I'm feeling a little lost right now. Actually, I don't really know how to feel. Let me preface by saying that I get a long with my MIL really well. We have a lot of the same interests and love spending time together.
Last Monday (before I found out about my mc) she offered to take me shopping for maternity clothes. I had mentioned earlier that my jeans were starting to get tighter so she said that she would help me go buy some. She bought me some really adorable things.
DH asked me the other day if I still had the receipt for the clothes and said that his mom wanted to return them. I didn't really know how to respond. Obviously, I can't use them and they would just sitting in my closet, but I also wanted to keep them because we are planning to start TTCing again soon. I also didn't want to seem ungrateful for the clothes. She did tell DH that when we get pregnant again that she would take me shopping. I know her heart is probably in the right place, but I didn't feel ready to let go of the clothes. Letting go felt like I was getting rid of the little amount of things that remind me of my short pregnancy.
Sorry for this being so long, but what would you have done? I ended up giving my DH the clothes to give back because I didn't want to make a big thing over clothes because we do have a good relationship.
Post by starburst604 on Jan 10, 2015 16:32:52 GMT -5
I probably would have ended up just giving them back too, but that's a REALLY odd thing for her to do! I'm sorry you had to deal with that I think next time I'd decline her offer to go shopping. She's probably thinking the season could be different when you next need maternity wear but she should not have done that.
Post by EllenGriswold on Jan 10, 2015 16:48:46 GMT -5
I probably would have done the same thing you did but it does seem like this could have waited a week or two. She might be trying to help by getting this stuff out of your way so it wouldn't be there to remind you of it, but I'm thinking a little more tact/time would have gone a long way here.
Wow, I'm so sorry she did that. I wonder if she thought that they might be a painful reminder for you, or the season wouldn't be right? That's just an incredibly awkward thing for her to have done. Honestly, I'd expect MH to run better interference on that. Could you talk to him about that?
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
I don't know. I think her heart was definitely in the right place. She probably didn't want you to have to deal with them yourself, since that would be pretty hard for anybody who had just gone through a loss. She probably didn't consider that you might just put them in the closet and keep them until you need them again.
I know that immediately after my loss, I didn't want to see anything relating to pregnancy. 2 days before I found out about mine, I had ordered a snoogle from Amazon. It arrived at DH's office the day of my OB appointment. I was so happy that he never brought it home, and just dealt with the return on his own.
Anyway, everybody is different. Maybe just tell her that you would have been fine just keeping the clothes, but would be happy to go shopping with her again when you do get pregnant again.
((Hugs)) I would have done what you did. I bought my own maternity clothing when MIL went shopping and I kept it. It's just boxes up and I'll bring it out when I need it again. (I also didn't want to get rid of them right away, it felt like I was loosing something, stupid but that's how I felt.)
I'm sorry. I would have done the same thing and given them back although I do think it's odd she asked for them back (unless she thought it would be painful for you to look at them)
Post by ginkgoleaf on Jan 10, 2015 20:55:56 GMT -5
I think she probably meant well, but could have worded it a bit differently and waited awhile to ask. Or maybe just offered to give you the gift receipt so you could return/exchange when you were ready? Although maybe she was offering to do it so you didn't have to go in the store since that could be upsetting too. I think you did the right thing to give them back - it will help keep the peace with her. I'm sorry though, that situation sucks.
Post by HoneySpider on Jan 11, 2015 9:11:12 GMT -5
I don't know what I would have done because I would have been very hurt that she asked for the clothes back. They were a gift to you, they are yours to do what you want with them. When I was pregnant my mom, MIL and SIL all bought me some maternity clothes, some I had a chance to wear and some I didn't. After the loss if someone had asked for them back I probably would have lost it. I have those clothes saved and I will be able to use them when I need them again. Although maybe her intentions were in the right place (at least I hope that's the case) it feels to me as though she's trying to act like the pregnancy never happened which isn't fair.
Right before we found out my first pregnancy was ectopic, my MIL took me to buy a bunch of maternity clothes. After my surgery, I offered to let her return them (she told me to keep them). But if she had asked for them back, I'm not sure I'd be speaking to her now.
I can't imagine what your MIL thought she was doing. Was she trying to save you from the heartache of looking at them in your closet? If so, she should have at least asked you gently if you wanted her to return them or hang on to them for you.
Have you told your H how this made you feel?
ETA: I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Loss is already hard enough...
Thanks ladies! I really appreciate the input. It makes me feel better that all of you would have felt the same way and that I wasn't feeling stupid over clothes.
Not at all, ouokie! We've got your back. The first few weeks were just really rough and raw for me. Please feel free to talk it out as much as you need.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
What?? That is SO odd of her to do. I don't get it. I would have given them back to save the relationship, just as you did, but it is so odd and would really leave me feeling hurt and puzzled. I am so sorry you are going through this. Hugs.
Post by Blackout81 on Jan 11, 2015 19:37:00 GMT -5
I'm sorry, that is seriously messed up. I'd have given the clothes back but I would never again take her up on a future offer for any sort of shopping trip.
Post by oneslybookworm on Jan 12, 2015 10:15:26 GMT -5
OH man, I'm so sorry! That seems like a very odd thing to ask for, and I would have been seriously hurt as well. Hopefully your DH can relay that message and run better interference in the future. ((ouokie))
I'm sorry, that is seriously messed up. I'd have given the clothes back but I would never again take her up on a future offer for any sort of shopping trip.
I am so sorry that she asked you to do this. I agree with this - I'd have given them back but I won't take her up on any future offers. If she is hurt by that then so be it.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything else. Please take good care of yourself, I'm sorry I didn't get in here in time to see about your loss, I've been MIA from this place a lot the last week. My heart is with you too at this time.
DH bought me pants the day before our loss, (so bloated) and I haven't known what to do either, I can't seem to let it go yet either.