Being around unvax baby

[linz]

I have a friend with 2 kids...2 year old and infant. They don't vaccinate. What are your thoughts as far as me being around them? My babies will rarely see them but I'm sure she will want to hang eventually and I don't know how to handle that either. She's a sahm and doesn't leave the house much. She knows I don't like that she doesn't vaccinate but we don't really talk about it.

[greencrayon]

As soon as I found out one of our friends/acquaintances didn't vaccinate, I stopped hanging out with them. We were part of a mommy group, and I just stopped inviting her to events.

[spk926]

I would never knowingly have my child around unvaccinated children. When she asks to hang out invite her out to an adult only coffee or something if you really want to see her. If she wants to do a kid thing say "I don't feel comfortable having my child around other children who aren't vaccinated." There are consequences for your actions and this is one of those consequences for her.

Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2015 7:22:51 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

As soon as I found out one of our friends/acquaintances don't vaccinate, I stopped hanging out with them. We were part of a mommy group, and I just stopped inviting her to events.

Exactly. As soon as I found out a new friend of mine didn't vaccinate, I stopped being her friend. I couldn't put my son at risk for her (dumb) choices. Is this your BFF or more of a casual friend? Honestly, if it's a casual friend I'd just find a new friend, there are plenty of sane, vaccinating moms out there. For my anti-vaxxer ex-friend, if she made the bad decision not to vaccinate, what other bad decisions was she making, KWIM? That's not the type of person *I* want to be friends with, and not the type of mom who's kids I want mine growing up with.

[rbp]

Nofuckingway.

[ilikedonuts]

Fuck no!

None of my friends are that stupid thank god. But if they were they wouldn't be my friend and that includes adult only things

[geek96]

An old coworker has asked me a few times to get together with our boys. Her son is a month older. She is into alternative medicine including non vax and feeding her son goats milk at 4 months for supplementation.

Her son has been sick a ton his first year but aside from that there's no way I would bring my son around him.

[twentysix]

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

[greencrayon]

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

I found out MIL didn't get the flu vaccine. I told her she wasn't allowed around the baby until she did. I also required my mom, MIL, and grandparents (who watch her) to get tdap. I just said you can't see the baby unless you get vaccinated.

[ilikedonuts]

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

You protect your kid. "We will not be bringing our baby in close contact with children that are not vaccinated. We will not be attending X." Rinse and repeat for all family members. Ignore all the freak outs. "We are protecting our child."

Honestly, I don't understand how you see them every week now. They are just as stupid now as they will be once your kid is here.

[twentysix]

Jan 27, 2015 8:11:18 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

You protect your kid. "We will not be bringing our baby in close contact with children that are not vaccinated. We will not be attending X." Rinse and repeat for all family members. Ignore all the freak outs. "We are protecting our child."

Honestly, I don't understand how you see them every week now. They are just as stupid now as they will be once your kid is here.

H's family gets together for Sunday lunch every week. This has been a topic of discussion for a while now, with BIL and SIL dismissing every fact presented to them, period. It's annoying now, but come June, it will be reality and we have more than let them know that.

You're right, though. They have made their (dumb) choices, but it's our choice to protect our family, and there is no backing down from that!

[erbear]

I have friends who don't vax. I didn't hang out with them when my kids were young (before they had vaccinations). I told her why - she seemed to understand. Now that everyone is older, we hang out sometimes, but honestly, we don't have much in common.

[Deleted]

I asked this a few weeks ago and got a pretty clear response - it's not worth the risk.

My friend's son (6) is unvaccinated and we will be severely limiting contact until my baby is 1+ and has her MMR immunity. It has been a tough conversation, but my child will not be put in harm's way by her poor choices (just maybe don't word it that way!)

[Deleted]

As far as you hanging out with her, do so if you want.
As far as her kids and yours hanging out, I'd try to put her off until yours have all their shots. See you when they're 18 months!

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2015 8:11:18 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

You protect your kid. "We will not be bringing our baby in close contact with children that are not vaccinated. We will not be attending X." Rinse and repeat for all family members. Ignore all the freak outs. "We are protecting our child."

Honestly, I don't understand how you see them every week now. They are just as stupid now as they will be once your kid is here.

Exactly. I had the same thought. I was like, "I like you, but I have to protect my son." Period. I felt like that was the most important decision I needed to make for him, KWIM? To protect him from situations where he cannot protect himself. I think unvaxxed kids definitely quality. I mean, what if DS got measles or mumps or tetanus from this kid?!? I would never ever forgive myself.

[ilikedonuts]

I think @supergreen makes a great point. What other bad decisions are they making if they are blatantly ignoring scientific information about how safe vaccinations are?

It doesn't matter to me whether or not my kid has all their vaccines. I don't hang out with stupid people that are endangering those around them.

[Deleted]

You don't _knowingly_ hang out with stupid people that are endangering those around them.

I can pretty much guarantee that you do unknowingly do so, or that your kids will be in daycare and school with some. That's why I don't throw myself on my sword over this. It's an impossible game to win.

[smile]

If this was a close friend, I would hang out with her alone while my child was an infant. After 18 months, or age 4, depending on how you define "fully vaccinated", I would probably allow play dates at that point. This is how I've chosen to handle my one friend who doesn't vaccinate.

[MadamePresident]

Honestly, I wouldn't care. Maybe that makes me a bad mom, but just because a child isn't vaccinated doesn't mean they are walking around constantly giving everyone diseases. I would be more cautious if there were things like the measles going around my area.

[auntie]

I might avoid her until my kids have the basic vaccines; but then I avoid stupid people, so unless he kids had a medical reason for avoiding specific vaccines I probably wouldn't be friends with her TBH.

[Deleted]

If she was a close friend I would still see her but I wouldn't want our kids to be together until at least the twins were two years old.

[redheadbaker]

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it. 

FI's sister didn't vaccinate her four kids. The kids didn't meet DS until his first birthday party. 

[linz]

She is a close friend so I'd hate to not talk to her but I have no issue saying I want to wait until they're a year or something. It sucks but I guess a conversation I need to have. And yes she does make other stupid parenting choices.

[h]

Jan 27, 2015 10:00:54 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

If she was a close friend I would still see her but I wouldn't want our kids to be together until at least the twins were two years old.

This is where I shake out. I would keep my child away from her kids until my child was fully vaccinated. But I would not avoid contact with my friend over it. I know that DH, my older kids, and I are probably all around unvaccinated people every day, so DS3 is inevitably getting indirect exposure to unvaccinated people anyway. And I fully agree that non-vaxxing shows utter stupidity, I have plenty of friends who I love and love spending time with who nonetheless do stupid things or use poor judgment.

[sparkythelawyer]

Jan 27, 2015 8:10:23 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

I know that I'm a lurker, but my husband and I were just talking about this last night. What if it's a family member who doesn't vaccinate? His brother and SIL don't vaccinate our 15 month old niece. I think she *maybe* has had one dose of the DTaP and that's it.

As it is right now, we see them once a week, but when this baby is born, that will not be happening anymore. It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

I found out MIL didn't get the flu vaccine. I told her she wasn't allowed around the baby until she did. I also required my mom, MIL, and grandparents (who watch her) to get tdap. I just said you can't see the baby unless you get vaccinated.

I informed everyone around me that if they had any intentions of holding this baby before Memorial Day, they'd have their flu shot.  And they'd update their Tdap.  Amazingly, both got done with minimal fight.

My husband has Type 1 diabetes.  I can't have him exposed to these crazy diseases because someone spends too much time on the google.  I would quietly bow out of that person's life.

[Deleted]

My SIL doesn't vax. I honestly wish I would have been more firm with her when DS was a baby and said "sorry, you can't see my kid til he at least gets his vaccinations." She thinks I'm ridiculous and that she's more 'informed' then I am. Im poisoning my kid!!! Her DD now has kids of her own and doesn't vaccinate, but she also brings her pink eye infested kids around and acts like its no big deal so I think its pretty obvious who the dumbasses are.
ETA--to answer your question though--I would dump her in a hot second if this isn't a close friend.

[lolo]

Jan 27, 2015 9:21:52 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Jan 27, 2015 8:11:18 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

You protect your kid. "We will not be bringing our baby in close contact with children that are not vaccinated. We will not be attending X." Rinse and repeat for all family members. Ignore all the freak outs. "We are protecting our child."

Honestly, I don't understand how you see them every week now. They are just as stupid now as they will be once your kid is here.

Exactly. I had the same thought. I was like, "I like you, but I have to protect my son." Period. I felt like that was the most important decision I needed to make for him, KWIM? To protect him from situations where he cannot protect himself. I think unvaxxed kids definitely quality. I mean, what if DS got measles or mumps or tetanus from this kid?!? I would never ever forgive myself.

If your son got tentanus from anyone, that would be quite a feat.

[drloretta]

I think once my kid was fully vaxxed I'd see this as less of an issue. It never occurred to me to ask about people's vaccination status when DD was little, it may be more of an issue now that I've heard/talked about it more.

My brother and SIL don't vaccinate, but they live on the opposite coast and we see them maybe 1x/year. Everyone's kids are old enough that I don't consider it in my travel/interaction plans.

[litasail]

Jan 27, 2015 7:25:25 GMT -5 spk926 said:

I would never knowingly have my child around unvaccinated children. When she asks to hang out invite her out to an adult only coffee or something if you really want to see her. If she wants to do a kid thing say "I don't feel comfortable having my child around other children who aren't vaccinated." There are consequences for your actions and this is one of those consequences for her.

Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

I agree with this completely. Well said.

[ECB]

Jan 27, 2015 7:54:23 GMT -5 twentysix said:

 It's so frustrating trying to have a reasonable conversation with them about this, too, they just don't "get" our concern.

Give up on trying to have a conversation with them.  They aren't going to see it your way.  you have to make the decision to not see them knowing full well that this isn't going to change their mind.

From here on out, for them and others who ask or push, just keep it simple - "we won't knowingly expose our young child to vaccinated children".  Period.  Rinse and repeat. 

I'm sure the rest of the family will be upset that you all don't come to the weekly meals and will apply pressure.  Again, stand strong.  "It's their choice to not vaccinate.  It's our choice to not expose our child.".  Period. I fully believe that the less you say, the more impact you have.   AND the less room you give them for debate and argument.