I am driving myself crazy

[buffyasummers]

Over my job. And it's killing me. It's turning me into a miserable person. I always thought nursing is what I wanted to do. I struggled through school, but my H was always supportive and kept reminding me how "safe" the medical field is. How there is so much room for advancement. How the salary is decent (yeah, right!). So I stuck with it.

I hate being a nurse. Don't get me wrong... This is absolutely NOT reflected onto my patients. The thing I get complemented on the most is my bedside manner and how I care about my patients. But once I walk out of that patient's room, I am miserable. I end most days in tears. I dread going back in. So much so, that I have called out so many times, I've gotten warnings. But the thought of going in there is almost too much.

H will not understand if I change fields. He will go ballistic, I know it. Tonight, I made an off-handed comment about how my BFF wants me to come work with her (office work).....Same salary. And H went a little nuts "No. You need to stay at the hospital. The benefits! Room for advancement! etc..."

To everyone, I put on a happy face, say how much I love my job, how I will never leave... But I am so depressed. I feel like a failure. I was supposed to LOVE doing this. I spent so much time and money on school. Everyone is going to be so disappointed in me. But is all this worth being miserable over? I'm crying now just thinking about all of this...

[milosh]

I think you need to have a talk with your H. This isn't up to him. It should be a family discussion yes, but ultimately it's your move.

[buffyasummers]

I know. I know...I am just so damn tired of feeling like I am letting everyone down. But I am also tired of feeling like I need to do what pleases everyone else, and not what makes me happy.

[awick14]

You really need to talk to your H. The medical field isn't for everyone, well no matter what job you have if you hate it then you shouldn't "have" to do it.

I'm hoping that he understands how you feel and is supportive in you changing career paths.

[Deleted]

Do you have an EAP that offers career counselling? If so, I highly recommending giving that a try. It was so helpful for me years ago.

And your husband is being an ass. The medical field isn't for everyone and lots of people realize that and completely change careers. It's so demanding, if it's not right for you there is NO shame in doing something non medical related. Especially since your mental health is now being negatively impacted. That's what he needs to focus on vs your job title.

[ohyouknow]

Ugh, I feel your pain. What do you hate about it? Is it the contact with sick people? Coworkers? The culture? The physical part of nursing? Would you prefer a more solitary job in an office with a computer and silence or a more social job?
I also hate my career choice, it has helped me to tolerate it because I've figured out what I hate about it. I'm locked into my job because a pension, but in your shoes I would figure out what you hate and make a change. Your husband can have input, but not the final decision on your happiness. Really, he needs to rephrase this in his mind that it's not about advancement and benefits, it's about your life and happiness. A person only gets a certain number of years, I wouldn't waste 40 of them leaving work and crying.

[isabel]

Your H needs to be supportive of you. I am in the middle of trying to change fields. I was wrong about what I wanted to do. I own that. Being wrong isn't the worst thing, but staying in a career you hate out of fear of disappointing people might be. Don't continue to be miserable for anyone else, including your H.

[kayakjenn]

I know how awful it is to go to a job every day that you hate. It's hard to get a spouse to understand that because of fear of potentially lost income and future stability. I had to have a heart to heart with my DH so he could better understand the stress and unhappiness that my job caused. I'm leaving a corporate position with stability to go work for a start-up and I needed to get DH to understand how important it is that I find happiness in what I do.

Good luck!

[orangeblossom]

Would getting out of direct patient card help? There are so many opportunities for nurses outside of direct patient care or minimal care.

There's research, legal nursing, public health nursing, management, nurse educator.

[oliviapope]

Dec 26, 2014 1:20:58 GMT -5 buffyasummers said:

I know. I know...I am just so damn tired of feeling like I am letting everyone down. But I am also tired of feeling like I need to do what pleases everyone else, and not what makes me happy.

Hospital nursing is tough (on you, marriages, family, etc). There isn't always enough time to make a difference and the regulations and paperwork can get daughnting. There are TONS of other options. I have worked from home in research for the last six years making way more than hospital nurses. There are so many options.

Think about what parts of nursing you like (is it critical thinking/care coordination/etc). You can do so much. Just identify the parts of it you do like and find a job that fits that.

[dirtyred]

Dec 26, 2014 2:21:55 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Can you move into nursing administration? Nursing HR? Informatics? Information systems? There are lots of nurses not nursing with their nursing degrees.

There are so many things you can do that are non-hospital. Malpractice lawyers hire nurses to read charts, you can be an answer line or health coach nurse for an insurance company (work from home!), do wellness screenings for companies, school nurse....

[circa1978]

I agree with PP. There are so many type of nursing careers. Are there any parts of the field you enjoy? Things from other parts of your life you can incorporate?

[krystee]

I would sit down and analyze what you like and what you don't. Maybe a change of department or type of environment would do the trick (school nurse, doctor's office nurse, ER or day surgery where people are in and out and you don't get as attached, etc.).

If it is the whole job you hate, meet with a career counselor where you went to school (it is a free service they provide to alumni at almost every school) and brainstorm some jobs that use those skills, but not in the same capacity.

If my H was calling in sick enough that he got warnings and talking about how miserable he was, I might freak out initially. But if he came to me rationally with information on what he hated about his job, what he liked, and a plan for something that would be a better fit, I would be totally on board.

Long story short, your husband is wrong to be flipping out, and your happiness matters. But before making any rash decisions or losing your job from calling in again, take the time to really think about what you like and hate, and what a good plan of action might be.

[lynn07]

Dec 26, 2014 8:59:06 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

Dec 26, 2014 1:20:58 GMT -5 buffyasummers said:

I know. I know...I am just so damn tired of feeling like I am letting everyone down. But I am also tired of feeling like I need to do what pleases everyone else, and not what makes me happy.

Hospital nursing is tough (on you, marriages, family, etc). There isn't always enough time to make a difference and the regulations and paperwork can get daughnting. There are TONS of other options. I have worked from home in research for the last six years making way more than hospital nurses. There are so many options.

Think about what parts of nursing you like (is it critical thinking/care coordination/etc). You can do so much. Just identify the parts of it you do like and find a job that fits that.

I'm curious what it is you do. What kind of research?

OP, I'm sorry you are so unhappy. As others have said, there are lots of other options besides bedside nursing. I know I don't want to be a floor nurse forever (7+ years and counting so far), eventually I'm going to do something a little less demanding. Think about what does interest you and I bet there is some part of your degree/nursing that would work for you.

[indianchica]

What about teaching nursing? I'm sorry you hate your job. I came in here bc your title could be mine with regards to my job and then you posted about yours being job-related too. So I'm there with you. Big hugs.

[litebright]

I think, as others are saying, I would explore the field more widely before I gave up on it entirely. Nursing is a field with a ton of flexibility as far as options, when you have the basic skills and at least some level of experience.

My sister is a nurse. She bounced around through several departments and shifts at a big hospital before running across their MS clinic at a branch location, and a PT position that worked for her with 2U2 (at the time). She sometimes complains that the work she's doing now is monotonous (she basically runs and monitors patient infusions all day), but she seems happier than when she was a floor nurse.

[oliviapope]

Dec 26, 2014 9:50:08 GMT -5 lynn07 said:

Dec 26, 2014 8:59:06 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

Hospital nursing is tough (on you, marriages, family, etc). There isn't always enough time to make a difference and the regulations and paperwork can get daughnting. There are TONS of other options. I have worked from home in research for the last six years making way more than hospital nurses. There are so many options.

Think about what parts of nursing you like (is it critical thinking/care coordination/etc). You can do so much. Just identify the parts of it you do like and find a job that fits that.

I'm curious what it is you do. What kind of research?

OP, I'm sorry you are so unhappy. As others have said, there are lots of other options besides bedside nursing. I know I don't want to be a floor nurse forever (7+ years and counting so far), eventually I'm going to do something a little less demanding. Think about what does interest you and I bet there is some part of your degree/nursing that would work for you.

I work on private and government funded research projects. Some mental health, some neuro psych, and some just neuro. I get to collaborate and use my knowledge with several other disciplines and teams.

[bittybomb]

Dec 26, 2014 2:21:55 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Can you move into nursing administration? Nursing HR? Informatics? Information systems? There are lots of nurses not nursing with their nursing degrees.

My husband's cousin was an ER nurse and hated it.  She now works as a nurse case manager for a liability insurer and loves it.  She makes better money too.

[spankswife]

What if you change departments or go private in an area you might enjoy more? I would try to exhaust my options before changing fields, just to really make sure (for myself). Then take it from there.

[buffyasummers]

I don't know exactly what it is I hate about it. I love helping people. I do. But it's the being elbow deep in poo, emesis, urine, and blood for 12 hours that is getting to me. I come home and I can't touch my family until I've thoroughly disinfected myself. I caught Norovirus from one of my PT's because they refused to comply with their isolation regulations. It's just a lot of little things that probably shouldn't bother me, but do.

I have a degree in medical adminstration, which I got before my nursing degree. But I interviewed for YEARS and no one would hire me for lack of "medical office experience". I'm hoping now that I've worked in the hospital, that will be enough for them. The office is where I started when I was 17 years old. It's what I love. It's where I need to be. I just hope I can make H understand.

Thank you, everyone for all the advice and kind words. It's very much appreciated!

[Deleted]

Do you know how many people get degrees and never work in the field of that degree??? A LOT!

Find what you love - you spend more time working then doing anything else so wouldn't it be great if you could do something that didn't make you miserable?

I can't understand a spouse that wouldn't want that for their loved one.

[cville]

This happened with my bff and teaching. She was so passionate about education, loved school but struggled with the practicum, soldiered on anyway, and despised every minute in the classroom. She quit to go work for a education focused nonprofit after two years and buckets of tears. Eventually she decided to go back to school again for social work and loves THAT too.

This isn't worth it. Your husband will just have to get on board.

[Alex]

I'll just parrot the posters before me but the options are there. I work for the federal government in benefit processing (retirement and disability pensions). We have RNs that determine if the applicant meets the medical criteria for a disability pension. Desk job, office hours and excellent pay.

[buffyasummers]

I am fresh out of nursing school though. I've only worked in nursing for 6 months, and I only started at the hospital 2 months ago. Those desk jobs sounds like they would require a ton more experience, and I wouldn't blame them one bit in doing so.

[just]

Dec 26, 2014 12:10:55 GMT -5 buffyasummers said:

I am fresh out of nursing school though. I've only worked in nursing for 6 months, and I only started at the hospital 2 months ago. Those desk jobs sounds like they would require a ton more experience, and I wouldn't blame them one bit in doing so.

It sucks to be miserable, but two months really isn't very long time. My husband is a nurse and the first four months of being on the floor in the hospital was a nightmare for both of us. The shifts, the stress, he hated nursing!

After that, it just got a little bit better. The days weren't so upsetting for him. He started to feel more comfortable with what he was being asked to do. He got used to the smell, the bodily fluids.

Having said that, he did realize that floor nursing wasn't for him. After six months on the floor, he moved to cardiac surgery, and loved it there. He didn't have much problem getting that position, even after only six months on the floor. He's now thinking of trying out the G.I. lab, because of the shifts. There's just so much opportunity, and variety, even for baby nurses.

TL; DR. It's still early days, try give it a couple more months and then maybe about other areas of nursing. Clinic nursing could be a good choice.

[shopgirl07]

What about pharmaceutical or medical device sales? Lots of money there.

[buffyasummers]

I did home health nursing for about 4 months and hated that too. So I thought the hospital would be a better fit, but no such luck. I really think nursing just isn't for me.

The good news is, H just came home and I talked to him. He was surprisingly really understanding and said he could tell from my first week that I hated it, because I was just acting so differently.All he asked me was that I try to stick it out for another month or so, just to make very sure this is not where I want to be. And to not leave this job without having another lined up. I just feel so much weight lifted off me. Whew. Thanks for talking me through it, everyone.

[sonrisa]

Dec 26, 2014 12:10:55 GMT -5 buffyasummers said:

I am fresh out of nursing school though. I've only worked in nursing for 6 months, and I only started at the hospital 2 months ago. Those desk jobs sounds like they would require a ton more experience, and I wouldn't blame them one bit in doing so.

Two thoughts:

1) Give it time. DH wasn't thrilled with medicine during his early residency (first year he was miserable. Each year got a bit better. Practicing was much better). Now he is one of the few people I know who truly loves his job. 

2) There are many fields of medicine. If you are sick of a hospital setting heavy in bodily fluids, perhaps a clinic setting or different field would suit you better. Out patient psych nurses see much less poop. 

3) I hear where you are coming from. I considered medicine when younger but the thought of all those bodily fluids and sleep deprivation sent me to law instead. Now I'm a SAHM surrounded by snotty, poopy children who won't sleep.  But at least I love them :-)

[buffyasummers]

Dec 26, 2014 13:07:49 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Dec 26, 2014 12:10:55 GMT -5 buffyasummers said:

I am fresh out of nursing school though. I've only worked in nursing for 6 months, and I only started at the hospital 2 months ago. Those desk jobs sounds like they would require a ton more experience, and I wouldn't blame them one bit in doing so.

Two thoughts:

1) Give it time. DH wasn't thrilled with medicine during his early residency (first year he was miserable. Each year got a bit better. Practicing was much better). Now he is one of the few people I know who truly loves his job. 

2) There are many fields of medicine. If you are sick of a hospital setting heavy in bodily fluids, perhaps a clinic setting or different field would suit you better. Out patient psych nurses see much less poop. 

3) I hear where you are coming from. I considered medicine when younger but the thought of all those bodily fluids and sleep deprivation sent me to law instead. Now I'm a SAHM surrounded by snotty, poopy children who won't sleep.  But at least I love them :-)

I really think I would enjoy a doctors office setting. Something very small. I do not handle stress well at all. So working in a very large hospital is monumentally overwhelming. But I know I could handle and would most like enjoy an private practice of some kind.

The bolded really made me laugh. Thanks for that! =)

[nsl]

My sister struggled for years to find a nursing job that was a good fit for her. She worked on general inpatient floor, then in cardiac critical care, before landing in an endoscopy clinic. The regular hours, extremely specialized nature of the work, and a really good group of colleagues made her infinitely more happy than she'd been before. Based on her experiences alone I'll ditto everyone else who thinks you should investigate other types of nursing positions before giving up on the field entirely.

Also, an anecdote about me. I hated my first job out of college. On paper I should have loved it: good pay, good hours, a great boss, unlimited vacation, great opportunities for growth, etc... In reality it made me miserable, and it took H awhile to realize that I wasn't going to suddenly snap out of it and start loving my job the way he loved his. Once he figured that out he fully supported my decision to change careers (I'm a teacher now), and it has made all the difference in the world to finally work in a field I truly love. I don't dread going to work, I don't come home feeling negative and emotionally exhausted, and I'm just a happier person overall than I was before my career change. So I guess my second piece of advice is that if you decide nursing really isn't for you, don't be afraid to pursue a different career once you figure out what else might make you happy.