My ex-h got a DUI last night - UPDATE in OP

[flex]

DS#1 texted me about it. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about the details since he got home late last night. I'll talk to him more this morning after he gets up. From what I understand, ex hit four parked cars, but surprisingly he didn't have to spend the night in jail.

This is not the first time ex-h has driven drunk, but THANK GOD he's finally been caught, AND that no one was hurt.

UPDATE: Finally got to talk to DS#1 about what happened.  Ex was NOT cited for a DUI.   He got a minor traffic ticket.  He'd been at the bar 4 hours and had 3 beers, and had been drinking water prior to leaving.  What happened is that when he was leaving his broken leg got stuck in the gas pedal when he was trying to leave the bar's parking lot.  He clipped two vehicles which caused one of them to clip a third vehicle, plus he backed into a fourth vehicle.

When DS showed up he could tell by the look on the cop's face that he didn't want to arrest him.  Ex did have to do a field sobriety test which would have been difficult for ANYONE with a broken leg, but he didn't make him blow into the breathalyzer, which would have possibly led to an arrest.  

You know what really bugs me?  When DS first got there, he told me he was prepared to lie to say he was the one driving because he didn't want ex to go to jail.   WTF???  I pleaded with DS to never do that for him--ever--as he'd be enabling ex to continue on with drinking and driving, which could mean someone could be killed in the future.  
I wish he hadn't told me that.   (wilted)

[thejen626]

I'm sorry thank goodness no one was hurt.

[flex]

He's a self-proclaimed wine and beer snob. For years he's told me and my AA friends that "Oh, I'm so glad I don't belong to your club!" Ugh. He's had a drinking problem for years. Plus he broke his leg just a couple weeks ago so he was already impaired while driving.

I knew he would eventually get caught, but I was always afraid he'd take someone out like one of my sons or some poor unsuspecting member(s) of the public. I fear, though, that he will not admit he has a problem and he'll continue on.

[WOT?*]

Thank God nobody was hurt. He's an idiot (eg driving with a broken leg) with a pretty big problem from the sounds of it. I am so sorry for your DS but I am glad you're no longer enmeshed beyond them hurting and you hurting for them/being furious on their behalf. It's so hard for the kids of alcoholics, even as adults, battling the hate for the alcoholic while feeling the love for the parent.  (Another reason your boys are so blessed with you.  They don't have to fight that battle or pick sides.)

[phdprocrastinator]

This was exactly my uncle's wake up call. He'd driven under the influence for 30+ years without incident and finally drive into a wall one night. He started aa soon after. I hope this is your ex's bottom for your kid's sake.

[spedrunner]

oh my. I know how difficult it still must be to hear, but I am glad that no one was hurt! Phew!

[btay]

I am glad nobody was hurt, and I hope it was a wake up call for him but it doesn't sound too promising unfortunately

[flex]

Dec 21, 2014 13:39:24 GMT -5 btay said:

I am glad nobody was hurt, and I hope it was a wake up call for him but it doesn't sound too promising unfortunately

I agree.

Ex is an idiot and as he gets older he is more idiotic.  He's going to just blame it on his bum leg.

DS did lecture him that it's okay for him to ask DS to drive him as the designated driver:  DS is in recovery too and he'd be only to happy to help ex stay out of trouble.

[cuddlyevil]

I'm glad no one got hurt.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) I hope your ex smartens up.

[btay]

Oh wow, I really hope you DS takes your words to heart, it is so hard to watch others enable

[cville]

Ugh. Your update made my heart drop. I hope your son hears you and your ex stops this horrible practice. Hugs, flex.

[flex]

Dec 21, 2014 14:42:51 GMT -5 btay said:

Oh wow, I really hope you DS takes your words to heart, it is so hard to watch others enable

Yes.   DS is a grown man and I can't tell him what to do, even though I'd love to shake him sometimes.  lol

[isabel]

What your son said makes me really sad. I hope he never does something like that for his dad. He doesn't deserve to be put in this position by someone who makes those choices.

[flex]

And he really knows better. He said he contemplated doing the "spiritual thing" by lying. I was like "WHAT.THE.WHAT?" I was so shocked by his remark that I completely forgot about pointing out the "rigorous honesty" aspect of AA.

I'm meeting with my sponsor at lunch and this topic will be dominating our conversation. lol

[WOT?*]

Re: your update is heartbreaking. It's so tough on the kids to have to act as the parent in these situations. I wish your XH had been tested and arrested if his BAC was over the legal limit. As long as people don't make him pay the consequences, he'll keep trying and getting away with it until someone DOES get hurt. Fingers crossed it never happens. And please reiterate to DS to NEVER lie to the police in that manner. It will follow him for years with possible charges, points on his license, higher insurance costs, possible loss of jobs or not being hired for jobs because of the ding on his license. There are soooo many things that could happen to HIM in his efforts to protect his dad. It's not his job, no matter how much he want to, to protect his father. It's supposed to be the other way around.

[flex]

FYI: ex is not DS#1's dad--he is his stepfather.

[Booze Raccoon]

Dec 21, 2014 12:09:44 GMT -5 flex said:

 "Oh, I'm so glad I don't belong to your club!" 

What a real dick thing to say.

You're son has a good heart.