Believers: How do you reconcile your faith with tragedy?

[sparkythelawyer]

When my mom died and my husband damn near died within three weeks of each other, I remember telling the hospital chaplain that sure, there was a God, but that sometimes God was a giant Dick.

The best I could come up with then (and now to an extent) is that I am not meant to understand why everything happens. I don't know why my Mom died, or why my husband is still with me, or why terrible, horrible things happen. But I like Snips' line above about praying that my faith does not waiver.

I am so, so sorry that this all happened to you. It sucks, and it is so patently unfair.

[Captain Serious]

May it also help to know that most of the bad things in this works happen *because* people have free will. God gets the blame because we know He could stop it, but would we really want Him to take away free will?

God will be there when you are ready, but He'd also like to help you through this, if you'll let Him.

In my times of despair, most of my prayers consisted of me sobbing, "God, how could you? WHY?" and in my darkest hours of anger, "You had better make this up to me!" Somehow, it have me relief to voice my anger directly to Good, even as it terrified me. I'm still here, my life has improved,and my faith was strengthened, so I guess He didn't mind that I needed to vent. If it helps you, I think you could, too.

[annieh22]

God did not plan this. God is weeping with you. His was the first heart to break and is grieving with you.

You can and should be mad. This is horrible. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[dottyblue]

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Christians often lose sight of the fact that "lingo" isn't at all helpful in times of hurt. Their intent is usually in the right place, but that doesn't make you feel any better. (((hugs)))

Loss of a loved one is the hardest thing we are ever faced with. My firm belief is that He is present. He is our shelter in a time of storm. He is there to listen to you scream at him. To comfort you through your tears. To be the unchanging presence that you need right now.

Questioning God and being angry at Him is a very natural response. David does it over and over again in the Psalms. It's ok, He can handle it. He's not going to turn His back on you.

Hang in there. Keep posting here and keep talking to your family and friends. You have so many people who love and care about you on this board and I'm sure that carries over to your friends/family.

[malibu]

What LHC said. I was going to type something similar, but as always, she put it way better than I ever could have!

[pegasuskat]

After my granddaughter died my DD was struggling, she told me once that she had to make herself not be angry with God, she wanted her faith intact for her H (who was a new Christian) and any future children. She has complete faith that she will be with her daughter again one day, and that is what gets her through life. My heart hurts for you and your children, I hope you are getting help from someone at your church that can help you with the why's. There are a lot of verses in the bible about God helping widows, I also like the poster above have always gotten comfort from many of the Psalms. I think you really just need to be kind to yourself and give yourself time, this will be a work in progress and some days will be better than others.

[BaliHai]

I struggle with my faith, and I don't think I could offer anything better or more comforting or intelligent than has already been said.

I just wanted to say I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and, for what it's worth, I have thought of/prayed for you often since you first posted.

[dowagercountess]

Jan 27, 2015 9:34:01 GMT -5 @scar said:

I'm sorry for your loss. Obviously what happened to me is nothing compared to death. And i guess i should be thankful for that. Although oftentimes, i wonder why even.
I'm still working on mine. I often wonder what i did to God or this world to receive this suffering. I know i don't talk a lot about the after of my surgery, but it's a mind fuck. You don't know how bad depression can get until your husband catches you down on your knees begging to God to take you home to him.

*This post is in no way intended to take away from your pain or make this about me. Its just how I've been feeling the past 7 months

Fail. 

[stella1802]

I am so sorry. I read a book - Why Bad Things Happen to Good People, it helped me through a very difficult time.

[flex]

I didn't talk to God for awhile after my loss. I wasn't "mad" at God; I was just so tired from dealing with the pain. Life is not perfect and we all make mistakes. I don't know the circumstances that led to your DH's passing, but it may be that the person driving the other car (or whatever the circumstances) made a mistake in their driving which caused the crash.

I, too, do NOT subscribe to the "this is God's plan". That is not correct. God is here to comfort us when the laws of nature or human error cause a loss.

As time went on, I got to the point where I no longer asked God "why did this happen", but I started thanking Him for the time I had with my H. It took a couple years for me to get to that place though. It certainly didn't happen overnight or in a few months.

My heart goes out to you. (((hugs)))

[ElizabethBennet]

Everyone else has pretty much said what I would have. I'm so very sorry for the loss you've experienced. Getting angry with God is ok, He can handle it, and I think it's a very normal, healthy part of grieving. It's not fair and it doesn't make sense and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is doing you a disservice.

In the midst of your grief and anger see if you can take some comfort in your faith instead of trying to find answers, because sometimes things just don't make sense. Do you have a church community you can rely on for some support that also understands where you are in the grieving process?

[isabel]

I really hate the 'God has a plan' thing. It's hurtful and makes it seem as though you deserve whatever pain you're in. You don't. This was not his "plan."

I believe we're given free will and sometimes really awful things happen. It's no ones fault and it doesn't have anything to do with whether or not we believe. Some things just are.

It's ok to be angry. If you're the praying type, keep doing that. He may provide you with an answer or at least a bit of peace. I am so very sorry for your loss. It's unimaginable and I can't comprehend being in your shoes. It's clear how strong you're being. So many hugs.

[lemon]

I've always felt like "it was God's plan" is a cop out. There is no plan. Nobody is more "blessed" than someone else. There is only chance, and maybe a little bit of luck.

Before my son died, I didn't really believe in God. And right after he died, I REALLY didn't believe in God. But as time has passed and I've explored my own feelings, I've changed my mind. I believe there is a God and I believe there is an afterlife. I believe we should make good use of the time we have on this Earth. But I don't think God has any control over what happens to us here. He doesn't cause bad things to happen to good people. I think he's right there for us when we die and that's when we get our "answers" about the journey of our life. If we choose to believe while we're still living, then it's an added level of comfort. But I also don't think he turns away those who don't "believe" upon their death. We all go to the same place.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Deleted]

(((hugs))) First let me extend my sympathy. There is no rhyme or reason to why this happened. I believe it is okay to be mad at God. He is a forgiving God and will understand you being mad at him. He will not desert you and just when you think you cant handle it anymore, somehow he will give you the strength to carry on.

I hope you are getting the help you need by speaking with someone about your anger with him.

[cleo29]

I don't believe that God makes things happen or not happen. I think he helps us find the strength inside to get through it.

[lg28]

I just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[Queen Mamadala]

I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. I'm no longer a Christian, but I know your response/reaction (in relation to your faith) to the loss of your husband is a common one. It was assumed I was angry and "lost" faith during the time I lost my first son, but that wasn't the case at all. But I do know of other bereaved parents and individuals that went through this stage of grief. I'm definitely one who rejects the "everything happens for a reason" sentiment. One of the things that helped me was the Buddhist Mustard Seed parable.

I'm so sorry. My heart aches for you and yours. My thoughts are with you. (((hugs)))

[renna]

nailbiter101, I have thought of you quite a lot today, and I have prayed for you. I am very sorry for your loss and your family's loss of your husband/father/brother/friend. I'm sure he wore many hats.

I am a Christian, and what came to me while thinking of you was Jesus, and about him praying in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:26 starts it off). Jesus was fully God and fully man, and Jesus KNEW he was going to be betrayed, he was going up on that cross, and he was going to become our sin - to be our savior. And yet you see in Matthew 26 when Jesus is in the garden alone at night, praying, and he says this to God:

Verse 39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

Veres 42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”

Verse 44 So, leaving them [his disciples who he had found sleeping] again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.

So here is Jesus, who is God and man, and he is crying out to God "Hey, I wouldn't mind being spared this, go ahead and take this from me if that is Your will." I'm not trying to make light of it, but you see the humanity of Jesus here, the fully man part of him. He would rather not be tortured and crucified if it doesn't have to happen but he accepts it, he fully accepts it.

And I think of Christ on that cross, and all he did for me, just me (let alone anyone else), and how Jesus would do it again even just for me, and it comforts me. It shows me that I matter to God, and that He is with me, and He is always with me, whether my circumstances are easy or hard, I am never without God in my corner.

My husband and I go to Bible study with a couple of friends and we fairly recently went through the book of Hebrews. There was one verse that just stood out to me, having never noticed it before. It has brought me great comfort just knowing this.

Hebrews 7:25 Consequently, he [Jesus] is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.

That third part is really something: Jesus always lives to make intercession for us. Jesus...is praying for you. He intercedes FOR YOU.

Why people die young, why people suffer, why there is war or famine, I don't know all of this except man is fallen, but what I do know is that it promises you in your Bible that Jesus is praying FOR YOU, and you can see by Christ's example in the garden that crying out to God is okay, and He understands, and that it might be a long time of crying out to God. Your loss is so very great, and no person can explain it but I hope you can find comfort in your children, your faith and those around you.

It's always okay to talk about it here. I'm sure it's hard to read some of the posts when your life has imploded and life goes on (for the rest of us). There are hurting people here, believers and not, and there is plenty of compassion bandwidth around here to share with all.

I hope you keep posting however often you need to about this. It's okay. It truly is okay to say what you need here. XO, renna

[lifeisinteresting]

Jan 27, 2015 9:04:38 GMT -5 @nailbiter101 said:

I'm not looking to cause conflict or anything like that. I know religious topics can do that sometimes.

I am so angry with God. All I can do right now is scream at him, why, why, WHY??? I know that bad things happen to everyone, obviously have always known that. I just never faced tragedy of my own until now. It's different when it's you.

I am having trouble reconciling my faith with my husband's sudden, horrific death in a terribly violent car crash. With a 4 year old and then 7 week old baby at home. A good husband, a good father.

I have had people tell me that God has a plan, and it just makes me angrier. Cause frankly, his plan SUCKS if this was his "plan" all along.

I guess I just needed to put this out there. Like I've said, I am losing it. And I can't turn to the faith that I've relied on for so long. I am so lost right now.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am also so sorry for people saying things to make you feel worse. You are grieving . Grieve. God is close to the broken-hearted. He will never leave or forsake you. Cling to these promises. Anger is normal and okay.
I would highly encourage you to seek a widows group or grief class at your church or a neighboring one. despite advice here to seek a secular therapist , when you are ready I would encourage you to see a licensed therapist who is a Christian counselor. You truly cannot come through this without clinging to God's promises and assurances that will never change. You can however get through this with Hin.
Let friends and family help you and love you. This is so new and so very hard. The why question may never be answered. It's unfair. We live in a fallen world that is imperfect. Rest assured though God is in control. He can handle your anger and your disbelief.

[lys]

I am so so sorry for your loss.
God made the laws of physics as part of creating the world.  They apply to everyone - no matter how wonderful and good they are. He does not interfere. He is there to love and guide us, not control us, nor change the laws of the universe for any individual.
Having your DH pass away was not God's plan. Nor did God cause the accident.

God cares about you, He cares about your children and cares about your pain.
There is love and support in God's love and caring.
That love is and can be  expressed in the love and caring of those people in your life.

You are grieving and that is OK .
You might want to talk with someone who you trust and let all the "bad" thoughts out to a safe listener.
Unfortunately, bad do things happen to good people - it is part of the human existence.  
Remember the trials of Job?
God IS there for you and with you- as you walk thru this difficult time.
It will be difficult, but in time you will find peace and love in your life again.  Your DH would want that for you.

My prayers that you will be supported by the love of friends and family now and as you move forward.