Is it too early for randoms/confessions/vents?

[treedimensional]

After a couple of cryptic texts, I found out last night that my brother is unemployed. I feel horrible for him. He is 53 and has had such a lousy run of jobs in his life. I thought he had finally solved the problem and put his employment turnovers in the past when he became a Registered Nurse, but here we go again.

I think it may be that he has poor social skills and it makes him insufferable in the workplace. We're not especially close, but I think HE is the problem, and he doesn't know it. I perceive him as being introverted and stand-offish. I think it is very difficult for him to talk to people and be friendly.

I wish I knew how to help him. In spite of causing his own problems, he is devastated and bitter every time this happens, and he is running out of time to pick up a mirror and figure out what's going on. I wish there was a school or a book or something that could help socially challenged people learn how to be friendly, nice people, that other people want to be around.

So sad.

[finally]

It's never too early for randoms/confessions/vents!!!

At 53 my guess it's probably too late to change a personality for good. But there are so many jobs out there for RNs that don't involve all day direct people contact. I used to work for a clinical research company and we were always looking for RNs to read reports & interpret data. It was mostly computer work. Pay was pretty good too. I know there are quite a lot of these companies in northern NC.


My confession...office is closed today because of the snowstorm here and I brought work home but am totally not motivated to do any of it. I know I need to do some so that I can say I did at least something but just don't feel like it. I'd rather be doing small stuff around the house and playing online.

[mrs.jacinthe]

As an introvert, I'll chime in that being around people is HARD and exhausting. It takes a lot of effort for me to be personable (in person) for more than 3 hours at a time. LOL So, it's important to me to look for jobs that allow me to work on my own/do my own thing at times for sake of my own sanity. Honestly, being an RN and having to deal with all kinds of people all day long sounds awful to me for that reason, so perhaps he needs to be encouraged to do a little navel gazing or take some personality tests to discover this about himself. There are certainly RN-type jobs that don't require a ton of personality - for example, he could be a nurse examiner for an insurance company (making initial pre-authorization decisions, etc). Those would be ideal for an introvert. (It's similar to what I do, actually).

My random is that my coffee-part pieces are in the dishwasher and R was all "You should go get coffee!" and that sounds awful - getting dressed, etc. So I'm just sitting here in my pjs feeling sorry for my coffee-less self.

[salsaverde]

I'm an introvert too, this is an embarrassing confession... I try to get to work before 8 am because the office is pretty full by 10 am and I try to get all of my printing done before anyone arrives. I don't like fake socializing. I like my friends outside of work.

[emoflamingo]

NEVER TOO EARLY.

I started to sift through those clothes my friend gave me and I'm not sure I'll keep much - some of it is stained/wrong season and some of it is NMS. But I didn't get far so hopefully there's other stuff in there.

For my PDQ portion: H told me how much we pay towards some 401K loans we have out on his account (trust, I've told him many times how stupid this was) and I seriously cried. I was prepared to discuss a possible reevaluation of my working 6-9 months after the baby (before next summer) to see how well it's working out because 3 kids in childcare = 2/3 of my income and 3 kids make huge messes that will be hard to keep up on with 2 full-time parents if we get behind at all. But that's 95% off the table in my head, so I'm a little bitter. Most of it went to stupid shit (i.e. the motorcycle he rebuilt that still is not running after 3.5 years after it was purchased and I really have a lot of apprehension about him riding).

After all that happened, I misplaced W's lens from his glasses (in my purse - it slipped into a box of meds) and was in tears about that. We were on a time crunch to get somewhere and needed to go directly to get the glasses fixed and I just couldn't do all of it anymore. Yesterday was like the first emotional day I had for no "real" reason this pregnancy.

[munkii]

No confessions or vents, just a random. I just found out that some of the 7-11 stores in Detroit have 1) sugar-free creamsicle slushees and 2) Vernor's slushies. WHY IS THIS NOT IN INDIANA? Ok, maybe that is a vent.

[finally]

I have to share the baby shower invite for my SIL...(this is catalog image)  The image looks like man in fake baby bump to me!  Hairy chest (even if you look past the curly ribbony stuff around the shoulders) - the shading on the back, under arm and neck looks like hair to me.  It looks just like this in person too!!!

[auntie]

I'm sorry.

The social competency piece is so hard for some people. I hear stories like this from some of the adults with Aspergers who frequent forums I go to. Not saying your brother has ASD, but there is a spectrum that includes fully neurologically typical introvert to social communication disorder, broader autistic phenotype to ASD. That he doesn't recognize himself as part of the problem suggests this might be more than personality.

It's sad when those who are really bright people lack emotional intelligence and suffer career-wise. For them the bitterness comes from not recognizing the importance of social skills and engagement. I wonder if your brother would do better in a position that required less interacting with colleagues. I have an cousin who had Aspergers who recently died; he got a dx at 40 and did real well in the IT world. My PCP's brother got a dx at 52 when his marriage imploded and he realized he wasn't ever going to make partner despite being a fabulous student.

[bunnymendelbaum]

treedimensional- sorry about your brother. That's a tough spot.

munkii - I've had the vernor slushie on free slush day! Delicious!

emoflamingo- sorry you are having a hard time. $ stuff stresses me out so much. I went through DD1's 24 month summer stuff last night looking for things for DD2 to wear to Florida. I was so disappointed in it! I remember her clothes being cute, but they were not. I told DH we will need to buy DD2 some cute summer stuff.

My vent/confession: Our lives are so up in the air and it is making me crazy! I know I'm annoying with all of my house posts because they are so all over the place, but so are we! DH actually got a job offer yesterday. It is from the one firm that we really didn't want an offer from. They do good work, but they want 50-60 hours and the office is in the 'burbs. Ugh. He's trying to leverage this offer with the place he really wants, but he might have to take it.

[treedimensional]

Jan 27, 2015 12:48:09 GMT -5 auntie said:

I'm sorry.

The social competency piece is so hard for some people. I hear stories like this from some of the adults with Aspergers who frequent forums I go to. Not saying your brother has ASD, but there is a spectrum that includes fully neurologically typical introvert to social communication disorder, broader autistic phenotype to ASD. That he doesn't recognize himself as part of the problem suggests this might be more than personality.

It's sad when those who are really bright people lack emotional intelligence and suffer career-wise. For them the bitterness comes from not recognizing the importance of social skills and engagement. I wonder if your brother would do better in a position that required less interacting with colleagues. I have an cousin who had Aspergers who recently died; he got a dx at 40 and did real well in the IT world. My PCP's brother got a dx at 52 when his marriage imploded and he realized he wasn't ever going to make partner despite being a fabulous student.

Thank you for your insightful comments.

I blame our family structure... and violent upbringing. As a child and teen, I recognized that this was damaging me (all of us). Violence and volatility tore my family apart.

I'm the youngest, and I left home FIRST. After that I had almost no contact with my family, by choice, because I wanted to get (mentally) well. Trust me when I say overcoming social awkwardness has been an enormous lifelong struggle for me, the difference is I KNOW I AM DAMAGED and I know I need to TRY to overcome this terrible legacy. I go out of my way (and it really often IS) to approach people and be friendly and cheerful on purpose. I know that love and social ties are critical to wellness.

Not meaning to dump my family dirt, but in my experience, people are amazingly supportive if you reach out candidly, so I do that, but he doesn't. I don't think he sees his own personality as a problem but I'm not sure... I just guess this, because he seems stuck on a not-so-merry-go-round. I feel so badly for him, but at the same time, he's not very likeable even to me.

[emoflamingo]

I'm sorry treedimensional. That's all very rough.

bunnymendelbaum, I didn't have anything saved from C to W (because they're so far apart and we had no storage space) but I did save some of the cutest stuff. I just would rather have money now than clothes for later, you know? I think C's personality and W's personality are too different for them to really rewear the same clothes. This is also probably an affect of my childhood (hand-me-downs are apparently scarring lol). Hopefully your H gets an offer from the better place soon!

munkii, we don't have 7-11 here. Or QuikTrip. Feel bad for me while you feel bad for you lol.

finally, that is really just.. very awkward. The idea is nice but the shading is just awkward.

[mrs.jacinthe]

I want a Vernor's slurpee. I love Vernors and have to pay some sort of ridiculous overcharge to get it at the grocery store here.
Our slurpee flavors are all Fanta. Ugh.

[katie4253]

Mmmmmm....vernors. You can get it here and it makes me SAD!

My confession is that we snow days over the next two days. H took today off so I could work from home. I'm about to take a nap. I did write an eval and got some other stuff done. I need to write two more evals.

Also, my random is that I got a job. I'm gonna be a principal next year I'm so excited.

[auntie]

Jan 27, 2015 13:14:24 GMT -5 treedimensional said:

Jan 27, 2015 12:48:09 GMT -5 auntie said:

Thank you for your insightful comments.

I blame our family structure... and violent upbringing. As a child and teen, I recognized that this was damaging me (all of us). Violence and volatility tore my family apart.

I'm the youngest, and I left home FIRST. After that I had almost no contact with my family, by choice, because I wanted to get (mentally) well. Trust me when I say overcoming social awkwardness has been an enormous lifelong struggle for me, the difference is I KNOW I AM DAMAGED and I know I need to TRY to overcome this terrible legacy. I go out of my way (and it really often IS) to approach people and be friendly and cheerful on purpose. I know that love and social ties are critical to wellness.

Not meaning to dump my family dirt, but in my experience, people are amazingly supportive if you reach out candidly, so I do that, but he doesn't. I don't think he sees his own personality as a problem but I'm not sure... I just guess this, because he seems stuck on a not-so-merry-go-round. I feel so badly for him, but at the same time, he's not very likeable even to me.

Im so sorry. I recall you sharing some of this when you went down to FL to deal with the crisis there. I'm glad your were able to find a path to healing from the dysfunction. I'm watching my older niece do the work needed to separate herself from the reactive strategies forged by her chaotic childhood (mental illness, substance abuse, emotional abuse, etc) and learn to be a better version of herself. The effort is considerable.

My sister was a big part of that pain- she was mentally ill (bipolar or borderline), emotionally abusive, an addict and living with unmanaged HIV/AIDS and bitter. And like you mentioned- stuck- making the same kinds of lousy choices thinking things would work out differently. It's such a sad place to be as a sibling. Not sure if it would help you, but it helped me to remind myself that she wasn't playing with the same cards I was dealt. Otherwise I would have hated her as well as her choices.

[alf17]

The guys are here taking down the drywall in my basement, and treating our mold. They found a crack in our foundation...so another big expense.

[emoflamingo]

THREAD REVIVAL:

I love when a thread devolves into gifs.

[TBM]

Jan 27, 2015 14:09:26 GMT -5 alf17 said:

The guys are here taking down the drywall in my basement, and treating our mold. They found a crack in our foundation...so another big expense.

Yea for treating the mold!


As for the crack in the foundation, a crack doesn't necessarily mean an expensive repair....not all cracks are serious.

[sierramist03]

This is how I feel about some of coworkers right now
ETA it didn't work

[dr.girlfriend]

I met a patient's parent out in the lobby who was all offended that I didn't remember them. They were all, "REALLY?!? You don't remember me?!?" I saw the patient for one day TWO YEARS ago. I'm lucky if I can remember what I had for breakfast this morning, let alone someone I met 200 patients ago...

[treedimensional]

Jan 29, 2015 9:15:11 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

I met a patient's parent out in the lobby who was all offended that I didn't remember them. They were all, "REALLY?!? You don't remember me?!?" I saw the patient for one day TWO YEARS ago. I'm lucky if I can remember what I had for breakfast this morning, let alone someone I met 200 patients ago...

Oh that's nothing. Once I couldn't place someone's face... whom I'd know carnally... boy was he incredulous. LOL

[simpsongal]

VENT - I hate being home when contractors are working. It's noisy and I feel like I have to hide upstairs. It also feels like the day moves SO SLOWLY.

For once, I want DH to be the one who is home when a contractor shows up. Sigh.

[Deleted]

Follow-up to my FIL vent the other day. This morning DH called the guy regarding the employment opportunity and said that he appreciated the offer but that it wasn't what he was looking for at the time. Guy seemed fine with it. We are waiting for FIL to find out and blow up DH's phone. He's already called DH a couple times and started group texting DH and MIL. He's on the edge of his seat wanting to know. DH hasn't responded to anything. We anticipate multiple phone calls and texts for days, and I will not be surprised if he drags me into it and says that I influenced DH.

I'm not trying to play armchair psychologist here, but ladies I am not kidding when I say that DH and I believe FIL is genuinely a narcissist. I remember studying about NPD in college and I read up about it as as refresher. I swear he's textbook. DH is going to ignore all phone calls and texts for the time being to give FIL a few days to calm down before we even attempt to deal with him. He's going to lose his mind when he finds out DH isn't taking the job. He probably won't speak to us for a month, but we don't care. He can pout and stomp his foot as long as he wants.