I need advice re: my sister - PDQ

[wambam]

*poof*


Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the advice and kind words. I don't want this out there any longer than it has to be. Thanks again.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Nothing. You do nothing. You aren't responsible for fixing this.

[Bernadine]

I'd keep up with the pattern, and ignore the email.

[Deleted]

I would write back, "Thanks for sharing, Mom. I'll be more empathetic the next time I talk to her."  Obviously you never ever need to talk to your sister.

[LeggsBenedict]

I try to be there to listen, for my mom, so that she can vent. not for my whack job brother. I don't listen to him.

maybe try that route? it can drive you crazy if your mother isn't being realistic though.

[ECB]

I'd probably just ignore. If your mom wants to enable her, that's on her.

[wambam]

Jan 27, 2015 13:12:34 GMT -5 @scottydeux said:

Stand your ground. You are obviously the non-dysfunctional one and you owe it to yourself to stay that way. I know that sometimes guilt can come in, or generally questioning yourself. You don't need to.

Also, probably not the appropriate thread to bring this up, but THANK YOU--I received the gc in the mail. You are a generous, good soul.

I absolutely needed to hear this, thank you.

You're welcome! Have fun shopping

[Deleted]

"I'll keep that in mind."

[shopgirl07]

I don't like that your mother said that. At all. Your sister needs to get her act together, and that's not something you can really help with. I'm sure it would cause a shitshow if you even tried to "help."

If you're so inclined, I think it would be nice to spend some time with your niece and support her. Otherwise, there's not much you can do and your mother should not make you feel guilty.

[sunshineluv]

I am sorry. I wish I had a magical answer for you, that if you did xyz your sister's life would straighten out, and your neice would be healthier. But there is no answer like that. It is really sad to see people we love struggle, even when it is of their own doing. I don't think you need to do anything at all.

[Elsa]

Nope. You don't get involved. If your mom asks you why, you just say that are are unable to help at this time. End the conversation. YOUVE got a lot on your plate. You do not need this too.

[alzi]

Nothing. I HATE when my mom tries to get in the middle of my adult relationship with my adult sister.

You do what's best for you.

[mrsukyankee]

Nothing for you to feel guilty about. At all.

[usuallylurking]

Stay your course. "Well that's a tough situation, I'll be sure to keep her in my thoughts."

[pixy0stix]

Just ignore it.

[ElizabethBennet]

You don't do anything. I would just ignore it and if your mom keeps pressing the issue then clearly tell her that you won't be helping financially in any way and change the subject.

And I just want to say that I feel you, I'm having some issues with my sister and it's not a fun spot to be in.

[justemily]

Definitely don't get involved OR feel guilty.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

[aliciaflorrick]

I agree with the others. You do nothing. Her bad choices should not be your burden. You can't fix this.

[swank]

"Thanks for the update."

[jreeds]

Hugs, I'm sorry

I went through this with my brother (although he has no kids). My mother and Grandmother kept leaning on me to give him money so he could "get help". They had been giving him money, only it turns out he wasn't using it for help. The way I approached it with them was that I absolutely was willing to provide him support but not financially. He had no money for food so I cooked for him, I gave him rides when his car crapped out etc. I let him know I was available any time to talk if he needed and I gave him resources for places to call/Go to for help getting clean.

I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that? You'd be great resource for your niece as far as nutrition etc.

I think you are very smart not to get financially caught up with them stand your ground on that.

[usuallylurking]

IF you feel so inclined, you could say that you've never felt better due to your current diet/workout and you could always put something in an email about what you typically eat if that's something your sister/niece would be interested in. But I wouldn't touch the financial stuff with a ten foot pole!

[trafficgirl]

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

And try not to feel guilty. Her problems are not yours to fix.

[wambam]

Jan 27, 2015 13:19:37 GMT -5 jreeds said:

I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that? 

Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved. 

[05heel]

Ignore. My mom does this to me w/r/t my trainwreck sister, and it's exhausting. Then when I talk to her she's all, "a mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child." Good to know, mom.

[shopgirl07]

Jan 27, 2015 13:21:33 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jan 27, 2015 13:19:37 GMT -5 jreeds said:

I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that? 

Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved. 

And that's fine! Please don't feel guilty. 

[jreeds]

Jan 27, 2015 13:21:33 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jan 27, 2015 13:19:37 GMT -5 jreeds said:

I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that? 

Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved. 

Then say exactly that. It is 100% absolutely ok to feel that way.

[iamgrace]

If anything, you say, "oh wow, how awful. I feel terrible for her". But you do not otherwise engage. She's a grown woman, and you can't fix her.

I have enablers and screwed up people in my family. They are not my problem.

[DotAndBuzz]

I feel you. My sister is similar, minus having kids. It's infuriating, because according to my mom (her primary enabler) things are never her fault - things happen TO her, not BECAUSE of her. I've even got the guilt trip about what sisters do for each other, and she never misses a chance to comment about how close my own girls are to each other, "like sisters should be."

Ignore it. Do not respond, do not pass go. Any time I tried to get more involved and help, it just ends up with being pulled into her drama and chaos, with no progress towards a solution. Listen if she contacts you, offer your suggestions if asked (knowing they'll be immediately dismissed, because reasons), but do nothing else. It's hard, I know, but I think it's the best course of action until she's willing to acknowledge her reality.

[FishChicks]

I don't see any need for you to respond or any reason for you to feel guilty. I'm pretty confrontational and would want to respond to mom that I support those who take responsibility and support themselves. However, that would probably escalate things and would not be helpful, so I think the delete button is your friend.

[wambam]

05heel - That's a horrible saying.

Fortunately, my mom's radical personality change a few years ago changed her so that she is able to both be upset about my sister and happy for the successes in my life. A few years ago, that never would have been possible. But fortunately today, that's happening.