since when did we have to play w/ our kids

[GailGoldie]

i remind myself of this EVERY DAY. My mom NEVER played with me - and I don't fault her for it- I played alone most of the time (my siblings much older than me) and I had a great time. My mom was busy with shit (didn't work, but had 4 kids and a house to take care of + made crafts to sell on the weekend at craft shows).

I play a little with my kids - but not a ton - and i'm OK with that. They know i'm right here for them all the time - and i'm always watching them- but not PLAYING.... b/c yeah- it does get boring sometimes!

[copzgirl1171]

My mom never played with us. Ever. For some reason I always resented her for that. Like how hard is it to play a game of go fish with your kids. KWIM? So, I always tried to make time for the kids if they asked me to, even though god knows I did a lot of "grinning and baring it".

[MrsAxilla]

DH os so good at playing with Ben. Me, not so much. I seem to have lost my imagination.

I do play games with him though.

[GailGoldie]

Aug 6, 2012 21:38:05 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

DH os so good at playing with Ben. Me, not so much. I seem to have lost my imagination.

I do play games with him though.

OMG- my husband is SOOOO much better at playing with my kids- perhaps b/c they are boys... they play super hero all the time and he's like another kid with the imagination for it.

maybe if i had girls and was playing barbies i'd be better at it.

I'm good at doing art projects, reading with them, teaching them... i guess b/c i used to be a teacher.

[livinitup]

I flucuate between under parenting and tiger parenting. She gets lots of attention - most of the time. Or not. The 'not' bit I call an opportunity to explore her own goals.

[peachdragon]

I love this post. My mom swears up and down that she constantly played with me but I do not have those memories. In fact I remember that she never did! LOL.

I do think that there's more pressure now to play with your kids than there was in the 70s. However, my daughter has learned to play independently.

Sent from my PG86100 using proboards

[ESF]

Yes, what is the deal with this?

When I was a kid and my parents friends came over, we played in the other room. I mean, we'd say hello and graze on the appetizers a bit and talk for a few minutes, but we went and did our own thing, come out for dinner which may or may not have been dinner at the same table, and go back to the other room afterwards.

Whenever we go to our friends houses, their kids are just always in the room, for our entire visit. And I'm not just talking about toddlers. One set has a 9 year old and an 11 year old. There is no reason for them to be hanging out in the living room for the duration of our visit but they do. WTF? I don't have the self control to watch my sailor mouth for more than just small talk.

[emmybean]

I can do about 5 minutes at a time. Puzzles and cahs and coloring get boring after that. Plus I ALWAYS have other shit to do. I only play with him when he takes my hand and leads me to a certain toy or if I think it will buy me time to unload the dishwasher in a few minutes.

[pamela]

DS definitely gets lots of time to "explore on his own". DH is so much better at playing with him than I am. My only concern is that I don't talk to DS enough. I'm trying to do better with that.

[overture]

Aug 6, 2012 21:50:31 GMT -5 ESF said:

Whenever we go to our friends houses, their kids are just always in the room, for our entire visit. And I'm not just talking about toddlers. One set has a 9 year old and an 11 year old. There is no reason for them to be hanging out in the living room for the duration of our visit but they do. WTF? I don't have the self control to watch my sailor mouth for more than just small talk.

I hate when this happens. And I hate it more when it's my four year old niece, and she's yelling in our faces and has to be the center of attention, and my sister is so used to it she doesn't even hear it anymore. I usually end up telling her to go run some laps in the backyard.

My mom never played with me either. We talked and ate and watched TV and read books together, but I always played in my room or in the backyard. I don't think there's anything "less than" about this style of parenting.

[wannabe]

I admit, I feel slightly guilty that I don't play with the bean that often. but like you all, I don't remember my mom playing with me much, either. I was a pretty independent kid.

[eddy]

I like to go out and do fun things like the park or on a bike ride. I do not play with my kid like with his action figures. Boooring

His time in the house playing is time for me to get shizz done.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2012 21:31:24 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

All the damn time? I hardly ever remember actually playing with my mom and yet there is this huge "play with your kid, jesus! How lazy are you?" Pressure i see everywhere. Sometimes playing w/a 3 year old is boring and i have shit to do.

I see this happening all the time on the playground now: parents following their kid around, "narrating" their play (why do people do this? It's so ridiculous) and playing with them to the point that they distract them from trying to play with other kids.

I don't get this. Sure I'll play with my kid if no one else is around and they're bored but mostly I bring them there so they can play with other kids.

[thejackpot]

I think I am a balance, I will play but I also encourage him to play by himself. I feel bad because he is an only so he has no in house playmate like I did though. His dad is MUCH better at this play with dinosaur and cars thing than I am.

[Deleted]

I am very proud of the fact that she is independent. I play with her a lot, but she has also learned how to be independent. Its all about balance.

I don't know how those who play 100% with their kid ever have more than one. How on earth do they handle the newborn phase with a needy toddler that can't ever entertain themselves?

[Deleted]

I play with my kid because I want to, but he has plenty of time where he occupies himself.

[poppet]

How the heck did you get your kids to independent play?!?! DD has an amazon playroom and everything a toddler could want but she will not play independently at ALL. It is driving me insane because I have crap to do and playing with the train table gets old after 5min! I have no interest in being one of those parents who is engaged 100% of the time but when I'm not playing with her she just follows me and whines all.damn.day.

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2012 7:26:16 GMT -5 poppet said:

How the heck did you get your kids to independent play?!?! DD has an amazon playroom and everything a toddler could want but she will not play independently at ALL. It is driving me insane because I have crap to do and playing with the train table gets old after 5min! I have no interest in being one of those parents who is engaged 100% of the time but when I'm not playing with her she just follows me and whines all.damn.day.

siblings.

SD always wanted to be entertained when she was younger. The boys have each other. They rarely need me except as referee.

[ringstrue]

It took DD for forever to independently play well. I think the stage where she wants to do everything herself helps with that. Before that I just had the TV on a lot.

[cookiemdough]

Aug 7, 2012 7:26:16 GMT -5 poppet said:

How the heck did you get your kids to independent play?!?! DD has an amazon playroom and everything a toddler could want but she will not play independently at ALL. It is driving me insane because I have crap to do and playing with the train table gets old after 5min! I have no interest in being one of those parents who is engaged 100% of the time but when I'm not playing with her she just follows me and whines all.damn.day.

2 is probably a little young to expect independent play in a different room of the house. I think you are going to have to move the toys into the main area where you are for awhile. So she will play and probably still talk you to death, but at least you can get other stuff done.

[IIOY]

I love this discussion because I think this is one of those guilt-inducing myths created by the dumbshit parenting industry.

I suck at playing with my kids. Well, not completely, but I am so goal-oriented that I am almost always preoccupied with thoughts of other things I need to get done. As the kids have gotten older I've found it to be a bit easier because they can play more sophisticated games that don't make me want to kill myself (really, Candyland is the fucking devil), and I actually enjoy doing scholastic activities, but yeah, for the most part, my kids are on their own.

My husband is much better about doing things with them, although he puts in the effort to do crafty things that also interest him, which helps a lot. This weekend they went to Home Depot, bought materials and paint, and made lamps from scratch for each of their rooms. I wouldn't do this in a billion years, so +1 to H.

As for independent play, when my kids claim to be bored, I tell them I had two of them for a reason. Also, continued complaints of boredom earn a chore. You're bored? Great, go clean your room!

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I figure I'm doing well if I play with him at least once a day (on days when I work and he goes to day care). Otherwise, he will play by himself usually which is nice.

[AJL]

Seriously! DS is 4.5 and there are days he'll mope around and whine "But who will play with me??" I told him it was time to come up with an imaginary friend. He told me he didn't want one because none of them were fun enough. LOL!

[twotrue]

If I played with DD every time she wanted I would never get anything else done. When we get home from work I either set up her art easel in the kitchen so I can talk to her while I cook, or I'll put out the play dough on her little table set. She'll ask me to play with her but I can usually just buy some time to cook by asking her to paint/or make me certain things. But when I'm done cooking I always sit down with her for a few minutes and engage in whatever play she is in.

[eddy]

Aug 7, 2012 8:10:37 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Aug 7, 2012 7:26:16 GMT -5 poppet said:

How the heck did you get your kids to independent play?!?! DD has an amazon playroom and everything a toddler could want but she will not play independently at ALL. It is driving me insane because I have crap to do and playing with the train table gets old after 5min! I have no interest in being one of those parents who is engaged 100% of the time but when I'm not playing with her she just follows me and whines all.damn.day.

2 is probably a little young to expect independent play in a different room of the house. I think you are going to have to move the toys into the main area where you are for awhile. So she will play and probably still talk you to death, but at least you can get other stuff done.

I agree

Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.

[Deleted]

i probably play with my kid more than i'd be otherwise inclined to, but i'm at work and she's at daycare for a large chunk of the day, so i like to be wtih her. i do tend to lay around reading a magazine in the playroom while she does stuff on her own, but at 2.5 she's still coming to me a lot to talk/play/check in.

[caden]

Thank you! I feel guilty if I'm not playing w/ my kids the whole time they're awake after a sanctimommy on TB's multiples board said she plays w/ her kids all day long. Somehow I convinced myself my kids need me entertaining them in order to learn things. They're in speech therapy so I also feel like I have to do those exercises & blather on all day long or they'll be even further behind. It's ridiculous and exhausting. My mom never played with me either, that I can remember. Certainly not after my sister was born. My grandparents barely even supervised their kids, much less "engaged" them all damn day. I need to constantly remind myself to back off and relax.

[onomatopoeia]

I get such a guilt trip when the kids are asking me to play with them and I either have no desire, or have no time. My mom was not a "player" at all, and like a pp I do feel she kind of dropped the ball on that. There was always laundry to do, lunches to make, younger kids to take care of. There was always one more thing to take care of, and I find myself falling into that trap as well. (She SAH, I work FT). A friend of mine whose children are now adults told me it is the one regret of her life that when her kids were younger she didn't play more, and REALLY play. Not just go through the motions while thinking about what to make for dinner, what bills had to be paid, etc. That's always stuck with me.

So for me it's a juggling act. I want and encourage my boys to be able to play independently, to entertain themselves and each other, and they'll get an earful if "I'm bored" ever passes their lips. I'm not their tour guide of the playroom, the playground, or the backyard. But I also don't want to them to have memories of mom ALWAYS choosing to do dishes or play with the ipad over playing legos.

[poppet]

Aug 7, 2012 8:31:32 GMT -5 eddy said:

Aug 7, 2012 8:10:37 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

2 is probably a little young to expect independent play in a different room of the house. I think you are going to have to move the toys into the main area where you are for awhile. So she will play and probably still talk you to death, but at least you can get other stuff done.

I agree

Jack is 4 and I still can't get him to play in a different room. But he is more than happy to drag his toys out and play by himself in the general area we are in.

Hmmm.... She won't play independently with me in the room. I set up her paint supplies in the kitchen while I cook but she won't paint unless I am sitting and actively painting with her . Same for reading or playing with blocks.........I think I'm doing something wrong.

[Melissa W.]

Aug 7, 2012 7:15:03 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Aug 6, 2012 21:31:24 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

All the damn time? I hardly ever remember actually playing with my mom and yet there is this huge "play with your kid, jesus! How lazy are you?" Pressure i see everywhere. Sometimes playing w/a 3 year old is boring and i have shit to do.

I see this happening all the time on the playground now: parents following their kid around, "narrating" their play (why do people do this? It's so ridiculous) and playing with them to the point that they distract them from trying to play with other kids.

I don't get this. Sure I'll play with my kid if no one else is around and they're bored but mostly I bring them there so they can play with other kids.

I don't understand the people who follow the kids on the play ground. I will happily push a swing but the hover mode is just crazy.

There was a mom at soccer camp that was following her kid with a donut hole trying to get him to play. DH was freaking amazed.