Post stuff weighing heavy on your mind today....in here...

[BunnyMacDougal]

Mine is that I'm a new teacher barely making my way with my established routine, always seeing great new opportunities to improve but having to finesse my schedule to fit in implementation on any of them.  I try to come to real peace about where I am now and how much I can improve if I'm just patient with myself.


Today I got a bit of wrench thrown in.  I'm nervous I won't be able to actually impart any science or assess anyone's learning accurately and that the whole school is going to chase me away with torches and pitchforks when they see how badly I relied on my own routine/can't adapt.  


We have a broken elevator which makes it necessary for me to haul all my things up and down a floor multiple times a day - and plan to have everything I need.  And predict what students will need to have with them....and maintain an environment of learning with a class that is all ready hand-holdy and that was SO hard to break of the habit "can I leave class to go....(insert inopportune excuse to have a bit of a private exchange with me followed by a tour of the hallways)".   

Today was a fries-band-aid kind of day.    I didn't cry but I probably will when I pull out my lesson stuff for tomorrow and try to fool proof it.

OK you go.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 19:50:43 GMT -5 nursecramer said:

Aw. ((Bunny)) Nobody is chasing you down. They wouldn't have hired you if you didn't have the skills. The first year is always the hardest, and the second isn't much better. But I promise it does get easier. PM me if I can help in any way.

You never cease to be awesome in every way.  Thank you - those words worked to pep me up a bit.  I needed it.  I am just in awe at the task at hand.  Seems so tall.  Le sigh.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 19:54:30 GMT -5 tators said:

The first year sucks. I'm sorry.
If I can help let me know.

Mine- a friend's son died from cancer this weekend. He was my age with two little kids. I can't get his family out of my head. I can't imagine and I just want to hug the hell out my friend.

Oh gosh.  How horrifying and awful for his family (and all their loved ones).  Are you nearby to your friend to actually give hugs?  

[thinkofthesoldiers]

A friend's daughter was diagnosed with cancer last week. They are doing treatment in my town which means no family or friends except me. I am walking a fine line between being there for my friend and her husband, and their daughter with cancer and her sister. However, I also have my own family and work and things that have to be taken care of. I've spent six hours at the hospital over the past three days. The daughter with cancer (age 13) has asked that 1) I come to see her everyday she has chemo and 2) shave my head.

I gently told her that I will do whatever I can to be there everyday she has chemo and have asked for their schedule so I can work it into mine, but I don't want to shave my head and I feel like an asshole for it. I have two things I like about the way I look, and my hair is one of them. But how vain can I be when a kid has cancer and asked me to shave my head? A lot of the discussions she and I have had have revolved around how nervous she is to lose her hair and how she doesn't want it to come back a different color/texture.

[Jalapeñomel]

nursecramer has been an excellent resource for me, so when she says she can help, she really means it!

And you are helping me with a lesson plan too!

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Jan 26, 2015 20:06:38 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I found out the day after my dad's funeral that my godfather, dad's best friend, has esophageal cancer:( It's bad b/c he's needing chemo/radiation and then surgery. He's a pathologist, so I know he knows how bad it is:(

Is he going to treat it?

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 20:03:00 GMT -5 thinkofthesoldiers said:

A friend's daughter was diagnosed with cancer last week. They are doing treatment in my town which means no family or friends except me. I am walking a fine line between being there for my friend and her husband, and their daughter with cancer and her sister. However, I also have my own family and work and things that have to be taken care of. I've spent six hours at the hospital over the past three days. The daughter with cancer (age 13) has asked that 1) I come to see her everyday she has chemo and 2) shave my head.

I gently told her that I will do whatever I can to be there everyday she has chemo and have asked for their schedule so I can work it into mine, but I don't want to shave my head and I feel like an asshole for it. I have two things I like about the way I look, and my hair is one of them. But how vain can I be when a kid has cancer and asked me to shave my head? A lot of the discussions she and I have had have revolved around how nervous she is to lose her hair and how she doesn't want it to come back a different color/texture.

TOTS, that is really heavy.  I'm so sorry for your friend and for the way you must feel - pulled to two opposing responsibilities, your family's needs and theirs.  I would feel the same way and you have been WONDERFUL to them thus far it really does sound like.  Huge hugs to you for all the frazzle and disorganized you must be feeling.

On the hair thing, I would be conflicted too.  My hair grows so slowly.  It really struggles, especially the top layers.  I think I've been growing it five years to get it healthy and just at my shoulders.   I wonder if you can somehow graciously not shave the head.  Maybe there is some way....I don't know.  But know I'd be in the same spot.  Wanting to help, to do more, to shave the head and wondering where the line of reasonableness is.

[kaybee85]

The first two years are really hard. I felt the second year was worse because I could tell I was fucking up, but didn't have the wherewithal to fix it quickly. Hang in there; I'm sure you're doing a great job

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 20:06:28 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

nursecramer has been an excellent resource for me, so when she says she can help, she really means it!

And you are helping me with a lesson plan too!

This I know.  She is the most awesome, generous person.  I owe her so much that I could never repay.  She go go gadget genius brained so many helpful tidbits that were so timely and so perfect during my first year.  I would not have made it without you, nursecramer.  I hope you know that!  

And, oh my gosh, I owe you more lesson plan!!  I can do it I promise....just might be a few days more than I thought.  DId the videos and blurbs I typed out make any sense at all so far?

[Deleted]

My grandma and my uncle. Both are having health problems that just keep getting worse. I'm afraid they're both near the end.

[lilybug]

Today was supposed to be my due date.

I havent mentioned it and no one has remembered.

Eta, I realize that sounds bratty. I wouldn't expect many people to remember, but I thought BF and my parents would.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Jan 26, 2015 20:11:19 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jan 26, 2015 20:08:35 GMT -5 thinkofthesoldiers said:

Is he going to treat it?

Yes, he has a home here, and in another state. He has opted to have treatment there. He wasn't around for the last few days of my dad's life, or at the funeral. They just kept telling me 'he's got stuff going on'. I was so distracted I didn't really think about it.

I'm sorry. That has to be hard, especially right after your own loss. I hope his treatment is successful and as easy as it can be. Will you be able to take some time to go and see him?

[underwaterrhymes]

Big hugs to everyone in this thread.

Jan 26, 2015 20:06:38 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I found out the day after my dad's funeral that my godfather, dad's best friend, has esophageal cancer:( It's bad b/c he's needing chemo/radiation and then surgery. He's a pathologist, so I know he knows how bad it is:(

My stepdad had throat cancer 15 years ago. He had surgery, followed by chemo, and radiation, as well as additional surgeries because they over-radiated his esophagus.

Although things were truly awful during treatment, he is doing great. They gave him a 14% survival rate at the time. One thing that a lot of patients are reluctant to do, but makes a huge difference the earlier they have it done, is to have a feeding tube installed. My stepdad was very reluctant and lost a lot of weight before he finally did it.

I will keep your godfather in my thoughts and prayers. It's such a scary diagnosis, but I hope my stepdad offers some hope.

[iamali]

It's been a month and a handful of days since my mom died. My heart is still broken. But I feel like the world at large expects me to be back to normal.

I don't even know what "normal" looks like now.

Last week someone at work told me that I need to stop letting it bring me down. I don't think he was trying to be an ass, but that is how I viewed it.

Sent from my Fortress of Snatchiness

[stellas]

I'd shave it TOTS. She has no choice about losing hers, and she's scared and looking for someone to go through part of this with her. It's hair. You may find you really like a pixie or something, and in 8 months you'll have a bob. You can do this for her. I imagine you'll regret not shaving it 2 years from now, when she's better and it all would have grown back by then.

What's heavy on my mind:

All of the cancer posts on ML (it seems like there are tons lately) pretty much make me want to rock in a corner with my hands over my ears.

Dh has an interview on weds and just got a call for another OKC interview on Monday. I'm likely moving very soon, but I don't know to where.

[CurlyQ284]

((Hugs to everyone))

I'm glad this thread was started. I lost my temper and yelled at DS. I feel like a total asshole. I get so frustrated, DH is traveling a lot, I'm alone, he's screaming for dinner and then he won't eat it. Then I take him up for a bath and he asks for the food again. I feel like nobody hears me, even the dogs. I tell them it's time to go outside and they ignore me. My kid ignores me. So I get louder. It doesn't work and by then I'm all flustered and it goes downhill. I feel like an asshole for yelling at my kid. I only get a few hours with him on weekdays and I messed it up.

[lilybug]

I am so sorry for all of the heartache in here. Virtual hugs all around.

[stellas]

I'm so sorry Lilybug. (Hugs)

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 20:11:52 GMT -5 kaybee85 said:

The first two years are really hard. I felt the second year was worse because I could tell I was fucking up, but didn't have the wherewithal to fix it quickly. Hang in there; I'm sure you're doing a great job

Yes.  I takes a lot of restraint to see it and not make myself crazy getting it done.  

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 20:13:28 GMT -5 lilybug said:

Today was supposed to be my due date.

I havent mentioned it and no one has remembered.

Eta, I realize that sounds bratty. I wouldn't expect many people to remember, but I thought BF and my parents would.

I dont' know the backstory, but I am so sorry for what you must be going through today.  ((((Hugs to you)))

[mudslide]

Big hugs to everyone in here

[kaybee85]

Jan 26, 2015 20:15:18 GMT -5 iamali said:

It's been a month and a handful of days since my mom died. My heart is still broken. But I feel like the world at large expects me to be back to normal.

I don't even know what "normal" looks like now.

Last week someone at work told me that I need to stop letting it bring me down. I don't think he was trying to be an ass, but that is how I viewed it.

Sent from my Fortress of Snatchiness

Umm a GIANT wtf to your coworker. A MONTH? This is still so fresh and there's no going 'back' to normal. You'll find yourself back in your new normal eventually, but don't feel rushed. 

After my dad died at a month out I was still calling his cell phone just to hear his voice on the voicemail. Sounds weird now, but that was what comforted me at the time. He's been gone now 7.5 years, and it is still hard for me sometimes. It does get easier, but there will always be a hurt to lose a parent, and that's okay. 

((hugs))

[BunnyMacDougal]

Jan 26, 2015 20:16:57 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

((Hugs to everyone))

I'm glad this thread was started. I lost my temper and yelled at DS. I feel like a total asshole. I get so frustrated, DH is traveling a lot, I'm alone, he's screaming for dinner and then he won't eat it. Then I take him up for a bath and he asks for the food again. I feel like nobody hears me, even the dogs. I tell them it's time to go outside and they ignore me. My kid ignores me. So I get louder. It doesn't work and by then I'm all flustered and it goes downhill. I feel like an asshole for yelling at my kid. I only get a few hours with him on weekdays and I messed it up.

What you need is a rousing round of WE HAVE ALL BEEN HERE.  I have anyway and I can remember posts like this cropping up now and then.  Oh its just infuriating sometimes the logistics of what moms are supposed to do - do this, say that, anticipate this, plan for that - and all with a smile.

And when people ignore your awesome plans it can go from le sigh to 

real fast.  Just try to figure out some small outlets or step-away techniques and remember that no mom has been without this situation/tempation.   Shit is trying!

[10outof9]

((Hugs to everyone in here))

My grandpa is very, very sick. They are probably going to move him to hospice tomorrow morning. When my mom called to tell me he was in the ER on Thursday night, he just needed his gallbladder removed. But his blood pressure hasn't come high enough for the surgery and he's gone down hill fast. When they took him off all of his blood pressure meds yesterday morning, they thought he'd be gone within hours. But he always has been a fighter.

[hi725]

My niece has chromosomal abnormalities that I haven't really talked about here. She's been very ill, multiple times, and has significant delays. Every time one thing gets under control, they find something else wrong. I'm trying to be optimistic for my sister's sake, but I've got this sinking feeling that this poor baby isn't going to be with us as long as she should be.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Headed out to combat fit to work off those fries. Hugs in the meantime and I'll be back to read replies and give more hugs later. Thanks for your replies. I needed every bit of this exchange of commissery and support.

[Eagles]

So many hugs and lots of love to everyone in here, especially Ali and Lily. I'm sorry. ❤

[stellas]

Oh hi, that's sounds so nerve wracking. I hope things improve for your niece.

[ooglie26]

My mom's cancer is back. She had a clear scan in October, and her scan earlier this month showed 4 or 5 spots. She's maxed out radiation (not sure for how long) from the first round, so her Oncologist is giving her 'stronger' chemo drugs this time around. This round of chemo is kicking her ass, she finally admitted how sick/in pain she was from the chemo. She's always been so strong, and is determined to fight this to the end. I'm terrified the chemo will wear her out and she'll want to quit.

ETA: Huge hugs and loads of support for everyone dealing with uncertainty, loss, illness and all the other ugly sides of life.

[Moe]

I'm so happy that you're doing what you are doing, BunnyMacDougal


I'm volunteering with organizations that either bring STEM resources to under resourced schools, and I'm continually amazed and inspired at the joy and passion that many of the science teachers that I've met have, how they find new avenues to share information that has such a stigma (but it's oh so necessary in so many walks of life).


Rockstar you are.

I surmise that you can have your overwhelming days, but I urge you to remember what an important job you have, and how you're indubitably educating the future scientists, discoverers, innovators, engineers, rockstars. So thank you.  

You're caring so much, I just KNOW you're doing amazing.