"Different" Relatives

[magentawarped]

Well, of course there's my 300 lb dominatrix/BDSM instructor sister in law, but I actually enjoy hanging with her. She's studying jewelry making and crafting in Scotland now, though, so she won't be here for Christmas.

ETA: Sadly, she's the most socially normal of my ILs.

[Deleted]

Lol this is hilarious. Yeah we have our grandma in Utah who calls and sings songs (birthday, holiday, etc) super off key into our voicemail. Sweet and funny

[quesyrah]

Mostly that's just my mother. Most of my relatives are dead or don't talk to my mother. Of the living ones, they're all normal

[mamaalysson]

This makes me sad that my relatives are all normal. No meat cleavers, mayoral pussies, or librarian confessions at our holidays.

[cabbagecabbage]

My great uncle Stub, yes Uncle Stub was what everyone called him, grabbed my hand at Christmas when I was 16 amd proclaimed, "If I were a younger man, I would make love to you!" Horrifying.

[wheresmyspatula]

My Nannys favorite word was "fuck". That's always embarrassing when you're in your teens and at dinner with the grandparents . They also liked to talk about their sex life. A LOT.

She was freaking hilarious though. One time she had a banana in her lap in the car and forgot it was there on the drive home from our house (10 min tops). It slid between her legs and she about crashed the car.

[Deleted]

cabbagecabbage that may win...and not in a good way! Yikes!

[cabbagecabbage]

Dec 20, 2014 20:22:12 GMT -5 @sing4mysavior said:

cabbagecabbage that may win...and not in a good way! Yikes!

Yes. His mind was deteriorating then. He was a nice odd man but said some crazy stuff in those last years.

[minismama]

When I first met my stepdads mom about 15 years ago we all had dinner at a country club. She was about 67 at the time. I went with her and my mom to the bathroom and she asked us if we wanted to see her new tattoo. We were thinking what the heck. But she insisted. She pulled her pants down to show a little of her butt and asked if we saw the little birdie tattoo. We didn't. So she pulled her pants down more and more. Still didn't see it. So finally she stood up (her whole butt cheek was out at this point) and she said "ugh forget it. Poor bird. My pussy must have ate it". Horrified. We were horrified. I was 14. Every major holiday she asks if we wanna hear the joke again..

[cna]

One of my great uncles had this spot on the side of his head that bulged when he chewed. I was always put in the perfect spot to see the bulge and it freaked me out.

My dad and brother ALWAYS got into these huge arguments about totally random things. I remember one year my brother got up and stormed out of the house because dark meat is superior to white meat. True story.

[minismama]

Dec 20, 2014 21:07:23 GMT -5 @kimbus22 said:

Dec 20, 2014 20:39:16 GMT -5 minismama said:

When I first met my stepdads mom about 15 years ago we all had dinner at a country club. She was about 67 at the time. I went with her and my mom to the bathroom and she asked us if we wanted to see her new tattoo. We were thinking what the heck. But she insisted. She pulled her pants down to show a little of her butt and asked if we saw the little birdie tattoo. We didn't. So she pulled her pants down more and more. Still didn't see it. So finally she stood up (her whole butt cheek was out at this point) and she said "ugh forget it. Poor bird. My pussy must have ate it". Horrified. We were horrified. I was 14. Every major holiday she asks if we wanna hear the joke again..

I think I love her.

Oh I do. Haha. Never a dull moment.

[cabbagecabbage]

Dec 20, 2014 20:39:16 GMT -5 minismama said:

When I first met my stepdads mom about 15 years ago we all had dinner at a country club. She was about 67 at the time. I went with her and my mom to the bathroom and she asked us if we wanted to see her new tattoo. We were thinking what the heck. But she insisted. She pulled her pants down to show a little of her butt and asked if we saw the little birdie tattoo. We didn't. So she pulled her pants down more and more. Still didn't see it. So finally she stood up (her whole butt cheek was out at this point) and she said "ugh forget it. Poor bird. My pussy must have ate it". Horrified. We were horrified. I was 14. Every major holiday she asks if we wanna hear the joke again..

omfg

[megster20185]

One Christmas a few years back I think 2008 my sisters boyfriend was meeting us at my grandmas house. She lived on a busy street where you couldn't slow down to see house numbers and he was having a hard time finding it as it was dark out. To get his attention my great aunt went outside and stood in the driveway waving a towel around. He didn't stick around too long after that. 

[dizzycooks]

Crazy no, drama yes. I freaking hate holiday drama. This year I told my mom that my dad and stepmom were going to church with us when she asked to join us. Her response (honest to God) "I'll have to claim my place and put my rsvp in for next year by August." Maybe we will leave town instead.

[broccolisgirl]

One Christmas about ten years ago, we went to my aunt (20yrs older than my mom) and uncle's house for our family gathering. He had decided to serve a roast that year, and they had planned everything according to the heating instructions on the label. The roast was supposed to be done at 6, so cocktail hour started at 5. The roast wasn't actually done until 8... but nobody stopped drinking. My uncle (about 75 back then) spent most of the night waving a giant, vacuum-sealed pork loin in everybody's faces, asking them if he'd shown them his donkey dick yet.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2014 23:51:03 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Crazy no, drama yes. I freaking hate holiday drama. This year I told my mom that my dad and stepmom were going to church with us when she asked to join us. Her response (honest to God) "I'll have to claim my place and put my rsvp in for next year by August." Maybe we will leave town instead.

New tradition: Christmas vacation to somewhere tropical.

[zbeesma86]

Dec 20, 2014 20:39:16 GMT -5 minismama said:

When I first met my stepdads mom about 15 years ago we all had dinner at a country club. She was about 67 at the time. I went with her and my mom to the bathroom and she asked us if we wanted to see her new tattoo. We were thinking what the heck. But she insisted. She pulled her pants down to show a little of her butt and asked if we saw the little birdie tattoo. We didn't. So she pulled her pants down more and more. Still didn't see it. So finally she stood up (her whole butt cheek was out at this point) and she said "ugh forget it. Poor bird. My pussy must have ate it". Horrified. We were horrified. I was 14. Every major holiday she asks if we wanna hear the joke again..

I just spit out my coffee. Hahahahahahaha. This is awesome!