WWYD? Kid Stealing

[downtoearth]

Nope, don't call the cops to tell her what you are also telling her. You are the moral authority on this and yes, the cops have the right to arrest someone, but YOU as the parent are the moral authority and need to just keep making the stakes higher so she can keep getting caught and failing and so she doesn't profit from this.

ETA: Sou, how'd you do that cool spoiler thing?

[Deleted]

Like the cops don't have better shit to do.

Just ask your kid why she felt the need to snitch people's shit and go from there.

[penguingrrl]

Nope. The police have better things to do than come lecture your child. It sounds to me like the writer needs to up the stakes on punishments for this. Not just return it and apologize, but something more serious. Exactly what the appropriate punishment is honestly depends on the kid. One of mine responds more to her favorite things going into time out for a day/week etc, the other is more affected by being forced to do work around the house.

It sounds like there's a lack of respect for authority in general, so I'm not positive having a police officer tell her it's bad will really help anyway.

[msmerymac]

I'd probably consult with a child psychologist if it was a recurring thing. That would be a more appropriate response than "the cops are GONNA GET YOU." And hopefully fix the issue for real.

ETA: And/or if she "wants for nothing" then maybe stealing the neighbor's pokemon card means that you ARE going to want for pokemon cards for a while, now.

[ijack]

Call the cops? No.
DD1 stole a bracelet from the gap once (she was 5 I think) and I made her take it back and apologize and the cashier told her it was okay. I was kind of annoyed at that because it's not okay, but I wouldn't want her to call the cops either.

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2015 14:54:05 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

It sounds like there's a lack of respect for authority in general, so I'm not positive having a police officer tell her it's bad will really help anyway.

Plus at that age, you want them to trust the police because that's who they are supposed to call if there is trouble, who they go to if they get hurt, who to talk to if they are scared.

[penguingrrl]

Jan 27, 2015 14:56:31 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Jan 27, 2015 14:54:05 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

It sounds like there's a lack of respect for authority in general, so I'm not positive having a police officer tell her it's bad will really help anyway.

Plus at that age, you want them to trust the police because that's who they are supposed to call if there is trouble, who they go to if they get hurt, who to talk to if they are scared.

That's also a good point I hadn't thought of. I am always telling my kids that if we get separated in public to look for a police officer, so using a police officer to scare them sounds really counter to that goal.

[downtoearth]

Jan 27, 2015 14:50:47 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

when i was a youngin cashier, i told a little boy trying to steal some candy that he wouldn't want to get in trouble and go to jail and he told me that it was ok if he went to jail b/c he could see his dad then.

little, naive major was

I worked at a youth shelter and when one kid was stealing a lighter from Walmart, instead of reprimanding him and making him put it back, after checking out, I walked the whole group of 8 teens into their Customer Service and their "security" office and asked the kid, who didn't know I saw him, to hand over the lighter. The kid was freaked at first, but the security guard said, "Eh, it's just a lighter. But don't do it again kid." all laid-back-like.  Kid gloated all the way home in the van that I was more "tight-assed than a Walmart security guard."

[downtoearth]

Jan 27, 2015 14:56:31 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Jan 27, 2015 14:54:05 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

It sounds like there's a lack of respect for authority in general, so I'm not positive having a police officer tell her it's bad will really help anyway.

Plus at that age, you want them to trust the police because that's who they are supposed to call if there is trouble, who they go to if they get hurt, who to talk to if they are scared.

Firemen and nurses/doctors.

[IIOY]

I'm guessing the spoiler link doesn't say "administer a beating for being a lying, thieving shit."

ETA: Now that I've actually read the answer, I don't like his idea of stealing something that belongs to the child.  All silliness aside, it's pretty clear there is something going on with this child that requires professional help.  A child that routinely steals at the age of 8 when she wants for nothing has issues deeper than simply not appreciating how unpleasant it is to lose one of your belongings to theft. /not a doctor but I play one on the internet

[ringstrue]

I agree with the empathy route- possibly child psychologist if it didn't work. I can't help but wonder what's going on at home too. Anecdotally, I started stealing things during the height of my parents divorce. Scaring me wouldn't have done much. I didn't feel I had much to lose.

[stealthmom]

Jan 27, 2015 15:12:04 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

I agree with the empathy route- possibly child psychologist if it didn't work. I can't help but wonder what's going on at home too. Anecdotally, I started stealing things during the height of my parents divorce. Scaring me wouldn't have done much. I didn't feel I had much to lose.

yes. The one time I stole was not long after my dad died. It had nothing to do with not having enough at home. My mom would have bought me the thing if I had asked and I knew it.

[downtoearth]

Jan 27, 2015 15:21:02 GMT -5 stealthmom said:

Jan 27, 2015 15:12:04 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

I agree with the empathy route- possibly child psychologist if it didn't work. I can't help but wonder what's going on at home too. Anecdotally, I started stealing things during the height of my parents divorce. Scaring me wouldn't have done much. I didn't feel I had much to lose.

yes. The one time I stole was not long after my dad died. It had nothing to do with not having enough at home. My mom would have bought me the thing if I had asked and I knew it.

I stole and started lying a lot in 3rd grade - two parent, happy home, doing great in school. Maybe I'm just a psychopath b/c I just did it b/c it was thrilling. I should add that it happened mostly at school and luckily the other kids turned me in to the teacher.  I had some serious consequences.

[penguingrrl]

Jan 27, 2015 15:12:04 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

I agree with the empathy route- possibly child psychologist if it didn't work. I can't help but wonder what's going on at home too. Anecdotally, I started stealing things during the height of my parents divorce. Scaring me wouldn't have done much. I didn't feel I had much to lose.

It's very interesting that you say this. My parents had a horribly rocky marriage that ended violently. My sister went through a phase of stealing in 5th grade and now that you say it, that coincided with their first separation.

[WOT?*]

DD1 took a sparkly belt and put it around her waist and under her sweater (she was trying it on) and when we got to the car she was "look what I got!" I took her back in the store and made her give it to the cashier who, thankfully instead of "it's good" told her "Thank you for bringing that back."

I bought DH a watch for his birthday a few years ago at the Navy Exchange and let GD1 carry the bag because it was just her size and it was adorable to see her strut around the store with her little "pursebag." She was looking at earrings while I was looking at some other stuff and put two pairs of shiny, sparkly danglers in the bag with the watch which I didn't notice until we got home and I took the watch out of the bag. Unfortunately, the NEX is about 90 minutes away, so I called and let them know what happened and that we would bring them back the next time we were in town. So, GD1 brought them back with me, and tendered her apology.  And in the interim they were kept up very high where she didn't get to play with them.

I need to keep a closer eye on my little 3-4 year old criminals. Thankfully they're well past that "ooooh, shiny" magpie stage now.


But 8 years old is a lot different than 3-4 years old. I'm wondering if there's a bit of entitlement with the "she doesn't lack for things" so if she wants it she takes it and maybe she does need to learn a "lose it" lesson. I think at that age there should be good dose of "if your friends think you're a thief they won't be your friends and they'll tell everyone else and then you won't have any. Trust is one of the most important things in a friendship." type of lesson.

[laurenpetro]

i probably would but we all know i'm a shitty parent.

[lys]

What have been the consequences for her behavior to date?