WWYD regarding my brothers gf

[achase123]

My brothers gf and I have had tension between us as some of you may remember. Things are better now and we've patched things up. So she was texting me the other day and mentioned that she's not happy with the lack of a bond between her dd and my brother (they've been together 1.5 years now and he now lives there). I feel like it's odd that she is telling ME this. I suggested she speak to my brother about it, it's not my business and she blew it off.

Honestly I just find the whole thing strange from a single moms perspective. If I felt like someone wasn't bonding with P after being around him a lot I certainly would not move in together and would probably break up with him. I would certainly have a very serious convo with him. I wouldn't complain. To his sister about it.

I don't think I should mention a word to my brother but the gf just really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What's everyone else's' take on this?

[cuddlyevil]

Ignore and keep your nose out of it.

[margarita]

Ignore

[wampuscat]

Yeah, I would just let them handle that themselves. I do think it was weird for her to talk to YOU about it and not your brother, but people do weird things.

[Deleted]

I wonder if she was talking to you since you're also a single mom. Like, maybe she thought you'd understand from having been in a similar position, or have some insight because you're both a single mom AND your brother's sister.

I think it was kind of inappropriate if you don't have that kind of relationship, but maybe she thought you'd actually be a good person to offer useful perspective. IDK.

I wouldn't say anything to your brother.

[achase123]

Dec 22, 2014 16:41:47 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I wonder if she was talking to you since you're also a single mom. Like, maybe she thought you'd understand from having been in a similar position, or have some insight because you're both a single mom AND your brother's sister.

I think it was kind of inappropriate if you don't have that kind of relationship, but maybe she thought you'd actually be a good person to offer useful perspective. IDK.

I wouldn't say anything to your brother.

Agreed. She knows that I've dealt with similar thing. I also think she doesn't have a ton of friends. She also brought it up to my mom.

I'm sure they will figure it out one way or the other.

[stephreloaded]

Even though I see it as a little inappropriate but she might not know a lot of single moms to ask about this. I would have answered truthfully to tell her that this is something that is important and maybe give her some advice on how to improve things (if you know any) and then back out.

[achase123]

Dec 22, 2014 16:56:56 GMT -5 stephreloaded said:

Even though I see it as a little inappropriate but she might not know a lot of single moms to ask about this. I would have answered truthfully to tell her that this is something that is important and maybe give her some advice on how to improve things (if you know any) and then back out.

I told her I felt like their relationship (my brother with her dd) is very important and she needs to talk to my brother about it.

[mcc]

Dec 22, 2014 16:43:03 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Dec 22, 2014 16:41:47 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I wonder if she was talking to you since you're also a single mom. Like, maybe she thought you'd understand from having been in a similar position, or have some insight because you're both a single mom AND your brother's sister.

I think it was kind of inappropriate if you don't have that kind of relationship, but maybe she thought you'd actually be a good person to offer useful perspective. IDK.

I wouldn't say anything to your brother.

Agreed. She knows that I've dealt with similar thing. I also think she doesn't have a ton of friends. She also brought it up to my mom.

I'm sure they will figure it out one way or the other.

It sounds like this is why she asked you. Also, depending on her family, it might be normal to ask other family members about these things. I know that my SIL and I talk to my mom a lot about things but we have a weird conduit type of communication thing going on that isn't ideal. Maybe she was wondering if he had mentioned it to you in hopes that there was an easy fix. If you haven't gotten them Christmas gifts yet, maybe an outing or something for the 3 of them would be a good idea. This is something she should talk to your brother about though.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I would also think she's probably talking to you as a single mom and not to badmouth your brother or some other random reason. She may not have anyone else to talk to about it. Wouldn't make me think poorly of her - I'd just tell her she needed to talk to him about it and maybe get some counseling to help them all relate better to each other.

[achase123]

It's just a bit of an awkward position to be in. As a single mom I feel protective over her feelings and her dds. But then I also feel like if it were me I'd bring it up to him. But that's my style, I'm really direct. I don't think she is that much so.

[jojoandleo]

Meh, I would do what you did. Tell her she needs to talk to your brother. You can't really do anything to help that bond, only he can. I think she was asking as single mom to single mom, but you have said pretty much all there is to be said.

[Deleted]

I don't think her talking to you about it is all that odd. She probably thought that you as a single mother might understand and might be able to give some insight about your brother's behavior.

I don't think you should mention it to your brother though and just go on about your business. 

[Deleted]

I agree with PPs that I wouldn't mention it to your bro.  I think you handled it well.  

[aerochyck]

Dec 22, 2014 17:30:45 GMT -5 achase123 said:

It's just a bit of an awkward position to be in. As a single mom I feel protective over her feelings and her dds. But then I also feel like if it were me I'd bring it up to him. But that's my style, I'm really direct. I don't think she is that much so.

Maybe she was coming from the position that you are a single mom and his sister so you may have some insight on how she could approach the situation with him.

[becwheat]

I agree she was asking as a single mom to another single mom. If you do not feel comfortable giving advice then you gave the right response.

I will also say that while I am glad that my DH and DD have bonded so well, a bond in blended families is not always super quick. There is a big difference between BF and LO not getting along and just not being super close right now.

IDK... I just threw that part in because of you saying you would not continue a relationship in that situation. 1.5 yrs is not super long in the big picture, as long as someone is making an effort.

[achase123]

Dec 23, 2014 10:32:51 GMT -5 becwheat said:

I agree she was asking as a single mom to another single mom. If you do not feel comfortable giving advice then you gave the right response.

I will also say that while I am glad that my DH and DD have bonded so well, a bond in blended families is not always super quick. There is a big difference between BF and LO not getting along and just not being super close right now.

IDK... I just threw that part in because of you saying you would not continue a relationship in that situation. 1.5 yrs is not super long in the big picture, as long as someone is making an effort.

That's true. I guess I just hate the idea that my brother used putting that effort forward. As a single mom it makes me sad. I know it isn't always the easiest situation though. I think her dd has a lot of resentment towards her because she cheated on her H. Her dd was old enough when they split to have some idea of what was going on. Plus she brought the guy she was cheating with around her dd. so it was a mess.

[becwheat]

Dec 23, 2014 10:38:17 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Dec 23, 2014 10:32:51 GMT -5 becwheat said:

I agree she was asking as a single mom to another single mom. If you do not feel comfortable giving advice then you gave the right response.

I will also say that while I am glad that my DH and DD have bonded so well, a bond in blended families is not always super quick. There is a big difference between BF and LO not getting along and just not being super close right now.

IDK... I just threw that part in because of you saying you would not continue a relationship in that situation. 1.5 yrs is not super long in the big picture, as long as someone is making an effort.

That's true. I guess I just hate the idea that my brother used putting that effort forward. As a single mom it makes me sad. I know it isn't always the easiest situation though. I think her dd has a lot of resentment towards her because she cheated on her H. Her dd was old enough when they split to have some idea of what was going on. Plus she brought the guy she was cheating with around her dd. so it was a mess.

Yeah that is a major uphill battle for anyone this woman dates! Yikes

[achase123]

Dec 23, 2014 11:02:48 GMT -5 becwheat said:

Dec 23, 2014 10:38:17 GMT -5 achase123 said:

That's true. I guess I just hate the idea that my brother used putting that effort forward. As a single mom it makes me sad. I know it isn't always the easiest situation though. I think her dd has a lot of resentment towards her because she cheated on her H. Her dd was old enough when they split to have some idea of what was going on. Plus she brought the guy she was cheating with around her dd. so it was a mess.

Yeah that is a major uphill battle for anyone this woman dates! Yikes

I know....I wish I didn't know all of that because it makes me not trust her. But the reality is that it doesn't necessarily mean she'll do the same thing to my brother.

[calle28]

I do think it's a little odd. But you also mentioned she brought it up to your mom. So she might have mentioned it to you two since you know him well and could give a different perspective.

I think what you did was fine and I would have done the same thing.