Have You Ever Been Sexually Abused?

[daringmiss]

I once heard a statistic that 3 out of 4 women in the United States has experienced unwanted sexual contact within her lifetime. I have no problem believing that statistic.

I was sexually abused for years by my older cousin, starting about the age of 6. It stopped when my father walked into room and discovered us. Given that it was the early 70's, my parents never spoke of it and that messed me up for a while. When I was an adult, I sought counseling.

[explorer2001]

See my response to the other poll.

[wannabe]

i was molested by an uncle when i was about 9, over the course of a summer.

i told my mom about it years later, and she misunderstood and thought i was just imagining things. maybe it was the way i explained it. but a few years ago, we had a long discussion and she finally realized that what had happened was far worse than what she'd interpreted from what i said the first time. at that time, this uncle often babysat his granddaughter - so we told my aunt (his wife) about it. when confronted, he of course denied everything and said he "didn't remember." the family imploded and i've stayed away from them ever since. half the family believed me, half said i was lying. currently, the entire family seems to have forgiven and forgotten, and i still can't get past that betrayal. they even celebrated the uncle & aunt's golden anniversary recently with a giant gala. awesome.

[oregonpachey]

Twice. So I probably skew the statistics. Once when I was 6 and another time when I was about 14.

[iamali]

Yes. By a relative as a child.

[lanyac]

I'm sorry you all had to go through that. *hugs*

[LoveTrains]

I am so sorry for all of you that experienced abuse.

[LauraMoser]

Yes.

My cousin touched my private area when I was about 7-8. I didn't realize at that age that I should have told my parents, so no one knows.

In 9th grade, a good guy friend tried to get touchy-feely with me in computer class. It happened on an almost daily basis for a little while. Then, my best friend at the time said he did the same thing to her on the bus. We both went to the principal after that and he got in trouble. Apparently we weren't the only two girls he did this to.

[benitabutrell]

Yes, by a woman who my father was living with when I was 5 or 6. The only person I confided in was my step-mother about 10 years later (dated him after his relationship ended with the abuser) and she told me that my father already knew she was being inappropriate with me, but wouldn't ever leave her because of her seemingly endless supply of cocaine.

[Deleted]

Yes. My story is similar to Wan's, although my family did believe me. I "came out' with it at about 21. It happened when I was 13 or 14. I filed a police report, mostly to have a track record if other girls came out. Everyone aside from myself and my parents went the "ignore it and it will away" route because it was easier.

He died 3 years ago.

[winnied]

Aug 6, 2012 12:54:31 GMT -5 operagirl said:

I am so sorry, but so proud to know you all. Why don't our loved ones believe us and believe in us?

I suppose it's because people think if they don't acknowledge it, it will go away. They don't want things to get messy or be held responsible in any way.

[wannabe]

Aug 6, 2012 12:59:20 GMT -5 winnied said:

I suppose it's because people think if they don't acknowledge it, it will go away. They don't want things to get messy or be held responsible in any way.

this is my family to a freaking T. ignore it and it will go away.

um, no.

[sapphireblue]

I had something happen with a male babysitter when I was about 3 or 4. He got naked and had me touch his penis, even had me put my mouth on it. I was so little I just blabbed about it with no clue it was wrong (meaning I didn't really understand he had done something he should not have) to my parents.

They never had him babysit again but I don't know if they ever spoke to his parents about it. It was weird because he lived about 5 houses down the street from us. I have never spoken about this since with my parents.

[Deleted]

Twice. One of a neighbor boy who was older than me. Him I can forgive, I really don't think he knew that what he was doing was wrong, his family life was so screwed up. The other was my grandpa who died a few months ago. That one bothers me a lot because he was such a "Christian" man, upheld by the church as being so good, etc, when he did this to me and others, abused his kids, beat his wife, etc.

[sporky]

i can also go three for three in the sexual/physical/emotional abuse olympics. honestly, i'm always shocked that i don't hear MORE people talking about suffering some sort of abuse considering the ungodly statistics that surround these issues.

[SJ]

I was raped in college. I'm not in the mood to go through details right now, but I do believe in standing up and fighting silence (although I don't talk about it terribly often IRL).

I am happy to share or talk more off the board if it would ever help anyone here in any way.

[ecs7609]

I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was seven years old. My family (my dad's entire family) used to camp at this one particular campground for years and years. The owner's (who were my grandparents age) had a son (my parents age) and he was the one who sexually abused me.

This man, my parents, brother, sister, and I went out for a drive one night (it was pitch black out) and I sat in the middle of our station wagon with this man, while my parents drove and my siblings were sitting in the back of the station wagon. I remember this man pulling me close, so I could sit in the middle right next to him. It was dark, so my parents didn't notice. I had a pair of shorts on over my one piece swimsuit. I remember him sticking his fingers inside me and then he took my hand and put it down his pants. His penis was very wet and slimy and for the longest time this was how I thought penis' were like. I remember shaking and I was scared to death. I was afraid to say anything, because my dad was driving and I didn't want him to get angry and get in a wreck, so I stayed quiet.

I secretly prayed to myself that my mom would turn around and when she finely did, she told me to get in the back with my brother & sister and she told my dad to drive back to the campground. Once we returned, my mom took me to the bathroom in my grandparents camper and asked me to tell her what he did. I told her and she hugged me and told me she was sorry for not noticing sooner. After she hugged me, she ran out of the camper and took a baseball bat and beat the crap out of the guy.

I'm not sure what has happened to the guy, because none of us camp there anymore.

[njohnson1972]

Aug 6, 2012 15:07:59 GMT -5 ecs7609 said:

I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was seven years old. My family (my dad's entire family) used to camp at this one particular campground for years and years. The owner's (who were my grandparents age) had a son (my parents age) and he was the one who sexually abused me.

This man, my parents, brother, sister, and I went out for a drive one night (it was pitch black out) and I sat in the middle of our station wagon with this man, while my parents drove and my siblings were sitting in the back of the station wagon. I remember this man pulling me close, so I could sit in the middle right next to him. It was dark, so my parents didn't notice. I had a pair of shorts on over my one piece swimsuit. I remember him sticking his fingers inside me and then he took my hand and put it down his pants. His penis was very wet and slimy and for the longest time this was how I thought penis' were like. I remember shaking and I was scared to death. I was afraid to say anything, because my dad was driving and I didn't want him to get angry and get in a wreck, so I stayed quiet.

I secretly prayed to myself that my mom would turn around and when she finely did, she told me to get in the back with my brother & sister and she told my dad to drive back to the campground. Once we returned, my mom took me to the bathroom in my grandparents camper and asked me to tell her what he did. I told her and she hugged me and told me she was sorry for not noticing sooner. After she hugged me, she ran out of the camper and took a baseball bat and beat the crap out of the guy.

I'm not sure what has happened to the guy, because none of us camp there anymore.

Your mom rocks!

[winnied]

Ecs, your mom is awesome. She did what everyone says he/she would do if someone abused their loved one. Frankly I think that pisses me off almost the most of any abuse situation. Everyone talks big about "coming to the rescue" and almost no one does. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

[LauraMoser]

Aug 6, 2012 15:07:59 GMT -5 ecs7609 said:

I was sexually abused by a family friend when I was seven years old. My family (my dad's entire family) used to camp at this one particular campground for years and years. The owner's (who were my grandparents age) had a son (my parents age) and he was the one who sexually abused me.

This man, my parents, brother, sister, and I went out for a drive one night (it was pitch black out) and I sat in the middle of our station wagon with this man, while my parents drove and my siblings were sitting in the back of the station wagon. I remember this man pulling me close, so I could sit in the middle right next to him. It was dark, so my parents didn't notice. I had a pair of shorts on over my one piece swimsuit. I remember him sticking his fingers inside me and then he took my hand and put it down his pants. His penis was very wet and slimy and for the longest time this was how I thought penis' were like. I remember shaking and I was scared to death. I was afraid to say anything, because my dad was driving and I didn't want him to get angry and get in a wreck, so I stayed quiet.

I secretly prayed to myself that my mom would turn around and when she finely did, she told me to get in the back with my brother & sister and she told my dad to drive back to the campground. Once we returned, my mom took me to the bathroom in my grandparents camper and asked me to tell her what he did. I told her and she hugged me and told me she was sorry for not noticing sooner. After she hugged me, she ran out of the camper and took a baseball bat and beat the crap out of the guy.

I'm not sure what has happened to the guy, because none of us camp there anymore.

Holy shit! As a mom of two girls, I think I'd want to do the same. Sorry to hear about your awful experience, but I'm glad your mom took a stand for you.

[ecs7609]

Thanks, ladies! My mom passed away when I was 17, but I will always remember her sticking up for me. She was freaking awesome!

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2012 15:07:59 GMT -5 ecs7609 said:

After she hugged me, she ran out of the camper and took a baseball bat and beat the crap out of the guy.

Your mom is my hero!

Have you ever asked any of your cousins of the creeper did something similar to them?

[sugarbear]

I was in 5th grade, by a male cousin. We were all sleeping on my grandparents' floor one night and he reached over (I remember thinking it was weird that he set himself up next to me because he was so much older than me), pulled down my underwear, and touched me.

HE actually got up and woke his parents up to tell them. They told my dad and my dad and I briefly talked about it. We haven't mentioned it since then, and cousin and I attend all the same family events. I'm sad that my dad hasn't talked to me about it, but then, what would he say? The behavior stopped immediately, so I guess it was "taken care of".

A few years ago, cousin pulled me aside to ask me if he'd ruined my life. I don't even remember him apologizing, so much as wanting to know that he hadn't "ruined" me. I told him to fuck off, that I was scared for his daughters, and that if he ever so much as looked at me at a family event I would tell his wife and the rest of our family that he was a molester.

Needless to say, he doesn't greet me warmly, which is just fine. DH knows the story and basically said that he'll be civil but if cousin ever tried to talk to me, DH would beat the crap out of him.

[ecs7609]

Aug 6, 2012 15:40:17 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Aug 6, 2012 15:07:59 GMT -5 ecs7609 said:

After she hugged me, she ran out of the camper and took a baseball bat and beat the crap out of the guy.

Your mom is my hero!

Have you ever asked any of your cousins of the creeper did something similar to them?

I did ask and thankfully, he never touched any of them. He did touch one other kid (a boy) during the week we were there. My little friend and I were talking the day after he touched me and he asked me what happened. I didn't go into details or anything, but I told him that the guy touched me and my mom beat him up. He said he was sorry it happened, but was glad that my mom did what she did, because he was scared of him too.

[spunkarella]

My heart hurts for all of you sharing your stories. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that.

[ecs7609]

Aug 6, 2012 15:59:09 GMT -5 @shiseidored said:

Ecs7609, I echo the sentiment that your mom is my hero! She did what I think every abused child wishes their parents would have done. And not just for the baseball bat, but because she believed you.

My mom did the exact opposite and I think that messed me up almost as much as the actual abuse did.

I'm glad that you have that memory of your awesome mom to keep with you forever.

I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry your mom didn't believe you.

[cahabalily]

I was raped by an at the time boyfriend who was a cop. I never told anyone til I got engaged to H, because I knew a grand jury would never indict him...

I always wonder if he did it to other girls, and feel guilty that I didn't out him, but I was afraid of what he'd do if I told.

[Deleted]

I was molested by my stepsisters.

[Deleted]

I was sexually abused by my cousin for a few months when I was about 8 and he was living with us for a summer. It only happened a few times and I was to scared to say anything. He later abused my younger cousin (his sister) for 4 years, and I only found out about it after the fact. I have never quite forgiven myself for not saying something when it happened to me.

In therapy that he was forced in to, he admitted what he'd done to me, so my family found out as well. They asked me if I needed any therapy and I declined. I never felt like I deserved help because I never said anything to protect my younger cousin.

It also sickens me that my aunt, his mother, has accepted him back into the family and he now comes to family events that the two of us (me and my younger cousin) attend. It is very uncomfortable.

[GailGoldie]

so sad to see the results of this.

I answered no- but I did have an experience where a friend of my brothers put his hand down my pants and felt my butt (as i remember it)... i was YOUNG- maybe 2 or 3yo... it's not a vivid memory but I know it happened --- but it never really effected me. When i remembered it it wasn't anything traumatic - just an "OMG, i remember that person did this to me... thank God it never went further" type of thing.