If you moved as part of your "starting over", come in...

[abcdefu]

I am seriously thinking about moving after I take care of things in my home state. My boss is approaching retirement age and I don't even know if I will have a job when the time comes. 

Part of me wants to move and completely start over in a new place. I posted about this a couple days ago  but now I am really serious about considering the move. I feel like is nothing left here for me and I feel I need a fresh start. 

If I decide to move, it will be in about 2-3 years. I have savings goals I need to meet before I take the plunge. I know there are some ladies who did this. If you did, can you share some parts of your experience? Do you regret it? How do you deal not being close to family? How did you end up making friends?! Do you have any advice as to what I should or shouldn't do? 

thanks in advance!

[Deleted]

I was like, oh i moved! And then I continued reading...I moved 5 minutes away lol.  So no help there.  I know glitzyglow, achase123 and mcc moved locations.  I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting.  
With any big decision my advice would be to take your time and do your research.  

[glitzyglow]

Can you share some parts of your experience?
I'm very glad I did it. I moved without a job, but I had about 4.5 months' worth of rent saved (plus an emergency cc if things got really bad, lol). Luckily, I never had to touch it. I worked with a temp agency for a month until I found permanent work. I came to Nashville with a roommate, so that was helpful to have a built-in friend and someone to explore with.

Do you regret it?
I regret not doing it sooner.

How do you deal with not being close to family?
It's drivable if something catastrophic were to happen. I text with my sisters daily. My sister is coming down for a visit this week. My parents know how to Skype. We all have FaceTime on our phones. It really isn't bad at all. I try to do a visit home every 2-3 months since I'm close enough and my entire family came down this summer. Personally, I love the distance. It feels really good. I miss everyone, but even when we lived close we only actually saw each other 1-2x a month.

How did you end up making friends?
Work has been a big way for me, and then they introduced me to other people. My roommate has met a few people through Meetup and then introduced me, and then those new friends introduced new friends, etc. I've found most people want friends and are open to being friends, lol. The hard part is just throwing it out there.

Do you have any advice as to what I should or shouldn't do?
Don't let fear hold you back.

[MauMau]

Well, I moved to two places out of my comfort zone, but with my ex. Including one abroad. Regardless of him, they were great experiences and I liked living in the two places. And my goal is to move back to the one when I'm totally on my feet.

My mom came down to visit me a lot in the place I was living in before since it was just over two and a half hours away. We would text. And she followed my photo life on Instagram since I usually express myself with photos and not words. For friends I tried to meet up. I wasn't hugely successful with that in the last place because my ex was controlling. But it's really useful! I also was learning another language and I went to the cultural center a lot for group things.

I moved abroad on a month's notice. I don't regret it. I'm going through my pictures this week and postinging them on Flickr. And it was so much fun. The city I was in before this was big and full of adventures. It was a great experience. No regrets which is why I want to move back. It's what I really want. And YOU should definitely explore and do something you dream of!

[abcdefu]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience glitzyglow! I have extended family where I would be moving and my parents go there already for the holidays. As I posted the other day, I just feel like I need my own life! I was looking at condos in the area online today and getting super excited! I will be 30 when iMovie so it's like the perfect milestone birthday!

@blueyes623 I also moved like 5 minutes from where I grew up lol!

[jigsy]

Share some parts of your experience?
So, as you know, I moved from Miami to Los Angeles. We had only been in Miami for 8 months, and XH and I had actually just moved to our apartment the week before he told me he wanted to separate. So I had pretty much no ties to Miami.

Do you regret it?
Not at all.

How do you deal not being close to family?
I moved away from family in 2008, so it wasn't new...but I was actually moving closer (family is in Utah). I visit often, and i actually prefer not to live in the same area. In my case, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

How did you end up making friends?
I moved to a big city with some amazing nesties so that was a good start. I have made some great new friends through a bookclub on meetup.

Do you have any advice as to what I should or shouldn't do?
Don't be afraid. The way I saw it, if all else fails, I could move home. I knew I would never be homeless or anything. Not having that fear has made it possible to pursue what I want. I think I am a much stronger person because I had to make my own happiness, I couldn't rely on anyone really. I knew there were some good people here when I needed them, but I didn't want to impose, so I started to become my own person.

I always wanted to move to LA, so with the separation, I saw the opportunity and took it. I was fortunate that I was able to have a job lined up, which made the transition easy. I don't think I'll ever regret moving. I can't imagine my life had i chosen to stay at my job in Miami, I feel like it would have been much harder to move on.

[mcc]

I moved (back) to Boston after having lived here for 3 years on school. I am so happy I did because I love this town.

If I need them, family is 4 hours away by car or train and an hour flight. I know my parents would drive up in the middle of the night in an emergency.

I had friends here from law school but lost touch with many of them. New friends I've met through social sports leagues or through other friends. My closest girlfriends I met through blogging - we were friendly before I moved and then we all met in real life. Another blog friend I met in real life at an event and then we realized we knew each other from blogs. I've also met people through the boards les and met people through the class I took this summer or at networking events. I've also met friends on Twitter.

I got very involved in the startup scene and different networking groups - the advice I'd give is to hit the ground running. Plan things out by researching online what kind of organizations or groups are present and get yourself into it via social media before you move. It's easier to meet strangers when you already know each other online. Meet up had been a miss for me but that's probably because I'm in a young city and no one needs to use it.

What local cities are you looking at? I was living in your area before I moved.

[abcdefu]

Thanks ladies ! The more I think about it, the more excited I get to just do it! As you said jigsy, if it doesn't work out I just move back. The area I live in now is so small. Everyone knows everyone else. I have other goals I want to accomplish, but my environment at this time is preventing me from meeting my goals! Also, the move will give me a savings goal and keep my spending in check!

[abcdefu]

mcc -I'm looking at Clearwater, Florida area. I need a warm state bc the cold weather hurts my nerves so much, which is a big reason for wanting to move.

[achase123]

I'm so happy I moved but it's bee tough too. I love the opportunities here for my work and love my job. I love the friends we've made. I love love love the sunny weather!

It's been hard to be away from family, mostly for P, and I feel a lot of guilt from my mom and xh the custody has been hard when were juggling visits.

I do not regret moving One bit. My hometown isa dead end street with a bunch of people who grow weed for a living and lack ambition.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I moved but it was to be closer to family. I don't regret it, aside from moving somewhere slightly colder/snowier. I miss my friends and I miss my old job but everything else makes up for it and then some.

[Eureka1984]

abcdefu you just need to come down to Tampa and see how you like it... We could be roomies, and not in the stalkerish creepy way. Lol

[bl]

Can you share some parts of your experience?

I moved from Nebraska to Dallas with my xh and mom when I was 24, that move was hard. I didn't have a job which is a big piece of my identity and I knew no one there, but I had my xh at the time, so I was never truly alone. It took about a year before I made what I now consider to be some of my closest friends (which happened through work) and I will always refer to Dallas as home.
I was doing a lot of traveling down to Orlando when xh and I were separated, once we finally decided on divorce my director offered me the opportunity to move down here. She thought some distance from my xh and the town where the main memories I had all revolved around us together would be a good thing. After a month or two of thinking it over I signed on the dotted line.

Do you regret it?

The first few months of my move were really tough. I had agreed to move in June, but didn't actually move until the end of September. I was dating at the time and just wanting to have fun and was about 4 dates in with one guy in June when I agreed to move, I told him right away and he said he wanted to keep seeing me and see where things went. We continued to date and grew some real feelings by the time I moved and agreed to do the long distance thing with the agreement that if we were still together in a year I would move back. My heart just wasn't in the move, even at my going away party the invites my friends sent out said farewell (for now) on them. Everyone knew my intention was to move back after a year. I hated it here and every month I went back to Dallas to visit made me feel like I made the worst mistake of my life. I ended up breaking up with him while I was home for Thanksgiving and things got so much better. Since Thanksgiving I have really started to get out here and am making a real effort at making Orlando feel like home and it is SO much better. Sorry for all the back story, but I felt it was important to show that you need to be committed to it 100%.

How do you deal not being close to family?

I have moved my mom (she is disabled) with me both times and outside of that I don't have any other family. I have one friend in Ne and one in Dallas that I consider to be like sisters and we talk every single day, our friendships while different now are just as strong.

How did you end up making friends?!

This was always the hardest part for me, both in Dallas and here. I am not comfortable approaching people I don't know in social settings and am a bit anxious in social situations, so I can come off as a bitch sometimes. I also value one or two deeper friendships over a ton of acquaintances. Work is a great place where most people meet their friends, but my office down here is small and my position means that most of the people I would want to be friends with I really can't. I have had to step outside my comfort zone, but its working. Like glitzyglow said most people want friends, you just have to put yourself out there. Meetup.com has been helpful for me, and if I am out and I strike up a conversation with someone and we seem to get along I ask to exchange numbers or add on fb, ect. I thought people would think I am weird, but no one has said no or seemed to think it was odd at all.

Do you have any advice as to what I should or shouldn't do?

Even though its been hard, I don't regret it at all. I have learned so much about myself and really pushed myself out of my comfort zone to grow as a person since the move. Had I stayed in Dallas I think I would have relied on my friends for my happiness, and here I have to rely on myself. I don't think I would have enrolled in school or put the focus o-n my health that I am here. Doing the move to Dallas also helped in that I know that the first year or so is the hardest, so I have realistic expectations. Nothing is permanent and if you hate it you can always move back. Even if I ultimately decide to move back to Dallas at some point, I am a much stronger person for making this move, and from reading the other ladies posts that seems to be a common theme.

[abcdefu]

Thanks ladies! The more I read about everyone's positive experiences, the more I just wanna pack up and go!

Eureka1984 - I have been to Saint Pete, Tampa, and clearwater countless times. Ex-H and I were planning on moving there, but it never happened because we ended up getting divorced. Then I moved about an hour from where I grew up to finish college, but an amazing job opportunity fell into my lap and I had to do it. That is what was holding me back. Now my boss is close to retirement age and it just seems like the perfect time to pick up and go.

Also, one of my family members down there owns a very large business, so she is willing to introduce me to people to potentially be friends!

ETA: Yes Eureka! We could totes be roomies!!!

[Deleted]

I moved from NY to the Memphis area about 18 months after I separated. We had moved to NY because of my ex's job and I hadn't been there long (about 3 yrs). My family lives here so that's why I chose to come here. I didn't like New York due to the harsh winters, very high cost of living and overcrowding. I like it here. It's so much more laid back. I was able to buy a beautiful house which would have never been possible in NY. The cost of living here is amazing. And the lack of traffic is a huge plus! Most of my friends I've made through work or from the Internet. I hate not being near the ocean though. That's my biggest gripe.
Advice: if you can move somewhere that you know at least one person. And have realistic expectations. About moving to Florida- can you handle 10 ,moths of summer? I lived in Ft Lauderdale and when we moved it was November and it was still 90 degrees every day.

Where do you live now?

[abcdefu]

Jan 28, 2015 7:34:34 GMT -5 @bk said:

I moved from NY to the Memphis area about 18 months after I separated. We had moved to NY because of my ex's job and I hadn't been there long (about 3 yrs). My family lives here so that's why I chose to come here. I didn't like New York due to the harsh winters, very high cost of living and overcrowding. I like it here. It's so much more laid back. I was able to buy a beautiful house which would have never been possible in NY. The cost of living here is amazing. And the lack of traffic is a huge plus! Most of my friends I've made through work or from the Internet. I hate not being near the ocean though. That's my biggest gripe.
Advice: if you can move somewhere that you know at least one person. And have realistic expectations. About moving to Florida- can you handle 10 ,moths of summer? I lived in Ft Lauderdale and when we moved it was November and it was still 90 degrees every day.

Where do you live now?

I live in New Jersey. I hate the cold. I would definitely be on board with 90 degree weather everyday! I don't really have a life here. I have like 3 close friends who would come visit me and like I said above, I have some family in that area of Florida. If my boss retires soon, like within a few months, I would have a really difficult time finding a job in the same profession because where I live is so tiny. I never get to meet new people. It's like Groundhog day here.

[mcc]

abcdefu what do you do? I think as a young professional it would be more important to pick a location that is good for your work industry before deciding on a definite city based on weather. Are you in an industry that has a strong presence in Clearwater?

[abcdefu]

You guys!!! I spoke to my roommate this morning and told her I was aiming to move in about two years. I was afraid of her reaction because we are best friends! She was like "well we are almost 30 and I didn't think we would be rooming together forever! We aren't the golden girls!" LMAO! She is awesome! I also told her we could still room together if she wanted to move down there too! I'm excited to have a plan in place. Also, I will use the next two years to get more experience in my field. I also want to get a certification, which I can obtain online, to make myself more marketable. January 2017, Tampa here I come!!!! Get ready Eureka1984 !!! EEEEKKKKK!

[abcdefu]

Jan 28, 2015 9:05:18 GMT -5 mcc said:

abcdefu what do you do? I think as a young professional it would be more important to pick a location that is good for your work industry before deciding on a definite city based on weather. Are you in an industry that has a strong presence in Clearwater?

I'm a paralegal. I am looking to work in a Court House. Also I have my aunt and uncle who have live in that area and have a ton of network connections. I am going to start applying for job approximately 2-3 months before I want to move. I haven't decided on a definite city yet, but I do want to be in the Clearwater, Tampa, Saint Pete area. I have an aunt and uncle in that area and they have a ton of connections to help me. I wouldn't even care if I started working at a grocery store at first.

[Wanderista]

I have moved a few times. Admittedly, I'm now in the area that I lived in for most of my childhood but it is a huge city and most of the people that I knew when younger have left. It is kind of like a new city because of that, but some of my family is nearby.

I guess I've never been afraid of moving because I moved as a small child and I also knew lots of other people who moved too. This area has a lot of transient people. I also think that if you feel really frustrated where you live and you can move to somewhere that you like better then you should. I think that life is too short to be unhappy. 

I lived for a while in London and it was amazing. I had the experience of moving to a totally new, exciting place. While I decided not to ultimately stay there, I will always love it and I don't regret the time that I spent living there. In the right circumstances, I might move somewhere new again.

[Wanderista]

Jan 28, 2015 7:45:15 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Jan 28, 2015 7:34:34 GMT -5 @bk said:

I moved from NY to the Memphis area about 18 months after I separated. We had moved to NY because of my ex's job and I hadn't been there long (about 3 yrs). My family lives here so that's why I chose to come here. I didn't like New York due to the harsh winters, very high cost of living and overcrowding. I like it here. It's so much more laid back. I was able to buy a beautiful house which would have never been possible in NY. The cost of living here is amazing. And the lack of traffic is a huge plus! Most of my friends I've made through work or from the Internet. I hate not being near the ocean though. That's my biggest gripe.
Advice: if you can move somewhere that you know at least one person. And have realistic expectations. About moving to Florida- can you handle 10 ,moths of summer? I lived in Ft Lauderdale and when we moved it was November and it was still 90 degrees every day.

Where do you live now?

I live in New Jersey. I hate the cold. I would definitely be on board with 90 degree weather everyday! I don't really have a life here. I have like 3 close friends who would come visit me and like I said above, I have some family in that area of Florida. If my boss retires soon, like within a few months, I would have a really difficult time finding a job in the same profession because where I live is so tiny. I never get to meet new people. It's like Groundhog day here.

I think in your situation that it sounds like a good idea. No place is going to be perfect. They all have their ups and downs, but you should usually feel happy to be there and if you feel really positive about a place then the downs become a lot easier to bear. Being new in a place is also a good excuse to put yourself out there and meet new people.

I do think that if you are planning this move for a few years from now then you should use the opportunity to visit multiple times at various times of year before you actually move.  The key is to not expect all of your problems to go away because you move but that does not mean that you need to stay where you are.

[Deleted]

I think if you are ever going to move, now is the time - when you're young, single, only responsible for yourself. I feel like as you get older your roots only get deeper where you are and it makes it harder to move.

I didn't really move as part of starting over, I just moved houses and I'm in the next town over so about a 20 minute or so drive. I actually moved closer to work and many of my friends, but further away from friends we had a as a couple (and I no longer see any of those friends, but IDK that it's really because I moved).

I've moved to a new state 3 other times though - once for college, once for grad school, and once to the state I currently live in for a job. The second 2 times my BF/XH came with me, but otherwise I didn't know anyone. I met friends mostly through work/school but also went to some Meetup.com events. I also lived in a building when I moved to this area, and so did several other couples in our age group, so I met friends there. I've gotten to know a few others from these message boards - and I think that accounts for everyone.

It's hard living away from family and close friends. My least favorite thing is that all of my favorite people are several hours away. Aside from my BF, most of my relationships where I live now are not close. I have friends I see monthly and some that I see several times a year, but nobody I'd call up just to randomly chat or invite over to watch TV in our pajamas. I do miss that kind of relationship with friends I had before moving here. I actually had a friend like that here for a while but we had a falling out and she moved away, so IDK if this is really a symptom of moving to a new place or just the way things have happened here (my life has also had a lot of ups and downs and changes while I've lived here, and that has made focusing on friendships a bit tough). Also, I just haven't clicked that way with anyone here. I can't think of a single person I WANT that close of a friendship with.

Anyway - I think moving is scary but could be so worth it. When BF is done with school we plan to move somewhere else too, and at this rate it looks like it might be further west (farther away from family, but my parents/sister are likely moving to Houston so I don't need to move "home" anymore..). I can't wait!

[Deleted]

Jan 28, 2015 7:45:15 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Jan 28, 2015 7:34:34 GMT -5 @bk said:

I moved from NY to the Memphis area about 18 months after I separated. We had moved to NY because of my ex's job and I hadn't been there long (about 3 yrs). My family lives here so that's why I chose to come here. I didn't like New York due to the harsh winters, very high cost of living and overcrowding. I like it here. It's so much more laid back. I was able to buy a beautiful house which would have never been possible in NY. The cost of living here is amazing. And the lack of traffic is a huge plus! Most of my friends I've made through work or from the Internet. I hate not being near the ocean though. That's my biggest gripe.
Advice: if you can move somewhere that you know at least one person. And have realistic expectations. About moving to Florida- can you handle 10 ,moths of summer? I lived in Ft Lauderdale and when we moved it was November and it was still 90 degrees every day.

Where do you live now?

I live in New Jersey. I hate the cold. I would definitely be on board with 90 degree weather everyday! I don't really have a life here. I have like 3 close friends who would come visit me and like I said above, I have some family in that area of Florida. If my boss retires soon, like within a few months, I would have a really difficult time finding a job in the same profession because where I live is so tiny. I never get to meet new people. It's like Groundhog day here.

yea if I lived in New Jersey I'd want to move too!  Do it, you're young why not

[abcdefu]

I should add that my parents will be retiring soon and their plan is to move to Florida, but in a different part(9 hours away) from where I would be moving. So my mom would be close, but not too close because I don't get along with my dad.

I also have a substitute teaching certificate that I can transfer out of state. I think I would just need to be re-fingerprinted, so I have a back up plan.

I agree with everyone that I should do it now while I'm young and have nothing holding me back.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences!

[Deleted]

My situation was pretty unique in that I moved to South Africa.

I'm used to moving a lot so it wasn't a huge transition for me. I personally like doing things a little out of my comfort zone and am glad I was able to have the opportunity.

I think if you have the financial means then you should absolutely go for it!