This is the pettiest BS I think I've ever seen

[thebuddhagouda]

So MIL is getting free babysitting help and can't even feed the helper? Eff that noise.

[killercupcake]

Did H also tell them to make sure they packed a dinner for Christmas?

What a bitch!

[zizibet]

I'm with Autumn. I really thin k it's time to cancel.

[elleblue]

Yeah no. She obviously doesn't really need your DD's help. Your IL's are flaming assholes. 

[tripleshot]

They suck. You should seriously consider canceling the plans. You and your family deserve better.

[malibu]

I agree with Autumn. It's time to cancel. They're going to make this holiday miserable for not only you but your kids, too.

They are terrible people.

[Deleted]

What? No way I am sending DD into the fray after what happened with FIL and the bitching out and then this. Deal with the kids yourself, rude ass grandma.

[Eagles]

I really want to set your MIL's hair on fire.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2014 17:04:25 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

Dec 22, 2014 17:01:50 GMT -5 @libellula said:

What? No way I am sending DD into the fray after what happened with FIL and the bitching out and then this. Deal with the kids yourself, rude ass grandma.

Ah, see you've never met DD. She's a softy until you piss her off. At 13, she's one of the most assertive, strong willed women I've ever met. She will NOT tolerate BS.

Goooooooood, I'm so glad to see that she's not going to let g-ma push her around.

[Deleted]

I am all sorts of ragey on your behalf. I recently had a run-in with an older white male who works for one of my client's - he told me after a meeting I was "too opinionated." I have since asked to have no contact with him, because that statement is so incredibly, unbelievably, sexist. Never has any man ever been criticized for having an opinion.

So I am having trouble being fair here, and on one hand I think it is nice you are considering your husband and your daughter, etc. But on the other, I can't believe you are going to host them. Would your DD's cousins still come if you banned your IL's? Would they split the day? I think even if not, maybe this is a good time for your daughter to learn about boundaries. These people sound awful.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2014 17:26:50 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

Dec 22, 2014 17:19:05 GMT -5 elle said:

I am all sorts of ragey on your behalf. I recently had a run-in with an older white male who works for one of my client's - he told me after a meeting I was "too opinionated." I have since asked to have no contact with him, because that statement is so incredibly, unbelievably, sexist. Never has any man ever been criticized for having an opinion.

So I am having trouble being fair here, and on one hand I think it is nice you are considering your husband and your daughter, etc. But on the other, I can't believe you are going to host them. Would your DD's cousins still come if you banned your IL's? Would they split the day? I think even if not, maybe this is a good time for your daughter to learn about boundaries. These people sound awful.

The root of my inlaws problem with me is that I'm assertive, strong, and strong willed. H loves that about me, women aren't like that in his family and they find it...inappropriate and probably threatening. 

If we cancel, DD doesn't get to see her cousins and none of us will get to see H's brother because they have so many other obligations. 

And im not going to lie, like I said above, I see this as a chance to be a good and gracious host, who can cook like a mother effer, and is not in any way, shape, form or fashion what they've labeled me as and this is my last chance to show them that, as I'll never have contact with them again. They may see it, they may not, but I'll feel better about it. 

But haven't you been that way for, like, 20 years? Of course you aren't like that -- you wouldn't be on ML if you were . . . nothing gets run off here faster than trash. He didn't call you trash because you're trash, he called you that because you threaten him and it's a cheap insult for a man who is obviously not capable of nuance (after all, what is trashier than telling your grandson his mother is a trashy bitch?). I do understand wanting to see your husband's sibling if there is no other way to do it, but the rest of it, no.

[jreeds]

Ick. Your IL's are a bunch of assholes

[hisno1girl]

I don't use this word a lot but that woman sounds like a total cunt.

[Velvetshady]

If the rest of the family prefers them and their assphatery over you then they aren't worth this BS. Really.

One more meal with them isn't going to suddenly make them see the light and changes their ways. WTF are you actually doing this to yourself? Why are you purposely making all this pre-event stress for yourself and basically planning a clusterfuck-event, fully knowing it will turn into a clusterfuck?


Really, just cut them out now.

[isabel]

God, your in laws are such assholes!

[Velvetshady]

Dec 22, 2014 19:20:14 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

Dec 22, 2014 18:50:30 GMT -5 Velvetshady said:

If the rest of the family prefers them and their assphatery over you then they aren't worth this BS. Really.

One more meal with them isn't going to suddenly make them see the light and changes their ways. WTF are you actually doing this to yourself? Why are you purposely making all this pre-event stress for yourself and basically planning a clusterfuck-event, fully knowing it will turn into a clusterfuck?


Really, just cut them out now.

I guess I should've been clearer, as we have multiple reasons. H wants one more Christmas with his brother, DD with her cousins.

The event itself won't be a shitshow--MIL is too concerned about appearances with her other son and the other people married in for anyone to act out of line.

I'm sure it still makes no sense to y'all, but I'm okay with one more night after 17+ years of this if it makes the impending break easier for the ones most likely to have a hard time with it.

So your DH wants one more meal with people he knows will cut him out of their life in support of these assholes--and that is more important than your dignity and sanity. I certainly hope he is the one doing 100% of the prep for this meal...


I totally get what you are claiming the reasons for this "show" are, but I don't understand exactly what good you think is going to come out of it. You already believe the extended family doesn't like your DH (and your family) enough to maintain a relationship when you cut off the assholes (and believe me--they know they are assholes--and yet you believe they will side with them, what does that tell you?), the assholes are already involving and using your DD (and you are letting them) and you and DS get to spend the next few days stressing about what is going to happen. I get you have "Reasons" I just think your reasons aren't very good.

[10nille]

I hope next Christmas when they are sitting home alone they will think back on this year's Christmas and realize what they are missing.

I'm secretly hoping your DD tells them to hit the road. That is after she has a wonderful time with her cousins!

[Velvetshady]

When the dinner is for people that have/are treating you the way you have been/are being treated, and your DH is the one wanting to have this "pretend happy family meal" for their own pretend memories in spite of assphatery that has been aimed at their spouse and child...yes it does fucking matter who is putting in the effort to make the meal and prep the house for the "pretend happy family" meal. Other situations, no doesn't matter.


Really, all I'm trying to do is point out that ten years from now, I guarantee you wont be thinking "Boy, I'm glad I gave them yet one-more-chance to disrespect and abuse me and my kids."

How many people are attending that aren't members of his family that will stop talking to you when you cut out his parents?

If this pretend happy family meal is for DH then he damn well should be doing the work and kissing your damn ass for letting him live in his fantasy world another week, vs standing up for and honoring his wife and kids immediately.

[Deleted]

How are you serving the food? Any way to get a dose of Visene in the IL's during dinner? Maybe in their drinks?

[noodle]

I hope this week goes far more smoothly than you anticipate. And I wish you plenty of booze. Please let me know if I can send you any!

[Deleted]

OMG

[Velvetshady]

Dec 22, 2014 20:58:14 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Dec 22, 2014 20:32:32 GMT -5 Velvetshady said:

When the dinner is for people that have/are treating you the way you have been/are being treated, and your DH is the one wanting to have this "pretend happy family meal" for their own pretend memories in spite of assphatery that has been aimed at their spouse and child...yes it does fucking matter who is putting in the effort to make the meal and prep the house for the "pretend happy family" meal. Other situations, no doesn't matter.


Really, all I'm trying to do is point out that ten years from now, I guarantee you wont be thinking "Boy, I'm glad I gave them yet one-more-chance to disrespect and abuse me and my kids."

How many people are attending that aren't members of his family that will stop talking to you when you cut out his parents?

If this pretend happy family meal is for DH then he damn well should be doing the work and kissing your damn ass for letting him live in his fantasy world another week, vs standing up for and honoring his wife and kids immediately.

What are you saying here?  She's a saint and has been doing this for 17 years.  What's one more time? 

Only answering because you asked a direct question. What I am saying is she's been a saint for 17 years, given them 17 years of giving them changes and being the bigger person; what exactly is the purpose of wasting another holiday of her life doing it again now that she's convinced her DH they aren't going to change and respect her/their kids. Why bother giving them another chance if the plan to cut them off immediately afterwards is going to happen no matter what (or *is* there something they can do to change it, in one evening?)


Really, I'm being an asshole because I don't think that she should spend another second of her life stressing about their opinion of her (for stressing backup, see earlier posts on house cleaning for them)--her time is too valuable to waste it on them. If actually thinking her happiness is more valuable than giving assphats chance #89,432 to prove they are assphats, makes me an asshole--I'll take it.

OP, I hope it all works out however you want it to work out. I sound worked up because I truly hate when good people waste their time and effort on people that have proven they don't deserve your effort. Sorry I wasted yours in this post.