for part of my day off since we would be paying for 5 days no matter what. I would be doing pickup and drop off for that day.

[spunkarella]

Dec 20, 2014 8:55:21 GMT -5 @this said:

I'm a strong atheist and came in here all ready to say no way after your first sentence... But 30 minutes from home AND work? How much driving would that add to your day?

I would lean towards going to the religious school now and reevaluating your options around 3.

It would mean DH does all pick up and drop off, and it would add an hour round trip any time I wanted to use it for errands, whatever on my day off. Which in reality means I probably wouldn't use it on my day off, because the driving would negate the convenience of using it in that case. 

[D2M]

Time trumps all. Having daycare three blocks from our apartment is clutch for mornings where nothing is going right. DD is the child of a catholic mom and a nominally Hindu/mostly athiest dad and she goes to an orthodox Jewish daycare. She made a menorah this week (with her little handprints on it) and we love it.

[spunkarella]

Dec 20, 2014 9:06:23 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

I'm an atheist, but what would matter to me is what they teach and how much they incorporate their religion. I think it's a good thing for DS to know the basics of the major world religions, so I would see this as checking off one of them.

If they are all "gays are going to hell," that's another story.

Idk? They both use Abeka, which I think teaches young earth creationism? 

Most of the churches around here teach that gays are going to hell, so...I would imagine that undertone is there, even if it's not something that is explicitly being taught or discussed. 

Dumb question, but now much of this do babies and toddlers pick up on? How hard will it be for me to "undo" it by explaining at home that we don't agree with xyz?

ETA: there is a Montessori option that starts at 18 months that could be an option if the religion is coming on too strong, and maybe before any "damage" is done?

[ryry]

I would see how much religion plays a role in the daycare, but assuming they aren't actively brainwashing the kids...I would pick the one closer to home. An extra hour(ish) in the car every day for baby would be really hard for my kids and dd2 was a car screamers as a baby. Spending that much time listening to her scream would be awful each day.

[ECB]

How religious are they? We sent Ds to a Methodist preschool. We're technically Jewish. They did have a monthly chapel session, but it was more about teaching good will. And around Christmas, religion popped up more. But aside from that, it wasn't really an issue. And actually - DSs teachers asked DH to come in and do a little session on Hanukkah.

Clearly we went for convienence. There are preschools around us, though, that weave in religion and Jesus MUCH more readily. We didn't consider them.

[elocrates]

The one closer to home, for sure. I'm not opposed to my children learning about religions/ beliefs that are different than mine. Anecdotally, we live among a large Jewish population. We are not Jewish. Our kids get taught a lot about the Jewish religion. It has prompted some great dinner table conversations.

[curbsideprophet]

Who as the most flexibility during the day? If LO is sick and needs to be picked up early can your DH do that most of the time?

I think having to do all drop offs and picks ups would get tiring. What does your DH think about it?

I would probably go with the one closer to home. Our kids go to a daycare affiliated with a Methodist church. They do not start chapel time until they are in the three year old room and you have to give permission for your child to participate. I don't think there is much to worry about in the infant room.

[spunkarella]

Dec 20, 2014 10:08:38 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

Who as the most flexibility during the day? If LO is sick and needs to be picked up early can your DH do that most of the time?

I think having to do all drop offs and picks ups would get tiring. What does your DH think about it?

I have more flexibility by a good margin. He _could_ but it would be much easier for me. He is less religious than I am, but still leans more toward the religious options for the sake of convenience and being able to share daycare responsibilities. 

[curbsideprophet]

Dec 20, 2014 10:18:48 GMT -5 spunkarella said:

Dec 20, 2014 10:08:38 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

Who as the most flexibility during the day? If LO is sick and needs to be picked up early can your DH do that most of the time?

I think having to do all drop offs and picks ups would get tiring. What does your DH think about it?

I have more flexibility by a good margin. He _could_ but it would be much easier for me. He is less religious than I am, but still leans more toward the religious options for the sake of convenience and being able to share daycare responsibilities. 

Given this, I would give the more convenient option a try. I suppose it does not hurt to put your name on the other list if it is not too expensive to do so but I don't think that would be my top choice.

[pierogigirl]

We are not Jewish, but the kids go to a Jewish daycare/after school care. Overall, we are happy. However, the after school teacher seems to give religious lessons on the daily (not the daycare teacher for DS2). When we asked about religious education before signing up, we were told they would be exposed to Jewish beliefs and Hebrew words for things like charitable giving, etc. We were comfortable with that.

The daycare seems to be doing that. The after school teacher is over the top, IMO. If the religious messages don't get toned down in the new year, we're going to talk to the director. He's only there for 1.5 hours a day- he's supposed to be playing on the playground, and taking swimming lessons during that time.

[kershnic]

Pre verbal babies can't be indoctrinated. Parental convenience until your kid can talk then re evaluate.

[lauralala]

I would definitely go for convenience, especially while the baby is too young to know the difference. We are agnostic but sent DS to a Methodist preschool for a year when he was 2/3. The congregation itself leaned pretty conservative, typical for the location we were in, but the most religious thing he did at school was sing "Jesus Love Me," which was just another song to him at that age.

[meltoine]

On your days off could he still take her so you only have make the drive once if you want to pick up early? Or could he pick up if you drop off late?

[lindsaymg]

The second. Convenience and close friends means a lot to me.

[polarbearfans]

How much religion is going on at the daycare? I grew up catholic but went to a baptist daycare/preschool, and it wasn't super religious. Once I got to preschool age there would be a short prayer at some point in the day and maybe some songs along with traditional kid songs. Overall it wasn't very religious. At daycare it was just play and no religious parts at all.

[dcn]

We used a daycare that was 25 min from home but close to my work and on days off it sucked if i wanted to send him. Dh works close to home so it made no sense for him to drop off or pick up. Now he is at daycare two minutes from our house and it is a million times more convienent. There would have to be some serious issues at the one close to your hosue for me to not seriously consider it.

[smock]

I would not feel comfortable financially supporting a religious daycare that says gays are going to hell and the earth is 6,000 years old, even if my kid was too young to know the difference.

If there are no other DCPs closer to home, I'd do the one by your H's work until baby can attend the Montessori program.

[jorja]

It would depend on how much religion was involved in the day to day at the religious day cares.

[mcfelix]

Depends on how religious - but generally I would go with the more convenient option. There are religious daycares in my area, but none are extremist to my knowledge. If you are happy with other aspects of the school and feel comfortable that he will be well taken care of, I wouldn't be too concerned about the religious aspect. Your time anda sanity are worth a lot, so I could get past the religious part pretty easily.

[t]

The daycare close to home, for sure. Very helpful for days like tomorrow, when I've taken off to get Christmas prep done but can run DD over to daycare in 3 minutes. Or times when we are sick but she is not.

I imagine any religious education would be pretty basic stuff for little ones....golden rule type lessons. I am religious but this would not bother me if I wasn't.

[andthentherewere10]

Dec 20, 2014 8:44:12 GMT -5 spunkarella said:

tl;dr If you are not religious, would you use a center 35 min from your work/1 min from DH's work if it was the only secular option in your area? Or deal with religion at the highly rated center 2 min from your house?

DH and I work in opposite directions. There is a great daycare near DH's work that would be our no-brainer top choice if the location was more convenient. It has a long waiting list, so if we're going to use it, we need to get on the list about 2 seconds after conceiving.

I'm leaning toward ruling it out because of the location, but can I get MMM's opinion?

Pros: nationally accredited, secular, subsidized (so more diverse than others), 1 minute from DH's work
Cons: 25 min from home, 35 min from my work

Other options are less than 5 min from home, highly rated but not accredited, all religious (con for us). Since they are right next to the primary school, I picture the kids being friends in daycare and continuing friendships when they go to school. These don't typically have waiting lists so we could decide between them later. 

Prices are basically the same everywhere because we don't qualify for subsidies at DH's work daycare.

I think it's basically a question of whether we are willing to have the inconvenient location for a non-religious and more diverse center, or whether we are willing to deal with a religious center that is really convenient. 

Atheist. Wouldn't rule out daycare based on religious affiliation. I might be different, though, because I do plan on taking my kid to churches, etc when he is young so he can decide for himself. I went to Methodist daycare as a kid and never turned out religious because my parents simply didn't follow through at home with the conversations

[sent]

We've only been doing this for a month now, but I have to do all daycare drop off and pickups too. We only have 1 car so that made it my decision where to put her.

I picked a place next to work which is about 20 minutes from home. On a non-work day, I can do errands near my work because we have all the same stores there and less traffic.

The religious affiliations wouldn't bother me. I went to Catholic school for a long time and we aren't even Christians. It made little difference in my beliefs. It's all about what you teach at home.