I think I've ranted before about how I hate the toughen up shit and how my MIL told me jackson needed to do martial arts because he'd probably be bullied in school. Because that's what I needed to hear when I was an emotional wreck about him starting K.
He's in 2nd now and he's got a ton of friends, does well in school and is always complimented on his friendliness and willingness to include all the kids in his class. Is he sensitive? Yes he is. But I will take that over any alternative. I've always pushed him to be gentle and sensitive (and truly I think that's his national personality) because he was always a bigger kid and I didn't want him to be too rough with other, smaller kids.
Post by penguingrrl on Jan 26, 2015 15:43:11 GMT -5
My kids can't handle violence in media at all. DH tried to show the girls Star Wars last week and it was an epic fail because they get scared easily and sit there crying. They also can't handle Brave. They both do well socially, do well in school and are generally happy and well adjusted.
I don't think being desensitized to scary or violent films is indicative of anything.
Post by omgzombies on Jan 26, 2015 15:46:00 GMT -5
My four year old still flips out at a few My Little Pony episodes where the scary villain starts to win. She just can't take it. Shrug, we haven't even bothered with many of the Disney movies because she usually ends up asking for us to turn them off. She's four, she's got plenty of time to "toughen up" or whatever. If she's visibly upset by it, and just a little reassurance isn't working, she's not ready for it, that doesn't mean she'll never be ready for it, just that she's not right now. I don't think it's necessary to push them on this issue.
Post by EloiseWeenie on Jan 26, 2015 15:48:13 GMT -5
My kids know about war, but not because we're trying to toughen them up. It's a fact of life (especially in a military town). Everyone here has been to war, or is actively going to/coming home from war. Alllllllll the kids play war (I don't know why this shocked me in the beginning). I tell my kids that it's something serious, and never anything to treat lightly. Although wars can bring good, it also brings great sadness.
Team soft kids. My DS gets really upset at a lot of the violent stuff in shows and movies so we don't show them to him. They have enough time to "toughen up." They are just kids and frankly, don't need to know just yet that the world can be a really crappy place sometimes.
As a society, We definitely "baby" our kids in the sense that we don't allow them to have any independence (can't walk to the park alone!) but I think that we don't shield them ENOUGH from actual threats / like guns and violence.
I HATE terms like "soft" or "tough". Being brave at the wrong time can get you hurt or killed. Being sensitive can make you benevolent and a gentleman(woman).
What we really want are good critical thinkers who know the right way to react at the right time.
I HATE terms like "soft" or "tough". Being brave at the wrong time can get you hurt or killed. Being sensitive can make you benevolent and a gentleman(woman).
What we really want are good critical thinkers who know the right way to react at the right time.
Well, Purdue is apparently looking to standardize test for that......
Team soft kids, too. We're consciously raising DS to be sensitive to others and not be afraid of his emotions. DH was raised this way, as well. I really don't like this notion that boys have to be "tough". I think it adds to the issue of inequality and makes men feel insecure when they were raised that way but end up being sensitive.
I agree with you. My DD1 is "soft". She's emotional. She cries a lot. But she's empathetic in a way you can't teach and I'm ok with that. I assume as she gets older, she'll learn to deal with her emotions in a smaller way and she'll be "tough enough" for the real world, but damn, she's 5. It's ok for her to be a little soft. We talk a lot about the importance of being brave.
I also don't think movies are a great indicator. My kid is scared of a lot of things. She cries at Cinderella when the cat chases the mouse (she likes the mice...). But girlfriend loves Planet Earth and doesn't give a single fuck when the honeybadger rips the throat of a cobra because real life. She thinks that is very interesting behavior.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I see her point. I mean, I don't seek out ways to toughen up my kids by poking them with sharp sticks or exposing them to violent movies or anything like that. But, I do think (many) parents in general are far too overprotective with kids in general. I remember watching the news with my parents as a kid and asking them questions about war, etc. and they answered in an age-appropriate way (or so it seemed at the time). I never felt traumatized and I am following in their footsteps in this one area.
At now 7 and 9, we've been watching the news together (not every night, maybe 1-2 times a week or so) and they always have great questions. We end up talking about a variety of topics-politics, war, terrorism, feminism, etc. I am pretty sure they are the only kids in each of their age groups who are allowed to watch the news.
The only news I am still shielding them from are the incessant stories about sexual assault and rape, and this is largely because I have not yet had the "talk" with my oldest and I certainly don't want those stories to be the impetus behind having that particular conversation.
I kind of have multiple thoughts that seemingly contradict each other here so don't mind me lol.
I think it's okay for kids to have an emotional response to movies, even Disney ones. Some kids are more sensitive to those moments than others. I'm not sure if the response to that should be awwww, you poor baby, let's not ever watch another movie with emotional conflict in it ever again but it shouldn't be, omg, toughen up you big ass softie, you're going to get your ass beat in high school and never have a career.
But I also don't think kids who shrug it off with, welp, that shit ain't real, keep it moving are some kind of emotionally dead, budding little psychopaths who lack sympathy for people.
I think modern moms spend too much time looking for deep meaning or confirmation of their awesome parenting skills in their children or in comparing the responses of other children. Kids these days have issues, at the risk of sounding old, but most of them come from parents having issues and needing to prove their kid is better, either by being the softest, the hardest, the tallest, the smartest, or whatever.